!! Warning: slash. !!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, however much I might wish I did.

Staying on Top

Part 2: ...Repent at Leisure

Megatron lay still, afraid to move or even activate his sensors, surrounded by self-inflicted blackout and silence. Searching his memory banks, he found only great ragged gaps punctuated by nightmarish snapshots of scenarios that seemed to be from some alien dimension bearing no resemblance to the sane, real world he lived in. As he tried to review the last twentyfour hours of his life, scrabbling to extract a coherent story from the flashbacks, he felt cold horror crawl through his processors. How bad was it going to be, he wondered, when he finally got up the courage to face the universe? What sort of ruin and devastation would he find himself called upon to deal with?

Why, oh why, did I drink so much last night?

Carefully, bracing himself for the potential trauma, he brought his optics and audials online. Pain stabbed through his receptors as awareness returned and he flinched, hastily switching on filters to cut out the worst of the light around him. At least he was in his own quarters, lying half-on and half-off the recharge berth, staring at the familiar metal of the undecorated walls. The floor was littered with empty energon cubes, bits of random scrap and various objects he couldn't identify at all, but it was nothing that couldn't be cleared up. So far, so good. Carefully he turned onto his back, rearranging himself so that his limbs weren't trailing off the berth.

As he moved, there was a loud clang of impacting metal.

"Ow! What -"

Megatron's processors froze. He would know that voice anywhere in the universe.

"STARSCREAM!" Wincing, he hastily lowered his voice as his own yell jarred his battered neurocircuitry into blazing pain. "What are you doing in my quarters?"

Megatron vaguely remembered Starscream getting horrendously over-energised the night before as well but even with the hangover he must have had, the Seeker's reflexes were still amazingly fast. In the time it took Megatron to struggle to a sitting position and raise his fusion cannon, Starscream had dived into the far corner of the room and thrown himself upon his knees. He cowered and threw up his arm to shield his face, optics wide in terror. "Eek! Megatron! Please, please, don't hurt me!"

"Explain your presence here right now or I'll blast you into scrap, Starscream!" It was a relief to Megatron to find that even with a hangover that felt like a personal expression of Primus' displeasure, he could still frighten the living spark out of his Air Commander. Seeing that look of absolute cringing panic on Starscream's face was making him feel better already.

"I - I -" the Seeker stammered. "Please, mighty Megatron..."

If Starscream was calling him that with a straight face the situation was probably even worse than he had realised, Megatron thought despairingly. "WHAT?"

"I... I've got memory failure." Starscream collapsed even further, curling into a ball on the floor, his scratchy voice breaking up in sobs of terror. "I've no idea how I got here. Please, d-don't terminate me...!"

Megatron groaned. Much as he didn't want to admit it to the other Decepticon, he had no memory of when, how or why Starscream had gotten there either. And nagging in the back of his mind were stories of other times when mechs had come online with hangovers and unexpected company...

Oh, Primus. Tell me I didn't.

"Megatron?" Starscream uncurled fractionally.

"Yes?"

"What's going on?"

Starscream's look of pleading helplessness was, for once, unfeigned, and Megatron decided to let him off the hook for the time being. "That, Starscream, is what I intend to find out." He activated his comm unit. "Megatron to Decepticon forces - sound off! Status and location reports from all units!"

There was a brief delay, then responses started to filter back. "Soundwave reporting. Status: energon poisoning. Location: floor." Starscream, overhearing that, snickered quietly. Even through the modulation of his vocaliser it was plain that the Communications Officer was deep in his own personal world of hurts.

"Boss? Rumble here. Why am I stuck in a ventilation shaft?"

"Scrapper reporting on behalf of the Constructicons, Commander Megatron. We're down in the repair bay. Should all be fully functional within half a megacycle."

"Skywarp. I'm in Thundercracker's quarters. Thundercracker's with me but he's still passed out."

The reports continued to come in, and eventually Megatron nodded, satisfied that everyone was at least accounted for. Now all that remained was to piece together who had done what - and, most importantly of all, why he had woken up with his Air Commander...

Behind him he heard Starscream muttering to himself, apparently thinking aloud. "We can pull the surveillance tapes. Whatever happened, the cameras will have logged it."

The thought of what might be on those tapes turned Megatron cold inside, and he looked up suspiciously at the camera in the corner of his room. "I'll see to that myself," he said hastily. "Get out there and try to restore some semblance of order. And, Starscream?"

"Yes?"

"Do not tell anyone you were here last night. Understood?"

"Why not - oh." The look on Starscream's face as he reached the same conclusion Megatron had arrived at some minutes ago was a picture. "You're afraid they'll think we -"

"Don't even think that thought."

Starscream closed his mouth, for once not wanting to argue, and headed for the door. Megatron watched him leave.

Only when he was safely alone did the Decepticon leader bury his face in his hands and allow himself a faint whimper of despair.

XXXXX

"Nnnngh."

"Hey, wake up, buddy. You okay?"

"Owww. Slag." Thundercracker sat up cautiously on his recharge berth, blinking his optics. For a moment, he couldn't remember anything.

Then it all came back and he promptly fell over again, choking with laughter. "Oh, oh, oh..." Reaching out, he grabbed Skywarp and pulled the other Seeker into a hug. "Oh, Warp... you'll never believe what happened last night."

"Get off, you idiot," Skywarp protested. He disentangled himself and shoved Thundercracker away. "What the shock is going on?"

"You'll see," Thundercracker promised. "We... me and the cassettes... we set you up a present."

Now that sounded intriguing. "What kind of a present?"

Thundercracker looked up at his wingmate, optics wide, his face nearly divided in two by an enormous, utterly evil grin. "I pranked the Screamer for you."

"Oh, Thunder! You didn't!" Skywarp didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "You... oh, you! What did you do to him? Go on, go on, tell me!"

"Well..." Thundercracker paused, drawing out the pleasure of the moment. "We didn't just prank Starscream. We got Megatron as well."

The shock nearly drove Skywarp to a processor reboot. "You... did... what? How?"

"Easy. We found them both passed out, so..."

"Yes?" If Skywarp had been organic, he would have been drooling with anticipation. "Put me out of my misery, Thunder! Tell me!"

Thundercracker hesitated, schooling his features into a look of feigned innocence. "We left them snuggled up together in Megatron's quarters."

"Whaaaaaat?! Oh... oh, Primus..." The black Seeker collapsed in gales of shocked, delighted laughter. "Thunder," he gasped. "I never knew you had it in you."

"Well, it was Rumble's and Frenzy's idea," Thundercracker admitted. "I just helped them carry the bodies."

"But you did it for me?" Skywarp looked incredulous.

"Sure. Anything for my bestest friend." Thundercracker grinned.

"Thunder?"

"Yeah?"

"I owe you for this, don't I?"

"Quite possibly. Don't worry, I'll be sure to call in at the worst possible moment." Thundercracker laughed.

"And here was me thinking you were turning nice," Skywarp sighed in mock regret.

Thundercracker looked up at his friend, gleefully unrepentant. "Warp, you wouldn't want me any other way."

Skywarp smiled at that. "No, actually. I wouldn't."

XXXXX

"Starscream!"

"Yes?"

Megatron stepped in close to his lieutenant and lowered his voice. "Someone has already pulled the surveillance tapes for last night and wiped them," he said grimly. "Any brilliant ideas?"

Starscream shuddered. He wondered whether whoever had done the delete had watched the tapes first, and if so, what they had seen. "Someone else who had something to hide?" he suggested.

"That could have been anyone." Megatron sighed. "I think everyone in the base humiliated themselves somehow last night. Did I really see Soundwave and the cassettes trying to do karaoke?" He smiled tightly in response to Starscream's horrified look. "I keep getting flashes of memory back. That was the most recent one."

"If that did happen," Starscream said with feeling, "I'm very glad to say I missed it."

"How fortunate for you." Megatron's usual sarcasm was tinged with genuine envy. "Any further thoughts on our own... mental lapses?"

Starscream had plenty of thoughts. Most of them, however, weren't ones he was prepared to discuss. "Nothing helpful. Primus, I wish I could remember!"

"Well, keep on trying." Megatron told him. "We'll get to the bottom of this."

Starscream nodded. "Believe me, I'm working on it."

Megatron's comm blinked into life. "Megatron?"

"Yes, Soundwave?" Was it his imagination, Starscream thought as he listened in, or did Soundwave actually sound flustered?

"Important: you need to see this. Come to the control room."

"Can't you be more specific than that?" Megatron growled impatiently.

"Circumstances... outside explicable parameters." Soundwave hesitated. "Megatron - help?"

Megatron and Starscream looked at each other in disbelief.

"On my way," Megatron said at last.

"Thank you." Soundwave cut the connection.

"Starscream?" Megatron turned on his heel and beckoned his lieutenant. "With me."

Starscream was too stunned to quibble. "Yes, Megatron." As they headed for the control room, he wondered with a sinking sense of horror just what they were going to encounter. Somehow, he was absolutely sure his life was about to get even worse.

XXXXX

Megatron stood in the middle of the control room and glared at the base's main computer screen with an intensity that could have burned through steel plating. Starscream stood beside his commander, shifting uneasily from foot to foot; the other Decepticons present, who had been laughing until Megatron walked in, stood or sat still with cowed looks on their faces.

"Does anyone," the Decepticon leader said in a dangerously controlled voice, "wish to take responsibility for this?"

There was a horrible silence.

"Very well." Megatron turned, pointing accusingly at each of the Decepticons in turn, letting them all have a good look down the barrel of his fusion cannon. "When I find the perpetrator of this... prank... I shall contrive a suitable punishment for them." He looked up at the screen again.

On some level he supposed he had to admit it was funny. Someone had taken a screen capture from the surveillance cameras and tampered with it, coming up with an image of himself and Starscream caught in what could only be described as a very compromising position. The unknown hacker had then stuck the picture up as a default background on the computers, with the result that everyone in the Decepticon base had now had ample opportunity to look and laugh at it. It was disturbing how well the shot had been done, Megatron thought - not only had the prankster managed to edit the image to get the two of them locked in a kiss, he had even changed the details of their expressions to achieve a more authentic effect. The artistry of the graphic work was undeniable.

He stamped hard on the small part of his mind that pointed out that it might not actually be an edited image.

"Soundwave! Get that picture off the screens. And backtrack the traces to find out who posted it in the first place!"

"As you command, Megatron." Soundwave tapped at his console, and the offending image duly vanished. Beside him Megatron heard Starscream gasp in relief, and inwardly cursed him for it. If anyone thought that either of them was embarrassed by this ridiculous prank, they would jump to conclusions...

Unfortunately, someone else had noticed the Seeker's discomfiture. "Hey, Screamer, don't look so guilty!" Rumble piped up. "It's only a screen edit. Not like it really happened - is it?"

Starscream visibly flinched. And, predictably, the Decepticons went straight for the kill.

"Hey, maybe it wasn't an edit!"

"Oh, Primus, what if they did?"

"I do not believe this!"

The look of outrage on Starscream's face only made it worse. Laughter rang through the room, even the threat of Megatron's temper no longer enough to keep the Decepticons in check. Megatron glared, at a loss for once in his life as he wondered how to regain control of the situation without making himself look as guilty as Starscream already did. Fury seethed in his processors. Taking the fall for a subordinate's prank like this was intolerable!

"Shut up!" Starscream yelled over the catcalls. "All of you! I will not be mocked!"

"Yes you will!" someone called out. There was another round of laughter. Starscream raised his fist, his optics narrowing dangerously.

Megatron decided that this had gone far enough. "Silence!"

Silence he wanted, and silence he got. A silence of goggling optics and visible smirks, as every Decepticon in the control room stared at their two most senior officers and desperately tried not to crack up again. A couple of muffled squeaks could be heard as some of them failed to keep their faces straight.

Megatron looked around at them all. "I do not wish to hear any more of this!" he growled at last. "Get back to your duties!"

There was a general shuffle of compliance, but under the surface Megatron could still hear the snickers and the whispered exchanges that were going on. He glanced sideways at Starscream, who caught his gaze and glared back.

Both commanders failed to see the exchange of thumbs-ups between Rumble and Frenzy, but nobody missed Frenzy's "aside" to his brother a second later. "Hey, Rumble, Starscream looks real funny when he's mad, don't he?"

"Yeah, right, Frenzy," came the stage-whispered answer. "I reckon he's upset cos we all know he was the one underneath."

There was a beat as Starscream's hungover mind processed the words, and then his optics lit up with an incandescent fury that made even Frenzy take an involuntary step backwards. "What? How dare you -"

"Hey, nothin' personal," Rumble squeaked out, backing away. "Just, well, someone had to've been, and obviously Megatron wouldn't -"

Megatron, listening in shock to the exchange, smiled wryly at that surreal vote of confidence; then he saw the expression on Starscream's face, and felt his circuits go cold. Megatron had seen that look enough times to know exactly what it meant - it was the one that signalled an impending leadership challenge. Oh, Starscream, not now...

With a predatory smile, Starscream looked down at the cassette. "What makes you so sure of that, Rumble?" Megatron blinked. Whatever he had expected, this wasn't it!

Rumble looked more than a little surprised himself. "Well, I... this is Megatron, of course he'd be on top, I mean anyone could tell that..." Rumble was backing away in the direction of Soundwave, who was already moving to protect his "children", and the cassette's gaze was flicking between Starscream and Megatron as though he wasn't sure which of the two was going to try and deactivate him first.

"You think?" Starscream's expression had gone beyond predatory and was now in the realms of truly unholy delight. The room had fallen totally silent, everyone hanging in disbelief on Starscream's words. "And here I thought everyone knew that the control-freak commander types always take it -"

"STARSCREAM!!!!" Optics blazing with outrage, Megatron swung up his fusion cannon and blasted the Seeker back into the nearest wall. For a second there was silence as everyone instinctively cringed away from their leader's wrath - and then from somewhere behind Soundwave's legs, a shrill voice yelled out: "Hey, get him! Guilty or what?"

"What?! Frenzy-!"

Too late. The whole room had heard. Starscream scrambled to his feet, laughing louder than anyone as every pair of optics turned to focus on Megatron. "Well, Leader? How does it feel to be underneath in public for once?"

"Starscream," Megatron grated out, "when I'm through with you this time, you will wish you had never been assembled!" He looked around the room for support.

He quickly realised that he didn't have any. Skywarp and Thundercracker were holding each other up and laughing fit to blow a gasket, the three Insecticons were rolling on the floor giggling, even Soundwave couldn't look him in the optics. And Starscream was standing front-and-centre of the whole sorry lot of them, one fist raised in mocking salute, conducting the symphony of merriment with a look of joyful malice on his face. "Well, Megatron?"

With a colossal effort, Megatron suppressed the desire to pound his second in command into scrap metal. Instead, he stood still and willed himself to remain calm. I am Megatron, lord of the Decepticons, and I will not be driven to make a fool of myself in front of my entire army! And whatever Starscream may allege, I'M ON TOP! Now and forever! Had he been human, he would have taken a deep breath; as it was he simply stepped back, taking his fusion cannon offline, and smiled with all the arrogance he could summon up. With theatrical courtesy, he waited for the laughter to die down before speaking.

"You are running out of ideas, Starscream," he began smoothly, mockingly. "Your attempts at mutiny usually have some substance, after all. Is this really the best you can come up with, or should I be making allowances for your hangover?"

That got a laugh from several of the onlookers and a glare of wounded pride from Starscream. Megatron pressed the advantage, grinning maliciously. "Of course, I can't just ignore your... allegation. After all, if I did, it might look as though I had something to hide - hmm?" He paused again, letting the silence do his work for him, watching as the look of defiance on Starscream's face started to slip; then he took a pace forward, advancing threateningly on the Seeker. They locked optics, battling with nothing but sheer willpower; around them, the other Decepticons watched in stunned silence as the air between the two commanders seemed to crystallise under the pressure of their mutual glares. Several of the watchers started to move unobtrusively backwards as though afraid one or both of the combatants was about to physically explode.

And then Starscream finally lost his nerve and backed away a step. Megatron followed up instantly, still staring the Seeker down, his lips curling into a wicked half-smile. "Who's on top, Starscream?"

The question hung in the air for a second, and then Starscream dropped his gaze. "Oh, all right," he said sulkily, looking at the floor. "You are. As usual."

The tension snapped like a breaking wire, and suddenly everyone was laughing again. Not that Megatron minded it now, because they were back to laughing at Starscream instead of at himself. That was definitely much, much better...

"Megatron?"

He looked around. "Yes, Soundwave?"

"Source of image identified."

Soundwave had been busy doing a computer hack all the way through that fiasco? At least one of my Decepticons can be trusted to do his job, Megatron thought with a flash of amusement. "So, who was the culprit?"

Soundwave glared reproachfully at the small purple figure by his feet. "Rumble."

"Aww, boss!" Rumble protested. "You're not supposed to rat on us!"

"'Us'?" Soundwave prompted him dryly.

"Blast!" Rumble guiltily clapped his hands over his mouth. "I mean me, obviously..."

"Nah, me too," Frenzy admitted, stepping up beside his brother. "But, come on, you gotta admit it was funny," he added, looking up nervously at Megatron. "Don't you?"

"Very well. Consider yourselves duly acknowledged for one of the most effective pranks I've seen in quite some time." Megatron paused to give them time to be suitably pleased with themselves, then smiled malevolently. "In addition, the two of you are relieved of active duty and are going to spend the next three weeks scrubbing every flat surface in this base. Do I make myself clear?"

Their faces fell. "Awwww, no!" Rumble protested. "Not brush detail! Not again!" He scampered to Megatron and clutched pleadingly at the taller 'Con's ankle. "Please! Anything but that!"

Megatron looked down at him. "Would you rather I let Starscream determine your punishment?" he asked innocently. "After all, he was as much a victim of your mischief as I was..."

Rumble froze, then backed carefully away. "Um, I'll go fetch that brush then, shall I?" he said hopefully.

"Excellent decision, Rumble." Starscream had come up behind Megatron and was glaring at the cassettes.

"I dunno what you're looking at us for," Frenzy objected, glaring right back. "He started it!"

All optics followed the pointing finger. Thundercracker, suddenly finding himself the object of a dozen inquiring stares, blinked innocently. "Who me?" He turned and pointed at Skywarp. "I was only doing what he said!"

"Hey, just a cycle! I was passed out drunk, I had nothing to do with this!" Skywarp yelped. "You were the one who -"

"Thundercracker! Skywarp! You two are dead!" Starscream yelled. "I'll pull out your circuit boards with my bare hands if you set me up for this!"

"Looked like you did a pretty good job of embarrassing yourself even without our help!" Skywarp protested. "You can't blame us for everything!"

"Quiet!" Megatron shouted. The noise subsided to a bearable level. "Seekers, out of here now and sort this out amongst yourselves. Rumble, Frenzy, to your assigned duties or it will be worse than brush detail next time. The rest of you, back to your stations and do not let me hear another word about this!" Sweeping the room with a final glare, he turned and stalked out.

The sound of the door closing behind him was one of the most welcome things he could ever remember hearing. With a sigh, he turned and headed back to his quarters, wincing as the headache he'd been trying to ignore for the past half a megacycle started to kick back in with a vengeance. Normally it wouldn't have occurred to him to skip a turn of duty for a mere hangover, but after a morning like that one he was prepared to make an exception. Rank hath its privileges, after all...

XXXXX