A/N: I got a new computer and now I have Microsoft Word! This is soooo great! Hopefully, I'll get used to all this new stuff. Here's the fourth chapter, hope you like it and so sorry it took me so long to update!!!!!!!!! Oh…this chapter is going to be even more confusing. It's a total mess. I wasn't in the right state of mind when writing this…
We're also doing Shakespeare in class so it might get even funnier…
Abc: thoughts
Abc: emphasis
Abc: flashback
~abc~: mysterious voice (dun dun dunnnn)
~*abc*~: Vardoulacha
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN YYH!!!!!!!!
Chapter 4
Tears ran down Hiei's face as blood dripped steadily from his scarred hands. He felt so alone… Shaking his head, he concentrated on the task before him, piecing back the shards together. He bit his lip when blood splattered onto the pieces but watched in horrified fascination as his blood was absorbed into the pieces. He didn't have enough time left. Tear gems clinked as they dropped onto the floor, rolling this way and that. His thoughts in a jumble, Hiei didn't notice the temperature slowly dropping. He just continued to piece the fragments together.
Have to work faster. Need help though…but the others are preoccupied, can't call them. I don't have enough strength.
~If you want, I can give you strength. More strength than you've ever known before. ~
Flinching, Hiei tried to ignore the voice which had started to sound in his head not too long ago.
~Are you trying to ignore me again? It's of no use, let me tell you. ~
"U-urasai! Leave me alone!" Hiei groused out between gritted teeth. Making a conscious effort, Hiei forced himself to move faster, hoping without hope that this would make the Voice leave. No such luck, unfortunately.
~You need help and you know it. Let me free, I can help. I can help and make things better. Much better. ~
"No! I don't need you or your help. I can do this on my own until I can summon my friends once more. Leave me be!"
~So stubborn and resisting. Have you ever wondered what is happening to your body while you are trapped in your mind? You know the consequences of being the bearer of the Crystal Chalice. Do you think your body has begun deteriorating or grown insane? ~
Hands stilling, Hiei's eyes showed a brief passing of shock and worry, before that too was hidden. He did not answer the Voice.
~You might want to keep tabs on your body. Who knows what it'll do to your precious friends? ~
Clenching his hands into fists, Hiei forced himself to remain calm and continue piecing the pieces together. Still, he could not banish the strand of worry that had been imbedded into him from the cruel reminder. Deep, dark laughter rolled across his mind in waves before the Voice finally left him alone.
Turning cold dark eyes to the Spirit Detective, Koenma carefully enunciated each word, "We Will Have To Kill Hiei."
Stunned silence was met with those cold, cruel words. Kill Hiei? You have gotto be joking! They couldn't kill Hiei no way! He was always there for them, not necessarily being a very comforting spirit, but he had not let them down.
Keiko felt coldness settle in her stomach, like she had just eaten something bad. She didn't know Hiei very well but he had helped Yusuke and his friends so that was enough for her. He may act like a cold bastard and he did kidnap her but he had kept Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara from being crushed. He also cared a lot for Yukina. She wasn't sure why, but she could tell Hiei's heart was in the right place. Besides, she couldn't stand the thought of killing a friend. Everybody would be devastated. Involuntarily, her gaze drifted over to Yusuke. He looked murderous.
Oh Yusuke…I don't want to know what you'll do when you have to kill a friend. Sure, you've killed before but never a friend. I hope Hiei isn't going to be the first.
Yusuke felt someone's eyes upon him and met with Keiko's warm brown eyes which were currently filled with concern. Flashing Keiko a quick grin, he focused back on the problem at hand. There had to be some way to reach Hiei without needing Hiei to call them. But how?!
"Koenma, there hasto be a way to reach Hiei! These curses/enchantments/things always come with some kind of loophole. There has to be one with the Crystal Chalice. We can't rely on just Hiei to call us. He's running out of time and strength!" Kurama put voice to Yusuke's thoughts, except with greater depth.
Koenma frowned as he re-read the section in the ancient book. Carefully scrutinizing each passage of the selection, he stumbled upon something he had missed the first time he read through the section.
"There are three states to the bearer's [the keeper of the Crystal Chalice] body: insanity, deterioration, and normalcy.
"Insanity is the most dangerous stage. The bearer will experience bouts of maniacal movements, thoughts, and actions. Although they'll seem normal for extended periods of time, they are not. They will be a danger to him and those around himself. Insanity will then lead to death; there is no cure for insanity. It is not impossible to drag a person back from insanity, but it will take time and will take years.
"Deterioration is the second most dangerous stage. However, unlike insanity, you can bring the bearer back to life. Deterioration is marked by the decaying of the body. Although it will be hard to save the bearer, it's more easily to be accomplished than insanity.
"Normalcy is the safest stage and yet the stage that is nearly impossible to attain for the bearer. In this stage, the body will remain the same, except in a deep state of sleep, almost like a coma. This stage is not only the safest, but the best way to save the bearer should his/her Chalice has been shattered. An outside person with a considerable amount of ki would be able to connect with the bearer's mind. This is possible because in the state of normalcy, all functions are dormant, leaving only the mind awake and alert to anything. Unfortunately, out of all those who had to bear the Crystal Chalice, no one has ever settled into the state of normalcy once their Chalice was shattered." Koenma read, frowning.
"That's it? Hiei just has to be in a state of normalcy? He's already in one!" Yusuke said, grinning.
"No, he's not. He's insane." Koenma snapped severely. "Didn't you listen to what I just read? Hiei may seem like he's in Normalcy, but he's not. Remember the bouts of insanity he suffered? You were there when it happened. Still, his actions have not been particularly violent…"
"Then we have a chance! We can help Hiei-kun!" Yukina piped up, excited.
"Yukina, Insanity is almost impossible to escape from. Remember?" Shizuru softly said, not wanting to see the sadness enter the young ice demon's eyes again.
Yukina still refused to give up, however, "You said 'almost impossible'! That means it's possible! We will save Hiei, I know it!"
"Yukina-chan…" Kuwabara trailed off, seeing the fire of determination in the girl's eyes.
"You're right! We'll save the Hiei! We have to keep our promise!" Botan interjected suddenly. The others jerked in guilty surprise. They had forgotten the blue-haired deity was there with them. Recovering, the others nodded in agreement. They would save Hiei but in order to do so, they would have to pull him out of Insanity.
"Koenma, is there anything in the book that might help us pull Hiei out of this state?" Kurama asked looking at the prone form of his friend. Koenma shook his head. There was nothing more in the book that would help them right now. Still, he pocketed, knowing it would come in useful once again.
~Haven't you tired of piecing all those shards together yet? They're so utterly boring. You ought to do something fun. ~
The Voice was back. Suppressing a sigh of anger and annoyance, he methodically continued to piece the memory together. Yes, the memory. The reason why he [Hiei] was piecing so many little things into only a section of the Crystal Chalice was because they were his different memories. By completing each portion, he would complete a memory of his life and in doing so, he would be able to fix the Chalice with everything intact. Still, it was odd how he remembered everything although it seemed he shouldn't.
~Come on, take a break. You know you need and deserve it. You've been working since forever on this ridiculous thing. It's about time you gave it a rest. ~
Steadfastly ignoring the voice, Hiei continued to piece everything together. He was halfway done. What was this particular memory? Hiei wasn't sure if he really wanted to know. Whatever the memory was, it was a very big one-and a bad one. He could tell by the feeling it gave off. Why did this memory feel so forbidding?
Hiei jerked his hand back towards his body when his fingers met with freezing coldness. Shaking his head, he looked around in dismay. There were no more pieces nearby.
~Ooo! Looks like you're in trouble! What are you going to do? ~
Struggling to his feet, Hiei noticed faraway glimmers of yellow. The remaining pieces were scattered all around the array, too spread apart to be able to work in just one place. Biting his lip, he ignored the pain in his arm and back and set off to collect the elusive pieces.
~Watch it! You don't want to really touch them, do you? You see what they do to you. They cut you, making blood flow freely, staining those precious pieces. You should call for your friends to handle them for you. Oops, sorry. I forgot. You don't have enough strength to call them! Pity, really. I could call them for you, you know. ~
NO!!! Don't you daredo anything to my friends!
~I knew you were going to say that. Still, I had to offer. You'll see, one day, you'll beg me for help and I won't give it to you. Oh! I told you to be careful. Now look, you're bleeding all over the place again! ~
Urusai, kisama. I have no wish to listen to your blabbering. It means nothing to me. Why don't you just go back to where you came from and leave me alone?!
~Haven't you figured it out by now? I'm in your head. I'm something you made, something you can't get rid of. ~
How can you be in my head? This, this body of mine here, in my mind, is nothing but an astral projection. My real body is out there…insane. How can you be something my mindmade up? If you haven't noticed, I bear the Crystal Chalice and it's shattered. You simply can't exist. The only reason I can think and remember is because I'm made up of different portions of myself. What's your reason for existence? Don't you dare throw that 'you made me' shit. I don't buy it.
~Tsk tsk. Such language! I do exist because youmade me. Your Chalice isshattered and you can no longer think properly but don't forget-you still have a body. And since you're the bearer of the Crystal Chalice, your body has stages of mentality as well. Remember? Insanity, deterioration, and normalcy. You're insane, you said so yourself. Since you're insane, I'm here. I'm merely the product of your mentality wrought with insanity. ~
Hiei said nothing, knowing this to be true. Instead, he continued to pick up the remaining pieces, gathering them in his cloak like a bag. Quickening his pace, he hurried around the whole area of his mind, his eyes seeking out glowing yellow pieces. As he did this, he let his thoughts wander away from him, therefore putting his body, no, projection, on autopilot.
I wonder how the others are doing…Have they found anything about the Crystal Chalice? hn Koenma probably had one his one, George, was it? search for him. I wonder what they'll discover. Whatever they do discover, I hope they won't be rash and reach for the impossible. Then again, as the Crystal Chalice, nothing is impossible. Only almostimpossible.
Unbeknownst to Hiei, the Voice had left him. Truly left him. He was no longer in Hiei's mind. He had awakened. Rather, Hiei's body had awakened. If Hiei had known this, he would have done everything in his power to stop him. But because he was so deeply wrapped up in his thoughts, he did nothing.
I hope the others are okay…and I hope that my body…or rather, the Voice, doesn't do anything to hurt them. If it does, I swear that I will have my revenge.
"He's not going to make it! Haha! You pathetic ningens might as well stop trying to save him! He can't be saved! He's insane! The Chalice isn't even ¼ done! The second portion is barely halfway done! Time is running out and you've got nothing! Your friend will be lost to you forever. Better be careful-as time runs out, his Insanity grows deeper." Hiei's deep manic voice startled everybody out of their heated discussion.
"Hiei!" Keiko cried, taking one step towards him. She was stopped by Shizuru, however.
"Don't forget, that's not Hiei. Hiei's trapped in his mind right now. This is his insanity speaking. Don't go near him-who knows what he'll do to you!" Shizuru said, coolly looking at the crazed red eyes.
"You should listen to your friend, girly! Hiei's not here! No one's home! Nah, he's in his mind picking up the pieces. You should see it. A small, pale projection walking around in his very own mind, trying to fix what has been shattered. The blood is a very nice and dramatic touch as well." Hiei, no Insanity, cackled.
Everybody shuddered as Hiei's lips were twisted into the smile of the Insane. Cruel, malevolent, yet strangely empty and childish, almost.
"Blood? What are you talking about? What happened to Hiei? Projection? What?" Botan shouted, waving her oar around in the air, narrowly missing her companions.
"Calm down, missy. I was about to explain the fun part! Blood because he is being cut by those shards. They're rather sharp, aren't they? Well, for him only, that is. sigh…He didn't listen to me when I told him to leave the pieces alone and summon you guys to his mind. Oh well, more fun for me! Projection, because the Hiei you see in his mind isn't the real Hiei. Rather, he's an astral projection, practically. Or one could say, a specter, a character drawn from memories of the real Hiei. This is possible because of the Crystal Chalice. The Crystal Chalice is also psychic/telekinetic/telepathic. The real Hiei isn't here. He's gone, gone with the Chalice."
"Gone? What do you mean, 'gone'?!" Koenma said, his eyes burning.
"Gone. Duh. Don't you know what that means? G-O-N-oh. I see. Ok, you see, as the bearer of the Crystal Chalice, everything that makes Hiei up is connected to that nasty little bugger of a Chalice. The Chalice has been shattered and Hiei has shattered along with it. Do you know why you're piecing all those crystals together?"
Yukina answered for them, "No."
"Why, if it isn't the cute little missy! How do you do, dear? Anyway, as I was saying, those portions of the Chalice Hiei is trying so hard to fix are pieces of the real Hiei. Those portions are memories of the real Hiei. Namely, Hiei isthe Crystal Chalice. His body is merely a vessel."
"I thought that, that Hiei was just a normal demon or something! I thought that the Crystal Chalice was merely a representation of an extra fragile mind!" Yusuke protested.
"Ah, you have been researching this, haven't you? Ok, so yes. The Crystal Chalice is normally a representation of an extra fragile mind. However, in Hiei's case, it no longer is just a representation. Hiei is the real deal. This body you see right here? It's nothing. Just a vessel the Chalice created. After the last bearer of the Chalice died, there was no-one else who could bear such a burden. Hence, Hiei. The Crystal Chalice madethe poor demon and implanted him inside another woman's womb. The Crystal Chalice is a very powerful thing but even it can't just make a full grown human/demon. It has to go through all the stages of growth and development to become full and complete. It just so happened that the Crystal Chalice became known as the being called Hiei." Insanity beamed at them all, basking in the shock and confusion it had created.
"Wait, so you're telling me that Hiei doesn't exist? And that the Hiei we know is actually THE Crystal Chalice?" Keiko demanded.
"No, I mean yes. Wait! I mean no! haha! Hiei does exist. The Crystal Chalice itself can't become a person because it's a thing of the mind. Have you ever wondered why Hiei has been the only one to have mastered the Black Dragon? No? That's what I though. sigh…pity how the generations nowadays take everything for granted! You see, if Hiei was like any other demon, he never would've been able to master the Dragon. But because he is 100% Crystal Chalice, he was able to. You see, the Crystal Chalice can become anything it wants, as long as it remains in the mind. That's the one thing about the Chalice. It can do everything and anything but it cannot become something other than mentality of a person or thing. So Hiei doesexist, he isa true demon, but despite all that, the fact that he actually isthe Crystal Chalice in demon form takes precedence over all. So don't worry, the Hiei you know is a demon and everything else, but he is also a mentality. Weird, ne?"
Nobody looked happy at these new revelations. Hiei, the Crystal Chalice itself? The idea seemed 100% ludicrous. He was a full demon and the Crystal Chalice. It was like…clay formed into a sculpture. Except in this case, a mentality was formed into a living, breathing, demon. They did not understand this logic at all. How was this even possible? And if the Crystal Chalice was Hiei, then why was there another Crystal Chalice in Hiei's mind?
Noting the looks on the faces facing it, Insanity smirked. "I see you've all reached the same question: If Hiei is the Crystal Chalice itself, why is there another one in his mind? The answer is quite simple. That's because the shattered thing in Hiei's mind is the true form of the Crystal Chalice. Like I said before, it cannot go anywhere except in the mind so that's why you've never seen it before. Why does Hiei have his 'true' demon form in addition to his 'human' demon form? Well, that's to just keep up appearances. His 'true' demon form isn't his[Hiei's] true form. It's just the demon side of him. Oh, there's another topic that I've just broached. There's two sides to Hiei: the mask and the real deal. The real deal is obviously, the Chalice. The mask is the demon. The mask's true form is Hiei's 'true' demon form. The real deal's true form is the Chalice which is currently scattered across the recesses of Hiei's mind. Both of them are extremely different but share one common ground: Hiei's human appearance. The human appearance is a mask for both the demon and the Chalice. Therefore, if you compare Hiei's demon form to the human form, the human form is the second truest thing about him. The first being the Chalice itself. The least true form is obviously, the demon."
"Oh…" whispered Yukina in understanding. She still didn't completely understand all that Insanity was saying, but most, she did. Although Hiei's character and person had just gotten a lot more confusing and complex than he already was, she didn't care. Hiei was Hiei, no matter who or what he was. The others thought the exact same thing. But one thought lingered in the minds of those who knew Hiei's secret: What was Yukina?
Hiei gave a sigh of relief as he finally slid in the final piece to the memory. Immediately, it attached itself to the other completed memory. Watching in amazement, Hiei noticed that as soon as the edges were sealed, the two memories were encased in a white glow and the colors changed. Now, both pieces were clear and Hiei could see right through them. Unfortunately, the pieces combined were about the size of his hand. He had a long way to go. In truth, the Crystal Chalice was rather small. Reaching about 1 ft. in height and 6 in. in width, it was rather small. Still, it had been shattered and when something is shattered, a small 1 in. x 1 in. piece of glass would break into over a million pieces. That's where the problem lay. Now, Hiei had finished two memories. He needed to start on the third memory but he needed help.
~You don't have enough strength. What are you going to do? ~
Urusai.
~I could help you, you know. Give you the strength you need to summon your friends here. ~
No.
~Why not? You need their help but you lack the strength to summon them. They also don't know how to get here on their own either. ~
They will figure it out. You already told them almost everything. You just didn't tell the information that was vital. Vital to help me, that is.
~Why would I do that? I'm not required to help you and I don't wantto help you! Watching you struggle is so delicious. Feeling your pain, your frustration is a delightful feast for me. The blood that continues to run down your hands gives me the drink I need. ~
Scowling, Hiei licked away the blood that continued to stream down the cuts in his hands. The bleeding would not stop, the wounds would not heal. That in itself was odd because although he was not technically living or real, the demon factors, such as a speedy healing, should have kicked in already.
~It's not healing, you idiot, because you were cut by the Crystal Chalice. It won'theal. Not until you finish it. ~
Hiei said nothing, only focused on meditation, in hopes that would raise his strength high enough.
~Anyway, I didn't need to tell them how to help you. With all the information I gave, they should be able to figure it out themselves. That Keiko is a smart girl, and both Kurama and Koenma are bright. It's very easy to figure it out, don't you think? They know you're 100% demon and 100% Chalice and I told them that the Chalice is telepathic/telekinetic/psychic. That should immediately tell your friends how they can help you. In fact, they already knowhow to help you. ~
If they knew, they would be here with me right now, you lying bastard.
~So much trust in your friends! Are you sure they even wantto help you? You've been nothing but cold to them. Never letting them in, never giving them a kind word. If you ask me, I doubt they will help you. ~
They helped me twice already, if you haven't forgotten. They also promised me!
A dark and seductive voice filled suddenly filled his head. The voice was deep and caressing, as if a blanket of velvet had been drawn over him, trapping him in its seductive and tantalizing warmth.
~*A promise is made to be broken, Hiei-kun. How many promises were given to you and broken? How many people betrayed your trust? If Iremember correctly, Kurama broke his promise before you were trapped in here. *~
~Hey look! The Vardoulacha is here! Hey, Orcus! ~
Omae!
~*Insanity, how are you? I trust you've been keeping my…toy entertained? *~
~Hai, Orcus-sama. We've had much fun. ~
You were gone! How can you be back?!
~*Ah ah ah! You didn't think I'd leave someone like youalone for long, did you? You are mine. You belong to me, my dear. *~
I belong to no one, much less you!
~*Is that so? It doesn't matter how much you protest-you belong to me and only me. It has been written and signed with spilt blood. You were given to me and I intend to keep you. I have never owned someone so delightfully dark! *~
I will defeat you, kisama. You don't own me and I won't let you own me!
~*How will you defeat me? It's impossible. I may be Vardoulacha but unlike those petty myths, I am unaffected by sun, Holy Water, or crosses. I fear nothing for I have nothing to fear. *~
Everyone has a weakness, I will find yours.
~*Is that so? I see. You're only this confident because you believe you have your friends to help you. They aren't helping you. Rather…they're enjoying their time without you. Care to take a look? *~
Without warning, Hiei was pulled into the real world. Gasping, Hiei cast wide eyes around the room, taking in the surprised looks his friends-and family, were giving him. Tears sprung to his eyes in relief but he forced them away.
"Yukina…" Hiei whispered as he set his eyes on his sister. Expecting relief, he was sorely disappointed when he received a cold glare in return.
"What are youdoing here? I thought you were trapped in your weak mind." Kurama said scathingly.
"N-nani? What are you talking about, Kurama?" Hiei was shocked. Why were they acting so cold towards him?
"Simple, shorty. We don't want you here. You're always being so cold towards us so we figured, why bother? You don't like us so we don't like you." Kuwabara growled from his place next to Yukina.
"Demo…" Hiei started, unable to finish. What could he say? It was true. He had been cold to his friends so they had the right to be cold towards him. Still, they had promised that they would never leave him alone, didn't they?
"Go back to where you crawled from, jerk. We don't want you here anymore. We only kept you with us for so long were because you were strong. Now, it doesn't matter because we've all grown in strength. We don't need you anymore." Yusuke said coldly, glaring at him.
Hiei paled, unable to understand what was happening. Why were his friends so cold? Why was this happening? Hiei was no longer sure what was real and what was not.
~*You see? They don't care about you at all. Only I do. Hiei, come with me and you'll never be alone again. You'll never be hurt again by your so-called friends. *~
Hiei hesitated, still staring at his friends. One by one, they turned around and walked away. Choking, Hiei ran after them, hand outstretched. No matter how fast he ran, he could not catch up to them.
"No! Don't go! Please! Don't go…Don't leave me alone…please…" Hiei screamed, his voice slowly dying away. At once he found himself back in his mind. Surrounded by broken glass, broken soul and heart wept tears of blood.
They really left me…they really broke their promise…I can never, never trust again…
A/N: Ok, finally done! 2.18.04 Yay! Short but yeah…sorry…I hope the content of the story made up for the lack of length. Tell me what you think about it, okay? If you have any questions, feel free to ask.