Disclaimer: Same old. Nothing and no one belongs to me.

Warning:Violence and references to abuse.

Chapter 7: 'Truth and Justice'

(Adam)

"Hey Adam, how you doing?"

"Oh...y'know..."

"You did well in the game tonight."

"...Thanks."

"I'm sorry about your number, but we couldn't give you nine, it was-"

"Already taken, I know."

"Adam...is everything all right?"

"Fine."

"If there were any problems you would tell me, wouldn't you?"

"I'm telling you, everything's fine. Please, leave me alone."

"But-"

"I don't mean to be rude coach, but I didn't ask for your help and I don't need it."

"I'm only concerned about you."

"Well you shouldn't be. No one else is."

I never knew morphine made you so pensive. I've been dwelling on that particular memory for a while now, going over and over the scene in my head. To this day I wonder how much Bombay knew and how much was guesswork. If he was working from a blind prediction then it was pretty uncanny how close he came to finding out the truth. For a while he pressured me to talk, but I wouldn't open up...same problems coming to the surface, as always. They weren't as bad then, I've become progressively worse over the years.

I stare sluggishly at the ceiling, uncomfortably drowsy. They've been giving me a wide variety of tablets in the three days I've been in hospital, but I find I don't really care. I keep hoping that sometime soon they'll make a mistake and give me an overdose instead...but maybe I'm being too optimistic. I've also been put under twenty four hour observation...suicide watch. It's because the nurses took the bandages from my arm when I was unconscious. Dwayne and Fulton were there and tried to cover for me, saying that it was support for a recurring injury, but it didn't help. They found the scars of course, and the bruising. There've been questions, but no answers. I don't talk to them. When the councillor comes every morning and afternoon I just sit and ignore him while he babbles about nothing in particular and discreetly tries to open me up. He wouldn't like what he'd find, I know that much.

They've spoken to my father too. Well, it had to happen, didn't it? He was called in the night I arrived, but when I came to he'd gone again, with a message that he'd be back. And he was. The next day he walked in, his eyes blazing in anger. As soon as he closed the door of my private room behind him he started on me.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?" he hissed. I couldn't answer, just stared at my trembling hands as they knotted themselves in the blankets. He leaned down and gripped my shoulder until I cried out and looked up into a face twisted with rage and hate. I've never understood why he's always disliked me so much. "I had one of those prying nurses asking me about your bruises and your self-harming." He sneered at me. "I should have known you'd resort to that; can't take your punishment like a man...you're weak, pathetic. I can't believe a milksop like you is related to my sons." At that point I felt my eyes fill with tears. "Look at you!" he snorted. "Crying? You're a disgrace." He threw me back onto the bed and paced across the tiny room. "They thought you were being abused you know." He smiled grimly. "The nurses. They thought someone at school was beating you up...I told them I would see to it..." I closed my eyes, knowing what was coming next. When the blow fell, it knocked me clear from the bed and I could taste blood in my mouth. Trying to ignore the pain, I rose and stood waiting. "You're not to tell them anything, do you understand?" I nodded once, but knew he wasn't finished. When he hit me a second time I reeled from the force, gasping and clutching my stomach. "If I find out that you've been telling lies about me..." He gave me a warning look and I understood. I wouldn't survive the next beating if I said anything about him or my brothers. With a parting wallop to my ribs he was gone and I was left to crawl back into my bed feeling only relief that I had got off so lightly.

Surfacing from my reverie, I see a shadow fall across my vision and groan as I catch sight of the councillor approaching. He closes the door quietly behind himself and comes over to sit on my bed.

"Good afternoon Adam. How are we today?" I remain silent and stare blankly at the wall opposite. I've been allowed out of bed for the first time today, which means it shouldn't be long before I'm returning to Eden Hall. It also means I don't have to put up with this moron for much longer. "I see. Still as quiet as ever huh?" Again, no answer. If I ignore him for long enough he'll leave me alone and I'll be able to sit in peace until the next time he decides to bother me. I hear him give a deep, heart sore sigh. Cautiously, I meet his gaze. He's looking sadly at me, his eyes glittering strangely. "I've tried Adam. God knows I've tried. But you won't help me." He shrugs desolately. "I don't know what to do anymore." I actually feel sorry for him. He must have a pretty stressful job, trying to stop kids from killing themselves.

"What do you want from me?" I ask, slightly amused by the sudden startled look on his face. It's the first time I've spoken to him or even looked at him. The sorrow returns fairly swiftly, however.

"I just want to help you." I was afraid that would be the case. I look into his deep brown eyes that are full of an emotion totally alien to me. Is it pity? Concern?

"You can't." Two words, but the finality in them startles even me.

"You may feel like that now, but give me a chance...I'm here to help, it's my job. You may not have spoken to me before now Adam, but for some reason I've become fond of you. I want to know what's bothering you. Why are you harming yourself? Who is it that's beating you? There are people that can stop this kind of thing."

"You don't know what kind of 'thing' to expect.

"Try me." That was one step too far. He was aiming for those two words all along. I realise I've said too much, even though it's only three sentences. I look away from the councillor once more and resume the blank stare I reserve specially for walls and prying adults. This requires extra concentration, as there are both in one room.

He sighs again and rises from my bed. "Well, that's it Adam. You're free to go. They're releasing you today, you're well enough to go back to your school." He heads for the door but turns back before stepping through it. I'm still gazing at the wall. "I wish you could've talked to me, I really wanted to make things better. I won't forget you Adam Banks." And he's gone. To tell you the truth, I'm relieved. I don't want to have to talk to anyone about myself. It was hard enough to open up to Dwayne and Fulton and I only did that because I was more emotionally unstable than usual. It was a moment of weakness inflicted by pain and cruelty that caused me to let go of everything that should've stayed secret. Well, never again. From now on I remain silent no matter how bad things get. I can't forfeit my barrier to anyone else, the barrier that, until recently, kept me safe from my thoughts and emotions. From me.

The room hasn't changed, but I notice that Fulton has switched beds. I'm grateful and intend to tell him so, but I can't find him. The dorms are empty, I guess everyone's down in the hall eating dinner. No one knows I'm back yet except the staff. I had to sign in at the nurse's office so that she could take a look at the doctor's report and give me a last check up. I let my overnight bag fall to the floor and sit on the edge of my bed, the echoes of the room torturing me once more. I had found a degree of peace in the hospital, but now the old feelings have returned with a vengeance. I can't handle it right now, so I rise and leave again, allowing my feet to guide me. I wander aimlessly down the corridors, with no idea where I want to end up, but eventually I surface from my thoughts to see I've arrived at the doors leading to the grounds. With a backward glance at the comforting, warm lights of Eden Hall I step out into the chilly, dark night. There's little chance I'll get caught; the groundskeeper isn't the most proactive person in the world. He catches just enough out of bounds students to make the principal think he's on top of things, but the truth is far from the statistics. I've found that's often the case.

I stop at the small lake, seating myself under a tree and leaning back against its trunk. I thought I was alone, so it's a considerable surprise when I hear a movement from behind. I look up quickly to see a tall figure bend at the waist and ease himself down beside me, the long feather in his hat brushing my cheek as he settles. Of course...Dwayne. He has a sixth sense when it comes to knowing where I am and what I'm doing.

"I thought you might be back." His soft southern accent is comforting and I'm suddenly glad I've returned.

"I was going to see you later cowboy. I was waiting for dinner to finish."

"You wouldn't have found me...I didn't go to dinner."

"Why n-"but my voice fails as I turn to look at him. The night is dark, but there's a bright sliver of silver light from the moon that suddenly shows itself. It falls starkly across Dwayne's face and I feel my breath hiss through my teeth at the sight of his black eye and battered appearance. His lip is cut and I can see a long gash down one cheek. Instinctively I know that he's like that all over. His eyes glimmer defiantly as is stare at him, his jaw set in determination. "What...?" But I already know the answer. "Charlie!" Dwayne bows his head, but it's only further confirmation of something I already know. "He did the same to you didn't he?" I ask, horrified. My friend says nothing for a moment, then takes a deep breath before answering.

"He did this to me because I told the nurse what he did and I stuck up for you-"

"Dwayne! What did you do a stupid thing like that for?" I demand.

"Because you're my friend. I realised that the night Charlie...raped you. I couldn't let it happen again, so I finally stood up to him"

"What do you mean-"But he cuts me off again.

"Adam, there's something I should tell you. Please, don't interrupt me, wait till I've finished. After I'm done you can do what you want and think what you want, but for now all I ask is that you listen to me." This sounds serious, so I stay quiet and wait.

"One thing you should know about me is that I'm not like you. I'm gay." His openness shocks me, but I find I'm not disgusted. I'm proud of him for his unflinching acceptance of who he really is. "Six months ago Charlie found out, but he said he was okay with it. He told me he was gay too and that...he'd liked me for ages but didn't want to say anything in case I didn't feel the same. From that moment I loved Charlie Conway with all my heart and soul, but as we got deeper into our relationship I began to have doubts about him. I'm not sure he is gay, but I do know he's dangerously violent. Within two months he was pressuring me to sleep with him...I didn't want that, I wasn't ready. But in the end he forced me...raped me like he did you. After that I tried to leave him, but realised I couldn't. Even though he'd betrayed me like that I still loved him. I couldn't help it. But it wasn't just once. He wouldn't leave me alone until I gave in to him or he forced me...in the end I got used to it...I had to. But he grew bored of me and wanted someone new, someone exciting." I can see the tears falling silently down his face and my heart wrenches painfully. What has Conway done to my friend? "Instead he found you. He found the one person that didn't deserve what he had in mind and he took the last thing that you could call your own. That was when I stopped loving him. I realised my friendship with you meant more than the meaningless relationship I had with him. When I saw you that night on your bed, bruised and beaten down I lost any feelings I may have had for him. When I went back to my room I confronted him about the rape. I don't remember much...he shouted, hit me...abused me..." I suppress a shudder at the thought of what Dwayne must have been through that night, and every one after it.

"After he'd injured you during practise and we took you to the nurse, she asked me what had really happened. I told her that Conway had hurt you deliberately. She went straight to the principal, but he was only put on detention. He didn't like me telling the nurse the truth...that's why I'm like this. People asked questions for the first day or so, but I told them I fell while I was out riding. But I wanted you to know Adam. You deserve the truth about me, its' the least I can give you for the things Charlie put you through...for what I put you through."

I reach out and grip his shoulder compassionately. "You didn't do anything to me Dwayne! You're not responsible for Charlie's actions. He's an individual with free will...he chooses what he does, not you. So don't feel bad. There are a lot worse things that happen to me, and none of those are your fault either. You can't blame yourself for those and you can't blame yourself for Charlie." A small smile creases the corners of Dwayne's mouth and he sniffles quietly.

"You're a better person than I could ever be Adam. After everything you've been through you can still forgive me...I don't deserve a friend like you."

"There's nothing to forgive. And it's me who doesn't deserve a friend like you. You put yourself through all that just to stand up for me..." I suddenly find my throat constricted and I have to wait a moment for it to clear before I can carry on. "No one's ever done that for me." As I tell him this, a decision forms itself rapidly in my mind. I'm going to do this before I can stop to think about it. "You may never know how much you've just helped me Dwayne." I say, clapping him on the shoulder and rising from my seat under the tree. He looks up, startled.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Stick up for myself at last."