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Ep. 12: Tomoe's dilemma

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Aoshi was busy stuffing his notebooks into his bag. He was already late for practice. He had decided to ignore the affairs of his heart by focusing his every breath on the upcoming basketball semis.

It hurt less.

She stood behind him. Unable to call his name. She didn't know how to start it. They had to talk. They needed to talk. How do you tell someone you didn't love him?

"Aoshi" she asked tentatively. He looked up and gave her a small smile. Tomoe relaxed a warm feeling flooded her, that familiar smile that was for her alone made it a little easier.

"Uhm we have to talk." She continued unsure. The class prudently emptied the room. This was after all a crucial point in the history of whether they were going to win the championship or not. Unfortunately for Tomoe and Aoshi, the class gossiped like old women, even though none of them really knew what was going on since their friends kept quiet about it. Fortunately though all of them respected the two enough not to pryopenly.

"I know." Aoshi replied suddenly serious. "Can't we just forget it?" he asked suddenly.

Tomoe beamed and nodded her head furiously. That was what she wanted to say. She wanted to go back to the old way they talked, the time they spent together. She just wanted Aoshi back.

Aoshi chuckled. She beamed even more with pride. Not many can elicit that kind of response from Aoshi. Not many could have that much of his attention.

"Listen I'm late for practice. Want me to take you home?" he asked as if it wasn't killing him.

"Sure." She smiled.

"See you later Toto." He said shouldering his bag. Tomoe smiled, it was the little pet name he gave her when they were still children. Although she hated it, coz he made it sound like she was his pet. He would always say that to her before they went home, pat her head like a puppy thengive her a little kiss on the forehead. Tomoe stopped.

It happened so quickly. Like a reflex neither could stop. Aoshi had walked up to her, patted her on the head and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. He was so close to her now, his hand behind her head, his other hand on the strap of his gym bag. His body formed a little semi-circle, like a cave meant for her, a hug that was not quite finished. She could feel his warmth, smell his skin, feel the soft brush of his lips on her forehead. Her heart started racing.

Then he left. Rounded the corner and disappeared. Leaving her in the cold emptiness of the classroom.

How do you tell someone you do love him?

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They were almost done. The two of them again left alone. Kenshin had to skip practice since he was doing double duty for Ms. Komagata who never showed up. They were cleaning up all the paperwork in the lounge when something caught his eye.

"I didn't know this still existed." He laughed. He took a blue yearbook from the shelf and opened it. Laughing as he saw the familiar faces of his class mates.

Tomoe looked over his shoulder. She saw the old team. Mr. Himura looked really young. His hair was shorter then.

He was also in a couple of the pictures. He had one in the championship basketball team photo, one in the chemistry club, one in the graduation ball and one in the field, with a girl.

He stopped. A soft look upon his face. He smiled fondly.

"Was she your girlfriend?" Tomoe asked looking at the photo. They were standing in the foot ball field. His ragged uniform looked like he played a little just before the photo was taken. One of his arms held the ball while the other waved at the camera, he had an impish grin. Beside him stood a very pretty girl, she was in uniform, she had bangs and pigtails, her eyes crinkled while she smiled a V-sign on one had.

"Yui Tomoeda." He sighed looking at her again. "She was my high school sweetheart."

"What happened to her?" she asked, envying the look upon his face.

"We went to college together." He said sitting on the table, mesmerized by the old reminder from the past.

"Why did you not get married?" she asked unsure.

"When my mother died, I was so torn up. I was so young and my heart felt like it was never going to heal. Then as I grew up I tried not to get too close to people. I was afraid of losing them. Yui was the only one that understood and put up with it. I was with her all of high school and half of college."

"Then one day she told me that 'you don't lose people, you push them away'." He stopped. "I knew then that I had lost her."

"Why didn't you try to get her back?" she asked seeing the pained look on his face.

"I knew I couldn't love Yui the way she should be loved. She deserved better than me." he smiled sadly.

"What happened to her?" she asked sitting beside him.

"She married my best friend." He laughed pointing at a boy sitting beside him on the team.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Oh don't worry. It doesn't bother me anymore. I couldn't be happier for them. I'm the godfather of their first child." He said matter of factly.

"Didn't it hurt?"

"At first it did. Almost drove me insane. But then I got to thinking, I knew he would take care of her. That was all I ever wanted after all , that Yui be taken cared of. She was so good to me."

"You see them?"

"Yeah we have dinner once a week. They bug me about not yet settling down but hey, I like their company."

Tomoe looked at him confused.

"They love each other. What could be better than that?" Kenshin smiled.

"Did she still love you?"

"I asked her that before she got married. I went to her, wanted to make sure neither of them got hurt."

"What did she say?"

"That you never really stop loving someone. And that pain is what we pay for loving. But that didn't mean there was no more room for someone else and the pain reminds her to appreciate that she was lucky enough for love to come into her life." He said closing the yearbook.

"She was wise." She commented, impressed by what she heard.

"Yeah frighteningly so." Kenshin smiled. "Now she's pregnant with their second baby. And if her husband hurts her I swear I'll kill him." he said so naturally.

They laughed at this. He stopped. "I really did love her." He sighed.

Tomoe felt her heart tighten. He looked so lost, his pain so etched in his words. That was why he seemed sad always. She wanted to take him into her arms and take all the pain away.

How do you tell someone you do love him?

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Aoshi saw waited for Tomoe outside the lounge. His heart breaking.

He did promise to let her go.

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notes: sorry for the short chapter. I just felt like it needed an episode of its own. To those who read this please rest assured that it WILL be finished. Med school just takes up too much time but I will update before june ends. I promise ;p