Chapter Nineteen: Sharing Sorrows

She couldn't run as fast as he could, so when she finally arrived at the park, where she felt that he was going to find refuge in, she found him walking a short distance away, his pace considerably slowing. Then, when he thought nobody else could see him, he stopped by a large tree and finally allowed himself to be robbed of his strength, leaning back against the trunk wearily that he soon sunk to the ground.

As the rays of the morning light leaked through the thick canopy above him, illuminating his lonely form, she clearly saw even from where she was that tears were streaming down his face. He was in anguish, tormented by the revelation that the man he had come to know as his father was not who he believed him to be. He lifted his head, staring at the vast expanse looming over him for a moment; then, he squeezed his Mediterranean blue eyes shut, his lips moving as he composed a prayer addressed to the mighty power in the heavens. His tears continued to spill, like water trickling down the mountaintop, and the sight hit her with a force of unexpected intensity.

His mother though she was, she actually had never seen him cry; at least, not before the dreadful time when his illness struck him in full force. The absence of his tears made her believe that he was strong and in control of his sentiments, and the steely determination he had taken after her, which he so often displayed, made her forget that he was still a boy. But even boys cry, that she remembered now.

She took a step forward, but stopped before she could bring herself even closer to him. No, she told herself, shaking her head and reluctantly admitting defeat. He didn't need her, at least not that time. What he needed was time alone --- to cry out in woe, to release his sorrow, to face his pain. The fact that his father was someone else he didn't know wasn't the only issue he had to deal with; there was that of his deafness, too. The latter was even the graver problem, considering that it affected most, if not all, aspects of his life.

But there was something she could do, something she should've done before things became as complicated as they were now. And that was to confess. To confide to her son her painful past, even if it meant degrading her image in his eyes. After all, what happened then was her fault, and she, therefore, deserved to be punished for the mistakes she committed.

And though she continued to loathe Mamoru for his share of mistakes, she was glad to have heard the truth from him. She might have pretended that she didn't believe a word he said, but in reality, she held everything he professed in her heart, including his painfully ironic confession that he still loved her. She might have spat at his face that she no longer had the heart to love him the same way she did back then, but her longing to come into peaceful, friendly terms with him was still there. She couldn't help it, no matter how hard she tried to hate him for the rest of her life. And it was simply because he happened to be the father of the child she so treasured, and everytime she would look at Kuroudo, it would be his face she would first catch a glimpse of.

-x-

It was dark when Kuroudo returned to their apartment, and only then did he realize that he was hungry. Starving, even. He hadn't eaten anything at all the whole day. Despite the fact that he wanted to go to his bedroom and lock himself up until the day of his second operation, he decided otherwise, as body already began to protest wildly.

With heavy footsteps, he trudged towards the kitchen, hoping to help himself with at least a glass of milk to calm down his grumbling stomach. He didn't even know if it would help, or make the situation worse; all he knew was that it was going to be his ticket to a peaceful night's sleep. He didn't even bother to turn on the lights when he got there. He simply headed to the refrigerator, took out the milk carton and helped himself to a glass. Then, he began to make his way towards his bedroom, craving for nothing else but sleep.

He met Natsuuko on his way up the stairs; she was about to say something to him, which was most probably about how worried she and his mother had been, but quickly, if not immediately, decided against it. On the other hand, he merely acknowledged her with a curt nod, as he was definitely not in the mood to chat, especially not on the stairway. Plus, it was too dark for him to be able to read her lips and figure out whatever she had to tell him.

However, just as he had gone past her, he felt her grab his arm. Turning halfway to look at her, he scowled as soon as her face was in his line of sight, but as quickly as the expression appeared, it faded away just as fast. He was taken by surprise at what he saw. She, too, was pained, and there was a glint of sadness in her raven eyes, which disappeared as she shut them in apparent contemplation. "I'm sorry this had to happen to you," she said slowly. When their eyes met once more, the melancholy in her features had considerably lessened, but he could feel it radiating from her in full force. "You don't deserve this."

But her words stung his pride. "I don't need your sympathy," he retorted before he jerked his arm away from her grasp, turning his attention once more to the flight of stairs as he continued to make his way to the top. Upon reaching the topmost step, however, he allowed himself a second to look back at what he had left behind, and he saw her still at where she last stood, her head bowed and her bangs casting dark shadows upon her eyes. She was shaking, and when he found her gripping her eyeglasses with one hand and brushing the other against her face, he realized she was crying.

Slowly, he backtracked his steps, bringing himself closer to his sobbing friend. And when he was standing beside her at the same step, he gently turned her towards him, and, although reluctantly at first, brought his hand behind her head and pulled her close to him. He soon felt her tears drenching his shirt, but he did nothing to stop her from letting go of her sorrow. In fact, he felt that he might as well do so himself, and so with tears leaving his sapphire blue orbs, he just stayed there and held her.