Chapter 9 –At a Standstill-Lost Forever-
Miroku groaned, as he rolled over in his bed. Just as he heard a door slam downstairs. Wondering vaguely what was going on, he simply took it as a salesman being thrown out.
Especially because of the angry screams that he heard.
He closed his eyes again, dozing off once again. Nothing about the gravity of what had happened last night had hit him yet. He had convinced himself that once again, Sango's feelings meant nothing; he would get what he wanted, give her some money, and send her on her way. That way, they would all get something out of it.
He moaned, rolling onto his stomach again as he stared at the headboard. But could he do it? After all of his experience, he had played so many women before. Why was Sango different? But suddenly, Miroku felt something that he had tried to block out, about her, and any other woman before.
He loved her.
It seemed so strange, just to think those words. After all of his life. Did he truly love her? Or was it just something that he wished he could say about her. He stood up, deciding to watch her. She obviously was not up yet; he heard no noises from her room.
Smiling as he commenced his trek across the floor to Sango's room. Perhaps he would get into bed with her, and cuddle her a little bit. Maybe then he would be able to understand what he was feeling. Because he sure as hell didn't at the moment.
But when he entered the room. He found it empty. All except for a one sheet of paper, crumpled, and tear stained, he realized as he picked it up. Reading the words.
Dear Bastard,
So how does it feel, to know that you can play every girl you see? That you can break the unbreakable, make them feel something, then crush it all. How does it feel?
Fucking bastard.
I can't believe that you would to this to me.
Rather sadly, Miroku noticed the tear marks. He realized something else. She must have heard. She must have heard him that night.
Well I'll have you know Miroku, that I'm not a pawn. I cannot, and will not be played by you, or anybody else.
I thank you for your hospitality, and for boarding both my brother and I for the amount of time that you did. And for, giving me the best times of my life. When I actually thought, that I loved someone, and something.
There was a full sentence that Miroku could not read, for it had been completely smudged out with tears.
Finally, I would like to tell you one thing, that if I ever so one hair of you again, I will personally grind you into chalk dust, and flush you down a toilet.
You Dirty, Son of a Bitch Player.
Hatred, Sango.
Miroku blinked a few times, rather stunned. She had heard, the paper fluttered from his hands, falling down as he lost grip of it. And seemed to loose grip on himself. Slowly, he tipped forward, landing on his front in the middle of the bed. The same bed his precious Sango had slept in.
For the first time in his life, this player had been played. He had been dumped; dropped lie a rock before he could even gather his own wits about how he was going to do the dropping. It really was true:
She was gone.
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be who I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
Hatchi slowly came up the stairs. "I don't know what's wrong with him. He hasn't shown his face all morning. Neither has Sango. They're probably busy up here." He snickered into the phone.
InuYasha smiled, very weakly at Hatchi's comment. Was Miroku going to go through with it?
But when Hatchi knocked on the door, there was no answer. He knocked again, before deciding to chance it, slowly opening the large double doors. Miroku was nowhere in sight.
"He's not there." Hatchi muttered. InuYasha straightened, "What? Where is he?"
Hatchi slowly peeked into the bathroom, then, into Sango's room. And he saw something that made his heart sink. An empty bed, with only a crushed Miroku on it.
"Miroku?" Hatchi asked quietly, approaching Miroku, who still didn't seem to notice. His eyes were open, although he was just staring off into space. He didn't even notice Hatchi as he sat down beside him, echoing his name again.
Miroku just lipped something. Very, very faintly. "She's gone." He whispered. Hatchi looked at the houshi, slightly confused. Until he noticed something. A piece of paper, drifted inches from the young players grasp.
Hatchi plucked it up. He could smell the salty tears all over it. It only took him a moment to read the words, and he looked down at the houshi.
InuYasha had been talking non-stop, "What's going on? Should I come over? Where is he? What's he doing? Where's that Sango woman?" He streamed, the questions pouring out.
"She's gone." Hatchi whispered into the receiver. InuYasha fell silent.
The quiet words seemed to echo about the room. As a sudden jolt wracked Miroku's back. "She must have heard." He whispered into the blanket. Making no move to switch his position.
"I never got to tell her..." He trailed off.
Hatchi looked down at his old comrade, "What Miroku?" He asked quietly. Miroku looked up finally, lifting his head from the pillows.
"That I think I love her."
There was a massive silence that spread throughout the room. Slowly the houshi sat up in the bed, staring at the bed, his body slack. He seemed to have lost something. As if Sango had become a part of him. Something essential for him to survive.
Slowly, Miroku took the phone from Hatchi. "InuYasha, Get your ass over here. Now!"
Miroku turned out to look at the rising sun through the window. "I don't care what she thinks of me." He whispered, "She's mine. And nobody else will take her from me. I will always be part of her, I will always be with her."
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
Sango only stared out into space. It seemed that she had lost something. Everything escaped her. Her laughter, her smiles, her will.
"Sango. Why did we leave?" Kohaku asked. Sango looked down blankly at her little brother, who looking up at her expectantly. "I miss Hatchimon, and Emma, and Miroku. Don't you miss Miroku?" He asked Sango.
Sango's fist clenched, as she continued to gaze off at nothing. "Miroku..." She whispered the name. That cursed name. But yet, she could not get it out of her head.
She had protected herself. She was saving herself from the heartbreak that Miroku would have given her, had they stayed. It had all been an act. A scheme. All just to get her in bed with him, for a one night stand. And throw her out when they were done. She had saved her heart.
But then why did she feel like it had been torn from her regardless?
She closed her eyes, trying to escape her own thoughts. Trying to find solace in the darkness that lurked there. But she could only find one thing.
Don't you feel beautiful? ---I worship you. ---Do you feel beautiful? ---Yes.
His words. His actions. And what she had thought, to be his love. She couldn't escape it. It was like; he had taken a part of her. So that she would always be with him, no matter how much she tried to break the bond. So she could return to her own self.
It had already been set. There was no erasing it.
With You, now I see, keeping everything inside
with you
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
He had hurt her. With his very words he had torn her apart. "It's not something I can help. She played with me, so I'm going to play her. That's that. When it's all said and done, it's not going to bother me one bit.
Exactly. That's how he felt. So why was she so torn up. He would go his separate way. As he would always and continue to do. So why could she not go her own? He had turned himself into an emotionless bastard, able to rip someone heart out the way he did. Why could she not do the same? Or at least survive it.
Why was she here? Unable to move, unable to think of anything else besides the fact of her pain. Heartbreak. Now she knew the true meanings of those words. She sighed, as they came back to the old warehouse. Condemned or not. It was home.
"Nothing has happened." She whispered, wiping her eyes, she entered the side door, after ripping off the padlock and the chains from the old rotting wood. "It was all a dream. It wasn't real."
Although it was still morning, by the time that Sango and her brother made it back to her own places. The same old mattresses where they had slept for years before.
But when she closed her eyes to try and sleep. She couldn't dream, couldn't sleep. She could only remember. It was like she was trapped, and she would never get out. The houshi had locked her away, and more securely then she, or he would ever know.
She was trapped. He was her only savior. And he was gone.
He would never come back.
I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real
I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react
So even though you're close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
It seemed to be a normal day. Although Hatchi didn't know what to do.
The player's life was always full of risks. You're giving up everything. For this one thing. To capture girls love and affection, and yet be able to throw it away immediately after.
But what happens when that one thing goes wrong. There's nothing left for you.
That was how Hatchi knew Miroku had felt. He had wanted Sango. He had wanted to take her, and he worked for her with such intensity that Hatchi could only smile. Usually, he would have felt that Miroku deserved a reward for his efforts. And not this pain.
But what he was going to do to her in return. It was the first time that Miroku had actually experienced the one thing that he could never escape. Because it had locked these two away. And they would never be able to break free without each other.
The one emotion that tortured Humans so easily. So readily.
Love.
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
You, now I see, keeping everything inside
with you
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
With you
You, now I see, keeping everything inside
with you
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
((Lyrics are taking from With You by Linkin Park. I was listening to it constantly, and I figured it fit in pretty good. Ne?))