Cold Comfort
By Très Méchante
Summary: Some nightmares are harder to shake than others. And being told it's only a bad dream is cold comfort when you can't wake up.
Spoilers: "Great Barrier" but not in great detail. Govern yourself accordingly.
Warning: Language - not a lot, but worth mentioning. Again, govern yourself accordingly.
Disclaimer: The universe of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, and its inhabitants are not mine. No theft intended, merely borrowing the characters for a little while. I promise to give them back. Eventually.
A/N: Although I got the Nicole dies ending, I was intrigued by the ambiguity of the other ending. And that in turn gave birth to this story, which is not the story I originally envisioned. But I generally don't argue with my muse, even when it appears s/he is playing mind games with me.
The ringing of a telephone dragged Bobby from sleep. Groggily he reached for the receiver. "Goren."
"Hello, Bobby."
He bolted upright, eyes wild. For a moment he couldn't say anything, couldn't even make a sound. "Nicole?"
"You sound surprised. You didn't really think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you?"
He reacted without thinking, grabbing the phone and tearing the cord from the wall, silencing her mocking laughter.
Head buried in his hands, Bobby tried to control the tremors wracking his body. He had almost succeeded when the shrill ring of the phone shattered the silence. He stared in horror at the phone lying on the floor, broken cord trailing behind it.
Compelled by forces he could not control, Bobby reached for the phone and was jolted into wakefulness when his hand encountered his alarm clock. Automatically turning the alarm off, he looked around in confusion, slowly taking in his surroundings. Bobby looked at the floor for the phone, but there was nothing there.
And then he remembered – he didn't have a phone in the bedroom.
It was a somewhat disoriented and disturbed Bobby Goren who stepped into the shower in preparation for his day.
--- --- ---
"You two up for a 'locked room' mystery?" Deakins asked.
Bobby and Alex looked at each other. "Locked room?" Alex asked.
"Art dealer. Secured room that doubles as a vault holding assorted valuables, including antique jewelry, was locked last night. Care to guess what they found when the door was opened this morning?"
"Empty, not even speck of dust?" Alex quipped.
"Close. Empty, except for a body. The owner, to be exact. And you'll love this. The vault room was locked from the inside."
Bobby took the slip of paper from Deakins. "Okay. We're on it. Just let me get rid of this," he said, going to empty his coffee cup.
Deakins looked at Alex. "Is he okay?"
Alex shrugged. "To be honest, I'm not sure."
"Well, keep an eye on him. Let me know if there's anything I should be made aware of."
Nodding her agreement, Alex joined Bobby at the elevator.
"What were you two talking about?"
"You, actually. You haven't been yourself lately. He's worried about you," she said. Following Bobby into the elevator she muttered under her breath, "So am I."
By the end of the day Alex's nerves were on edge. Bobby had done his job, his mind working quickly, sorting the evidence and possibilities, but he was obviously distracted. At least, obvious to Alex.
--- --- ---
The ringing of a telephone dragged Bobby from troubled sleep to instant wakefulness. Cautiously he reached for the receiver. "Hello?"
"Hello, Bobby. Did I wake you?"
"Nicole?"
"You've been trying to forget me. I'm hurt. I thought we had someth-"
Bobby yanked the cord from the wall and threw the phone across the room. Trembling with anxiety he willed himself to calm down. Just as his heart rate returned to something approaching normal, a phone rang behind him. Turning quickly he stared at his cell phone as though it were a poisonous snake.
Grabbing the phone he flipped it open but did not say anything.
"Bobby?" Not the same voice. "Bobby, are you there? Dammit Goren answer me!"
"Eames?"
"Are you okay? Why didn't you answer?"
"S-sorry. I was...sleeping."
Silence. "Uh, Bobby, it's 9:30. I was calling to find out why you hadn't come in yet."
Bobby looked at his clock. He must have slept through the alarm. "I'll be there a-as soon as I can."
"Just meet me back at Regent Curios. We caught a break. "
"Okay. I'll...uh...meet you there. Eames, I hate to-to ask but..."
"Already done. You had a doctor's appointment."
"Thanks."
"Don't thank me yet. We are going to discuss this."
--- --- ---
At the sound of a pen dropping Alex looked over at her partner. That was the fourth time in the last hour. She watched as Bobby got up to get himself another coffee. That was the third in the last hour.
"What frequency are you vibrating at?" asked Alex as her partner returned to his desk.
"Vibrating...?"
"That's your third large coffee in the past hour, Bobby," Alex chided.
"Oh. Didn't sleep well last night." Bobby shrugged and returned to his paperwork.
"You haven't slept well in the last couple of weeks. What gives?"
Bobby shrugged once more but did not answer.
Alex watched him for a long moment and then returned to her files.
"It's getting late, Bobby. I'm heading out. Want a ride?"
"No! I-I mean...I want to finish this. It's...okay." At Alex's skeptical look he added, "I appreciate the offer."
"Sure. See you Monday."
Alex paused as she left the squad room and looked back toward her partner. He was staring straight ahead, eyes unfocused. Sighing, she turned to go, wondering whether he'd open up if she told him it was her or the departmental shrink.
--- --- ---
The ringing of a telephone startled Bobby so badly he jumped, accidentally bumping the man beside him. The man glared at Bobby, moving away to answer his phone.
Bobby stopped walking and leaned against the building. He closed his eyes and attempted to focus on remaining calm. When he was sure he was in control he opened his eyes and resumed walking.
Almost two weeks without proper sleep or even rest. He could feel his control slipping through his fingers. Eames covered for him at work, but it was only a matter of time before someone sent him to see the shrink. God, he hated being analyzed.
Deciding to avoid the crowded street Bobby veered off toward the park, hoping the change of scene would help. He'd already been walking for a few hours. His intent had been to walk home, but the further he got from work the less he wanted to actually go home.
He was afraid.
Bobby didn't know what was happening to him and it was that uncertainty that gnawed at his gut. His partner had tried to get him to talk, but he couldn't bring himself to admit his weakness. Not to her. She'd been so proud of him for keeping it together when they confronted Nicole. He just couldn't admit to her that being strong was an act and now he was paying the price.
Rounding a bend in the path to leave the park, Bobby caught a glimpse of movement. He turned his head and saw blonde hair in the glare of a streetlight. The woman looked...familiar. She was facing away from him and began to walk in a different direction. Panic seized Bobby. Then anger. He forced himself to follow her, careful to not be seen.
The woman stopped at a bus stop to use the payphone. As she began to press the numbers Bobby came up beside her and grabbed her arm. "Oh no you don't."
The woman swung around in panic. The woman who was not Nicole.
"Oh God, I-I'm sorry. I thought you-you were someone...else." He let go her arm and backed away, walking quickly at first and then breaking into a run.
Running eventually gave way to walking and walking gave way to dropping exhaustedly onto the steps of a building. No matter how much distance he covered, he had not been able to outrun his thoughts.
"Bobby? What are you doing here?"
Startled, Bobby looked up into the face of his partner.
"Eames? What..." his voice trailed off as he took in his surroundings. He was sitting in front of her apartment building.
Alex looked at him in confusion. She didn't know what he was doing here, but it looked like he didn't know either. Deciding the time had come for a chat, she invited him in. "You're just in time," she said. "I had a craving for Chinese and bought way too much – never buy food when you're too hungry or have a craving."
She motioned for him to follow her, and after a brief hesitation he did.
Inside her suite she put Bobby to work taking out plates and cutlery. Alex kept glancing at him, unsure of his state of mind. The way he simply followed her instructions so docilely was disturbing.
They settled down with their food in the living room, eating in near silence and watching an old episode of Bewitched. Alex couldn't take it anymore.
"Bobby?" He didn't respond so she gently rested her hand on his arm to get his attention. "Hey. What gives?"
He turned to look at her but his eyes lacked their usual spark. He lifted one hand and placed it on hers, squeezing it slightly. "I haven't been sleeping well."
Alex squeezed his arm, silently letting him know she'd listen to whatever he had to say.
"I've been having...dreams. Always the same." He hesitated, looking away, not wanting to see her pity. "Nicole."
"That fucking bitch," Alex snarled. "She just won't stay dead."
Bobby's face was a study in shock. While Alex would normally take a moment to savor the look, she was far too annoyed to play that game. "How long has this been going on? You could have come to me. You didn't have to go through this alone."
"I didn't want you...to see how much she still got to-to me," he said. "I knew you'd worry."
"Damn straight I'd worry. Just like you'd worry if our positions were reversed - damn you, Goren." As much as Alex needed to get up and move around, she wasn't about to let go of him. Keeping her voice even was a struggle but she was determined to not add to his distress. "Well, at least now I understand what's been going on."
Bobby averted his eyes, but much of the tension seemed to leave his body.
"She's gone, Bobby."
"There was no body. She could be alive."
"The odds are not in her favor. Like I said, she'll probably turn up in someone's tuna net."
Bobby looked doubtful. "That's not very comforting – 'probably' and 'odds are'..."
"You have to let her go. It's the only way you'll get through this."
"A-and if she...suddenly turns up--"
"I'll shoot her myself, and I promise there will be no room for doubt."
Bobby grinned ever so slightly at the certainty in her voice. "I'll hold you to that." He suddenly yawned and more tension left his body.
"Tell you what. I'm going to go do dishes and tidy the kitchen. You take a nap." She cut him off before he could protest. "Just for a few minutes, okay? Then we'll talk." Taking his drooping eyelids as agreement, Alex gathered up their plates and left the room.
Bobby watched her go then stretched out, resting his head on the back of the couch. He felt peaceful for the first time in a long time. She hadn't laughed at him. She'd been upset on his behalf. He smiled at that thought – his very own guardian angel.
He felt himself sinking deeper and deeper into sleep, but was startled when a voice whispered in his ear.
"Big Bobby Goren hiding behind his little partner. It's rather sad really."
Eyes wide in shock, he looked into the face of his nightmare. "Nicole..." he managed to croak out.
Nicole moved to sit on the coffee table in front of him. "It seems you've found a guardian angel – how touching," she mocked. "I had no idea you needed a protector. Or is it something else you're after?"
Bobby felt dread creep through him. Nicole in his nightmares was one thing, but Nicole in his partner's home was beyond a nightmare. He felt rage and fear pool in his gut.
"Oh come now, Bobby. I've seen the two of you together. You're always such the gentleman, so careful and respectful. You protect each other. It's so very touching." Nicole laughed. "Hmmm...Maybe it's her heart you want. I wonder..."
Nicole reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a knife. Bobby recognized it as his switchblade. "Oh. I do hope you don't mind my borrowing this," she said. "I'm not happy that you've been trying to forget me, Bobby. But I do understand you've been under some stress of late. So, to show there's no hard feelings I will give you what you want – your partner's heart. Maybe it will still have a beat or two left when I place it in you hands."
Alex came back into the living room, drawn by the distressed sounds coming from Bobby. His eyes were closed, his head thrashed back and forth slightly and his body appeared to have every muscle tensed.
Not wanting to startle him, but needing to bring him out of his dream, Alex sat beside him on the couch. She gently called his name as she reached out to touch him.
"Bobby? C'mon Bobby, wake up. It's a dream. You're having a bad dream." Over and over she called to him gently, drawing him back from his nightmare a breath at a time.
Trembling hands reached for her. "Alex?"
"I'm here. Shhh...it's okay." She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close, his head nestled into her shoulder. Eventually his trembling subsided and he relaxed his hold on her. Alex gently ran her hands up and down his back in a soothing gesture, murmuring reassurance every so often. Wrapped in his warmth, she felt herself becoming drowsy as well.
When Bobby had slipped back into sleep, Alex carefully untangled herself from him and stood up. He lay sprawled on the couch. She tucked a cushion under his head and covered him with a blanket before returning to the kitchen, shaken by the depths of his distress.
In the kitchen the phone rang and she grabbed the receiver before the noise could disturb Bobby.
"Hello?"
"He's mine, you little bitch. Mine to play with or destroy as I see fit and there is nothing you can do about it."
"Nicole?"
—FIN—