Apologies that I've been away so long. I was on holiday, and then came back to discover that I'd had two stories taken down, and couldn't update for another week. This is also the reason for the disappearance of over half my stories. There is a possibility I'll be leaving , but I'll let you know if I do.

This chapter's slightly more usual than the last one, but it's still not the same random hyper adventure that it was last time. I think I'm maturing. Dammit.

Chapter 10 – Disney, explosions and nyyyeeerrrow

Diana stared. "Tobias, I may have just misinterpreted what you said, but – is my house on fire?"

"I guess the heathen gods decided that we weren't in enough trouble yet," said Tobias. Diana ran over to the door as well and looked through the keyhole. Past the cupboard that the pirates seemed to have dragged over in front of the door, she could see flickering yellow flames in the hallway of the house, rapidly spreading up to the first floor.

"I told my father he'd regret buying all those wall hangings," said Diana.

Suddenly they heard shouting outside the window. "Diana? Tobias? Are you up there?"

"Jack?" shouted Tobias, as he and Diana ran over to the window. Looking down, they could the flames downstairs illuminating the grass outside through the large windows – and on the grass was Jack Sparrow's crew. All of the teams. In the middle of them was Jack himself, beaming up at them.

"What do you think of my plan then?" he called.

"Your plan?" said Diana, then stopped. "Jack – DID YOU SET MY HOUSE ON FIRE?"

"Stroke of genius, wasn't it? I just got all the rum from nearby shops, threw it into the hall, and set it alight! Perfect for getting rid of any pirates still in the house!"

"Brilliant. Inspired," said Tobias, in a tone of voice that the adverb 'sarcastically' was created for, "Except we were still IN IT!"

Jack paused. "Ah. I see your point."

"How are we going to get out?" called Tobias.

"Oooh!" called Elderberry excitedly, "Defenestrate! Defenestrate!"

"What?" said Will bewilderedly.

"It's a verb, William," tutted Elderberry, "To throw something out of a window."

"I'm not jumping!" shouted Diana, "It's too far to the ground!"

"Oh, it's only two storeys!" said Alex brightly, "You can do it! Break a leg!" Diana and Tobias stared at her. "As in the expression."

"Here!" said Will quickly. He'd taken off his cloak, and was holding onto one end of it with Elizabeth. He held it out to the others.

"Ooh, good idea," said Helen, taking it, "Safety net..."

"It doesn't look anywhere near as big when you're wearing it," said Liza confusedly.

"I'm actually quite tall," said Will defensively.

Each person took hold of an edge, and spread it out to make a sort of trampoline. A very pretty red satin trampoline. A very pretty red satin trampoline that had cost Will a whole month's wages.

"Jump!" encouraged Liz. Diana and Tobias still hesitated. Behind them, smoke was starting to curl through the gap under the door. Tobias crouched down and felt the floor. It was getting hot.

"Would some rum help?" called Jack.

"You've burnt it all," said Mort.

Jack went slightly pale. "All of it?"

Suddenly behind him the chaise longue fell through the floor with a large crash. Flames roared through the hole in the floor, quickly setting surrounding furnishings alight as well.

"You go first," said Tobias.

"What?? I'm not jumping!" squeaked Diana, "It's too hi-eeek!"

Tobias grabbed onto her and threw her out the window. She fell squealing downwards, hit the cloak, bounced once or twice, and then scrambled off, looking shaken. "Your turn!" called Jack.

Tobias sat down on the windowsill and swung his legs out, ready to drop. "That's right! Jump!" shouted Diana angrily, "When you get down here I will KICK YOUR ASS!"

Tobias hesitated. "On second thoughts, maybe I'd rather face the fire..." Turning round, he saw that the room was entirely alight with flames. Even as he watched, the curtains either side of the window caught fire, flames leaping up them towards the ceiling. "Maybe not." Taking a deep breath, and regretting it when he inhaled a whole lot of smoke and started coughing, he launched himself off the windowsill into the air.

As he fell towards the ground, above his head flames suddenly exploded from the window which he'd just left, sending debris showering into the garden. Everyone leapt backwards away from the flames; including everyone holding the cloak. Missing the cloak, Tobias hit the ground with a large THUD that even sounded painful.

"Oooooh," winced the group.

"Why was there an explosion? It wasn't like there was anything particularly explosive in there," said Liz bewilderedly.

"Hello? He's a Disney hero," said Jack, dropping the cloak and running over to Tobias.

"Disney?"

Kathryn was crouching next to Tobias. "Hey! Tobias! Are you OK?"

"Nyyyeeerrrow," mumbled Tobias, still face down on the grass.

"What hurts?"

"Muurrryyyeerrrow." He rolled over onto his back, wincing as he did so.

"He doesn't look too bad," said Kathryn.

"If it's any comfort, I won't kick your ass now," said Diana, "I think the ground did it for me."

"Great," muttered Tobias.

"Well!" said Jack cheerfully, "I think that all this went rather well!"

The group stared at him. Well, everyone except Bulma, who was trying to tempt out her Wob-Wob from under Will's cloak, where it had hidden and was making whimpering noises.

"Oh alright, it didn't go marvellously, but it could have been worse," said Jack bracingly, "No-one got badly injured-"

"I lost a hand!" said Terreis disbelievingly.

"And I'm dead," called Tobias from the ground.

"Well, all right," said Jack, "But they didn't get all of the bead fairies, only Eos's and Tanuki's."

"And mine," said Diana miserably, "I gave mine to Tanuki. And Hanna's."

Jack paused. "Well, we only lost two crewmembers, they're easily recoverable-"

"Hey, where are Frankie, Mro and Hanna?" asked Eowyn, looking around.

"I think I saw them running back to the ships," said Elizabeth thoughtfully.

"Right before those other pirates ran away from Will?" said Alex, eyes widening.

"...Oh," said Elizabeth.

Everyone turned to look at Jack and hear the plan. He seemed to be deep in thought.

"I wish I hadn't burnt ALL of the rum now," he said finally, "Did no-one save a bottle?"

Will hit him.

"I mean, let's go rescue them!"

However, when Jack and the others reached the docks, it became apparent that Mro, Frankie and Hanna didn't need rescuing. They had built a campfire beside the Black Pearl, and were sitting around it talking to Cat and Cirfia (who hadn't gone on the mission – it would just be tempting fate). When they saw them coming, they jumped to their feet with big smiles on their faces.

"How did it go?" called Cirfia.

"Wonderfully!" beamed Jack.

"Don't listen to him, it went very very badly," said Anamaria dejectedly.

"I'll second that," said Tobias, who was walking along being supported by Mort and Jack Cole, "I hurt. Very much."

"Has the ship left?" said Will, scanning the bay quickly.

"Yes. They came back some time ago, raised anchor and left. Why?" Cirfia looked at the group arriving by the fireside, and realized. "Jack, where's Eos-"

"Is that Cat?" said Kathryn, "Hey, great! Jack, it's Cat!"

"Marvellous!" said Jack, "And look, she even brought rum! I've taught her well."

The entire crew of the Black Pearl sat down around the campfire. They didn't talk at first; most of them had received small cuts or grazes from the various fights that evening, and there was bandaging all round. Jack took a closer look at Terreis's hand – or, to put it correctly, where her hand had once been – and cleaned it, then said it should be fine. Tobias actually got off lightly injury-wise. Will had disappeared.

When all of this had been done, Jack explained to Frankie, Mro, Hanna, Cat and Cirfia just what had happened up at the house after they left. "These pirates are different from most," he said darkly, "They all attack at once, rather than one at a time; they don't follow the rules of 'parley'; they've kidnapped the boy, not the girl; they're not cursed. Why, anyone would think they were free from the influence of Disney."

"What's Disney?" asked Liz, "You mentioned it earlier, and I didn't know what you meant."

"One of the heathen gods," explained Jack, "In charge of pirating and heroism and all that. But anyway – Cat, where did you come from?"

Cat began to explain what she had found out while stowing away on the pirates's ship. "These pirates are dangerous," she said, "Above all else, they're trying to get back into the Mordre Cave. And the only thing stopping them is them not having the bead fairy. So they're putting all their energy into trying to find it. And not just them – they're recruiting other pirates to join their cause. They've formed something called the Piratical Raiders Alliance for Treasure Seeking."

"Or... the PRATS," mused Frankie.

"There's more than enough treasure in that cave to pay a thousand pirate crews. Did you hear about the break-out from the gaol in Port Royal?"

"What?" said Elizabeth in alarm.

"I know. The pirates went there and freed all of the imprisoned pirate crews awaiting hanging. Including your old friend Barbossa, Jack." Jack stared into the depths of the fire and drank the rest of his bottle of rum in one go. "Nearly all of the pirate crews in the Caribbean are joining them. If we don't act quickly, then we'll be the only pirates against them – except the Navy, of course.

"So far, the only advantage we've had is that they believed the one bead fairy to be intact. But now that they've captured Tanuki and Eos, they'll see that the beads have been divided, and they'll widen their search. This time tomorrow, you'll scarcely be able to go anywhere without seeing pirates. I can't think of anything we can do," she finished sadly, looking around the group for help.

There was a silence. Suddenly they heard footsteps coming out of the darkness towards them. Turning round, they saw Will approaching the fire, something in a bag under his arm.

"Here," he said, sitting down next to Terreis, "Try this for size." He pulled out a metal hand from inside the bag, and tried fitting it over the stump where her own had been cut off. Terreis stared at it.

"I made it just now, in the forge that Elizabeth bought me," he explained, attaching it to her arm. It fitted perfectly. "It doesn't move, of course. But I just thought you'd prefer it to nothing."

"Are you kidding? It rocks!" Terreis grabbed a spare branch from the firewood pile, and smashed her hand down on it. It broke in two.

"Terreis of the Silver Hand!" said Jack, "There! You have a pirate name already, m'dear. I think you've just become an official Disney heroine."

There was a silence around the fire, and then everyone started clapping. Terreis turned red. "I made you another one," said Will, pulling out a blade from the bag, "For use in battle." Terreis took it happily.

"So what do you think we should do next?" asked Mort.

"Well, getting you lot away from here would be a good start," said Jack, "I'm sure Tanuki and Eos wouldn't betray you willingly, but these pirates have ways of getting information, and they'll soon learn where the other beads are. I also think we should try and get pirates on our side – they're doing that, so we should do the same. I have a few contacts, I should drop by and see what they say.

"So, I advise that we split up. Will and Elizabeth, if you would be so kind as to escort those members of the crew with bead fairies back to Port Royal-"

"What?" cried the people with bead fairies.

"We want to help!" said Kathryn.

"If those pirates recover your bead fairies, then all this will be for nothing," said Jack sternly, "Port Royal has half the Navy fleet at anchor. You'll be much safer there. And I'm sure Elizabeth can arrange places for you to stay in the fort. And those without bead fairies, you will come with me in the Black Pearl to find allies, and rescue Tanuki and Eos."

"Yay!" they cheered. The crewmembers with bead fairies muttered disappointedly under their breath.

Jack got to his feet. "Well, luckily for you, young William, this pirate attack has meant several ships have been left unattended. That one over there's quite nice, isn't it? And it's a Navy ship, which is a bonus – I doubt these pirates will be so bold as to attack one of them just yet." He turned to the crewmembers that were going with Will. "Well, good luck to you all," he said, "We won't be too long. Should anything happen, just follow Will's lead. Useless as he may seem, he does actually know what he's doing."

"I'll believe that when I see it," muttered Hanna.

"Jack, I'm going with Will and Elizabeth," said Helen, "I'm not letting Mort go anywhere without me."

"All right," said Jack, "And the rest-"

"Jack!" called Cat, "A word?"

Jack went over to her, and she whispered something in his ear. Jack listened, looking thoughtful, but then nodded. "Cat's coming with us," he said to Will. Will glanced at Cat in surprise, but nodded.

Frankie, Gemma, Alex, Cirfia, Jackie, Kathryn, Mort, Helen, Mro and Tobias sadly said goodbye to their friends while Will went and commandeered them a ship. When Will had finally finished leaping around the deck of the ship dramatically, waving his sword in the air, and had proclaimed the ship theirs, they all got on board and lifted the anchor, slipping out of the harbour just as the sun began to rise.

Sorry about Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the OOCness being taken down. I probably won't bother putting it up here again, but I may start my own site and put it there along with my other parodies. If I do, I'll put the link on my bio.

Eowyn Skywalker – Good to know that you liked it even though it wasn't the usual randomness. Should I become a film director (HA!) I'll phone you up and we can make Paint Wars into a film! Along with a re-make of Troy (which I've already started planning) and a film adaptation of the 'Keys to the Kingdom' series, brilliant books.

Freakanature – It's still funny because I can't make myself write seriously for attenuated periods of time. Which is very inconvenient when I'm trying to write essays or exam papers. (gets flashbacks to exam time) Noooo...

Terreis – You didn't get a chainsaw, you got a normal hand and a knife for battles. Is that good?

Im a Brandybuck – I think I've seen that one. You know that LOTR party I'm having this summer? We're also going to have a pirate treasure hunt! I'm going to bury boxes of chocolate coins around, and give people maps! Wheeee!

Tanuki Yasha – Aww, that's so sweet! (hugs cushion since can't hug you) I think you both are cooler than Aragorn and Arwen. Did we already discuss whether you're cooler than Han Solo and Leia? I can't remember now.

Cat Youkai – Was this one long enough? And laughing rocks.

Theshiz – I've determined that, as a couple, you're cooler than Aragorn and Arwen. It doesn't matter about how cool the characters are on their own, it's about how they work as a team. And book-verse Aragorn and Arwen do SQUAT. Hey, are you cooler than Beren and Luthien?... No, sorry, I don't think so. Yet.

Bulma Greenleaf – I can't remember if you told me before... uhh... I think I just felt like putting it. And I'm mentioning the Wob-Wob whenever I can. Cos it rocks. Undisputedly.

Hyper-Elf – Useless facts are extremely cool. For example, it was Craig Parker (Haldir) doing the voice of the Ringwraith at the fords of Bruinen – you know, the one that says, "Give up the Halfling, she-elf." And that my rabbit's called Oddball. Go useless facts.

Tobias – (gasp) UNFAIR! Can I come? I'll shout out Troy canonical facts throughout the lesson! "Achilles was only fifteen, and he sucked at navigating! Achilles didn't love Briseis, he loved Patroclus! Yes, for once the slashers were right! He was also married! With a son!" Yeah, I've been doing too much research. Tell me what lessons you do. Wish I could take Classical Studies...

Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – Keep watching... any second now...

Alteng – They were indeedy in a fix. But you can always trust Jack Sparrow to fix a fix to be... fixier. Shut up, brain.

Bev Baudelaire – It wasn't the tests. It was the fact that I haven't seen my strange friend for about five weeks. She's the source of it all... the madness. But her mum blames ME for being a hyper influence. So maybe it's my fault.

CrazedElfStalker – Indeed a good film, but has Johnny Depp looking slightly strange.

Reasonably Crazy – Not a hook. A hand. Close enough...

Lady Shinimegami – That's so cool! Try and make it say "Wind in the sails!" I'd a dog to sit down when I said 'Havo dad'... if I had a dog...