The Eye of the Llama
by Gary D. Snyder
Part 2:
Oblivious to the events unfolding on Felangie, Jimmy Neutron, Sheen Estevez, and Carl Wheezer were lounging on Jimmy's front porch and discussing a matter of vital importance to the three. The discussion had gone on for some time.
"So, what do you want to do today, Jimmy?" asked Sheen listlessly.
"I don't know. What do you want to do today, Sheen?" Jimmy answered in an equally bored tone.
"I don't know. What do you want to do today, Carl?" Sheen yawned.
Carl shrugged. "I don't know. What do you guys want to do today?"
"I don't know. What do you want to do today, Sheen?" asked Jimmy.
"I don't know. What do –"
"Hold it, hold it!" Jimmy interrupted, his ennui momentarily replaced by irritation. "Asking each other what we want to do is getting us nowhere."
"I see," Sheen responded thoughtfully. "So what do you want to do about that?"
"I don't know," Jimmy admitted. "What do you want to do –" He caught himself and glared at Sheen. "Stop that!"
"Well, how are we going to decide what to do?"
Jimmy thought about it. "Well, sometimes it helps to resolve an intractable situation by formulating a converse proposition and resolving the problem using inverse reductive reasoning."
"Uh-huh," Sheen nodded. "Do you know what I find helps even more?"
"What's that?"
"Speaking in English!"
"Yeah, Jimmy," Carl agreed. "Some of those words made my head hurt."
Jimmy sighed. "All I said was that maybe instead of trying think of what we want to do, we can narrow the field by listing what we don't want to do."
"Oh, I get it!" exclaimed Sheen. "Let's give it a try."
"Okay," answered Jimmy. "Fire away."
"So, what don't you want to do today, Jimmy?" asked Sheen.
"I don't know. What don't you want to do today, Sheen?" Jimmy replied.
"I don't know. What don't you want to do today, Carl?"
"I don't know. What don't you guys want to do today?" Carl responded.
"I know I don't want to keep asking the same questions over and over," was Jimmy's annoyed answer.
"Yeah, same here," agreed Sheen.
"Me too," nodded Carl.
"So where did that get us?" Sheen wanted to know.
"Not very far," Jimmy was forced to admit. "I'm afraid that our problem is beyond any recourse to logic or reason."
"You mean we have to abandon logic and reason?" Sheen asked, looking uncomfortable.
Carl looked absolutely scared. "But that…that means…" he stammered.
Jimmy hung his head. "I'm afraid so," he sighed. "We're going to have to ask the girls to do something with us."
"But that could mean anything!" Sheen protested, looking about wildly. "They might want to go shopping, or see some movie with lots of crying in it, or…or…" He lowered his voice to an intense whisper. "…or want to discuss our deepest thoughts and feelings!."
"It's horrible to imagine!" wailed Carl.
"I know," was Jimmy's miserable answer. "But it's better than just hanging around doing nothing."
"Speak for yourself," Sheen huffed in indignation. "There's no way I'm revealing my deepest anything. They're like my Ultra Lord ultra-briefs. If they were meant to be made in public, they wouldn't be inside in the first place." Sheen glowered at Carl and Jimmy, who were giving him strange looks. "What?" he demanded.
Jimmy was the first to recover. "Do you have a better idea? Or any idea at all?"
Sheen started to say something, screwed up his eyes as he racked his brain, and then slumped his shoulders in defeat. "No," he said. "I'm pretty much tapped out."
"Fine," said Jimmy, activating his wrist communicator. "I'll give them a call and invite them over and we can take it from there."
Carl spoke hesitantly. "Uh, Jimmy…"
Jimmy stopped in mid-motion. "What is it, Carl?"
"Umm…do we have to ask the girls over?"
"What's wrong with that?" asked Sheen. "I mean, they're obviously not our solution of choice, but they aren't all that bad."
"Well, no, but…" Carl swallowed then pressed on. "It's just that…well…whenever we all go someplace or do something together, Jimmy and Cindy always end up together, and Sheen and Libby always end up together, and pretty soon it's like I'm not even there anymore. At least when I'm with just you two I feel like I'm still somebody that matters."
Jimmy and Sheen stared open-mouthed at Carl, both feeling a twinge of guilt. It was true that recently their group gatherings had more often than not ended up with the two of them pairing off with the girls, leaving Carl the odd man out. It had happened so subtly that neither Sheen or Jimmy had been aware of it, but as the proverbial fifth wheel Carl had been painfully conscious of the change in the group dynamics. At last Jimmy found his voice.
"I'm sorry, Carl," he apologized. "I never really thought of it that way. But I promise you that won't happen this time. We're just doing something as a group. There won't be any pairing off this time, I promise."
"Absolutely, Carl," Sheen added. "Like you once said, we're the Three Amigops."
Carl brightened. "Really?"
"Absolutely," Jimmy assured him, pressing the code to speed dial Cindy's number. "It's all for one and one for – Hello? Cindy? It's Jimmy." He looked disgusted and rolled his eyes. "Jimmy Neutron…Well, how many do you know?…Hey, that's pretty funny, Cindy. Keep practicing, it's good to have a second career if you can't make it bagging groceries. What's that?" A look of mock sorrow came over his face. "Okay, okay, I apologize. I really meant when, not if. Look, it's kind of short notice, but…What's that?" He paused and listened intently with a look of pleasant surprise. "Yeah, that does sound good…Thirty minutes? No problem. Carl, Sheen, and I can be…" He paused and listened again, but this time he looked troubled. "But you don't understand. We….but…but…okay. Yeah, I understand. See you then. Good-bye." He punched the disconnect button and slowly turned to face Carl and Sheen, who were staring with expectant curiosity at him.
"What's the word, Jimmy?" asked Sheen. "Are the girls coming over?"
"Yeah, they are." Jimmy tried to find the right words. "It seems that Cindy's parents were invited up to the lake today by some friends, and they said that Cindy could bring some friends with her."
"That sound great, Jimmy!" said Carl. "Are we those friends?"
"Well…some of us are." He waited a second to let his words get through. "You see, Cindy could only ask three friends along. Libby was one, and Libby wanted to ask Sheen, and since there was only one space left…" His words trailed off as Carl blinked in growing comprehension and swallowed hard.
"So I can't come?"
"Not this time," Jimmy got out. "But next time…I promise…" As Carl turned and began walking stiffly away Jimmy called out in an appeasing tone, "I promise, Carl. I'll make it up to you. Really. Tomorrow we can take the Strato and go the Andes and see some real live llamas. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Carl didn't respond and and as he continued to walk away Jimmy's voice took on a pleading tone. "Or we can visit Brobot. You like Mombot's lunar pies, right? Or I can ask my mom to bake you those lemon cookies you like. Just name it." Carl passed from view around the corner without a word and Jimmy's last word was almost pitiful. "Please?" As he stared uselessly in the direction Carl had disappeared all Jimmy could think was, What have I done?
Carl walked down the street, blind to where he was going. He felt as if he had been cut off from everyone he had ever known and the feeling frightened him. He was not angry with Jimmy, or Sheen, or even Cindy, but felt confused and frightened at the thought that he no longer seemed to have the place in his friends' lives that he had once had. He slowed to a walk, looking around in a daze as he tried to find the words that would let him come to grips with his feelings. At last he clenched his fists and screamed up at the uncaring heavens the thought that filled his mind,
"I'M CARL WHEEZER, AND I MATTER!"
End of Part 2.