By the time Harry regained consciousness, he was greeted by not one, but two familiar faces. One was the woman who had become mentor and friend over the school year. The other was the man he'd come to know as friend and surrogate-uncle as well as teacher.
"Remus? Wha-what are you doing here?" He mumbled, his head still somewhat fuzzy and unclear. He shakingly reached for his glasses on the bedside table, finally finding them after Desi pushed them closer to his hand.
Lupin smiled widely, his arms holding a sack. "Well, you know how it is, Harry. The Order isn't really busy at this moment, the full moon will be here in a week, and my little sister here told me some story about you being laid up in the hospital wing. Well, naturally, I couldn't let you spend all your time here alone." He opened the sack and began handing items to the young wizard. "So, here's the chocolate, here's some contraband butterbeer, and here I am."
Desi chuckled slightly. "Just don't let Madam Pomfrey catch you with those in here, or you'll have hell to pay. And Remus, please do remember that there's a cauldron with your name on it in my classroom." She winked at her big brother. "Literally; there's a tag that says 'Property of Remus J. Lupin' right on the handle." She reached over the chocolate and looked Harry deeply in the eyes. "Seriously, Harry, are you alright?"
He nodded. "I already told Professor Dumbledore everything. Voldemort wasn't just angry; he was in pain. I think that's why I was blacking out. He felt like he was going in and out, same as me."
"Yeah, that would have been my fault, Harry. Indirectly, of course." Desi toyed with her fingernails as she said it. "I'm sorry. My toying with transfiguration seems to have triggered a response in your darling counterpart. He might try getting back at me through you, so be prepared. You did study occlumency, right?"
He nodded. "Snape began teaching me fifth year. When that didn't work out, Professor Dumbledore made sure he picked up some of the slack until Snape decided to teach me again. It's ok; I know everything I can know."
Desi sighed. "Thank the founders. I don't have the patience for either occlumency or legilimency. I'd lose my temper too easily trying to keep people out of my head."
Lupin laughed. "Des, I've seen you lose your temper over trying to boil an egg."
She nodded. "True."
A noise from across the room got her attention and she whirled her head around to look over her shoulder. On the other side of the infirmary, Snape tossed and turned, groaning in his unconscious state.
Lupin coughed to get Desi's attention. "If what Malfoy went through is any indication, he'll be like that for another day or so, then he'll be quiet for another day before he finally wakes up." He looked at his little sister, who appeared to be fighting exhaustion. "Des, he'll be alright. Get some sleep." He pointed to a bed next to Snape's. "I really doubt Madam Pomfrey will complain. Now, go take a nap before I feel compelled to put a sleeping charm on you."
"But I need to tell Papa..."
Lupin rolled his eyes. "Des, love, I will go have a talk with Dumbledore. I was there and heard everything, remember? You filled me in on the way here. We'll wake you if we need you. How long have you been up?" When she shrugged her shoulders, he pointed to the empty bed again. "Sleep. Right there, since I know I'm not going to convince you to leave Sleeping Grumpy's side right now. If Dumbledore needs to talk to you, we'll wake you. Honestly. Now, go to sleep."
Her eyes were feeling exceedingly heavy. "Alright, alright. For crying out loud, I'll sleep. When you're done with Harry, go fetch Ron and have him stay here with him. Someone should stay with him in case Voldemort decides to get pissy again, and Ron's his best friend. Best choice." She wandered over to a bed and collapsed on it. Within seconds, she was asleep, leaving her best friend and student to share bottles of butterbeer and chocolate frogs.
"Are you sure what you overheard, Remus? That the transfiguration of the Dark Mark, the mark of the followers of Voldemort, into normal flesh again, has the effect of weakening Voldemort? That he gains strength from his followers through it?"
Lupin nodded. "That's what Malfoy said. You and I both know how effective Des is when it comes to getting someone to divulge things they'd rather keep silent. I'd trust it."
Dumbledore smiled. "Yes, I remember that day when she hung her transfiguration tutor upside down from the top of the Astronomy tower until he confessed his permanent affliction."
Remus smiled at the memory.
"You're not telling me something."
"Did your grandfather ever tell you that you're too smart for your own good, young lady?"
Her wand. A spoken incantation. The sensation of rising off the floor and suddenly sailing out the open window.
"Des! Des, this isn't funny!"
Spinning upside down. Seeing the ground beneath him.
Far beneath him.
"DES!"
"Are you going to tell me or not, Remus John Lupin? Just because I'm lousy at transfiguration does not mean I slacked off in charms. You're keeping something from me, and I want to know what."
"Alright! If I tell you, will you let me back in? Without killing me?"
"Of course, silly."
"Fine! I'm a werewolf, Des. There? Happy? Can I come in now?"
Levitating back in the window.
"See. Was that so hard?"
"Dammit, Des, did you hear what I said?"
"Yes. You're a werewolf. That explains a lot. I thought it was something more important."
Lupin sagged into a chair. As much as he'd admonished Des for not sleeping, he should have obeyed as well. Night watch and coming to keep Des sane and grounded while coping with the next few days were a bit too much to do on a handful of hours' sleep over three days. "Well, it's good to know, but what exactly can we do with it? Besides transfiguring any Death Eaters we happen to capture. Which, come to think of it, would be fun. I kinda like the whole agonizing in pain and torment affect."
The headmaster shot his former pupil a look of rebuke. "Remus."
The werewolf grinned. "It was a thought."
Dumbledore looked out the window to collect his thoughts. Below him, students swarmed over the grounds. Students he'd spent thirty years protecting from forces darker than their worst nightmares. Most students would never know how much he worked to keep them safe. The students that did know, he cherished. Those students were the ones closest to him. They gave him the reasons he needed to keep fighting.
No one knew how hard it was some days to not give in and let someone else take over.
Thoughts swirled in his mind faster than they did in a Pensieve. This information needed to be used efficiently, in a way to best support the Order. Simply knowing that the transfiguration weakened his nemesis wasn't enough. How to use the information to his advantage?
His eye caught the Sorting Hat, sitting high on its spot on the shelves. While it wouldn't offer him counsel while Lupin was here, seeing the familiar artifact gave him an idea.
A fool's idea, to be sure. But right now, it might be their best hope.
"Remus," Dumbledore called, waking the man up from the lethargy he was slipping into. "Tell me everything you know about the Dark Mark. Everything."
Waking up to Madam Pomfrey's touch on her shoulder, Desi realized she couldn't spend three days living in the infirmary. Before leaving, she spent a complete hour reassuring herself that Severus was alive and the Mark wasn't returning any time soon.
It broke her heart to see him unconsciously shuddering in occasional pain.
"I hope this hurts."
"We both know it will."
Sometimes, her sarcasm came back to bite her in the ass. She hated that. She detested how she just came out and said the first thing that came to mind. Of course, he did too.
And she loved him for it. Go figure.
Desi wandered out of the infirmary and down hallways and passages. She had no idea where her feet would carry her until she found herself outside a door with no memory of how she got there.
His door.
Well, he wasn't going to be using his apartments for a few days. Hell, they'd made their peace weeks ago, and she'd yet to be made welcome in his apartments, while he had near-full reign over hers. Time to rectify that. Holding her breath, she turned the doorknob and slipped in the doorway.
The first thing that dawned on her was how dark the rooms were. Did the man have an allergy to sunlight or something? With a gesture, light spilled from candles in every corner of the room. Well, it was something at least.
The second thing that dawned on her was the décor. Seriously, how much black did a man need to use in decorating? The leather couch in the main room was cracking in a few spots, but as she sank down on it, she adored it. Completely comfortable and perfectly worn. Piled on the coffee table and side tables were books, haphazardly stacked and on a range of topics from potions recipes to historical pieces of wizards of the older ages. A worn woolen blanket covered one couch arm, obviously there to ward off chills when reading too late at night.
He'd always loved to read.
Desdemona rose and scanned the books on the shelves along either side of the fireplace. Among the usual tomes of academia and interests, a battered and yellowing paperback jumped out at her, stopping her heart for a second and causing her to catch her breath.
The Once and Future King.
He'd kept it all these years. Kept the book that a thirteen old girl gifted him with one Christmas. It had been her favorite book at the time. A Muggle book, to be sure, but one her parents had loved. It seemed he had as well.
He'd kept it.
She kept wandering his rooms, feeling less entitled and more like a voyeur. Little clues as to his isolated lifestyle kept popping up; little in the way of dishes or furniture for another person to share time here. In fact, with the exception of the books and the worn couch, it was as if he barely used these apartments. Over and over, a voice in her head told her to leave. She kept ignoring it.
Opening a door at the end of the short hallway, she came across his bedroom. Once again, she shook her head at the color theme. Granted, she was partial to deep reds and blues, but it wasn't the only color going on. More candles in sconces on the walls. No mirror over the bare dresser. She dared herself into opening his closet, and rolled her eyes at the wardrobe. She really needed to talk to him about this monochromatic thing. As this completely silly thought went through her mind, something on a shelf on the wall gleamed in the candlelight, catching the corner of Desi's eye. She walked over and audibly gasped.
A perfect black rose sat in a crystal vase.
"What do you want, Desi?"
She didn't let the gruffness in his voice bother her. It hadn't for two years. The wind rustled the leaves overhead on the tree he was sitting against. She dropped something between the pages of the book he'd been engrossed in for the last hour.
He rolled his eyes. "What's this?"
She gave him a grin with pride shining in her eyes. "Look! I managed color transfigurations today. I took a white rose and made it black. Truly black, Sev! Black roses don't even exist in nature!"
He twirled it in his fingers and glared. "Yay. A flower. Something that'll just whither away and die in a few days. Thanks, Desi." He went back to his book.
She sighed and grabbed the book from his hands. "It won't. I put a preservation charm on it. I want you to keep it, Sev. I know how much you like black." She gave him the once-over with her eyes, noting the casual clothes he was wearing.
"Why do you insist on giving me stuff, Desi?"
"Because, you thick dolt, I love you. I keep telling you that."
"And I keep telling you that you don't."
"I'm almost fourteen, Sev. I've known you and your grumpiness for two years. In all that time, I think I'd have figured out if I don't love you. Since I haven't, it must mean I do."
He stood up, closing the book and clenching the rose. "Whatever, Desi. You'll learn."
Before he could escape, she grabbed the front of his robes, pulled him down, and kissed him. As she released him, she laughed at his thunderstruck expression.
"Whatever, Sev. You'll learn."
He'd kept it. It looked just as it had that day. Their first kiss. Well, her first kiss at any rate. He had been too shocked to react. Did that qualify?
The loneliness hit her, and she sat down on his bed in an effort to stop herself from hitting the floor. Her hands felt the texture of the black cashmere blanket covering the linens below. Absent-mindedly, she clutched a pillow to her chest, catching a familiar scent.
Pine needles. Just like the trees he always studied under. The three by the lake.
Tears began to fall without warning, echoing the pain in her chest.
She cried herself to sleep, curled in a ball on top of black cashmere, her fears and heartache her only companionship.
The last two days had taken a toll on Desdemona Drecorum. Between teaching most of the Defense Against Dark Arts classes (since it WAS her fault their teacher was unconscious) as well as Potions, running into the infirmary every hour to check on his condition, and spending as much time with Remus as she could while he was here at Hogwarts, she wasn't sleeping more than a couple of hours a night. She was amazed at how different she looked after two days. Her hair was in a perpetual tail, dark circles began to form under her eyes, and her shoulders sagged constantly. She honestly couldn't recall her last meal, and her robes began to hang on her lifelessly.
In other words, she looked about as good as the patient she kept visiting.
"Des, love, you need to eat something."
The quiet voiced echoed in her ears as she struggled to stay awake, trying desperately to get everything done. Her living room was a wreck; the couch still had a blanket and pillow from where Remus had been sleeping, papers covered a small table, and there were books just sitting in piles on the floor.
She looked up and smiled weakly. "Thanks. I'm not hungry."
Remus grabbed her arm and yanked her to her feet with little effort. "Yes, you are. Here, at least drink this." He put a large cup in her hands, the heat seeping into her hands, and directed her to her couch, moving aside the bedding haphazardly. "It's soup. Nothing more. Just drink some of that and fall asleep, Des. You haven't been taking care of yourself, and I refuse to watch you turn yourself into a wraith."
"Ok, ok. I'll eat something. Gods, when did Papa adopt you into the family?" Bringing the cup to her lips, she took a small sip. Then another. Then a third. Within moments, the cup was empty, and her eyelids were growing heavy.
"Time to get some sleep, little sis." Remus tried to get her to stand up so she could sleep in her own room, but she steadfastly refused. "Not sleepy." Shaking her head stubbornly, he gave in and sat down next to her.
"Des, why are you doing this to yourself?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "If I'm busy, if I'm getting everything done, I do not have to think about everything else, Remus. I don't have to think about how I screwed up."
"What in the name of the founders are you even talking about, Des? Screwed up how?"
Desi shuddered. "If I'd just told him all those years ago...if I'd just given him a reason to not do it, none of this would have happened. He would never have gotten that mark. He wouldn't be lying in the hospital right now. I would never have had to go to America. Things would be so different."
He reached for her hands, took the cup from them and set it on the table in front of them, and pulled her into his arms, letting her cry on his shoulder. "Des, you can't think that way. Trust me; all it'll do is eat at you. Things happen for a reason. Killing yourself now by taking on all the responsibility will not change anything. Please, little sis. Get some sleep."
She fell asleep moments later, her best friend still holding her.
Just like another night, long ago.
"Remus?" The soft voice whispered into the Common Room from the door to the girl's dormitories. "It's three in the morning. What are you two doing here?"
"It's ok, Lily. I was going to wake her up in a second." Looking up into the kind green eyes he'd known for years. His best friend's girlfriend. It almost didn't seem fair.
"Is she ok?" Lily kneeling beside the couch, looking at the younger girl curled up on the couch, her head resting in her friend's lap, her face still red from crying. "I know she hasn't been adjusting well, but..."
"Would you be? Would you be ok if James broke your heart and you got thrown into a different house all in the same night?"
"Her heart? Don't tell me she actually was in love with Severus."
A nod. "I tried to warn her he'd hurt her in the end, but she's definitely a force all her own, Lily." A sigh. "I'll wake her up; I know you're supposed to be doing rounds. I don't want to get you in trouble."
Smoothing back the auburn hair absently.
Lily's eyes staring into his own. "Moony, don't."
"Don't what, Lily?"
"Don't try to replace him for her. If you're right, and he broke her heart, the last thing she needs is someone trying to fix it for her. You've been her friend and big brother for years, Remus. Don't change that now. She needs you."
Silence.
"Don't worry, Lily. I promise I won't make the same mistake twice."
Lily's eyes filling with tears. "Remus...I'm sorry."
Closing his eyes from the sight of both girls. "Lily, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's my fault. You weren't the one seeing what was never there."
Opening them minutes later. Lily gone.
"Des, wake up; you need to go to your room."
Blue eyes rimmed with red. A kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Remus. For everything. You mean the world to me, big brother."
His heart aching one more time.
Remus slowly slid himself out from under Desdemona's sleeping form, laying her head on the pillow and covering her with the blanket. She never once stirred. Bending down, Remus kissed her lightly on her forehead and left her curled on the couch, collapsing on her bed to finally fall asleep, his thoughts flying through his mind.
He loved her. He always would. But he knew years ago it was never meant to be.
The problem was, he couldn't remember anymore which girl he once loved. The memories seemed so distant now. So far away.
By the end of the third day, Severus was still unconscious, although he hadn't been thrashing as much, Madam Pomfrey noted. However, she commented to Remus Lupin behind Desi's back, his counterpart was worrying herself into a hospital bed of her own. He'd gotten her to sleep for four hours and to eat a meal. It was more than anyone else in the castle had accomplished. She still thought she could be in three places at once, and acted like it on every available chance. Even her first-year students could see a difference.
That night, she found herself confronted by two men and a student. A cough behind her jerked her out of the mental fog she was in as she sat by his bedside until Poppy kicked her out for yet another night. Turning, she faced Lupin, Dumbledore, and Potter. All three were there with one unified purpose.
"Desdemona, go to bed." Her grandfather implored her with love shining in his eyes. "You're not going to make him regain consciousness by worrying yourself sick. Please child. Get some rest."
"Papa, I'll be fine. I'm just a little tired. Besides, what if he wakes up? He needs me."
It was Lupin's turn. "Des, sweetheart, if he wakes up, someone can come get you. Dumbledore's right, you're not making a difference. You're barely awake as it is. Go get some sleep; I'll teach all of the Defense classes tomorrow. I think I remember the subject material."
The offer was tempting, she hated to admit. Besides, if he took over the classes, she could spend more time here. "I still have Potions..."
Harry finally spoke up. "We'll be fine without you for a day. I asked around today, after the three of us talked about how concerned we all are. Some of the NEWT level students offered to cover the younger levels. And Hermione can probably cover the NEWT level. Please, Professor. Get some sleep; we're worried about you."
Desi seethed in her exhaustion, which meant it wasn't as major of an explosion as usual. "So? You talked about it? Everyone's conferenced and discussed what's in my best interests? My grandfather, my big brother, and my...well, Harry, take your pick: nephew? Second cousin once removed? I'm so very glad the three of you have worked this out for me. Did it occur to you that I'm perfectly happy worrying myself sick?"
Her grandfather had only one word to say to her. "Temper."
Desi gave a resigned sigh. They were right; her presence wasn't going to make any major changes in the sphere of existence. Right now, she was grateful Remus had chosen to stay; she should have let him take all of the Defense classes in the first place and not just the first and second years, but she hadn't want to upset Severus with that fact when he woke. "You sure you can take Defense?" At Lupin's nod, she looked at Harry. "I'll cover NEWT level Potions and leave my lesson plans for Hermione and whoever else is helping. You sure the rest of the years are covered?" He nodded as well. She then turned to her grandfather. "If he needs anything..."
He smiled at his stubborn little granddaughter. "I'll send Fawkes to get you."
She gave the man in the bed one more glance before letting go of his hand and walking away. "Fine. I'll see everyone in the morning."
For yet another, her feet found their way to his rooms instead of her own. She'd offered Remus her apartments when he made it clear he was staying until Severus awoke, and except for the nap she took on her own couch the night before, if she'd slept at all, it had been there. It made her feel closer to him.
A weary word lit candles everywhere; with all the blackness in the room, a little light comforted her. She slipped from her robes, remaining in her typical jeans and a sweater, and collapsed on the cracked leather couch where she'd taken to sleeping, wrapped in the cashmere blanket from his bed.
Within seconds, she was asleep.