The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters has taken off to parts unknown. Just this crazy idea I had. Personally the commercial bits would flow better in script form but since I can't do that anymore due to the 'wisdom' of FF Net, you're just gonna have to go with the flow as best you can.
Be All You Shouldn't Be
"This was a great idea Shipwreck," Angelica said. The most of Misfits and nearly all the adults were downstairs in the living room of their home watching the World Series.
"Yeah I was never much for sports but this is fun," Arcade nodded, munching on some nachos.
"Any sport is fun with snacks!" Fred munched happily.
"I just wish the Blind Master was watching this with us," Shipwreck said. "Instead of practicing some ninja moves downstairs."
"The Blind Master doesn't exactly watch a lot of TV, genius," Cover Girl looked at him. "Besides you know he likes football better."
"Hey Shipwreck, that was General Hawk on the phone," Lance walked in. "Do you know something about an incident with a couple of tanks on Highway 56 yesterday?"
"No," Shipwreck said quickly. "Oh everybody, gather around! I gotta surprise for ya! You gotta see this!"
"What? The TV?" Todd asked. "We see that everyday."
"Maybe we are getting a new one?" Xi asked.
"No, no I have a surprise for you all!" Shipwreck grinned. "Just watch the TV!"
"Uh oh…" Daria blinked.
"Dad…." Althea looked at her father. "What did you do?"
"Shh! It's starting!" Shipwreck said excitedly and pointed to a commercial on TV.
There were scenes of the Misfits falling asleep in class. Fred beating up Duncan Matthews. People screaming and panicking when the Sentinel trashed the city.
"Are you frustrated with being a mutant?" Shipwreck's voice could be heard over the montage. "Tired of dealing with bullies, giant robots and people who don't understand you? Bored with the same old routine of people trying to kill you for no reason at all? Can't find acceptance anywhere? Well now you can!"
Shots of the Misfits storming Cobra bases and blowing up warehouses could be seen. "Enter the exciting field of Mutant Commando where you can put your talents to the best use possible!"
BOOM!
A huge scene of a nuclear blast was on next. "Just think, this could be your future!"
Shipwreck was then seen in a dress Navy uniform wearing an Admiral's hat. "If you're tired of the way you're life is going, join the Misfits and we'll end it pretty quick!"
"Travel the world and make new friends!" A shot of Cobras fleeing from an exploding pyramid was shown.
"Learn new skills! How to drive a tank!" A shot of Todd in a tank accidentally setting off a few missiles, blowing things up.
"How to fly a plane!" A plane crashed into the ocean. "Diving!"
"How to hone your powers and skills through intensive training and meditation!"
A few scenes of the Misfits having food fights with the X-Men were next.
"All of this could be yours!" Shipwreck appeared again.
"Nobody wants to end up like this!" A shot of Pietro sleeping in class was shown. Todd was casually drawing on his face with a marker.
"Or this…" A scene from Rogue's birthday party where Jean was drunk and out of control.
"Or like this," A shot of Senator Kelly speaking was shown.
"So call now!" Shipwreck said to the audience. "555-MSFT and ask for your exciting new career today! Remember it's not just an adventure! It's a really cool job where you get paid to blow stuff up!" Shipwreck made a thumbs up signal. An explosion appeared on screen with the number.
At the end of the commercial everyone in the room looked at Shipwreck. "Shipwreck…" Low Light said slowly. "What the hell was that?"
"Our commercial!" Shipwreck said proudly. "Great huh? I did it myself!"
"A commercial?" Cover Girl asked. "You made a commercial?"
"Yeah you know how the Army and the Marines have commercials to recruit people? Well I had this great idea…"
"Yeah, Shipwreck I think we can see where you're going with this one," Low Light told him. "Unfortunately…We can also see where you went with it."
"To be fair the idea was sound, even though the mind who created the commercial wasn't," Spirit glared at Shipwreck.
"Okay let me go on record saying that I have never, ever been so embarrassed in my entire life!" Pietro said. "And that's saying something!"
"Even more embarrassed than the time you got caught streaking in the X-Mansion?" Todd scratched his head.
"Even more than that!" Pietro snapped.
"Even more than the time we taped you crying while watching the movie Beaches and showed it to your history class?" Fred asked.
"Yes Blob, even more than that," Pietro sighed.
"Or the time you had all those dates at the Sadie Hawkins dance and when the monsters showed up they ran over you and ditched you for a guy with an acne problem?" Todd remarked.
"Yes," Pietro was starting to get annoyed.
"Oh, how about the time when we were five and I made you wear that green dress to kindergarten?" Wanda offered.
"Well you know green is not my color!" Pietro snapped. "Besides it was Halloween! You made me dress up like Tinkerbell!"
"Yeah because you wanted my Snow White costume and I wouldn't let you have it!" Wanda said.
"Okay, okay I think we all get the point here!" Pietro held up his hands.
"Wait, I got one!" Lance held up his hand. "Remember the time he tried to hypnotize you Toad?"
"Oh yeah!" Angelica said. "We saw that video!"
"Oh man, that was classic yo!" Todd laughed.
"Can we please get back to yelling at Shipwreck for what he did instead of picking on me?" Pietro shouted.
"He's right," Roadblock said. "If we talk about things Pietro did we'd be up all night."
"HEY!" Pietro fumed.
"Shipwreck we can't believe you made a stupid commercial without our consent and showed it to the whole world during the World Series!" Low Light shouted.
"Well don't…" Shipwreck laughed nervously. "Because I didn't make a commercial…"
"Oh god no…" Wanda went pale as she looked at the television. "You didn't!"
"He did," Lance sighed. "He made two commercials!"
"Greetings friends!" Shipwreck was in uniform again. "Are you genetically gifted? A member of the club of Homo Superior? Do you have an X-Gene? Let's cut to the chase? Are you a mutant? Were you turned down by a walking pimple from the chess club for a date because he didn't want to be scene with a 'freak'?" Shipwreck made quotation marks with his hands. "Do people tend to avoid you because you have a slight habit of shooting lasers out of your eyes? Do you find flying home from school more relaxing than taking the bus? Are you always worried if the colors of your outfits clash with your fur…or scales?"
"If you answered yes to any of those questions than have we got a place for you!" A shot of Misfit Manor was shown. Then Trinity chasing around Jamie in his underwear could be seen.
"Do you like to blow stuff up?" Shipwreck continued. "If the answer is yes then why not join the Misfits? You get to destroy things and get paid doing it! It's the greatest racket you'll ever find!"
"Call the number below today to learn more about our benefit package! In case you have trouble remembering it 555-MSFT also spells, 555-OPET, or 555-NRDV! And nobody knows…Uh, Nr-dv better than me!"
"Shipwreck…" Cover Girl's left eye was twitching. "How exactly did you pay for these ads?"
"Well I know a guy who owes me money who knows a guy who owes him money who happens to know a guy who owes him a favor so it really didn't cost much," Shipwreck said. "So I used my secret stash to pay for it. No problem."
"Dad," Althea glared at him. "We all know your secret stash consists of exactly twenty two dollars and fifty seven cents. Do you seriously expect us to believe that you of all the people in the world managed to get two separate million dollar timeslots, at the World Series for twenty two dollars and fifty seven cents?"
"Well I had to haggle," Shipwreck laughed nervously. "Like I said this network guy and I sort of worked things out. We made a trade."
"What sort of trade?" Low Light asked.
"Nothing major," Shipwreck said. "I wanted some airtime, his boss wanted a tank or two. We've got tons of them on base and it's not like I was stupid to give him missiles or anything like that. I didn't even give him any good ones. Just a couple that were already headed for the scrap heap so…"
"So you just up and traded two of our tanks for two commercials?" Roadblock shouted. "What kind of crazy deal…?"
"SHIPWRECK!" The Blind Master stormed in with a tape recorder. "Care to explain what I heard on the radio just now? I taped this for evidence."
"Hi there! Admiral Shipwreck here! Are you a mutant who wants some fun and excitement in your life? Well why not join the Misfits! We're like the X-Men! Only better!"
"Oh Xavier is gonna love this," Lance rolled his eyes.
"Once again, relationships between us and the X-Men take a few steps backwards," Lina sighed.
"A few steps? More like two miles!" Angelica said.
"Come on, we all know what wieners the X-Men are!" Shipwreck shouted. "So come on and call! Kids, you don't even need your parent's permission!"
"Three commercials?" Roadblock roared.
"I know this guy on the radio," Shipwreck gulped. "And all he wanted was a ride in a tank which really worked out to our advantage!"
"Hence the fifteen car pileup on Highway 56," Lance groaned.
"WHAT?" Roadblock shouted. The phone rang and he got up to answer this. "Hello? No, no General I swear I didn't know anything about this! No! The kids didn't know either. He did it himself! Yeah, yeah I know. I know. Oh boy do I know. He even did a radio commercial. No you don't want to know what it said. Yeah he's here, but I can't guarantee for how long. You might have to take a number. Okay. No I don't think that will be enough. Yeah. That will do it. Don't worry, we'll keep him here. Uh huh. See you. Bring something very painful."
"Uh, what was that about?" Shipwreck asked as Roadblock hung up the phone.
"Oh that was General Hawk," Roadblock glared at him. "He's coming over to have a little chat."
"Uh oh…" Daria blinked.
"You're dead, Dad," Brittany said.
"Dibs on his room!" Quinn said.
"You are not taking his room," Low Light told them.
"Thank you, Low Light," Shipwreck said.
"I've called that months ago!" Low Light growled.
The phone rang again. "Something tells me this is for you," Roadblock held it out to Shipwreck.
"Hello?" Shipwreck picked up the phone. "Oh Charles. Hi there. What's new? Really? Oh you can't tell me that…Now wait a minute! I…I…Oh bad connection!" He hung up. "Man I didn't even think Xavier knew those kind of words!"
"Hey Daddy!" Brittany looked out the window. "Here comes General Hawk in his jeep. Is that a rocket missile on his shoulder?"
"Uh maybe I should just…" Shipwreck was about to leave when he saw that everyone else had blocked his path. Some of the Joes had taken out baseball bats.
"Think of this as an informal survey, rating your commercial," Low Light growled. "Spyder! Zap him!"
"With pleasure!" Spyder snapped. "I can't believe you didn't show me on those commercials!"
"Trust me you lucked out!" Wanda snapped as they chased Shipwreck around the room.
"No wonder we have trouble getting new recruits!" Lance shouted.
"We're lucky to get anybody considering what we have!" Pietro shouted as he grabbed Shipwreck.
"And that's you saying it," Shipwreck quipped. "YEOW! HEY WATCH IT WITH THE ELECTRICITY THERE! YEOW!"