CHAPTER 16: YOU SAID WHAT???

'So,' Barbossa said. 'What you're saying is, you want to leave me on some goddamn island with nought but a name and a bottle of soda?'

'Nada, nada, nada,' Jack contradicted. 'I pwopose to leave you on some small sinking piece if wood with nought but a heavy weight, and I'll shout the name back to you. If you're lucky.'

Then Barbossa got angry and hit him with an apple.

'Now that wasn't very nice,' Jack said.

Then they went up on deck and decided to re-enact the scene from Titanic (Jack! I'm flying!)

But Barbossa got mad and locked Jack up.

...

'Will!' screeched our darling heroine. 'Can you stick a plaster on my hand pleeeeease? It keeps getting stuck to my fringe.'

So Will bandaged Elizabeth's hand, deliberately pinching her every few seconds.

'Yeow!' yelped Elizabeth. 'Oh yeah, you have rough blacksmiths hands don't you?'

Will's face crumpled. 'So I've been spending my wages on Dove's Purty Handcream With Added Enzymes And Moisturising Balm That Locks In The Skin's Natural Balms For Morning, Night, Lunchtime And Afternoon Use for nothing?'

'Yup,' Elizabeth said.

'Well gimme my medallion then,' Will sobbed.

'Here you are, Will-iam,' Elizabeth said, throwing at him and denting his nose.

...

'Ah...lookie here,' Gibbsey said. 'The Black Pearl is chasing us.'

'We are bad pirates, let's throw spoons at them!' Midget guy said excitedly.

'Oh! Oh! I wanna throw spoons!' said another pirate.

So as the Black Pearl blasted the crap out of them, the pirates happily threw spoons at their attackers.

Jack was still in prison and he was sad.

...

Of course all the good pirates got captured, so Liz was recaught. But Will escaped. He was desperately trying to swim for shore, but unfortunately swam into the side of the Black Pearl instead.

'Barbossa!' he yelled.

'Yeah?' Barbie answered.

'Let Elizabeth go free!'

'Why?'

'Cos if I save her her daddy's gonna give me a tractor!' Will yelled.

'Who the f-ck are you?' Barbossa said.

'William!'

'William who?' a pirate asked.

'Turner!'

'Who the hell is William Turner?' asked another pirate.

'The guy and you need his blood to lift the curse,' Will shouted.

'No, we was looking for the child of Theeble Shrimp!' yelled Intel.

'Yes...that was my dad's pirate name,' Will lied.

'Uh. OK. But Theeble Shrimp was a woman, so I don't know what you mean by "your father".'

'Uh...uh...yeah!' Will retorted, confusing the pirates. They shook their heads in puzzlement, giving the crew time to run away. But Jack was trying to get his bandana off a monkey, and Elizabeth just stared dozily into space, which Barbossa was annoyed about.

So Will was carted off to be pirate ritualed and Jack and Elizabeth played diving and scuba diving off the ship, which promptly drove away, leaving them stranded on an island.