A Note from Vulpi: I assure you that by the end of this fic, you'll wonder what exactly I'm on. ...if you could see the things my friend Citrus and I are talking about all because I showed her this fic, you'd run for your life.

And also... about the whole "harry:ahhh" "ron:ahhh" "hermione:ahhhh" thing, let me tell you this much; it's a long and twisted story.

Enjoy, loves. nn;

MOLDY VOLDY

It all began in the Gryffindor common room.

"Voldemort's back and I'm gonna find him and kill him and roast him and be a cannibal for dinner, 'CAUSE HE KILLED MAH MAMA!" Harry shrieked at the top of his lungs.

"Haaaaarryyyyyyyy!" Hermione whined. "You're going to diiiiii-hiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!" Her eyes darted around nervously, and then she added, "and don't say his naaaaaa-haaaaaaame!"

"I'M NOT AFRAID OF HIM! SURE, HE KILLED MY PARENTS LIKE A FARMER RUNNING OVER A DOG ON HIS TRACTOR, BUT I'M NOT THAT STUPID! NOOOOO, I CAN HANDLE ANYTHING, BECAUSE I'M HAAAAARRY POOOOOTTAH, THE BOOOOOOY WHO LIIIIIIIVED!"

There was a brief silence as Ron and Hermione stared at the outraged Harry, who had his chest puffed out in what he seemed to think was a manly fashion (but only made him look pregnant).

"Haaaarrryyyyyy!" Hermione said again in a frightened whisper. "What if someone heeeeaaaars yooooouuuu?"

"NO!" Harry shouted, picking up Neville's toad and throwing him across the room. "I don't CAAAARE who hears, because I'm HAAAAARRY POOOOOTTAH, and I'm a delinquent!"

"Your name doesn't have four additional A's, mate," said a wide eyed Ron. "And don't do that, you know Neville's secretly psychic--"

"TREEEEEEEEVOOOOOORRRRRR!" squealed a wobbly voice from the stairs. "What have you done to Treeeeeevooooooorrrrrrrrr?!"

"Nooooo it's a witness!" Hermione said fretfully. She then started to dance around with her wand. "PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" Meanwhile, Ron was screaming in the background for no real reason, and Harry was gradually turning into the Hulk.

"THIS WON'T BE THE LAST OF ME!" Neville squeaked, and he fell to the ground in slow motion, ending in a loud, pronounced "whoosh." Hermione turned to Harry, who was throwing his textbooks at Ron.

"Harry, we're coming with you, because we can't risk you being an imbecile and losing your limbs!" she said determinedly. All Harry had to say to this was "I'M MAAAAAAAD," but Hermione took this as a yes and threw the invisibility cloak over all three of them. They headed out the door.

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

harry:ahhh
ron:ahhh
hermione:ahhhh

For Voldemort sat atop his throne, staring at them evilly. But what was wrong with the picture? HE WAS A MOLDY LOAF OF BREAD...!

"Fear meeee," he said in a monotone voice, and a slice of bread flung out at the three.

"OH NOOOOOO!" they said as they all fell to the ground.

"RAAAAAAAWR!" cried Harry.

Dumbledore burst through the doors, and he too was struck in the heart by a slice of moldy bread. "FIZZING WHIZBEEEEEEEEE!" he shouted as he fell.

"HAHAHAAAAAA..." Moldy Voldy cried triumphantly. Then he accidentally poisoned himself with his own mold.

They all died.

The end.