AN: Okay. This is going to be disappointing to those of you that enjoyed the style and flow of the earlier scenes, but I'm sorry. This is a relapse into my usual style but it's what came to me as a closing story. I won't be updating again because I will be without internet until Tuesday while I am offline celebrating the Halloween holiday. Be careful out there because there will be a lot of drunk partying people (I'm talking about myself) out so watch your back. Hope you enjoy the finale.
"Be careful, baby," Teresa said as she kissed him on the cheek at the airport.
"You, too. I'll be back as soon as I can."
Ryan stepped out of the car. He watched her drive away.
"You ready?" Sandy approached.
"Yeah. I think so. Let's go get Seth."
Ryan hadn't wanted to go at first, Sandy had to convince him. They'd found Seth a week early but he refused to come home. Finally, Sandy had approached Ryan.
Ryan didn't know why he had to make the first move. He had to work, he had responsibilities but Sandy wanted him to drop everything and go after Seth.
And he'd agreed.
Ryan missed Seth. Every day. But he didn't want to leave Teresa. He had a bad feeling.
But he had a responsibility to Sandy and Kirsten, too. If they thought he could help, he'd go.
The plane ride to Portland was relatively quiet. Sandy talked a little about his cases. Ryan threw up a couple of times in the bathroom from airsickness but their flight was relatively uneventful. Their flight was on time and the rental car was waiting.
Ryan's phone rang as soon as he turned it on in the car. He put it to his ear.
"You're sure?"
Sandy glanced at Ryan. The boy's face had gone white. For the first time, he realized that the kid was carrying more responsibility that he should be. Sandy felt a pang of regret for forcing him along. But he had to bring Seth home and Ryan was the only person who could do it.
"Nothing I can do…" Ryan muttered into the phone.
"Ryan?" Sandy called.
He put his hand over his face. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He closed the phone.
"Is everything okay, Ryan?" Sandy asked.
"Let's make this quick. I need to get back."
Sandy nodded but he thought he saw tears in Ryan's eyes. Maybe coming here was too much.
The hotel was easy to find and Sandy was clearly relieved when he parked the car. Ryan had asked him if he could go up alone and something in his eyes had convinced Sandy.
Ryan banged loudly on Seth's door.
It swung open. "Damn, what? Ryan?"
"Seth."
"Man…what are you doing here?" Seth's expression was flickering between confusion and glee.
"What am I doing here?" Ryan walked into the room and turned to face Seth. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Ryan…I couldn't stay there…"
"Why? What was so wrong with your life that…" Ryan's voice was shaking with rage. This had been building for too long.
"That I had to leave? I can ask you the same question…"
"I had a reason for leaving."
"A baby that's not yours?"
"It could be mine…"
"Man, I know you used protection, you lectured me so many times…"
Ryan shook his head. He didn't want to argue with Seth but he had no choice. The boy was being a prick. "I'm not perfect, Seth. I make mistakes. I'm an Atwood, it's what we do."
"Ryan…"
"Your parents are sick about it. Caleb's in all kinds of trouble, Summer's fucking devastated…"
"You've seen Summer?"
Ryan sighed. "I'm here, Seth. I came for you. Isn't that what you wanted all along?"
Seth stared at him. "Well…yes."
"I'm here. Come back. Now."
"Are you staying?"
"Here?"
"Newport."
"Fuck you, Seth. Everything's always about you…" Ryan walked over and slammed his fist into the wall. "Think about someone other than yourself for once in your life."
"Who, you?" Seth snapped.
"Whoever the fuck you need to. But I'm going home." Ryan softened his tone. "It'd be really cool if you'd come with me." Ryan walked past him and put his hand on the door.
"Wait."
Ryan paused.
"Let me get my stuff."
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Sandy and Seth argued all the way to the airport but had settled their differences by the plane. Ryan was silent. He'd nod in response to Sandy and Seth's questions but had no words to share.
Seth seemed more damaged by Ryan's silence than the months of grounding his father had forced upon him already. His apologies didn't affect Ryan's stony face. It was like he didn't hear them.
They arrived at LAX around midnight.
"Ryan, can I take you back tomorrow?" Sandy yawned in the terminal.
"I need to call a cab. I have to get back," Ryan said.
"We can drive you, man, we should probably talk…" Seth started.
"No. I have to go." Ryan disappeared before they could stop him.
He'd waited long enough.
Teresa's mother was waiting for him when he got back.
It'd been a freak accident. The stoplights went out across the boulevard. She was getting ice cream. She had a cone in one hand and her keys in the other. The truck never slowed down.
Ryan put Teresa's mother to bed. He made tea and put away the covered dishes. He turned the phone's ringer off and sat down on the couch.
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"Eva says he's not home," Kirsten told Seth the next day.
"His cell phone's off. Can I…"
"No. You're grounded. I'm sure he's fine. Teresa takes good care of him," She said.
Seth raised an eyebrow. "Mom?"
"She's a nice girl. I just wish he could come back, too," Kirsten admitted.
"Why don't you make him?" Seth asked seriously.
"Sandy…well, he's doing the right thing. We might not like it, but it's the right thing," Kirsten sighed. "He's taking responsibility."
"Can I go see him tomorrow?"
"No."
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The funeral was short and painful. Arturo was there with his guard escort. He'd asked Ryan to look after his mom. All the men from the site showed up, looking out of place in their pressed suits. Even Dawn had made an appearance and an unsolicited offer for a place to stay. He'd politely taken her number.
Ryan had remained stoic at Eva's side. He'd put her to bed as soon as they got back to the house with a cup of tea and a valium. Several of Teresa's cousins had returned with them as well as Kip and Jerry. Eva's sister was serving lunch in the backyard.
Ryan answered the door expecting more mourners. He didn't expect Sandy.
"Ryan? What's going on?" Sandy nodded to the wreath on the door.
"Come in. I'll explain," Ryan said flatly. Sandy noticed the coldness in his gaze. It wasn't directed at him, but it was like Ryan wasn't fully based in reality. He was cold.
Sandy stepped in, unsure of how to start and Ryan closed the door behind him. "We should go into the kitchen."
Sandy followed him, glancing at the well dressed people scattered around the house. He glanced around the kitchen at the mass of covered dishes. "Who died, Ryan?"
"Teresa. We buried her this morning," Ryan replied evenly. He wouldn't look at Sandy now, he kept his gaze locked on the floor.
"God, Ryan…why didn't you call me?"
"You have enough on your mind. And I know Kirsten didn't like her…" Ryan started.
"Stop it. We care about you…"
"I'm fine. I needed to do it myself."
"How…how are you, Ryan?" Sandy asked gently, approaching him. He was really worried, now. Ryan wouldn't meet his eyes and he was pressed against the counter with his back stiff and straight.
"I'm fine. Seth settling in?" Ryan asked.
"Trying. He misses you. You…you don't look fine, Ryan."
"Ryan?" Eva called.
"Excuse me," Ryan said, disappearing.
Kip stepped into the kitchen. "You must be Mr. Cohen."
"Yes…"
"I work with Ryan. He's a good kid. We tried to get him to call you…heard you got your kid back."
"Ryan got him back. He talks about us?" Sandy was surprised.
"We make him talk."
"Sounds like Ryan," Sandy agreed, grateful for the man's smile. "Can you fill me in here?"
"I'll try. Seems his girl got hit by a car. A few days ago. He wasn't here, we're pretty sure it was when he was out of town with you. She died instantly. Her mother's pretty upset, she won't let anyone but Ryan do anything for her from what Jerry and I can see. Not even her sisters," Kip explained. He lowered his voice. "We're worried about him."
"Me, too," Sandy agreed.
Ryan returned. "I see you met Kip," He said.
"Yeah, kid. Can we talk for a few minutes?" Sandy asked.
"Yeah. Kip, I'll be outside if anyone needs me," Ryan said.
"Sure thing," Kip nodded.
Ryan followed Sandy through the house to the front porch. He turned to face the boy. He put his hands on Ryan's shoulders.
"Ryan. Look at me, please?"
Ryan met his eyes with pools of sadness.
"I'm going to take you home, okay?"
"I need to…" Ryan started.
"No. You need to come home."
Finally, Ryan nodded.
"Okay?" Sandy whispered.
"Okay. But I have to tell Eva…"
"Can I talk to her?"
"I should tell her. You don't even know her…" Ryan murmured.
"Okay, Ryan."
"You want to get my stuff together? I haven't…I haven't really been in my room since…"
"Show me where. I'll get your things while you talk to Eva. Okay?"
Ryan nodded. He opened his mouth to speak but shook his head.
"What?"
"Thanks. For coming, you know?" Ryan tilted his head, affected.
"You don't have to thank me. Let's get you out of here, okay?"
Ryan led Sandy to the small bedroom where he slept and he disappeared into Eva's room.
Sandy looked around the small room. There was barely room for the bed. Pictures of Teresa were mingled with pictures of Seth and his family. The mirror was a shrine to Newport and there was no room for a reflection among the photos.
He had to focus. He opened the closet and found Ryan's backpack and dufflebag. He began filling it with clothes as fast as he could.
Ryan was standing in the doorway when he finished.
"Ryan?"
"Eva wants to talk to you." Ryan was staring at the floor.
"Okay…"
"I'll finish."
"Are you sure…"
"Yeah. I'll finish," Ryan muttered.
Sandy left him and walked down the hall towards the open door.
"Mr. Cohen. It's nice to finally meet you…though I wish it hadn't happened like this," Eva shook his hand.
"I'm so sorry for your loss…Teresa was a wonderful girl…"
Eva wiped tears, sniffling. "Yes, I'll definitely miss her. You'll take good care of Ryan, won't you Mr. Cohen?"
"I promise…"
"He's like a son to me," Eva confided. "He grew up with my Teresa, his brother and my son, Arturo, they are peas in a pod…Ryan's been a part of this house for as long as I can remember. But he belongs to you…"
"Ryan doesn't belong to me…" Sandy started.
"He belongs with you. Will you tell him to call me when he gets settled?" Eva wiped her eyes again.
"Of course. If there's anything I can do…"
"Take Ryan home. Make him get some rest. I don't think he's been sleeping…he's not really dealing with this…neither am I, but I'll manage…he's being so strong…but he's not really. Not inside," She said quietly.
"Thank you for taking care of him, Eva. I'll make sure he calls you." Sandy closed the door to the bedroom as he walked back into the hallway. Ryan was waiting with his bags in hand.
"You want to say your goodbyes?" Sandy asked.
"I already told Kip and Jerry. I've got their addresses. I need to call my boss and let him know…"
"We'll take care of that at home, Ryan. Come on." Sandy patted him on the back.
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Sandy parked his BMW beside the Range Rover.
"I don't really want to talk to anyone right now," Ryan said, speaking for the first time since they'd left Teresa's.
"Okay, kid. Take your things to the…well, you can't go to the poolhouse, Kirsten's having it redone…"
"Wherever's fine, Sandy. The guest room?"
"Yeah. Come on, I'll explain everything to Kirsten and Seth. Have you eaten?"
"Not hungry."
"I'll bring you something in a little while, okay? You look like you need sleep more, though," Sandy said.
Ryan nodded. He got out and gathered his bags and followed Sandy into the house.
"Sandy? Is that you?" Kirsten called from the kitchen.
"I'll be in there," Ryan muttered and made a quick escape to the guest room.
Sandy sighed and walked into the kitchen.
"Hey, honey," She said, accepting his kiss on her cheek. "How's Ryan?"
"He's in the guest room."
"What? He…"
"Teresa's dead. The funeral was today. I brought him home," Sandy said, sitting down beside her.
"Oh no…Sandy…that's awful…is he okay?"
"He's Ryan. Which means he's painfully quiet. He doesn't want to see anyone," Sandy replied.
"He…he didn't call us?"
"He said he didn't want to worry us…he was under the impression that you didn't like Teresa," Sandy said.
"Oh god…is he…"
"You can talk to him soon enough. He'll come out when he's ready. But do me a favor? Help me keep Seth away from him…I don't think he's quite ready for that."
"When did it happen, Sandy?"
"While we were in Portland. He got a phone call…I didn't ask him about it. Well, I did, but he didn't tell me what it was about," Sandy admitted. "I should have…"
"We are going to teach that kid how to talk," Kirsten sighed, leaning against Sandy.
"He'll be okay. He just needs some time," Sandy said. "I'm going to make him a sandwich…"
"We don't have any of the things he likes, I'm going shopping," Kirsten said.
"Honey, we have enough food here to feed a small village…"
"But we need comfort food. I'll get those chips he likes, and the juice, he likes the orange-grapefruit mix. It'll give me something to do."
"Take Seth with you?"
"Good idea. Good luck."
"You, too. You'll need it with Seth," Sandy grinned.
Kirsten forced Seth to come with her to the store. He grumbled his disgust at being seen in public with his mother, but his curiosity soon took over.
"Mom, why are you buying sesame sticks? You hate sesame sticks…the only person I know who eats them is…Ryan. Is Ryan coming home? Mom? Mom?" He tugged at her shirt, finally stepping in front of her cart and stopping her.
"You're being a nuisance," Kirsten sighed. But she was glad to see a flicker of the old Seth. He hadn't been the same without Ryan. And Summer.
"Mom, is it just my imagination or are you buying things that our broody blond boy from Chino likes to eat? Is he coming home?"
"He's actually already home. Your father brought him. That's why you are here with me. Your dad needs some time with him."
"Dad needs time with him? What about me? I haven't been able to talk to him since he showed up in Portland…" Seth was practically bouncing now, his face drawn with confusion but his gestures wild with anticipation.
"Seth. Down a notch," Kirsten said.
"What is it? What aren't you telling me?" Seth asked as she dropped a bag of Oreos into the cart.
"While Ryan was in Portland…convincing you to come back, there was an accident. Teresa's dead, Seth."
Seth paled and froze. "Oh…oh god…"
"Ryan's pretty upset about it. We didn't know about it either, your dad found out when he went down there today."
"God…that's so awful…no wonder he hasn't called…"
"Sandy didn't say much. But he's home, Seth. Are you guys…are you guys angry with each other?"
Seth sighed. "I don't know. I don't think so…I mean, I was mad at him for leaving…but…I'm not now."
"Seth, you've had a pretty easy life. Your father and I have always given you everything we thought you needed…but you've never really had to suffer the consequences of your actions. Ryan…he was taking responsibility the only way he knew how."
Seth nodded. "So…he's back?"
"Apparently so. Can you think of anything else he likes that we haven't gotten?" Kirsten looked over the almost full cart.
"Marshmallows."
"Marshmallows? He likes marshmallows?" Kirsten asked.
"He'd never admit it. But he used to sneak into the kitchen and eat them. I caught him once with a whole handful in his mouth," Seth smiled.
"Good to know. Marshmallows and then we're on our way."
"So…when we get back…"
"I haven't even seen him, Seth. We're giving him space, okay?"
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Sandy knocked on the guest room door and it swung open. Ryan was lying on the bed with his eyes open. He was staring at the wall.
"Hey there. You're not sleeping."
"I know. Can't sleep," Ryan admitted.
"How long?"
"Since…since she died."
"When's the last time you ate something?"
"I had some coffee today," Ryan shrugged.
"You have to start taking care of yourself, kid." Sandy sat down beside him on the bed. He held out the sandwich. Ryan sat up.
Ryan accepted it and took a small bite.
"Good. You want to talk?"
"I've put it off long enough. Shoot," Ryan said, chewing deliberately.
"You've had a harsh couple of days. I wish that I could have been there for you, but I wasn't. I'm sorry. You're such a strong kid, but…this was too much for you to have to handle…losing Teresa…"
"I didn't love her," Ryan whispered. "That's what makes this so hard. She loved me so much…and I cared about her, more than I've ever cared about anyone…but I didn't…"
"It's okay, Ryan. She knew how you felt…"
"I just wanted to take care of her…and the one day that I left her…the one day that she needed me…"
Sandy pulled Ryan into a fierce hug, holding him tightly as he started to sob. "It's okay…it's not your fault…"
"It's…"
"It's not your fault. It was an accident, there's nothing you could have done, Ryan…just let it out…"
Ryan pulled away, wiping at his face as he got up. "So stupid…I don't cry…"
"Well, everyone has to cry sometimes…"
"I don't cry…" Ryan mumbled.
"Ryan. Sit down," Sandy said gently.
Ryan paced in a quick circle but finally sat down again on the bed.
"You need to get some rest, okay? Now. If you eat this sandwich instead of torturing it, I'll give you a Tylenol PM and leave you alone."
"That's a good idea. I hadn't thought of that. I was just going to get wasted," Ryan nodded toward the minibar that was beside the dresser.
"My idea's better," Sandy smiled.
"Okay," Ryan sighed. "Okay, Sandy."
"I think I can hold off Kirsten and Seth until tomorrow. But you're going to have to face them sometime, Ryan," Sandy said, putting his arm around Ryan as the boy took another bite of the sandwich.
"Thanks. You got Seth chained up or something?"
"He's shopping with Kirsten. She decided that we didn't have enough of the things you liked around the house. So she went to get them."
Ryan finished the sandwich and held out the empty plate.
"Good. It's a start," Sandy nodded. "It's good to have you home, Ryan."
"It's good to be home, Sandy." Ryan motioned to the room. "I went from all windows to no windows."
"This is only temporary, Ryan…"
"It's cool. Like I said…whatever you want."
"Whatever I want? Then you'll go to Harbor tomorrow and register for your classes?" Sandy asked, going to the bathroom and returning with a bottle of pills.
"Tomorrow?"
"If not tomorrow, then the next day."
Ryan sighed. He accepted the pills and gave Sandy a slight nod. "Okay. I still need to call my boss, though."
"Lie down for now. You need to rest. I'll check in on you later."
Ryan stretched out as Sandy watched him from the doorway.
"It'd be more convincing if you took off your shoes," Sandy said.
Ryan gave him a smile. "True. I think I might take a shower first…maybe I'll sleep better."
"There are towels already waiting for you."
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Seth was pacing outside the guest room when Sandy came downstairs the next morning.
"Seth. What are you doing?"
"I'm…I'm pacing. What are you doing?"
"Come into the kitchen, Seth."
"I want to talk to Ryan when he wakes up."
"He's not going anywhere. Come on," Sandy urged, ushering him into the kitchen.
"Is he…is he all right? I mean, is something wrong with him, is that why you wouldn't let me see him?" Seth asked.
"He's grieving. I didn't think he needed you bouncing around him on his first day back," Sandy said.
"I just want to be his friend. However he'll let me be. I know we can be close again…I'll make it up to him…I just need to see him," Seth said.
"He's tired. He'll come out when he's ready."
Kirsten heard her husband in the kitchen talking to Seth. She tiptoed to the guest room and silently opened the door.
"You going to pace, too?" Ryan asked. The room was dark and his voice came from the vicinity of the bed. She flicked on the light.
"Hey."
"Hey. It's really early."
"I didn't mean to wake you." She sat down on the edge of the rumpled bed and puts her hand on Ryan's arm. "How are you feeling?"
"I slept. That was a change. Didn't have nightmares, also a plus."
"Seth's pretty anxious to see you…"
"I heard him pacing. I was hoping to sleep a little longer before…"
"Okay, honey. Do you need anything?"
"I'm okay. Just tired…I'll come out for breakfast when it's not seven a.m," Ryan yawned.
"Okay. I'll let you sleep." She turned the light off again as she went to the door.
"Thanks. Tell Seth I'll see him later?"
"Sure."
She closed the door and ran into Sandy in the hallway.
"You woke him," Sandy accused.
"Yes. But he's going to go back to sleep, now, Sandy and…" Kirsten started immediately.
He embraced her. "Don't tell Seth," He whispered. "It took all I could do to get him to stay in the kitchen."
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Ryan emerged from the guest room around noon. His hair was sticking up haphazardly and his eyes were cloudy with residual sleep. But he was hungry. He hadn't been hungry in days so he figured he better run with it.
He was home. Things would get better.
They couldn't get any worse.
He froze just outside the kitchen. Seth was standing with his back to him over the sink. The kitchen was splattered with something brown and sticky.
"What are you doing?" Ryan smiled when Seth turned around and revealed his coated torso and face.
"Can I get a little help?" Seth sighed, clearly frustrated.
Ryan grabbed a paper towel and tried to wipe the substance off Seth's face. The paper towel stuck. "What is this?"
"Caramel. Rosa's going to kill me," Seth said, licking his fingers. "It's good though. How are you?"
"Not sticky. How'd this happen?"
"Long story. Involves gumballs, twitching and cartwheels. Not pretty."
Ryan nodded, understanding that he'd never understand. He went to the refrigerator and opened it.
"So…we okay?"
"Let's just not talk about this summer. We're both home…and we'll be here a while. We'll be okay."
"Okay. I can deal with that," Seth agreed. "Ryan?"
"Yeah?" Ryan opened a bottle of juice and turned to face him.
"I'm sorry about Teresa."
Ryan gave him a long look. "Don't talk about Teresa, okay? You didn't know her like that, you aren't…" He stopped. "Sorry."
"Um…okay…" Seth stammered, confused.
"I'm going to go make some calls. I'll see you later." Ryan retreated to the guest room. He called his boss and apologized for not working a notice. He called Eva and assured her he was okay. He agreed to visit over the weekend to go through Teresa's things. She didn't want to do it alone.
He wasn't ready. But it had to be done.
He lay down and tried not to think of Teresa or Seth or the Cohens. He fell asleep. He woke up to the sound of heavy breathing.
Hailey and Jimmy were involved in an intense makeout session in the doorway.
He cleared his throat, getting up immediately as they realized his presence.
"Ryan?" Hailey gasped.
"Excuse me…" He left the room. He walked down the hall and out the front door.
He started walking. He needed to think. Where he belonged. What he was going to do now.
He felt out of place at the Cohens. No poolhouse, Hailey still apparently claimed the spare room.
He couldn't go back to Eva's, he'd be a painful reminder of Teresa.
There was always Dawn.
He didn't want to go back there, especially when he thought about the liquor he'd smelled on her breath at the funeral, but she was his mother. She said she wanted him back. She said she had a spare room that was all his. If he'd take it.
"Ryan?" Sandy's car stopped beside him in the street. He hadn't realized he'd walked so far already, he was almost at the gate.
"Hey, Sandy."
Sandy's face was lined with confusion and worry.
"I'm not running, I just needed some air," He said immediately.
"Oh."
"Can I get a lift?"
"Hop in."
Sandy didn't ask him any questions but Ryan owed him an explanation.
"So…when's the poolhouse going to be free again?" He asked.
"The house not good enough for you?" Sandy replied.
"No, no…it's just…Hailey and Jimmy, sort of…"
"Oh," Sandy blushed. "I guess we should have told her you were back."
"It's okay. They didn't know."
"She stays with Jimmy most nights, we haven't seen her in weeks," Sandy explained, parking the car in the driveway.
"Um…well, I was thinking…"
"This doesn't sound good," Sandy said quietly.
"Well…" He started. "Well, my mom was at the funeral. She said that I can come stay with her…if I need a place to stay…"
"You have a place to stay. Did something happen? Are you still fighting with Seth? Is it something…"
"No, Sandy. It's just…this doesn't feel…" Ryan sighed. "I don't really have a place here anymore."
"That's not true, Ryan. Come inside, we'll talk about it, is this about…"
"It's about me, Sandy. It's about my life and where I'm…where I belong."
"You belong here, Ryan. You're a member of this family. You've only been home one night. You've been through something…something no one your age should have to go through…"
"I know. I'm not running…I'm just thinking."
"Well, stop it," Sandy said seriously. "Stop doubting your place in this family. I want you here, we all want you here…"
"But…"
"No buts. This is your home, Ryan. We are your family. Trust us. Trust me," He said urgently.
Ryan finally nodded with a tired sigh. "Okay."
"You mean it?"
"Yeah."