a/n: I don't own this. You know that and I know that. Read and review, please. I'm not above begging.
Chapter One
It was three weeks until Christmas vacation. In this, her senior year, Joan Girardi had chosen her classes by an unusual method. She had taken the list of classes and then signed up for the first class in each section. This was a family tradition and how Kevin had chosen his classes, and how Joan had chosen her classes except for when a hallucination had told her to take AP Chemistry. Joan smiled at the thought. She still couldn't believe that she, a totally not crazy person, had actually believed that God was talking to her for almost a year.
"Thank whatever that's over," she muttered to herself.
"Hey Girardi, talking to yourself again? Sure the little men in white coats aren't on their way with the jacket that makes you hug yourself?" said Grace who was sat on her left.
"Nice." A month ago, Joan would have refused to acknowledge her best friend when she made a joke like that. Now though, Joan felt like she was finally over it.
Joan looked down at her notes and tried to listen to the teacher. This was the one place in which her fabulous system had let her down. This year the school had listed the classes in alphabetical order, so for science, she was stuck in AP Biology. But, she silently admitted to herself, at least she was with Adam and Grace. And she had Luke in the class too, so she could steal his notebook when it was totally necessary.
Finally Joan's obsessive clock watching paid off and the bell rang signifying the end of another mind numbing class, and the start of lunch. Joan packed her books into her backpack and realized that she had only taken notes on about a fourth of the class.
"Hey guys. I kinda slept through that class. Can I get your notebook to copy tonight? I'll have it back in pristine condition tomorrow morning."
"Cha, like I make notes" Adam reached his arm around Joan's waist and kissed her cheek. "I have to go. Price thinks I'm stoned again. He wants to check my sobriety. Again."
"Hey Rove," Adam, who had begun to walk away turned to look at Grace. "Sobriety. I think that's the longest word you've ever used."
Adam smiled and walked away.
"So anyway, Grace, notebook?" Joan went back to her search.
"Uh, Girardi. Why not just get your brother's? We're going to use his for the final anyway."
"Ok, one I really don't want to ask him for his help right now. He's been acting like even more of a freak for like a month. And two, like I can understand the science geek language he writes in. I need your translation."
"Ok, sure, whatever as long as you shut up." Grace pulled her notebook from her locker and handed it to Joan. "Now lunch? And can we talk about anything but your geek brother!"
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It was after eight before Joan finally sat down to do her AP Bio homework. It didn't take her too long, and thanks to Grace she copied the notes that she had missed. But just as she was about to finish she reached over to grab the cup of hot chocolate that her mother had made her. As she reached across the kitchen table where she was working, she accidentally knocked Grace's notebook onto the floor. As it fell to the floor, a slip of paper fell out of it.
Joan didn't exactly mean to look at the paper, but it fell face up and she couldn't help but see it was a reminder for a doctor's appointment the next afternoon. Joan wasn't even sure she would have realized what it was, but it was from the same doctor's office that the Girardi's went to.
Joan picked up the paper and tucked it back into Grace's notebook so she wouldn't loose it.
"Joan honey," Helen Girardi walked into the kitchen. "I have to run to the grocery store. Do you need anything?"
"I don't think so Mom."
"Want to come along. You need the practice driving in the snow."
"Sure."
"Ok, sweetie. I'll go find my keys and you go grab a coat. It's really cold out."
"Mom! I'm 18 years old. I can decide if I need a coat or not!"
"It's a parent thing. I'm not capable of accepting you're a grown-up."
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Despite the fact it was almost 10pm, the grocery store was still pretty busy. While her Mom went on some kind of random hunt for a particular brand of tea she had seen on a cooking show, Joan decided to go look at the magazines by the checkout lines.
For some reason, the supermarket tabloids had become a kind of comfort for her. It kind of helped her see that there were people way crazier than she had ever been. At least she had never claimed that she had been abducted by aliens or impregnated by the ghost of Elvis. As delusions had gone, she saw hers as pretty tam. And she had been sick with Lyme disease the entire time, Joan reminded herself. So her craziness had been part of a physical illness not a mental one.
"It wasn't craziness at all Joan," a voice behind her said.
"No, no, no, no, no, this is so not happening." Even before she turned around she knew who it was, and as she tentatively did turn, she saw someone she had never expected or wanted to see ever again. It was cute guy God.
Joan glared at the deity. "You are not real! I was sick and now I must be like sick again because you are NOT real!" Joan's voice rose to a panicked squeak.
"And yet here I am. I've always been here, and I'm glad you've moved forward enough to let yourself see that. You just have to let yourself believe."
"See, that's the bit I have a problem with, because I'm crazy, I'm sick, whatever. But check this out, you don't exist, and even if you do, you definitely don't talk to me"
"Joan, just relax and let yourself believe," cute guy God repeated. "And if you can't do that then let this delusion make a suggestion. Go with Grace to her doctor's appointment tomorrow."
"OK, now I know I'm crazy. I don't think so. I'm not going to invade my best friend's privacy on the orders of a figment of my imagination."
"They're not orders Joan. They never were."
"Fine suggestions, hints, whatever."
"Just think about it Joan," He said as he turned around and walked away.
Joan ran her fingers through her hair. "There is no way this is happening again," she muttered to herself.
"No way what is happening sweetie?" Joan had been so caught up in herself; she hadn't noticed her mother join her.
"Oh, nothing Mom."
"Who was that boy you were talking to? I don't remember seeing him at school."
Joan's eyes widened. Her mother had seen him too.
"He's, uhh, just someone I used to talk to sometimes." Not exactly a lie.
"Ok, well I'm done here. Are you ready to go?"
"Sure Mom. Can you drive? I'm a little tired."
"Sure sweetie."
Joan handed the car keys to her mother and they started towards the car. As they walked Joan lost herself in thought. Joan really just wanted to believe that she was sick again, or crazy, but she couldn't. Her mom had seen Him too. So that just left one option. One she really didn't want to consider, because it meant she had to figure out a way to go with Grace to the doctor's office without Grace killing her.
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Breakfast in the Girardi house was it's usual chaos with everyone moving in different directions at different speeds.
"Joan honey?"
"Yeah Mom?" Joan looked up from her cereal.
"Do you have any plans for right after school? I have some errands that I have to get done today, but I have to set up the freshman art exhibit. Can you give me a hand with one of them?"
"Sure, I'll take the errands. I don't exactly have a good history with art exhibits. What do you need?"
"I'll make you a list. Come pick it up from me after last period. I'll give you the car keys then too. Your father can pick me up later." Helen started to sort through a pile of papers on the counter. "Oh, and Joan? You need to go by the doctor's office. They rang yesterday to arrange some repeat blood work. I said today would be fine, is that ok?"
"Sure," Joan grimaced at the thought of another blood test. They had become a three monthly event since her diagnosis with Lyme disease. Then her eyes widened. The doctor's office. She had a perfect excuse to go with Grace.
Before Joan had any time to wonder if there was more to this than a cosmic coincidence, Luke finally walked into the kitchen. Even though he was normally the first one to get up in the morning, for the last month or so Luke had not been acting like himself. He got up late, didn't eat much, and weirdest of all, he had failed to turn in the last two assignments for AP Bio. Even though they were more than a little worried by this behavior, Helen and Will had decided to give Luke the space he seemed to need. But three weeks on, he was still acting strangely.
"Hey man," Kevin called to his little brother. "Want a pop-tart?"
Luke barely acknowledged him, and headed right to the coffee pot.
"Luke honey, are you sure you don't want something to eat?" Helen held up a banana to her youngest son.
"No, just coffee. And before you start Mom, I shaved, I can have coffee." Luke filled up a travel mug, then grabbed his book bag and walked out of the house.
"Is it just me, or is the freak even weirder than yesterday?"
"Joan," Helen said sharply. "Don't talk about your brother that way." She paused. "Are you sure none of you know what's wrong?"
Will, Kevin and Joan just shrugged and carried on eating.
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Neither Grace, nor Adam were in any of Joan's morning classes, so she wasn't surprised to find her boyfriend and best friend waiting for her at her locker before lunch. Adam smiled and reached out to curl his hand around Joan's.
"Hey guys," Joan greeted them. "So, lunch?"
"Thanks-you Girardi, that was the general idea. Now give me my Bio notebook. I have to do my homework in study hall."
"Sure," Joan dug around in her locker. "It's right here. And Grace, I'm totally not invading you privacy but..." Joan paused.
"Why do I not like any sentence that begins like that? Ok, go on."
"Ok, well, I accidentally knocked you notebook on the floor and the reminder for your doctor's appointment fell out. I totally wouldn't mention it, but I have to go too, so I just wanted to know if you needed a ride?"
"As unwelcome as your usual forays into my privacy are, that would actually be good. My dad makes me have a damn annual physical. I guess the health benefits for servants of God are pretty good."
"Ok, great. I have to pick up the car keys from my Mom after last period so we can meet at her classroom."
"Great!" Grace repeated sarcastically and started down the corridor towards the cafeteria, with Joan and Adam trailing behind her.
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It was the last 10 minutes of lunch and while Grace had gone to the library to start her bio homework, Adam and Joan had found an empty classroom to get a few moments of privacy.
When Joan broke what had quickly become a passionate kiss, they were both breathing hard. Joan rested her head on Adam's shoulder and whispered, "I love you." It was far from the first time she had said it, but it still made her stomach jump when she realized that she not only said it, but she really meant it. She could tell from the quiet smile on Adam's face that he felt the same.
"I miss the roof, yo. But there's gotta be a foot of snow up there at the moment. Not so much fun huh?"
Joan didn't answer, lost too far in her own thoughts.
"Jane?"
"Do you think I'm crazy?"
"Whoa, where did that come from?" Adam smiled. "Jane, you are the only one that makes sense to me. But then we hang out with Grace so..."
'"Thanks," Joan pushed Adam playfully. "I mean what I told you when I was in the hospital." Joan looked down at her feet; not wanting to see what she was sure would be laughter.
"Jane, you were sick, not crazy."
"But what if I said," Joan paused. "What if I told you He talked to me again?"
"Did He?"
Joan nodded, still refusing to look Adam in the eye.
"Then I believe you. You're not sick now, and you're not crazy so I guess you're telling the truth."
"You mean that?" Joan held Adam's gaze.
"Jane, I know you're not crazy, and you don't lie to me. So if He talks to you then I guess you're just more special than anyone gets to see."
Joan smiled through the tears that had suddenly sprung to her eyes. She kissed Adam softly, with love not passion. Trying to get him to understand what he meant to her.
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The doctor's office was crowded, with about 10 other people waiting. But Grace was called in almost immediately after they signed in, so Joan took a seat and flicked through a 4 month old copy of People Magazine. She had to wait for about 20 minutes before the Physicians Assistant came to get her.
Joan took a seat in the examination room. She took off her jacket, rolled up her sleeve and waited for the inevitable.
"No Joan. The needle is not the size of a harpoon and I'm not going to take half your blood."
'Oh, God"
"Yes?"
"Actually, that was taking your name in vain. What do you want?"
PA God was a dark haired woman who looked to be in her late twenties.
"I just wanted to remind you why you're here." PA God took a rubber cuff and tied it around Joan's arm, a few inches above the elbow. "Ok Joan. Squeeze you hand into a fist and open it a few times for me."
Joan did as she was told, then looked away as the needle was stuck in her arm. Still looking in the opposite direction Joan spoke.
"I don't get it. I had to be here, Grace had to be here, so why the big deal about me going with her?"
"You would have missed her. She would have been called to see the doctor before you arrived and then left before you were done."
"Ok, for you, that was amazingly clear, but still, why?"
"Just remember Joan, it's important to pay attention when someone does something unusual as well as when they don't do something usual."
"And we're back to the riddles. Thanks."
"Just do what you can Joan, I don't expect anything else." PA God finished taking the second vial of blood and then stuck a band-aid on Joan's arm. "You can go now."
Joan was ushered out into the reception area. Almost instantly Joan saw Grace sitting in the corner. She looked almost gray, and she was just sitting and staring into space.
"Grace? Are you ok?" Joan sat down in the chair next to Grace, but Grace didn't move.
"You want to talk about it?"
Grace shook her head a little and seemed to snap out of it. "If I wanted to talk about it Girardi, I would. Are we done here?"
"I guess. You want me to take you right back to your house? I have some errands to run for my Mom, then I was going to grab a hot chocolate if you want to come with."
"Sure, whatever." Grace got up and walked to the door without looking at Joan.
Joan really didn't know what to do. In the time that she and Grace had known each other, Joan had seen Grace pissed, extra pissed, happy, all the normal emotions. But now Grace seemed genuinely upset. Joan couldn't figure out what was wrong. Either Grace had found out something was wrong when she was with the doctor or she had received a cell phone call while Joan was still having blood taken and something was wrong after that. Honestly, Joan suspected the second of the two options. Grace was disgustingly healthy, and in the time Joan had known her, she hadn't even had a cold.
They walked back to the car in an uncomfortable silence, but Joan remembered what God had said about just doing what she could.
"I have to go to Home Depot, then to the drugstore next to the mall to pick up some photos. I was going to go get some Hot Chocolate at the café in Barnes and Noble too."
Grace half-nodded at Joan but didn't answer. Once they were in the car Grace turned on the radio and looked out of the window. She didn't move once on the short drive to Home Depot. But though Joan had half expected Grace to stay in the car, she didn't. It was probably just too cold.
It didn't take Joan long to find the brand of paint her mother wanted, but it took a while to find all of the colors on the list. Though why her mom wanted 9 different colors of external wall paint Joan had no idea. As she was loading the paint into the cart, she noticed that Grace had turned kind of green and was rubbing her stomach like she was going to throw up.
"Oh, God. Grace are you ok? Do you need to sit down or something?"
"I'm fine!" Grace snapped. She sighed. "I guess I just need some air or something. I'll go wait by the car."
Joan rushed through the checkout and got about to the car as fast as possible. Grace still wouldn't look Joan in the eye. She didn't even turn on the radio. So the five-minute ride to the drugstore seemed like a silent eternity. Joan went through the things God had told her, and then tried to see what was happening, but it made no sense.
By the time Joan had parked the car, Grace looked a little less pale but was still totally silent. They walked into the drug store and quickly found the photo booth. Joan's Mom had dropped off the photos taken at Thanksgiving when her cousin Shelly had flown up from North Carolina with her husband, Rob and their baby, Carry.
"Are these the correct photos ma'am?" The clerk asked. He showed Joan the top photo, which was Kevin, Luke and baby Carry.
"That's them. Thanks." Joan paid the clerk and turned around to find that Grace had disappeared. Joan wasn't sure what to do but she figured that if she stayed where she was Grace would eventually return.
It was about 10 minutes before Grace came back, offering no explanation as to where she had been.
They walked next door to Barnes and Noble, and browsed the books for a while.
"You sure you're ok?" Joan asked, trying desperately not to get in Grace's face even though she really wanted to.
Grace just shrugged.
"Want something to drink?" Joan asked pointing towards the café at the back of the store.
Grace nodded and started towards it; while Joan followed and dug in her pocket to find the rest of the money her Mom had given her.
"I still have parental money, so I'll buy. What do you want? Black Americano, one sugar?" Joan named Grace's usual drink.
"Decaff."
"Huh?" Joan honestly thought she was hearing things, but she recovered quickly. "Ok, sure. I'll be back in a second."
While Joan ordered the drinks, Grace grabbed a table and a copy of USA Today. By the time Joan brought the drinks back Grace looked much more like herself, scowling while reading the newspaper.
Grace took a sip of her coffee and grimaced, not used to the bitter decaffeinated taste. "Ok Grace, what's up with you?" Joan couldn't help herself.
"If I wanted to tell you I would. Just leave it as none of your business Girardi."
"Grace, you're my best friend. You're acting 20 times weirder than usual. You look like you want to throw up, you pull a disappearing act in the drugstore, and now, strangest of all, you want decaff coffee. You hate decaff coffee. I don't get it." Suddenly something clicked in Joan's brain. "Shit Grace, are you pregnant?"