Jax paused at her words, hearing the regret in them. He wanted to turn around, he wanted to ask her why she couldn't have just let him end their relationship all those other times he had offered. If she had just let him go, if she had not told him she didn't want to lose him, if she hadn't told him that she cared about him... he would have never stayed and they would not be here like this right now. He would have been able to treat her as a good friend, he would not be feeling all this hurt and misery whenever he saw her. It was too soon- he thought he could deal with her but it was obvious now that he couldn't. Without turning around, he continued walking again.
Courtney felt her eyes well up when he chose to ignore her. "Please," she said softly, waiting to see if he would turn around to look at her. Jax felt awful when he heard her wounded tone. Taking a deep breath, he turned around to face her- his walls up as high as he could get them. He felt a tiny crack when he saw the look in her eyes. Courtney saw him watch her warily and the knowledge of how much she had hurt him hit her with full force once again. If he had felt anything remotely close to what she had been feeling ever since their fallout... she couldn't imagine why he would ever want to speak to her again. "I- I'm sorry Jax, for everything that happened," she said quietly, gazing at him and willing him to believe her.
Jax saw the sincereness and sadness in her eyes and let out a deep breath. "Things didn't work out. Obviously I thought there was more to us than there really was and I was wrong," he said without conviction. "You weren't wrong, Jax," Courtney said softly. "Yes, I was," Jax replied resolutely, turning to walk away again. Courtney stood up and grabbed his hand before he could leave. He felt her hand holding on to his and looked down at their fingers interlocking once again. If he was wrong then why did it feel so damn right? "Look, Courtney, it's okay. I mean, I- I really liked you and we had our share of good memories, we'll always have those to remember. We simply weren't meant to be. I'll get over it, I'll move on- it's what everybody has to do in life in order to survive," he said and tried to pull his hand back. Kristina watched the two adults talk without making a sound because she sensed that it was an important discussion and did not want to interrupt.
Courtney's heart ached when she heard him regress his feelings for her back to "like" instead of what he had professed it to be before- love. She didn't know if it mattered anymore what she said to him but she wanted to say it anyway, for her own peace of mind as much as his. "Jax, you made me realize a lot of things the other night," she admitted softly. Jax saw her raise her mesmerizing eyes to his and knew he needed to get out of there before he fell for them again. It would only inevitably lead to more heartbreak and he didn't think his heart could take anymore beating. "I- I should go," he said quickly, trying to retract his hand again but Courtney refused to let go.
"Can you please just listen to me?" she asked, staring at him as if she was trying to read his soul. "It- it's not a good idea," he said, watching her eyes grow bright with tears and feeling guilt tug shamelessly at his heart. Courtney finally let go of his hand resignedly and Jax felt the loss resonate deeply, all the way within the dark confines of his heart. "No sad," Kristina said, pointing at Courtney. Jax stroked her hair comfortingly and said, "Shh. Say bye to Courtney, Kristina." Courtney saw the little girl's intelligent eyes watch her quietly for a second before waving. She smiled tearfully and said, "Bye Kristina. I hope you feel better." Jax turned to leave but Kristina moved her head to the side to catch one last glimpse at Courtney and smiled at her. For some reason, that gave Courtney the encouragement that she needed. Without thinking, she blurted out, "I love you, Jax."