LOVE & MAGIC

Chapter Nine: The Hardest Thing

Kaze

I knew I couldn't lie forever.

I had liked so much being Cass, being me again but I knew I had to end it. Chris kissing me was just the last thing that took to convince myself that my days in the Windam Palace in Cloud City were ending.

Chris might not love me but I couldn't bear to put him in danger. Not him. He meant so much to me.

Is funny how Chris came to mean something too me, a few months ago I still talked about him as the 'Horse Stealer'.

I touched my lips with my fingertips, they still felt all... I don't know, like a good, sweet kind of ticklish. Chris kissed me once and then found lots of reasons to keep kissing me and I let him, knowing that I might never get to kiss him again.

He asked me to meet him again the next day, in the maze just where I had met him. I didn't say that I would go, I didn't refuse either. I was going to end it. I had to.

"Kyle?" Someone asked me; I had been hiding in the little library on the second floor all afternoon.

"Oh, hi Carson." I said trying to sound like Kyle though I knew I didn't had to worry; Jadzia's magic had me covered. "How is it going?"

"All good," he said brightly, "I'm just going to turn in, but I ran into Cap Lamont and he asked me to give you this, it arrived this morning," I handed me over a letter I recognized the script right away.

"Thanks,"

"Well, have a good one," he said, it was his way to bid people good night.

"Yeah, you too."

I was about to open my letter when Chris walked in. I knew it was him though I had my back to him.

"Oh, hi! Kyle! How is it going?"

"Good?"

"Good," he said, he sounded happy, I didn't dare to turn around and face him... not now that I had had his tongue inside of my mouth.

"You sound happy," I said, looking out the big window in front of me, you could see the gardens and the maze from here, I had never noticed that.

"I saw Cass today," he answered happily. "I can't offer details but yes I'm very happy."

"Good for you," I said, I let my hands fumble with the envelope Carson gave me, just to keep them from shaking.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me," he declared suddenly going through the drawers in the desk at my right. Chris liked to work in this library instead of the big one in the ground level next to the Great Ballroom. "Tomorrow, actually."

That made me jump.

"Chris, you have seen her like, what? Three times? Don't you think is a bit rushed?"

"You don't know her, Kyle. Cass is perfect, for me anyway. She is always laughing at me."

"You like being laughed at?" What a surprise.

"I like to be treated like a person, not like a king. Cass couldn't careless who I am, she treats me like an equal. That's... I can explain. Is kind of why I like hanging with you, save my closest friends you're the only one who tells me to go fuck myself, I like that. I'll even confess that's what I always liked about Kaze Lhite; she didn't have any regard for my title. You can't really earn loyalty or friendship- not even respect- from someone who puts him or herself in a position below you just because you happen to have a royal title, the most you can get that way is fear and I don't like being feared. I like when people treat me like an equal, I feel less alone."

"I understand that," I really did. "But still, you want to talk marriage with this Cass person?"

"Oh, Kyle, my little grasshopper, when a man is in love he either knows it or he is not." Chris said.

"Don't say that." I whispered.

"Did you say something?" he asked still going through the drawers.

"Nothing, just reading this letter I got from home," I said brightly thought I felt as if I had gulp down a snowball.

I opened my letter, trying to appear busy. I didn't need to just appear a second letter when I actually read it.

"I have to go," I said quickly.

"Oh, wait I want to show you the ring I chose to-"

"I can't stay, I need to go."

I said turning around and leaving.

"Oh, well, I'll tell you how it turns out later," Chris said.

I didn't tell him he wouldn't see Kyle – or Cass, for that matter – later.

I ran, I managed to avoid looking at him or things would have been more difficult than what they already were.

I walked out and took Ajax. The sun had gone down just moments before, if I rode hard I might get to the Lithe Country in three hours, I'll made it to Steven's house by dawn.

Chris

It was late when I parted ways with Cass asking her to meet me at the maze in the interior garden of the Palace the next day. I was so happy. I had made up my mind about her.

It's true that I know women that are more beautiful, at least physically. But I can't choose the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life just because I like the way she looks. I have liked the way a lot of women look but is different with Cass though she is not strikingly beautiful she is pretty in her own way... and God, does she has a mouth on her! She always tells me what she thinks straight out.

I never imagined I would come to this when I first followed her to the maze. That night what had caught my attention was that I couldn't stop watching her even when she looked rather plain in comparison to the court beauties. The tone of her voice as she sang was one that reached out to me and made me feel as if I had known her all my life. And when I first talked to Cass, that night under the stars, she reminded me of Kaze Lhite and that intrigued me in the same way that Miss Lhite had intrigued me years ago.

But the more I thought of Cass the more all thoughts of Lady Lhite fell out of my mind and I found myself falling in love. I suspected it that day in the market when we had been talking about consequences and I had touched her pale cheek. But this morning in the river I knew that the battle was already lost. I was in love with Cass.

I finally found the ring I had been looking for and sat down on my chair. Then I saw that there was a slip of paper in the floor, I picked it up and read. I understood why Kyle had run out.

"My Dearest K.

Is with a perturbed heart that I write to you. I know you have a lot of problems on your own – Melnick and Adam at the top of the list – but you are my dearest, oldest friend and at dark times like this I really need your advice.

Monica fell ill a week ago. Red Death. The doctor doesn't know if she'll survive, our child didn't. The fevers killed it. You know me better than anyone; you know what that child meant to me. I feel tired and alone and I could really use my best friend.

I know is much to ask. Marco says the coast isn't clear but... could you please come home?

Steven."

The Red Death was probably the worst way of dying, you got attacked by high fevers sometimes by days or even weeks, sometimes it just took a few hours, the fevers made you bleed from the nose and the eyes and practically any other place you could bleed. Very few people survived the Red Death.

I didn't recall Kyle mentioning the name 'Steven' ever, but I did remember he had told me his best friend had married the previous summer and was living with his wife in a little town in the provinces of Lhite. I silently wished him the best but I was too happy and nervous about asking Cass to marry me that very selfishly so I forgot about Kyle and his friend, instead I went to bed and tried to sleep.

I did keep the letter; I would return later and apologize for reading.

Next day at the Windam Palace

"What do you mean she is gone?" Marco asked.

"Just that, she didn't showed up for breakfast so I went to her room and she wasn't there. I asked and Carson told me she had gotten a letter yesterday and next thing I hear is that she took Ajax and took off," Carla said in a hushed voice.

"The only other person that writes to Kaze here is Steven..." Marco said, thinking out loud. He had been bored so he thought on going to visit Carla and Kaze for the weekend.

"Does Melnick is still looking for her?"

"Yes... and he has just been getting angrier that he hasn't found her. The other day Melnick and father were me asking if I knew were she was. They don't believe much that I know nothing, it might be wise if I stop coming here so often."

"But I'll miss you," Carla said with a little pout.

Marco kissed her quickly. "I'll miss you too... but-"

"I know, we better keep Kaze safe," Carla knew Marco enough to know that his sisters were the most important thing in the word for him.

Just then Chris walked by, "Oh, hi!" He said brightly. Saying he and Marco were friends was going a bit too far, but Chris would welcome any guy willing to take Carla away, she was a nutcase in his book.

"Good morning, Christopher," Marco said, they were on a first name basis now that Marco was a frequent visitor.

"Morning," Chris repeated.

"Hey, don't you happen to know where is Kyle? Marco had a consult to make about horses,"

"I think he went back to his home. I saw him last night, he had gotten a letter from home and then said he had to go, his friend's wife is very sick or something," he didn't remember much, he was nervous about the question he would ask later.

"Monica?"

"Yes, I think that was her name. Anyway, Kyle went, it seemed pretty urgent."

Chris said good-bye and just, when he was out of earshot, Marco swore.

"Sorry," he said apologetically to Carla. "I better go looking for her, Steven house is a day away from here... I might just catch her."

"Okay,"

"Sorry to cut this visit short. I'll be back soon," Marco said taking Carla's hands in his. "I'm really sorry," he repeated kissing her forehead.

As Marco got back in his horse and rode away he realized that for the first time in a couple of years he wasn't thinking about Jadzia. It had been really awkward after he found out she was an unicorn, when he had met her she hadn't look like a unicorn... Jadzia had looked like a beautiful young woman about his ages with the whitest skin and silver-white hair and just about the clearest blue eyes.

Though Jadzia denied it, they had been in love. But then Marco found out who she was and Jadzia made her choice about him: he was dropped like a hot potato. At first he had been plenty angry, now he didn't care.

Kaze

I rode all night.

Steven had been my best friend since I had been a girl. He used to do random jobs at the barns, working for some of the horse trainers; that's where I had met him. Steven's parents had died when he was about five and he had supported himself since then. When he was nine one of the horse trainers realized he had been sleeping in the barns and found out he didn't had a family. That man had took him in and treated him like a son.

That was the only family Steven had ever known, family was the most important thing for him. He had married full of illusions... I knew him and I knew how much losing his child would hurt him.

When I made it to the modest house, Steven wasn't there... Monica was, she told me her fevers had broken the previous day. Her face was splotchy, her eyes puffy... she had been crying.

"Oh, Kaz," Monica said and buried her face in my hair... "I loved that baby so much!"

"I know you did, honey, I know," I said trying to be as soothing as I could. "You'll have more kids, you'll see. Now you just concentrate in getting better, do it for Steve. He loves you so much."

"I don't know," she said twisting her hands over her lap, "Maybe he won't love me anymore now..."

"Don't say that," I reproached lightly. "I'm going to make you some tea, ok?" I know it was lame, but is what my grandmother used to do when confronting someone hysterical.

I busied myself in the kitchen, Monica was one hello of a housewife, I could find everything in her perfectly organized kitchen.

When I got back to the bedroom, Steven was there, holding Monica's hand and saying that they both would be fine. Monica smiled softly and I saw Steve's face lit up as if the sun had just risen after days of storms. Then he turned to me, "Have you ever seen a girl more pretty?" he asked.

I looked at Monica, all red in the face and with her hair made a mess and I shook my head no. Steve smiled and turned to his wife, and then he pulled Monica into a tight embrace. They would be fine.

They would grieve and be sad for a while. But they would glue everything back together, I was sure they would get the family they longed for. They were down but not out.

I smiled sadly. There in my best friend's house I realized how stupid I had been taking that oath of never falling in love again. I longed for the kind of love that Monica and Steve had for each other.

And my mind drifted back to Chris, who – if he had been telling the truth – had all the intent to ask a phantom to marry him just as I stood there, so far away from him.

Chris

I waited for hours in the maze.

Cass never came.

End of Chapter Nine

Notes:

You got no Idea how difficult was to write this chapter!

I'm going nuts here.

I hope this didn't sucked.

You'll get more later.

Since I can't answer the reviews right now – due certain someone that I like to call my sister Boo and who is kicking me out of the chair – I'll leave you wit a long teaser of the next chapter:

I had heard the whole story but it didn't make me feel a whole lot better. Kyle...no, Cass... no Kaze had lied to me. She had been lying all this time. I was plenty angry and I knew good and well that I had all the right in the world to my anger. At the same time though, the memory of Kaze crying just seconds ago was too much to bear. I might be right, but right was lonely. I could get my temper and my anger get the best of me and walk out pretending not to care one single bit about her.

I could go back to my old ways – sneaking in an out of beautiful women's bedrooms just to return to my own bedroom... alone with no more company that the memory of the only girl I had ever brought to my bed, the only one I had ever wanted to wake up next to: Kaze Lhite – and get bitter and cold and old and gray.

Or I could let go of my anger and understand that Kaze had just been very scared and afraid. I could find the truth in my own heart and know that she hadn't been lying when she had been resting in my arms saying she loved me. That her name was meaningless compared to what she made me feel. That I loved her and wanted nothing more than make her happy.

And by making her happy I would be happy.