Good evening, All!
I know it has been a LONG time in coming for this chapter, alas, real life has come crashing about to destroy my Muse's play time. I hope that it won't happen again anytime soon. However, it's always hard to say!
This is an ANGSTY chapter, one I know many of you won't like. Please understand that what I did was for the sake of the story, and I hope to make it right to you by telling it well.
Please let me know what you think. Feedback is encouraging, and it's something I can surely use at this time.
Thanks for all of your kindness.
In Kindness, Nimue "Though beauty is rare enough
Still we trust
Somehow we'll find it there
With no guarantee
It seems to me
At least it should be fair" - Allison Krauss - That Kind of Love
www.livejournal (dot) com/users/nimuetucker/ Always_Everyday (at) yahoogroups.com HowtoMakeaVampireSundae (at) yahoogroups.com
Title: Ashes to Stone (Chapter Twenty-eight - Meant to Be)
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Spike/Buffy (Most major characters included)
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: All characters belong to someone other than me; they belong to Mutant Enemy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Series, Fox, UPN, WB, their affiliates, lawyers and all sorts of other folks that aren't me. :::sigh::::
Summary: Spike goes on his reconnaissance mission to find out what Drusilla knows. What he finds out, however, is nearly enough to kill him. And the price that he pays for information is more than he can handle.
WARNING: MAJOR ANGST. I can't tell you what, but read at your own risk. I felt it necessary and organic to the story, so please try and understand and try not to hate me.
Ashes to Stone
Spike stared down at the fragile creature held to his chest. Her eyes were lost and dead and tired and afraid, but her decision was made. Drusilla was always such an enigma. So frail and delicate, but, at the same time, so strong and so vicious.
And she always knew, in her twisted little way, what she wanted.
And now she wanted it to end.
"Dru," Spike began, feeling the tears well up behind his eyes. "Please, love. Please don't make me..."
"You are the only one to ask, my Spike. The only one left," Drusilla began again, her dark eyes flittering from his face to the sky, as if watching a dialog that no-one but she could perceive.
The pause seemed like hours. Drusilla was silent, cradled against him like a child. She was more vulnerable than he'd ever seen her, but more sure than he'd ever want to admit.
She wanted to go home.
How could he deny her? How could he pretend not to understand? To be stuck in a place where your nature is evil, but your heart suddenly remembers good and right and love and loss. When he had gone through this, he had Buffy to hope for – to *try* for. But Drusilla was alone.
Likely, she always would be. Angel had gone his own way. Darla was dead. And her beloved childe had become too real.
"Dru...." It was more of a plea. Anything. Anything to make her change her mind, because if she *didn't*, he knew he could not deny her her last request.
She smiled softly, a gesture reminiscent of so many strange moments in their past when both of them seemed just a little too... human. "The stars call me home now, Spike. Orion sings. The wheel must stop."
A deep breath in and Spike closed his eyes, nodding. "Love, if that is what you want me to do, I will."
Her skeletal hand wrapped in his and he opened his eyes, the tears now falling. Her smile became brighter, almost radiant, as she studied his face. "You are the knight most valiant, my Spike. You are the brave one."
"Not feeling very brave, my love," Spike answered, holding her closer against him.
"You are," Drusilla answered simply. "And now I can give you my gift."
Drusilla looked at the sky for a long moment, tracing patterns between the points of light with her fingers as if connecting the dots, or tabulating some formula just from the way that the cosmos danced above. "The Dark One is a bad boy," Dru began again. "Not naughty, like my dear boy, or even evil like daddy used to be. His heart is darkness."
"Gwydion?" Spike clarified, earning a nod from the dark princess.
"There is no light there. Doesn't even love his maker. He made me scared, Spike. Even more than daddy. But his face..." She reached up and touched Spike's cheek with her palm, drinking in the sight of her love. "He had your face."
Spike nodded, feeling a tear drip down his face. He understood that. Drusilla had aligned herself with Gwydion not because of the hell he'd planned on unleashing, but rather because he'd taken Spike's father's guise. And Spike, William Windsor, was every inch the spitting image of his father.
Dru was simply lonely.
"He did, Love," Spike confirmed, almost seeing the memories flash through her mind. Maybe it was from being joined with Buffy for so long and seeing flashes of their past.
Or maybe because, at one time, the same blood flowed between himself and his sire.
"The Queen of the Sky has chosen the soul of the one inside of the little Slayer," Drusilla began again; her eyes focused on the line of stars that made up Orion's belt. She was almost in a trance now, her voice smooth and hypnotizing and very far away. "But the soul of the chosen has been corrupted."
"Corrupted?" Spike asked. "Evil?"
Dru shook her head, a tear escaping from her cheeks. "Not evil. Not like us. A golden soul, with tips of roses. But the bug crawled in and left a mark."
In some odd way, Spike understood. He wasn't sure if it was because he knew his dark queen so well, even after all this time. Or because maybe the stars were filling in the blanks. Insanity began to overtake his mind and it set him free.
"Like a bruise, Love?" Spike asked, rocking her against him as he did with Emma when the girl had woken from a bad dream.
"A scar," Drusilla corrected, still lost in the shining line of stars. "It will not matter to the rest of the world, as she will heal. She is only a danger coming back to you."
Spike nodded again, thinking. Trying to formulate, in his grief-addled mind, a way to fight this. A way to move forward. A way not to lose another part of himself.
A smile flitted over Dru's pained face as she stared upwards and it made Spike quirk a brow. "What is it, Love?"
"Hot chocolate," Drusilla said softly. "With the white petals in the dark brown. Sweet like a girl's blood."
Confusion rattled Spike's thoughts. Hot chocolate?
The dark woman became quiet again, the smile disappearing from her face. "The Dark One can control her. He can make her dance. And she will be made to destroy all that she loves."
"Because of the scar, Love?" Spike asked. "Because he's marked her?"
Drusilla nodded. "He made her a puppet. Took her thought and filled her with his own. And she doesn't know the games he plays, "Another eternal pause before Dru spoke again. "She just wants to come home."
Tears began to slide down the wizened face below him and they made his spill from the corners of his eyes. "Can we stop it, Love? Can we take away the scar?"
A shake of the head, and Drusilla's tears fell faster. "Can't take it away. She cannot go home. Like me. She cannot come back to her heart and her little baby."
Spike filed away Dru's words in his memory, hoping that if he could remember any of it after this night was over, he might be able to find a way. But he had to keep her talking. Find out all she knew.
This could be the last chance he had to hear her voice.
"Dru," Spike breathed. "Can we make it right, Pet? Can the stars?"
Drusilla thought for a moment. "Killing the little baby before it is born will make it stop." She paused, watching Spike's face contort in pain and fear. "But you love your little babies and the Knight cannot kill what he is meant to protect."
"No, Love," Spike answered, brushing her hair from her gaunt face. "I can't."
"But you will have to tonight," Drusilla resigned. "Kill the love."
His heart broke in his chest. Thinking of all he was about to lose. No, he wasn't in love with her, but this pathetic, frail, creature in his arms was his everything, his world, for so long. One never forgets...
"I know," he answered swallowing.
Dru nodded her relief. "Only the soul itself, now, can decide not to come home. It is not up to the Fairy Queen or to you or your little golden girls. Only the heart that has wished to come back can choose to remain."
"How?" Spike asked, fear gripping him. "How do we know? How do we ask, my love?"
"Your eldest can take you to the place where the souls sleep. From there, you must only ask. But it is her choice. Her choice to remain or return. To come home to her baby and hot chocolate."
"*To* her baby? Or *as* a baby?" Spike questioned, ignoring the second half, which would, he knew, somehow be important.
"To," Drusilla answered simply. "And you cannot tell her why or the scar she bears will never fade. Knowing it, my prince, will make it real. Her heart will break either way."
Spike nodded, knowing that pain all too well. "And if we convince her?"
"Then the Queen can choose a new soul and that child will be your light, not your darkness."
Dru said nothing more for a long time, her eyes riveted on the sky. When she spoke again, it was a warning she imparted. "There is a new evil near you now. An old one. Like our Master." Spike's thoughts flitted to the fight that seemed an eternity before, but was really just last night. "He wishes to take away your power. Replace you and take your life. He wants to make Peace his own, my Spike. And he wants to use the Key."
Shock flashed on Spike's face. "Emma? Dawn?"
Drusilla nodded. "He does not play our games, my Spike. He will ferret himself into your world under your very nose and try to take away your loves. You cannot let him. You must be brave, my Knight. You must be a Vampire."
More mental filing and Spike nodded. "Can I win, Love?"
A bright smile. Her last, he'd remember later. "My brave Knight always wins."
Like the sun disappearing over the horizon, her smile faded and she became still. There was no more she could give. Spike had no doubt of that. The stars, her mind, her thoughts, were gone. Empty. Purged like the bag of bones curled against his chest.
She opened dark, lost eyes and caught his gaze. "A kiss, my love? To say goodbye?"
The tears began anew and Spike nodded. "Let us help you, Pet. Please."
A small shake of her head and he felt her shift beneath him. A skeletal hand reached below the hem of her dress and a shock of sorrow crashed into him as he realized she was handing him a stake.
One that she'd made herself, judging by small, even claw marks running from base to tip. She'd wanted to go, but could not do it. Some vestige of her old faith clung tight to her. It always had.
God could forgive her her sins were she to return to him. But she could not be forgiven for taking her own life.
He felt the sob hitch in his chest as he took it, his hand brushing hers as she let go. "Please, Pet. Please don't."
The hand that had held the stake reached up to his cheek, cold flesh pressing to warm. "Be brave, my Spike. Be brave, my Love. You will always win."
She shifted again, pushing herself up and curling an arm around his neck, her face mere inches from his. With her free hand, she took the fist in which he held her death and pulled it to her chest, the point pressing to the material over her heart. "My beautiful William."
"Dru," he choked out, sobs wracking him now. "Dru..."
"Let it be done, my beautiful boy. Let me go home."
Drusilla leaned forward, pressing her lips to his almost chastely. She tasted of spice and honey and darkness and loss. Her hand held his face to hers as she kissed the tears from his cheeks, then pressed her lips once more to his.
"Set me free, my Knight."
He nodded against her, tasting her lips, feeling her cold, frail body shudder. Her mouth so sweet and soft.
"Set me free, my love."
With a sob, his wrist twitched.
And she was gone.
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~
Buffy awoke in a panic. Pain and fear and sadness and terror, and every other dark emotion she could think of, rattled her. She screamed. It was all she could do.
Footsteps pounded down the hall. Fast. Furious.
The door swung open.
Buffy was still screaming.
"My God, Buffy. What's wrong? What's happened?" The soothing, English voice barely made it to her ears. It was the wrong soothing, English voice. The wrong one right now.
"Buffy? Is it your arm? Shall I call Takina?" A long pause and then fear took over the man's face. "The baby?"
Sobs wracked the small girl on the bed. "Spike. God, Spike."
Buffy pushed herself upright and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "I have to go to him. Giles, I have to go..."
"Buffy, it's not safe. What's happened? Is he..." Confusion and contagious panic began to fill him. He and Spike had had their differences, but he was a part of Buffy now. A part of them all. And his children....
She shook her head, pushing herself upright, almost fainting from the pain in her arm and the fear and loss in her heart. "Not dead. Not dead. Something inside died. Something inside..."
"Buffy?" Giles asked, cautiously moving towards her. She looked as though she'd hit the floor any moment. "Does he need help?"
"Me," she muttered. "Needs me." Stumbling with every step, she forced herself to the dresser. "Now. Needs me."
Giles nodded, knowing it was unsafe and knowing Spike would likely at least threaten to rip his head off for even thinking of allowing this, but the panic Buffy was in dictated that there was no stopping her. "It will take hours to get there, Buffy."
She stopped, thinking for a moment, and then reached for the phone. "Get the car," she ordered, almost catatonic. "Is Willow here?"
Giles nodded. "I'll wake her and ask her to mind the children. But I won't allow you to go alone."
Buffy nodded, giving up on fighting, her fingers pressing buttons furiously. "Get the car," she said to Giles in that same, empty voice. He could hear a voice answer on the other end of the phone line and Buffy spoke.
"Angel? I don't want to argue or talk about this. Go to Spike. Now. Do you understand?"
Apparently, she got the answer she wanted, because she disconnected the call and tossed the phone on the bed.
"Get the car!"
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~
He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, propped against that stone wall staring at the stars. The tears had strangely stopped when the stake tumbled from his hand and clattered to the stone beneath him.
Ashes stuck to his face where the tears used to be.
Orion twinkled above him. How did stars twinkle? Did God have a little remote with a dimmer and just toyed round with it a bit?
Breezes passed down the corridors, sounding like banshees. Or sirens singing. Or Hell.
The emptiness she must have felt sitting in this spot all that time... alone.
No, he couldn't think about that. Then the tears would come and wash away her ashes.
A dead rose stuttered in the breeze and fell into the wildflowers below. One more dead rose. One more dead. One more gone. One more lost. Loss. Loss. Loss.
A heartbeat in the background. Loud. Strong. Clop. Clop. Clop. Clop.
No heartbeat. Shouldn't have one. Do. Shouldn't. Dead. Soulless. Dead. Gone. No breath. No breath. No breath.
The heartbeat got louder, but he couldn't see. Clop. Clop. Only Orion, and he was singing. Singing loud and clear and beautiful. Maybe he'd given her a home. Maybe he told God to forgive her. Could be. Could be. He wasn't the one who really deserved to be forgiven.
Never happens that way.
Clop. Clop. Clop.
The stars were gone.
The shadow blocked them out. Then it dropped to a crouch in front of him. A ghost? Ghosts didn't block the stars.
"Spike?"
Blue eyes shining with tears flickered to the form in front of him.
Angel.
He should have been the one. He made her. He should have let her go.
Didn't matter now.
She was gone.
"Spike?"
"Gone now," Spike answered, his voice distant and lost. "She's gone. I broke her. I broke me."
Angel shook his head, close to tears himself. "I broke her, Spike. You fixed her."
Spike blinked, shaking his head. "Gone now."
The older Vampire nodded softly. "I felt her go."
A nod from the blond. He looked like a child, propped against the wall so lost. "I killed her."
"You saved her," Angel answered, moving to Spike's side and sitting down next to his grandchilde.
"Gone," Spike repeated, looking at his hands. Ash and tears clung to his skin. "All that's left."
He raised his hands to Angel and looked at him, tears welling, waiting to fall. Asking permission from the one who raised them both.
Angel stared at Spike's hands and his heart broke in his chest. Spike had done the one thing that Angel couldn't bring himself to do, even though he *knew* it was the only choice. Let the dark princess go. Let his childe go.
Let her be forgiven.
Larger hands moved down to Spike's and brought the palms to his face, kissing them both. Ash touched his lips and the tears started to fall.
"Gone now," Spike repeated, the tears catching his throat. "Sent her to Hell. Let her down."
Angel shook his head. "No, William. The demon might go to Hell, but that sweet girl, the one I took away from Heaven, gets to go home now. You let her go."
"Why?" Spike asked, finally breaking. Tears streamed down his face. "Why'd we get to..."
"Love?" Angel asked. "Be loved. Be forgiven? I don't know if I have, Spike, but you deserved it. Just like her."
Spike was quiet a moment. "Thousands. Thousands of thousands, Angel. We killed them all."
Angel nodded. "We did. We can't take it back, Spike. You and I... we've learned to live with it. Most of the time, at least. But she...."
"Too innocent in life," Spike finished. "Couldn't... she couldn't face..."
"She shouldn't have had to," Angel answered, looking at Spike's palms. "And there's nothing I can do now to take that back either."
A hint of anger crept into Spike; one that he was sure would become more. But he was too empty to make it stick. "Should've been you, Angel. You should have been the one."
Another nod. "You're right. But I wasn't strong enough." He was quiet for a moment, following Spike's eyes to the glittering line of stars. "And it wasn't me she loved. It wasn't me she wanted to see as she left. It wasn't me she needed to make peace with."
A sob wracked Spike. "She knew, dammit. She *knew*. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Monsters and men. She had to *live* with that. Alone. God, Angel..."
Spike hunched over, sobs shaking the younger Vampire. Angel felt his own tears threaten to spill over the ashes and stone. The emptiness. Slowly, not sure if it was the right thing or not, he wrapped his arm around his grandchilde. Spike curled into him like a child.
And they cried for their lost princess.
To be contd.
I know it has been a LONG time in coming for this chapter, alas, real life has come crashing about to destroy my Muse's play time. I hope that it won't happen again anytime soon. However, it's always hard to say!
This is an ANGSTY chapter, one I know many of you won't like. Please understand that what I did was for the sake of the story, and I hope to make it right to you by telling it well.
Please let me know what you think. Feedback is encouraging, and it's something I can surely use at this time.
Thanks for all of your kindness.
In Kindness, Nimue "Though beauty is rare enough
Still we trust
Somehow we'll find it there
With no guarantee
It seems to me
At least it should be fair" - Allison Krauss - That Kind of Love
www.livejournal (dot) com/users/nimuetucker/ Always_Everyday (at) yahoogroups.com HowtoMakeaVampireSundae (at) yahoogroups.com
Title: Ashes to Stone (Chapter Twenty-eight - Meant to Be)
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Spike/Buffy (Most major characters included)
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: All characters belong to someone other than me; they belong to Mutant Enemy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Series, Fox, UPN, WB, their affiliates, lawyers and all sorts of other folks that aren't me. :::sigh::::
Summary: Spike goes on his reconnaissance mission to find out what Drusilla knows. What he finds out, however, is nearly enough to kill him. And the price that he pays for information is more than he can handle.
WARNING: MAJOR ANGST. I can't tell you what, but read at your own risk. I felt it necessary and organic to the story, so please try and understand and try not to hate me.
Ashes to Stone
Spike stared down at the fragile creature held to his chest. Her eyes were lost and dead and tired and afraid, but her decision was made. Drusilla was always such an enigma. So frail and delicate, but, at the same time, so strong and so vicious.
And she always knew, in her twisted little way, what she wanted.
And now she wanted it to end.
"Dru," Spike began, feeling the tears well up behind his eyes. "Please, love. Please don't make me..."
"You are the only one to ask, my Spike. The only one left," Drusilla began again, her dark eyes flittering from his face to the sky, as if watching a dialog that no-one but she could perceive.
The pause seemed like hours. Drusilla was silent, cradled against him like a child. She was more vulnerable than he'd ever seen her, but more sure than he'd ever want to admit.
She wanted to go home.
How could he deny her? How could he pretend not to understand? To be stuck in a place where your nature is evil, but your heart suddenly remembers good and right and love and loss. When he had gone through this, he had Buffy to hope for – to *try* for. But Drusilla was alone.
Likely, she always would be. Angel had gone his own way. Darla was dead. And her beloved childe had become too real.
"Dru...." It was more of a plea. Anything. Anything to make her change her mind, because if she *didn't*, he knew he could not deny her her last request.
She smiled softly, a gesture reminiscent of so many strange moments in their past when both of them seemed just a little too... human. "The stars call me home now, Spike. Orion sings. The wheel must stop."
A deep breath in and Spike closed his eyes, nodding. "Love, if that is what you want me to do, I will."
Her skeletal hand wrapped in his and he opened his eyes, the tears now falling. Her smile became brighter, almost radiant, as she studied his face. "You are the knight most valiant, my Spike. You are the brave one."
"Not feeling very brave, my love," Spike answered, holding her closer against him.
"You are," Drusilla answered simply. "And now I can give you my gift."
Drusilla looked at the sky for a long moment, tracing patterns between the points of light with her fingers as if connecting the dots, or tabulating some formula just from the way that the cosmos danced above. "The Dark One is a bad boy," Dru began again. "Not naughty, like my dear boy, or even evil like daddy used to be. His heart is darkness."
"Gwydion?" Spike clarified, earning a nod from the dark princess.
"There is no light there. Doesn't even love his maker. He made me scared, Spike. Even more than daddy. But his face..." She reached up and touched Spike's cheek with her palm, drinking in the sight of her love. "He had your face."
Spike nodded, feeling a tear drip down his face. He understood that. Drusilla had aligned herself with Gwydion not because of the hell he'd planned on unleashing, but rather because he'd taken Spike's father's guise. And Spike, William Windsor, was every inch the spitting image of his father.
Dru was simply lonely.
"He did, Love," Spike confirmed, almost seeing the memories flash through her mind. Maybe it was from being joined with Buffy for so long and seeing flashes of their past.
Or maybe because, at one time, the same blood flowed between himself and his sire.
"The Queen of the Sky has chosen the soul of the one inside of the little Slayer," Drusilla began again; her eyes focused on the line of stars that made up Orion's belt. She was almost in a trance now, her voice smooth and hypnotizing and very far away. "But the soul of the chosen has been corrupted."
"Corrupted?" Spike asked. "Evil?"
Dru shook her head, a tear escaping from her cheeks. "Not evil. Not like us. A golden soul, with tips of roses. But the bug crawled in and left a mark."
In some odd way, Spike understood. He wasn't sure if it was because he knew his dark queen so well, even after all this time. Or because maybe the stars were filling in the blanks. Insanity began to overtake his mind and it set him free.
"Like a bruise, Love?" Spike asked, rocking her against him as he did with Emma when the girl had woken from a bad dream.
"A scar," Drusilla corrected, still lost in the shining line of stars. "It will not matter to the rest of the world, as she will heal. She is only a danger coming back to you."
Spike nodded again, thinking. Trying to formulate, in his grief-addled mind, a way to fight this. A way to move forward. A way not to lose another part of himself.
A smile flitted over Dru's pained face as she stared upwards and it made Spike quirk a brow. "What is it, Love?"
"Hot chocolate," Drusilla said softly. "With the white petals in the dark brown. Sweet like a girl's blood."
Confusion rattled Spike's thoughts. Hot chocolate?
The dark woman became quiet again, the smile disappearing from her face. "The Dark One can control her. He can make her dance. And she will be made to destroy all that she loves."
"Because of the scar, Love?" Spike asked. "Because he's marked her?"
Drusilla nodded. "He made her a puppet. Took her thought and filled her with his own. And she doesn't know the games he plays, "Another eternal pause before Dru spoke again. "She just wants to come home."
Tears began to slide down the wizened face below him and they made his spill from the corners of his eyes. "Can we stop it, Love? Can we take away the scar?"
A shake of the head, and Drusilla's tears fell faster. "Can't take it away. She cannot go home. Like me. She cannot come back to her heart and her little baby."
Spike filed away Dru's words in his memory, hoping that if he could remember any of it after this night was over, he might be able to find a way. But he had to keep her talking. Find out all she knew.
This could be the last chance he had to hear her voice.
"Dru," Spike breathed. "Can we make it right, Pet? Can the stars?"
Drusilla thought for a moment. "Killing the little baby before it is born will make it stop." She paused, watching Spike's face contort in pain and fear. "But you love your little babies and the Knight cannot kill what he is meant to protect."
"No, Love," Spike answered, brushing her hair from her gaunt face. "I can't."
"But you will have to tonight," Drusilla resigned. "Kill the love."
His heart broke in his chest. Thinking of all he was about to lose. No, he wasn't in love with her, but this pathetic, frail, creature in his arms was his everything, his world, for so long. One never forgets...
"I know," he answered swallowing.
Dru nodded her relief. "Only the soul itself, now, can decide not to come home. It is not up to the Fairy Queen or to you or your little golden girls. Only the heart that has wished to come back can choose to remain."
"How?" Spike asked, fear gripping him. "How do we know? How do we ask, my love?"
"Your eldest can take you to the place where the souls sleep. From there, you must only ask. But it is her choice. Her choice to remain or return. To come home to her baby and hot chocolate."
"*To* her baby? Or *as* a baby?" Spike questioned, ignoring the second half, which would, he knew, somehow be important.
"To," Drusilla answered simply. "And you cannot tell her why or the scar she bears will never fade. Knowing it, my prince, will make it real. Her heart will break either way."
Spike nodded, knowing that pain all too well. "And if we convince her?"
"Then the Queen can choose a new soul and that child will be your light, not your darkness."
Dru said nothing more for a long time, her eyes riveted on the sky. When she spoke again, it was a warning she imparted. "There is a new evil near you now. An old one. Like our Master." Spike's thoughts flitted to the fight that seemed an eternity before, but was really just last night. "He wishes to take away your power. Replace you and take your life. He wants to make Peace his own, my Spike. And he wants to use the Key."
Shock flashed on Spike's face. "Emma? Dawn?"
Drusilla nodded. "He does not play our games, my Spike. He will ferret himself into your world under your very nose and try to take away your loves. You cannot let him. You must be brave, my Knight. You must be a Vampire."
More mental filing and Spike nodded. "Can I win, Love?"
A bright smile. Her last, he'd remember later. "My brave Knight always wins."
Like the sun disappearing over the horizon, her smile faded and she became still. There was no more she could give. Spike had no doubt of that. The stars, her mind, her thoughts, were gone. Empty. Purged like the bag of bones curled against his chest.
She opened dark, lost eyes and caught his gaze. "A kiss, my love? To say goodbye?"
The tears began anew and Spike nodded. "Let us help you, Pet. Please."
A small shake of her head and he felt her shift beneath him. A skeletal hand reached below the hem of her dress and a shock of sorrow crashed into him as he realized she was handing him a stake.
One that she'd made herself, judging by small, even claw marks running from base to tip. She'd wanted to go, but could not do it. Some vestige of her old faith clung tight to her. It always had.
God could forgive her her sins were she to return to him. But she could not be forgiven for taking her own life.
He felt the sob hitch in his chest as he took it, his hand brushing hers as she let go. "Please, Pet. Please don't."
The hand that had held the stake reached up to his cheek, cold flesh pressing to warm. "Be brave, my Spike. Be brave, my Love. You will always win."
She shifted again, pushing herself up and curling an arm around his neck, her face mere inches from his. With her free hand, she took the fist in which he held her death and pulled it to her chest, the point pressing to the material over her heart. "My beautiful William."
"Dru," he choked out, sobs wracking him now. "Dru..."
"Let it be done, my beautiful boy. Let me go home."
Drusilla leaned forward, pressing her lips to his almost chastely. She tasted of spice and honey and darkness and loss. Her hand held his face to hers as she kissed the tears from his cheeks, then pressed her lips once more to his.
"Set me free, my Knight."
He nodded against her, tasting her lips, feeling her cold, frail body shudder. Her mouth so sweet and soft.
"Set me free, my love."
With a sob, his wrist twitched.
And she was gone.
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~
Buffy awoke in a panic. Pain and fear and sadness and terror, and every other dark emotion she could think of, rattled her. She screamed. It was all she could do.
Footsteps pounded down the hall. Fast. Furious.
The door swung open.
Buffy was still screaming.
"My God, Buffy. What's wrong? What's happened?" The soothing, English voice barely made it to her ears. It was the wrong soothing, English voice. The wrong one right now.
"Buffy? Is it your arm? Shall I call Takina?" A long pause and then fear took over the man's face. "The baby?"
Sobs wracked the small girl on the bed. "Spike. God, Spike."
Buffy pushed herself upright and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "I have to go to him. Giles, I have to go..."
"Buffy, it's not safe. What's happened? Is he..." Confusion and contagious panic began to fill him. He and Spike had had their differences, but he was a part of Buffy now. A part of them all. And his children....
She shook her head, pushing herself upright, almost fainting from the pain in her arm and the fear and loss in her heart. "Not dead. Not dead. Something inside died. Something inside..."
"Buffy?" Giles asked, cautiously moving towards her. She looked as though she'd hit the floor any moment. "Does he need help?"
"Me," she muttered. "Needs me." Stumbling with every step, she forced herself to the dresser. "Now. Needs me."
Giles nodded, knowing it was unsafe and knowing Spike would likely at least threaten to rip his head off for even thinking of allowing this, but the panic Buffy was in dictated that there was no stopping her. "It will take hours to get there, Buffy."
She stopped, thinking for a moment, and then reached for the phone. "Get the car," she ordered, almost catatonic. "Is Willow here?"
Giles nodded. "I'll wake her and ask her to mind the children. But I won't allow you to go alone."
Buffy nodded, giving up on fighting, her fingers pressing buttons furiously. "Get the car," she said to Giles in that same, empty voice. He could hear a voice answer on the other end of the phone line and Buffy spoke.
"Angel? I don't want to argue or talk about this. Go to Spike. Now. Do you understand?"
Apparently, she got the answer she wanted, because she disconnected the call and tossed the phone on the bed.
"Get the car!"
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~
He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, propped against that stone wall staring at the stars. The tears had strangely stopped when the stake tumbled from his hand and clattered to the stone beneath him.
Ashes stuck to his face where the tears used to be.
Orion twinkled above him. How did stars twinkle? Did God have a little remote with a dimmer and just toyed round with it a bit?
Breezes passed down the corridors, sounding like banshees. Or sirens singing. Or Hell.
The emptiness she must have felt sitting in this spot all that time... alone.
No, he couldn't think about that. Then the tears would come and wash away her ashes.
A dead rose stuttered in the breeze and fell into the wildflowers below. One more dead rose. One more dead. One more gone. One more lost. Loss. Loss. Loss.
A heartbeat in the background. Loud. Strong. Clop. Clop. Clop. Clop.
No heartbeat. Shouldn't have one. Do. Shouldn't. Dead. Soulless. Dead. Gone. No breath. No breath. No breath.
The heartbeat got louder, but he couldn't see. Clop. Clop. Only Orion, and he was singing. Singing loud and clear and beautiful. Maybe he'd given her a home. Maybe he told God to forgive her. Could be. Could be. He wasn't the one who really deserved to be forgiven.
Never happens that way.
Clop. Clop. Clop.
The stars were gone.
The shadow blocked them out. Then it dropped to a crouch in front of him. A ghost? Ghosts didn't block the stars.
"Spike?"
Blue eyes shining with tears flickered to the form in front of him.
Angel.
He should have been the one. He made her. He should have let her go.
Didn't matter now.
She was gone.
"Spike?"
"Gone now," Spike answered, his voice distant and lost. "She's gone. I broke her. I broke me."
Angel shook his head, close to tears himself. "I broke her, Spike. You fixed her."
Spike blinked, shaking his head. "Gone now."
The older Vampire nodded softly. "I felt her go."
A nod from the blond. He looked like a child, propped against the wall so lost. "I killed her."
"You saved her," Angel answered, moving to Spike's side and sitting down next to his grandchilde.
"Gone," Spike repeated, looking at his hands. Ash and tears clung to his skin. "All that's left."
He raised his hands to Angel and looked at him, tears welling, waiting to fall. Asking permission from the one who raised them both.
Angel stared at Spike's hands and his heart broke in his chest. Spike had done the one thing that Angel couldn't bring himself to do, even though he *knew* it was the only choice. Let the dark princess go. Let his childe go.
Let her be forgiven.
Larger hands moved down to Spike's and brought the palms to his face, kissing them both. Ash touched his lips and the tears started to fall.
"Gone now," Spike repeated, the tears catching his throat. "Sent her to Hell. Let her down."
Angel shook his head. "No, William. The demon might go to Hell, but that sweet girl, the one I took away from Heaven, gets to go home now. You let her go."
"Why?" Spike asked, finally breaking. Tears streamed down his face. "Why'd we get to..."
"Love?" Angel asked. "Be loved. Be forgiven? I don't know if I have, Spike, but you deserved it. Just like her."
Spike was quiet a moment. "Thousands. Thousands of thousands, Angel. We killed them all."
Angel nodded. "We did. We can't take it back, Spike. You and I... we've learned to live with it. Most of the time, at least. But she...."
"Too innocent in life," Spike finished. "Couldn't... she couldn't face..."
"She shouldn't have had to," Angel answered, looking at Spike's palms. "And there's nothing I can do now to take that back either."
A hint of anger crept into Spike; one that he was sure would become more. But he was too empty to make it stick. "Should've been you, Angel. You should have been the one."
Another nod. "You're right. But I wasn't strong enough." He was quiet for a moment, following Spike's eyes to the glittering line of stars. "And it wasn't me she loved. It wasn't me she wanted to see as she left. It wasn't me she needed to make peace with."
A sob wracked Spike. "She knew, dammit. She *knew*. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Monsters and men. She had to *live* with that. Alone. God, Angel..."
Spike hunched over, sobs shaking the younger Vampire. Angel felt his own tears threaten to spill over the ashes and stone. The emptiness. Slowly, not sure if it was the right thing or not, he wrapped his arm around his grandchilde. Spike curled into him like a child.
And they cried for their lost princess.
To be contd.