A Failure's Tale - Chapter Thirteen
Fate
I sat quietly, watching the darkness fill the apartment. I kept a close eye on the outside and on Maria all night. She was still stunned from my blaster fire. All night I asked myself why. Why did I let Maria Mortis live? Why does she still have hold of the Parysidian? Why am I not running away and leaving her? Why did I administer Kolto to her? The questions echoed inside my head all night long, they left no answers, no solace. To me, that made sense. When was I ever truly in peace? I shall tell you what I wanted, what I truly wanted.
I brought myself back to the events of my adventure with Revan and the Star Forge.
***
"You gave me a future. I want to give you a future, too... With me. I think I could love you, if you give me the chance." I said to Revan, staring into her eyes. I shifted uncomfortably on the spot, declarations of love were hard for me to do, especially when I was so confident that Revan would reject me. I thought she would toss me aside, especially with the brief moment we shared, standing in complete silence. I moved my eyes to the ground below me, fearing the look in her eyes, fearing that she may rip my heart away from me. The silence between us continued. I blushed, thinking I had lost and lazily let my hands rest by my sides. Revan emitted a tiny sigh and then she opened her mouth.
"I think I could love you, too." Revan said to me. The words escaped her mouth with such ease, I was shocked. I suddenly looked back at Revan, smiling, she'd made me happy. The months of flirting, persuasion and arguing had finally paid off. The woman I wanted so much was mine and their was nothing that was going to stand in our way, nothing that was going to take us away from each other.
Or so I thought.
I was such a fool. I was a "lovesick fool" as Canderous eloquently put it. I thought me and Revan were strong. I thought that if she was weak, then I could be her pillar of strength, that I could help her to be strong in the light.
I was so wrong.
I thought about what I had planned after the destruction of the Star Forge, when everything would be quiet and the galaxy would remain in peace.
My main plan was to take Revan to Telos with me. If Dustil was to reject me then Revan would be there. It sounded incredibly selfish but I knew that she was the only person that would encourage some sort of relationship to blossom between me and Dustil. I wasn't strong enough to confront Dustil on my own and I knew it. I also knew that if Revan was present there, it would most likely make things worse. It was a chance I was willing to take. I knew that even though it may make the encounter worse, her charisma and charm may pull a miracle off and reconcile me and Dustil. Besides, I knew me and Dustil were pretty far irretrievable at the time. And as I found out when I went to visit him, my thoughts were true. However, my mind gloriously played the events of the future over and over to itself. The future I wanted so badly, the future I ached for.
That was the short term.
What I saw in the long term was, when I look back, even more far fetched.
Marriage. Marriage to Revan would have been wonderful, or so it seemed at the time. I realised that I was truly besotted with her to think such things when I was only really beginning to know her. Maybe it was her charm, her charisma. She was certainly something. Truth be known, Revan was the woman I could envision myself settling down with. Hell, me and Revy would not live happily ever after, what couple did? Given our troubles, our traumitised pasts, it would be even worse, but me and Revan would be *strong*. We would fight through every hurdle, every stumble we found ourselves in and emerge as true lovers, true victors.
What a stupid.. *STUPID* pipe dream.
Curse me.. Curse me. It kept running through my mind, ever presently. Curse me for falling for that woman, curse me!
As you know, things never worked out that way and they probably never will. That night aboard the Star Forge when I was manipulated through love, blackmailed into obeying her every whim, I realised something.
I realised that fate kicked me in the face again.
It made me stop.
I asked.
"Now what? Now which one of you decided to kick me *THIS* time?"
Hmph..
Hard to believe that my thoughts wandered to Canderous. I wondered if the great warrior, the warrior who ached for the heat of the battle had ever experienced a battle of a completely different kind.
I would call it the hardest battle of all.
The battle with a torn heart.
I decided to get a grip of myself. Canderous in love? It just didn't bare thinking about. That man didn't know how to treat a woman with a tender touch of his fingertips. No. He fought love the only way he knew. With his curled up, angry fists.
Bastila. My mind wandered to Bastila and the way Canderous had treated her. I realised that by not comforting her, regardless of how much I hated her manipulating little soul that it made me just as bad as him. I left her crying, broken and distraught. Why did she not kill him?
I chuckled to myself.
I had first hand experience of why the Sith and the Jedi's condemn love.
Let me jump on the swoop bike with them.
My advice is to not fall in love, it's not worth the trouble.
Love crushed my feelings.
Love turned me into the failure that I am.
I silently told myself that I would never fall in love again.
***
My hours of thought dwindled as the light bathed the apartment gently. I turned towards Maria and watched her, she groaned softly. Maria's big eyes opened, she examined her bound hands in fear and grunted against the gag I placed around her mouth. Maria stared at me, examining me from head to toe. "Easy." I whispered to her as I walked to the chair I tied her to and removed her gag.
Maria took one long, hard look at me in disgust before opening her mouth and spitting on me. I felt her saliva hit the side of my cheek and I pulled my own face of disgust at her. "That's a filthy habit you have Maria." I told her. I watched as she smirked in triumph but I would not let her win. I was tired of letting women win. I reached for the gag and wrapped it securely around her mouth again. Her protests and screams came louder now, but I didn't care. I'd gave her mercy and she threw it back in my face.
I searched her pockets before finding the Parysidian. "I'm keeping this, Maria." I told her, placing the artifact neatly in my pocket. I wiped the side of my face and started to make a move to walk out the apartment. Her cries became longer and more desperate, she was begging for me to release her. Curse me and my weakness for women. I walked back towards her and removed the gag. "Now what?" I asked her. Her head gestured at the window and I looked outside.
Coruscant authorities were making their way to this building, I glared at Maria in fear. "I'll cut you a deal" She said to me. I didn't trust her, but at the moment I had no option *but* to trust her. "If you give me the artifact, I'll wipe the slate clean.. I'll-" I didn't give her chance to finish. I ran over to her and cut the bonds that tied her to the chair.
"Maria. I make the deals here, not you. What did you have planned for this artifact?" I asked her. Maria huffed at me like she didn't want to be bothered. I watched as she stood up and started to brush herself clean, her hand moving instinctively to her back, rubbing the wound as best as she could from where I shot her.
"There's no time." She replied to me. I laughed at her, grabbing her by the arm.
"Don't you give me that bantha crap, sister." I huffed at her, tightening the grip on her arm as I felt her resist my grasp.
"Fine.." She said before continuing. "FINE. I was going to Anchorhead to give the artifact to a Hutt. He promised to pay me a lot of credits." Maria answered me. I moved towards the window, taking Maria with me and sneakily peered outside. The Coruscant authorities were still poised outside the building, asking bystanders questions. I didn't blame them. In this rough place their was no telling what life had in store for you.
"With a smuggler no doubt." I stated. I turned softly towards her and watched as she nodded in my direction. I now saw a chance to leave Coruscant and I decided to take it. "Smuggle me on board. Take me with you. Wipe the slate clean. Then.. And *only* then will I hand you the artifact." I told her. Maria groaned and sighed at me.
"As much as I don't wish to say this... DEAD MAN.. It's a deal. You will be known as Jaro from now on.. But, if you don't let go of my arm.. I will take the Parysidian away from your rotting corpse." Maria replied, threatening me. I reluctantly released my grip from her arm and watched as she picked up her vibroblades, sheathing them.
I walked towards her and handed her the Parysidian.
***
All was quiet aboard the ship. I lay still, waiting for Maria or the smuggler to say the coast was clear. It was cramped inside of the box but at least it got me off Coruscant and away from trouble with the law there. I grinned to myself at the thought of being carried around as "Precious Cargo" or with "Extremely Fragile. Handle with care." plastered on the box. I wasn't left to muse long enough, however.
The box opened slowly with a grunt of a small female removing the lid. She looked down at me.
"Jaro!" The purple Twi'lek cried.
"Sister!" I replied, in an attempt to annoy Rivu. I watched as Rivu rolled her eyes.
"Brother!" She exclaimed, teasing me. I watched as she offered me a hand and I gladly accepted, using it to pull myself out of the box. "Well, whaddya know? What's the chances of *THAT* happening?" She said to me almost immediately.
"More than a million to one. But after my life, *nothing* surprises me, sister." I told her, flashing her a little smile, knowing she'd be annoyed at me for calling her "sister" again.
"Whatever.... BROTHER!" Rivu yelled back in jest as her headtails flapped and wrapped around her neck, defensively. I let out a little chuckle.
"It's fate Rivu.." I replied to her. I let out a little sigh as the memories of Revan came creeping back.
"It's fate."
----------
Thanks for the support you three (you know who you are) I keep writing my hearts out for you souls..! It may be a little boring at the moment, but it certainly gets funnier and better.
Fate
I sat quietly, watching the darkness fill the apartment. I kept a close eye on the outside and on Maria all night. She was still stunned from my blaster fire. All night I asked myself why. Why did I let Maria Mortis live? Why does she still have hold of the Parysidian? Why am I not running away and leaving her? Why did I administer Kolto to her? The questions echoed inside my head all night long, they left no answers, no solace. To me, that made sense. When was I ever truly in peace? I shall tell you what I wanted, what I truly wanted.
I brought myself back to the events of my adventure with Revan and the Star Forge.
***
"You gave me a future. I want to give you a future, too... With me. I think I could love you, if you give me the chance." I said to Revan, staring into her eyes. I shifted uncomfortably on the spot, declarations of love were hard for me to do, especially when I was so confident that Revan would reject me. I thought she would toss me aside, especially with the brief moment we shared, standing in complete silence. I moved my eyes to the ground below me, fearing the look in her eyes, fearing that she may rip my heart away from me. The silence between us continued. I blushed, thinking I had lost and lazily let my hands rest by my sides. Revan emitted a tiny sigh and then she opened her mouth.
"I think I could love you, too." Revan said to me. The words escaped her mouth with such ease, I was shocked. I suddenly looked back at Revan, smiling, she'd made me happy. The months of flirting, persuasion and arguing had finally paid off. The woman I wanted so much was mine and their was nothing that was going to stand in our way, nothing that was going to take us away from each other.
Or so I thought.
I was such a fool. I was a "lovesick fool" as Canderous eloquently put it. I thought me and Revan were strong. I thought that if she was weak, then I could be her pillar of strength, that I could help her to be strong in the light.
I was so wrong.
I thought about what I had planned after the destruction of the Star Forge, when everything would be quiet and the galaxy would remain in peace.
My main plan was to take Revan to Telos with me. If Dustil was to reject me then Revan would be there. It sounded incredibly selfish but I knew that she was the only person that would encourage some sort of relationship to blossom between me and Dustil. I wasn't strong enough to confront Dustil on my own and I knew it. I also knew that if Revan was present there, it would most likely make things worse. It was a chance I was willing to take. I knew that even though it may make the encounter worse, her charisma and charm may pull a miracle off and reconcile me and Dustil. Besides, I knew me and Dustil were pretty far irretrievable at the time. And as I found out when I went to visit him, my thoughts were true. However, my mind gloriously played the events of the future over and over to itself. The future I wanted so badly, the future I ached for.
That was the short term.
What I saw in the long term was, when I look back, even more far fetched.
Marriage. Marriage to Revan would have been wonderful, or so it seemed at the time. I realised that I was truly besotted with her to think such things when I was only really beginning to know her. Maybe it was her charm, her charisma. She was certainly something. Truth be known, Revan was the woman I could envision myself settling down with. Hell, me and Revy would not live happily ever after, what couple did? Given our troubles, our traumitised pasts, it would be even worse, but me and Revan would be *strong*. We would fight through every hurdle, every stumble we found ourselves in and emerge as true lovers, true victors.
What a stupid.. *STUPID* pipe dream.
Curse me.. Curse me. It kept running through my mind, ever presently. Curse me for falling for that woman, curse me!
As you know, things never worked out that way and they probably never will. That night aboard the Star Forge when I was manipulated through love, blackmailed into obeying her every whim, I realised something.
I realised that fate kicked me in the face again.
It made me stop.
I asked.
"Now what? Now which one of you decided to kick me *THIS* time?"
Hmph..
Hard to believe that my thoughts wandered to Canderous. I wondered if the great warrior, the warrior who ached for the heat of the battle had ever experienced a battle of a completely different kind.
I would call it the hardest battle of all.
The battle with a torn heart.
I decided to get a grip of myself. Canderous in love? It just didn't bare thinking about. That man didn't know how to treat a woman with a tender touch of his fingertips. No. He fought love the only way he knew. With his curled up, angry fists.
Bastila. My mind wandered to Bastila and the way Canderous had treated her. I realised that by not comforting her, regardless of how much I hated her manipulating little soul that it made me just as bad as him. I left her crying, broken and distraught. Why did she not kill him?
I chuckled to myself.
I had first hand experience of why the Sith and the Jedi's condemn love.
Let me jump on the swoop bike with them.
My advice is to not fall in love, it's not worth the trouble.
Love crushed my feelings.
Love turned me into the failure that I am.
I silently told myself that I would never fall in love again.
***
My hours of thought dwindled as the light bathed the apartment gently. I turned towards Maria and watched her, she groaned softly. Maria's big eyes opened, she examined her bound hands in fear and grunted against the gag I placed around her mouth. Maria stared at me, examining me from head to toe. "Easy." I whispered to her as I walked to the chair I tied her to and removed her gag.
Maria took one long, hard look at me in disgust before opening her mouth and spitting on me. I felt her saliva hit the side of my cheek and I pulled my own face of disgust at her. "That's a filthy habit you have Maria." I told her. I watched as she smirked in triumph but I would not let her win. I was tired of letting women win. I reached for the gag and wrapped it securely around her mouth again. Her protests and screams came louder now, but I didn't care. I'd gave her mercy and she threw it back in my face.
I searched her pockets before finding the Parysidian. "I'm keeping this, Maria." I told her, placing the artifact neatly in my pocket. I wiped the side of my face and started to make a move to walk out the apartment. Her cries became longer and more desperate, she was begging for me to release her. Curse me and my weakness for women. I walked back towards her and removed the gag. "Now what?" I asked her. Her head gestured at the window and I looked outside.
Coruscant authorities were making their way to this building, I glared at Maria in fear. "I'll cut you a deal" She said to me. I didn't trust her, but at the moment I had no option *but* to trust her. "If you give me the artifact, I'll wipe the slate clean.. I'll-" I didn't give her chance to finish. I ran over to her and cut the bonds that tied her to the chair.
"Maria. I make the deals here, not you. What did you have planned for this artifact?" I asked her. Maria huffed at me like she didn't want to be bothered. I watched as she stood up and started to brush herself clean, her hand moving instinctively to her back, rubbing the wound as best as she could from where I shot her.
"There's no time." She replied to me. I laughed at her, grabbing her by the arm.
"Don't you give me that bantha crap, sister." I huffed at her, tightening the grip on her arm as I felt her resist my grasp.
"Fine.." She said before continuing. "FINE. I was going to Anchorhead to give the artifact to a Hutt. He promised to pay me a lot of credits." Maria answered me. I moved towards the window, taking Maria with me and sneakily peered outside. The Coruscant authorities were still poised outside the building, asking bystanders questions. I didn't blame them. In this rough place their was no telling what life had in store for you.
"With a smuggler no doubt." I stated. I turned softly towards her and watched as she nodded in my direction. I now saw a chance to leave Coruscant and I decided to take it. "Smuggle me on board. Take me with you. Wipe the slate clean. Then.. And *only* then will I hand you the artifact." I told her. Maria groaned and sighed at me.
"As much as I don't wish to say this... DEAD MAN.. It's a deal. You will be known as Jaro from now on.. But, if you don't let go of my arm.. I will take the Parysidian away from your rotting corpse." Maria replied, threatening me. I reluctantly released my grip from her arm and watched as she picked up her vibroblades, sheathing them.
I walked towards her and handed her the Parysidian.
***
All was quiet aboard the ship. I lay still, waiting for Maria or the smuggler to say the coast was clear. It was cramped inside of the box but at least it got me off Coruscant and away from trouble with the law there. I grinned to myself at the thought of being carried around as "Precious Cargo" or with "Extremely Fragile. Handle with care." plastered on the box. I wasn't left to muse long enough, however.
The box opened slowly with a grunt of a small female removing the lid. She looked down at me.
"Jaro!" The purple Twi'lek cried.
"Sister!" I replied, in an attempt to annoy Rivu. I watched as Rivu rolled her eyes.
"Brother!" She exclaimed, teasing me. I watched as she offered me a hand and I gladly accepted, using it to pull myself out of the box. "Well, whaddya know? What's the chances of *THAT* happening?" She said to me almost immediately.
"More than a million to one. But after my life, *nothing* surprises me, sister." I told her, flashing her a little smile, knowing she'd be annoyed at me for calling her "sister" again.
"Whatever.... BROTHER!" Rivu yelled back in jest as her headtails flapped and wrapped around her neck, defensively. I let out a little chuckle.
"It's fate Rivu.." I replied to her. I let out a little sigh as the memories of Revan came creeping back.
"It's fate."
----------
Thanks for the support you three (you know who you are) I keep writing my hearts out for you souls..! It may be a little boring at the moment, but it certainly gets funnier and better.