---Chapter 2----- L'es miserable --
What is this? This is not the way its supposed to go!
I landed in the cold, harsh waters that had engulfed the sandy beaches, it must have been a cruel joke of some sort. I dare not ask why i didnt crash on the hard sand, surely the answer will be one that does not statisfy me at all....
here i am, beeing tossed and twisted like a rag doll by the raging waves, like they are playing with my body, breaking my hopes of survival, as if they do not realise i am welcoming them to grab me and pull me under, doing what i myself could not do.....ending it.
Im still conscious, but barely, the pain of my broken body has withered away at the pain of my shattered heart.The waves are dartling me away, further and away from everything i had always thought i needed, yet they are not fulfilling my final wish, they're keeping me a float, leaving me to wither away.
"I wonder how it will be ended, surely there is no escaping it now". the waves may deny me final rest, but the sea, its master, will surely not have the same morbid compassion for me. I'll either die of lack of nurishment and water, or i'll be gobbled up by some fiend. "I'll put my money on the fiend, that way it'll hurt even more, which is so fitting for my life".....
A sound, an all to familliar sound. but i cant place it, its comming from everywhere and no where ,above me, beside me, below me, even inside me, yet it is not a sound i fear, more a sound i wished not to hear. I realize now its the sound of an airship hovering closer and closer....
"have they seen me?" Please no , "Are they comming for me?" Leave me alone!.
A crash next to me. Something, or someone has plunged into the cold harsh water...why? To save me? To steal whatever he/she can find on a seemingly dead body? Maybe another one who wishes to end it.....i dont know....
A small short silhouette rises next to me, i cant tell who it is, the pain has taken over my vision only to leave me with blurry spots. The same goes not for my ears.
"Paine! Paine what the hell are you doing!?!?" , "Are you trieing to get yourself killed?!?!" , "have you gone insane?!?!" , "Yadayadayadayada"...i cant even understand what the voice is saying anymore, its going at highspeed with an extremely high tone of voice...It has to be the Al'Bhed girl..."sigh"
"Where did they come from?" , "How did they find out?" , "Cant they understand..this is what i want?" Probably not, but then again, even if they understood, they probably would not have accepted it....
The darkness is finally comming, maybe i will have peace after all. Its taking me in an almost warm, comforting manner, one i could even get used to; yet i realise it is not doing what i want it to do,its not taking me, is this what death is? A feeling of falling asleep? or is this another one of mother nature's nigma's that will be unaswered till the end of dawn...I'm slipping away...falling deeper and deeper in an endless pit, the sound of the Young Al'bhed's voice echoing in the background, getting softer and harder at the same time. Is this a subconsius emotion? or is it realisation? ..
I think i'm realizing i dont want to die...But its to late, the darkness is to powerfull to fight..and i slip away.....
"Its so warm, so comforting, almost like beeing in mommy's lap again" So....did i die or what? Stupid question's.
I ...i dont think i'm dead..yet. But why cant i do anything? Whats going on...
I hear voices, some i know and recognize, and some i dont. Some are crieing, some are screaming, some are laughing, some are joyfull and some just are...
"hello Paine..."
Its you! Where are you! I cant see you, its as dark as night and as bright as day at the same time, ihear you, but you come from everywhere. i want to scream but my lips are denieing my wishes, i try to move, but my body is as hard as stone and as fluid as jellow at the same time, what is this!?!
"Do not be affraid Paine, you are save."
"Where..where are you?" I ask. My lips have subdued and seem to be aknowlidging me..
"I am here Paine, but i am also nowhere."
What? Why are you speaking , only making me wonder more..What does it mean..
"You have been given a choice Paine. I beg of you to make the right desicion"
What choice? What are you talking about i wonder. Why cant i see you, yet it feels like you are right in front of me.
"You are on the borders Paine.", "A place where everyone like you goes"
Everyone like me? Please stop. please, just stop making me want answers. Hold me, comfort me, like i imagined you'd do.
"Everyone like you, seekers of peace and rest. it is here where they are given their final choice"
"Do you wish to die Paine, leave everything behind, leave behind everything you have fought for."
A choice?
"yes Paine, a choice..Now make it. Do you wish to die, or do you wish to live on?"
I have a choice? Why? I've always thought men did not control life, or death. And here i am, beeing offered a "choice"...Why?
"Your live has not been fulfilled Paine. There are things that go beyond simple reasoning, things we must all abide by, wether we want to or not."
"You, just like Yuna have been placed on this Earth with a purpose, one you have not yet fufilled, so you are beeing given a choice"
"Do you wish to live on and fulfill your purpose, or do you wish to leave the plain, and join us in a world of perfect flaw"
A purpose? me....I have a purpose..But why? Why me! I didnt ask for it! All i wanted was peace and quiet! Stop lieing to me!
Even if it was true, maybe i dont want to know!!
"Dont cry Paine."
"Look, there are people that wish you back, praying for your save return to them"
I can see them, suddenly the vision of Rikku, Yuna, brother, Buddy, Nooj, Gippal and so many others i have grown to love is penetrated in my eyes.
I see their tears, the sorrow in their eyes, i see a look i know all to familliar, the look of wanting, needing something.....
"Do you understand now Paine?"
"Your life has never been yours to take, when you did what you did, you ravaged the dreams and feelings of others."
"Only you can restore what has been done, this is your choice to make Paine"
"I...I dont know.." It seems an eternity ago i jump of that cliff...its like so many things have changed and i didnt even realize it. maybe i really do want to life, maybe my live wasn't as bad as i thought..
"Maybe i really was..happy...."