The Kindly Heart

Dumbledore waited, counting a full sixty seconds before he spoke again.

"Mind if I sit down?" he asked.

The boy nodded, whispering "lumos" to his wand so that he could see the wizard's face. He continued to hold it extended and pointing at Dumbledore's chest.

Albus now sat some ten feet away from him. He looked at Severus with kindly eyes, waiting for him to speak and set the tone.

"I'm sorry," the child said.

"Everyone finds themselves in intolerable situations at times, Severus. You have nothing to apologize for. You have had a monumentally bad day, after all."

"I wish I was dead. I really do."

"Death is only another dimension, my dear boy. When we quit this life, we don't escape all of our worldly cares. Personally, I think that your life is not yet done. There is important work for you to do. You have considerable skills, Severus."

"Stop trying to flatter me; It won't work. I'm sick of people lying to me and pretending that they care about me."

"But I do, Severus."

"That's a lot of rubbish."

"But it isn't, you see. When I return, I intend to deal with the boys who did this to you. And – if you choose to return with me – I will do everything I can to help you to heal."

"I can't go back and face them, you know. They'll all laugh at me. They all saw. They – "

"Severus – I think you will be surprised at how many people didn't think what happened was funny. Many were disgusted – "

"– with me?" the boy asked, his father's harsh words echoing in his mind.

"No. You are not disgusting. The behavior of the boys who tormented you is disgusting. I speak the truth, and I believe that you know it."

Severus looked at him hesitantly, afraid to believe. "But those boys are Gryffindor. You favor them! You always have."

Dumbledore sighed, remembering.

"And when did you take my word over theirs?"

"I'm truly sorry for causing you needless distress. It's hard for someone like me to admit favoritism, and yet I must."

Severus dropped his head, and the silence spun out between them.

At last, the boy spoke. "Headmaster -- I think I broke my ankle. I guess I can't come with you, even if I wanted to."

Dumbledore realized that the boy believed that he would not come to his aid under any circumstances. "I would be happy to help you, my son," he replied softly.

The kindness in the man's voice overwhelmed him. Snape groaned and dropped his head so that his forehead met his knees and his lanky hair covered his face like a curtain. He rocked back and forth a little; it was so very cold. He sat there for several minutes, with Dumbledore biding his time until the boy calmed himself.

"I'm going to walk over and see how you are, Severus." Albus stood up slowly.

The hardness of the dirt below had not been kind to his old bones. With the boy's dark haunted eyes still fixed upon his face and his wand still pointed at his chest, Dumbledore walked over to Severus.

Neither moved for a long minute.

Finally, Snape lowered his wand.

Dumbledore dropped to one knee. "May I touch your face, Severus? I promise I won't hurt you in any way."

The boy sighed, then nodded. Dumbledore gently cupped the child's chin, and raised his dirty and bloody face to examine it for wounds. He then reached over and touched Snape's ankle, palpitating it so gently that he caused the boy no pain.

"Will I be punished for using the Cruciatus?" Snape asked. He knew full well that a wizard could be sent to Azkaban for casting it, no matter what his age.

Dumbledore sat down once again on the hard and cold forest floor. "Answer me this first, Severus. How did you learn how to fix that particular curse?"

Immensely sad eyes searched the Headmaster's face. "I think you know the answer to that one."

"Your father taught you?"

Severus gave a harsh little laugh. "Not exactly. He used me to for his own target practice, you might say."

Albus was silent for a while. "That is hideous, Severus," the Headmaster said in a low voice. "That is one of the most monstrously wicked things I have ever heard. How did you survive such treatment, my child?"

Severus looked up at this appellation, blinking away tears. "I guess I just kept thinking things might get better someday. But I guess they haven't after all."

"Severus, have you given up on life completely?"

Snape looked at the wizard. He had called him his son and his boy and his child. He so wanted to be comforted, but was too afraid to ask for such a thing. He was sure that Dumbledore would much prefer to wring his scrawny neck for the trouble he'd caused tonight.

With dawning horror, he realized that he was about to cry in front of the Headmaster, who would see what a filthy coward he really was. And then he would walk away from him in disgust, leaving him to his fate in the middle of the Forbidden Forest, all alone.

"I am not ready to die, Headmaster," he replied. "But I'm afraid to goback. I can't – I just can't."

Dumbledore moved a bit closer to him. Severus flinched.

"I think you would like some supper, first off," the Headmaster said. "and then a trip to the Infirmary. And as frightening it is to think about all the gossip going on at school, I think you might like to sleep in the Castle tonight rather than stay here in the cold and the dark."

The sincere and caring words broke through what was left of the boy's thin veneer of defiance. He began to sob.

"Come to me, son," Dumbledore said, and Severus took a chance and allowed himself to be held.

The boy cradled in Albus Dumbledore's encircling arms cried and cried. He cried so hard he couldn't speak, and clung to the kind old wizard with all his might.

The Headmaster smoothed his hair and rubbed his back. "There, there, Severus. It will be all right, my son," he promised.

"I wish I was your son," Snape said, his voice muffled by the heavy robes.

"Do you know what, Severus?" Dumbledore replied. "So do I."