Another chapter! Wheee! It's amazing, I've been suffering writer's block with this story for ages, and suddenly the ideas are coming thick and fast! I hope the same happens with Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the OOCness, I'm still having difficulty with that one.

It looks like this story's going to be a long one, so sit back and enjoy it!

Chapter 9 – Wiggling ears and pelting fruit

Tanuki, unaware that fate was being tempted down by the docks, was leaping down the stairs after the pirates taking Eos with them and holding out his sword. As soon as the pirates reached the foot of the stairs, half of them turned with their swords out, and Tanuki found his new Disney-hero status tested to the limit as he fought off five pirates at once.

As he did, he glanced at the lobby, and was surprised to see that Will and the others were gone; but, hearing shouts and the clashes of swords in another room, looked in there and saw Will running past the door, doing a double forward flip and landing feet-first onto another pirate. Judging by the admiring whoops from the room, the other girls were in there too.

Damn. He could really do with some of Will's heroic clichés right now. Sighing, he vaulted over the banister and kept fighting the pirates, parrying a blade here, stabbing out there, ducking and dodging everywhere, old Tanuki had a fight, ee-i-ee-i-o.

Suddenly a foot shot out of nowhere, and Tanuki ended up flat on his back on the ground. Before he could react, two strong arms had grabbed onto his own, and two pirates were dragging him to his feet, and kicking his sword away across the lobby. "Hey!" shouted Tanuki, and kicked out sideways. The pirate holding onto him swore, but didn't let go.

"Do we kill him?" asked one pirate.

"No!" said another one, pointing with his sword at Tanuki's pocket. A bead fairy was just poking out of it. "He's got a bead fairy. Take him down to the ship with her," he said, gesturing at Eos.

The pirates nodded and pushed Tanuki forwards, along with Eos, towards the door. "Hey!" he shouted in the direction of the room where the others were, "HEY! Uh... COCONUT RUM!"

Tobias raced out of the room and skidded to a halt. "Where? Where?" he said eagerly.

"Uh..." Tanuki gestured at the pirates holding onto him. "Little help?"

"... OH!" Tobias started forwards, grabbing onto his sword as he went.

"No!" said Tanuki, thinking quickly, "There's too many, even for all of you. But Diana's still upstairs, I think she could be in trouble. Go help her!" Tobias looked uncertain. "Do it, or I will come over there and kick your ass!" said Tanuki, glaring.

If Tobias had noticed the implausibility of such a threat, considering that the problem was that Tanuki couldn't escape from the crowd of pirates, he didn't mention it. The last thing Tanuki saw before he was dragged out of the front door was Tobias turning to look up at the room where Diana was and looking nervous.

-

Meanwhile, in the dining room, the battle between the others and the pirates was still raging fiercely – well, as fiercely as any battle under the influence of Disney can be. In other words, as cool and nifty as the moves looked, hardly anyone actually died. Disney pirates weren't like that.

Will was somersaulting all over the place, but rarely actually doing any fighting, he was so busy somersaulting. When he wasn't doing that, he and Elizabeth were fighting together with a chair and some fruit. Because of the dramatics of the situation, Will doing what he did best, and all the other pirates in the room, the soundtrack started up.

The others, meanwhile, were relying on different fighting techniques. Bulma was revealed to have some skill in ju-jitsu, and her Wob-Wob was scuttling around the floor, biting people's ankles and growling threateningly.

Liz found herself cornered by a pirate. "Hey, look!" she said quickly, pointing to her ear. The pirate obligingly glanced at it, and was fascinated as Liz wiggled it.

"That's so cool!" he said, mesmerized by the wiggling ear, "How do you-"

He was cut off by Anamaria running up and hitting him on the head.

But the battle didn't go entirely well. There were cuts and scratches all round, and some worse wounds. Terreis was in the middle of fighting one pirate, when she got distracted by a particularly cool move of Will's (involving a peach and a couple of candlesticks); the pirate took advantage of this, and cut her hand off.

"OW!" she shouted, or words to that effect (hey, I have a rating to work with here) "That was my favourite hand, you GIT!"

"Stand aside, worthy adversary!" said the pirate.

"'Tis but a scratch!" glared Terreis.

"A scratch?? Your hand's off!"

"No it isn't!"

"Well, what's that then?!" The pirate pointed bewilderedly at the severed hand on the ground.

"... I've had worse."

"You liar!"

"Come on, ya pansy!" Terreis hurled herself at the pirate again, still managing to hold her sword in her other hand. This could have gone very badly indeed, had Will not chosen that moment to swing across the room on the curtains, and kicked that pirate on the way past. Before she could run back into the fight again, Liza noticed what had happened and pulled her out of the fray.

Elderberry looked up to see Will swinging past on the curtains (again) and grabbed onto the bottom of it as he went past. And because of the inevitable laws of momentum, when the curtain stopped, Will kept moving – with a yelp, he soared forwards and hit the wall opposite.

"Oof!" winced everyone in the room as he slid down it, muttering curses under his breath. Trying not to smile, Elderberry ran over to him and helped him up.

"Was there a reason for that, or did you just feel mean?" glared Will, rubbing the side of his head.

"Aw, poor pretty elf-boy," smiled Elderberry, "Actually, I was wondering why we were fighting."

Will stared at her in disbelief. "Because there are pirates?"

"Yes, but shouldn't we run?"

Will looked as though the thought hadn't occurred to him. "Because... uh... because we're providing cover for Tanuki and Diana, who are getting their bead fairies!" he said happily.

"Shouldn't they be back by now? They've been gone for ages."

"Uh –"Will blinked. "Well, all right." He stood up. "Everyone! We're going to look for the others, then run away!" he shouted to the crew.

"Run away?" said Elizabeth, raising an eyebrow bewilderedly. Will shrugged and pointed at Elderberry. "Eh, all right."

It took a while for them to persuade the crew to stop fighting; the pirates seemed all too ready to let them go, and were relieved that they had encountered several Disney heroes and lived. But finally they were all rounded up, Bulma had scooped her Wob-Wob off the ground from where it had happily been gnawing a shoe, and they ran out into the hall.

-

"Look, can you guys stop moving? It makes it much harder to hit you," said Diana exasperatedly as a pirate dodged out of the way for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"Look, have you got a bead fairy or not?" demanded one of the pirates.

"What? No!" said Diana, "I don't, actually. Why?"

The pirates all stopped fighting and stared at each other. "You mean to say this whole fight has been a waste of time?"

"Well, hopefully you'll go away with fond memories." She looked uneasily around at the pirates, all of whom looked extremely fed up.

"Let's go," said one pirate resignedly, and the group started to traipse out of the door. Diana stared at them going. She only had a moment to make this decision. She ran over all of the possible arguments for each side in her head, but then shrugged – what else could she do? She ran and joined the end of the group.

"What do you think you're doing?" asked one pirate, staring at her.

"You don't think that I'm just going to let you walk out of here, do you?" glared Diana, but tightening her grip on her sword for support, "I came up here to save my friend, and I'm not going to stop following you until she's free."

"Fine," shrugged another pirate, "Kill her."

"What?" As much as Diana thought she understood about piracy, she was still, at heart, a debutante with only a few days pirating experience. And such an abrupt order caught her off-guard.

It didn't catch the pirates off-guard though. One of them stepped forward, sword raised. Diana stared at it. Her mind went completely blank. Well, not entirely. "CRUD," she thought bleakly.

Just as the pirate swung the sword towards her, and she thought for a moment of grabbing her own sword before realizing it was too late, something hard hit the pirate on the head. "Ow!" he exclaimed and looked away from Diana, rubbing his head. Diana glanced down at the ground and saw that he had been hit by – an apple?

Tobias was standing in the doorway, pulling various fruit out of his pocket and throwing it at pirates, with a dramatic expression on his face mirroring Will's. It was the distraction Diana needed – she quickly kicked over the pirate in front of her and, in a split second, had her sword at the ready again and was fighting back against the distracted pirates.

But this time, the pirates were unwilling to fight. They pulled Tobias into the room and pushed both him and Diana back over next to the window; they then ran out of the room, slamming the door shut behind them. Diana and Tobias ran over to the door and tried to open it, but judging by the scraping noise outside and the shadow over the gap under the door they'd pushed something in front of it.

"The other door!" said Diana, running over to it; but that had been jammed shut too. They were trapped. "Damn," she muttered, slamming her hands against it in frustration.

"Are you all right?" asked Tobias.

"Yes, I'm fine. Do you know what happened to Tanuki?"

"Uhh..." Tobias didn't want to tell her this. Diana looked up when he hesitated, and saw the look on his face.

"Oh no, please don't say-"

"He got captured by the pirates," said Tobias. Diana stared at him. Then, without a word, she slid down the door and sat down on the floor, resting her head on her knees. "Hey, I'm sure he's going to be fine," he said quickly, walking over and sitting next to her, "Those pirates wouldn't have taken him if they hadn't had a reason."

"I know," said Diana to her knees. She sniffed, and looked up again. "Any idea how we can get out of here?"

"No, sorry, I'm a talentless fiend," said Tobias, "But I'm sure the others will remember we're up here, and come and find us..."

"I suppose," said Diana. She looked out of the window. After a few moments, she frowned.

"Tobias..." she said slowly, "Is it just me, or is there a yellow glow outside..."

Tobias looked up. Indeed, there did seem to be a yellow glow outside. Quickly he leapt to his feet and ran over to the door, crouching over and looking out through the keyhole. He swore loudly.

"What?" said Diana, not thinking she could take any more bad news.

Tobias turned back to her. "Uh... well, look on the bright side. You like fire, right?"

-

Vait a minute... is this story getting serious? That's not right! It was supposed to be comical! Gargh, am taking stories too seriously these days. I mean, there was a Monty Python reference in this chapter... but still, Terreis got her hand cut off! Sorry about that, Terreis, by the way... you got your Monty Python quotation though... Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it... And this chapter was a leetle short, but the next one's longer, I promise.

Tanuki Yasha – I know, these pirates really are quite alarming. As you would know, being captured by them...

O.O.Y.M.F. – Sentient? As in sentient programs in the Matrix? (gasp) They're AGENTS? RUN JACK! ELROND'S COMING TO GET YOU!

Eowyn Skywalker – OK, so, um, your group didn't show up in this chapter. But you'll DEFINITELY be back in the next chapter. Back with a bang... hehehe. Ever since we said about how this should be turned into a movie, I keep picturing what it would look like if it was... I've started imagining everyone's costumes and everything... who knows, maybe I'll turn it into a play for my drama club?

Im a Brandybuck – Have you noticed how they always do that in kung-fu films? All of the enemies stand around the hero/ine, running forward one by one to be beaten easily – why don't they all jump on top of them, like the Smiths do in the Matrix Reloaded? (tuts) Silly...

Terreis – Sorry again about the hand thing. But on a lighter note, you've now reached Disney heroine levels! This is marked officially in the next chapter! (applauds)

Pirate-strumpet – They do, but I haven't thought of a name yet. Dangit.

Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – Thanks! By the way, I think I've found a way to get you into the story... watch this space. No, not that space, THAT space.

Bev Baudelaire – I'd noticed that this story was a leetle different. It's strange. I think I prefer writing this kind. But I can't just abandon the mad parodies... I'd be attacked by attack chickens, for one thing.

Alteng – I survived. Barely. And now I'm just worried about what results I'm going to get... well, I'll see in August. Argh.

Theshiz – Hello, of course you're cooler than Neo and Trinity! They had about as much chemistry and Neo and Agent Smith. BUUURN! Question is, are you cooler than Aragorn and Arwen? Hmmm...

HyperElf – Thanks! By the way, for you and theshiz – you get your nice fire and explosions in the next chapter. Hee hee hee. Maybe Jerry Bruckheimer would turn this into a film for me, there's enough things blowing up...

Cat Youkai – Hmmm. I didn't like Troy that much. They made certain ahem changes to the plot. And I know the chapter's have been a little short, but the next one's longer.

La chica mysteriosa – Don't worry, I'll be putting up the form again when I reach the point where I need more people. It won't be long!

So I'll see you all again when I next update! The next chapter's EXCITING! There are fire and explosions! Disney is explained! And plans are made! Coming soon, to a computer near you!