Chapter 6
Kagome chomped on the tasty rice noodles, nearly missing taste for pondering. Her mind wandered circuitously, not able to come to any feasible conclusion about anything through the inner turmoil.
The atmosphere was quiet and awkward, and Yuki found his attempts at conversation ended before they began. After a while, he gave up, choosing instead to sip his ice drink in peace. It was the fourth or fifth worried look that she finally gave in to, climbing out of her reverie into a world that was reality.
"Sorry, sorry... I'm not being very sociable. Just a tad tired." She insisted.
"Kagome, are you sure you're ok after this morning?"
'Of course... he still thinks it's that.'
"Yeah... Just doing some thinking about it." Held the girl who was apparently the great great great great great grandmother of the boy sitting in front of her. She looked at him closer and smiled.
"K, just checking..."
Silence. Clink of silverware.
"Yuki?"
"Hm?"
"Thanks... That was really good... but I think I need to go home." And she looked it too; eyes staring at nothing as she spoke, voice monotonous and uninvolved.
He tipped his head in accord, pushing himself up before taking her hand.
The silent ride to the Higurashi steps ended as Yuki slowed to a stop. They both swung their legs off of the hip transporter and removed their helmets.
"Are you sure you're ok?" Yuki took Kagome's hand and bent slightly to look into her confused eyes.
She looked at her hand in his, and her eyes got darker. The smiling was gone.
A hand tugged at hers and she realized that Yuki was going to walk her home. 'Home.' Echo. Is it right? Maybe.
Her feet moved with his, on their own accord, mind kicking into autopilot.
Right? Wrong.
Happy? Sad.
White? Black.
Good? Bad.
They were at the top of the stairs now; Kagome's feet stumbled as they ended. She looked up into the concerned eyes, concerned yellow eyes. Something... her breath was short.
Those eyes were in conflict. She knew that look. The look of longing, of confusion.
Features were painted with primary colors. She knew them, she knew them like black and white, because they were her own. Or were they?
Her mind retreated again.
She felt lips on hers and the yellows was gone. His eyes were closed.
When she didn't return the kiss, he pulled away.
"Kagome... I..." He stuttered. "I thought..."
The words didn't come. It was a TV show, one of those soap operas she always skipped through. Her head turned to look for the female character, who would be in tears by now. No one was there.
Her eyes went back, back to the yellow. They were staring at her, telling her... no, she didn't want to know, didn't want to look, didn't want to listen to what they were saying.
Wrong. Right?
Why wasn't he stopping, where was the lover saying 'wait, I love you, come back to me!'
Gone. A rumble and then silence, and empty stomach of audible potential, and yet no food to feed it.
Sad. Happy?
A shade had been put over Kagome's mind like a lampshade on a light. There was nothing blinding her, but she couldn't see. That last bit of detail, the fine print she couldn't make out. The part where it says the details that they want you to miss, but are the most important.
Her body crumpled like tissue paper there on the top step of her family's shrine.
Black. White?
She shaded her eyes from the white surrounding her. The peaceful and yet burning light. Someone handed her an oiled paper umbrella. White. She took it, stood up, and looked.
Birds fluttered, beautiful birds with many feathers. Birds she wanted to stroke. White birds. They told her she couldn't come play with them, she needed to go somewhere else first.
She heard something behind her and turned. Black. The umbrella burst into flames and became a torch, she advanced into the darkness.
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Inuyasha sat at the low table across from Kagome's mother.
"Inuyasha, she needs to know that you love her. She need you to show her! Do something you've never done before. Something... something she knows you would only do if you really loved her." Kagome's mother's eyes sparkled thinking of the romantic implications.
His attention was mostly outside with the shifting winds, then he saw them coming back. Kagome's scent drifted to his nose and he took it in desperately.
They stopped at the top of the stairs. They looked at each other. Just stood there for a good minute... and then he kissed her. He kissed his Kagome, Inuyasha growled a deep and possessive growl.
Kagome looked around innocently like she didn't know where she was. Like she was looking for something that wasn't there.
Then he left. The bastard left. Kagome was all alone, she stood very still, like a statue that needs to be looked at.
Inuyasha stood up, by now Kagome's mother had also seen them, and seen Yuki leave.
They both watched as Kagome collapsed onto the stone. Inuyasha was out the door before she hit the ground.
He was at her side now, now that she needed him. Where was she when he needed her? Lost. I think something was found. What was found? Want? Need? Desire?
Not desire. Desire is a device. The only limit to desire is desire itself. Better not to have your desires. Better not to have anything desirable?
Want? 'What is this feeling?' Inuyasha massaged his chest as he held Kagome's hand lightly. She was in bed now. 'It hurts. Why?'
Need.
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Kagome edged further into Black. It beckoned her, comforted her. The torch disappeared; she disappeared.
Bad. Good?
She felt warm. Amidst all this darkness, there was a warmth inside her chest. A joy that could not be matched. She smiled to Black, it didn't see her. She was here right?
"Ouch." The sound echoed and then was swallowed by the hungry dark.
"Yup, I'm here" here here here, Black chanted.
"Where?"
"Over here." It answered her. Of course, she didn't know where 'over here' was.
Over here was over there, was everywhere! The only sure directions; up and down.
Black chuckled, Black chanted the chuckle.
Lost?
"Yes." Kagome smiled her invisible smile again.
Where do you want to go?
"I don't know... Where and I supposed to go?" Her invisible smile disappeared.
Where do you want to go?
"You already asked that."
Want and obligation are two very different things.
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End of Chapter 6.
I sense an ending coming up here soon. Tell me what you thought of my slightly more abstract writing style here. I kind of broke out of ffn conventions, kinda like a test drive, also just cuz I'm in a weird mood and I needed to write.
Hopefully all this isn't too much to process, please do send word as to what your thoughts were.
I ALWAYS respond to long reviews.
kakite