Jax felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach when he heard her declaration. He shut his eyes and felt Kristina lean around to look at Courtney again. Why was she doing this to him? Why couldn't she just let him try to move on? Why was she trying to pull him back in again? He started growing angry. What the hell did she think she was she doing anyway? Did she really think that just because she said that to him that he would believe her? He had believed her one too many times when she had said she was over Jason but that obviously wasn't true. He had definitely learned his lesson from that painful experience. Turning around to face her, he said, "I don't know why you're saying this but the least you could do is respect me enough not to lie to me at this point." Courtney felt as if he slapped her. She was trying to pour her heart out to him and he didn't believe her. "I- I mean it," she stammered, staring at him miserably when disbelief flashed across his face.
"Courtney, you don't love me. You told me that you only think of me as a friend, one that you find entertaining and fun to be with but not someone you would miss as more than that. You love Jason, and you probably always will. I don't know what sort of fight you two got into that would cause you to think that you need to tell me you love me, but I want you to stop," he said bitterly.
"There was no fight! I love Jason but I am not in love with him anymore! I love you!" she cried out, frustrated that he didn't believe her. Jax stared at her, trying to ignore the way his heart was aching. Hugging Kristina tighter to him, he said painfully, " I- I'm already hurting enough Courtney, please. I want us to be able to stay friends and I- I don't think we can do that if you keep doing this to me. Just- please, just stop." Courtney felt the tears sliding slowly down her cheeks and she stood up, looking at him through the blurriness. He didn't want to hear her, he didn't want to listen to her. Was this what she made him feel like when he tried to tell her how he felt and she would just brush him off, assuming that he should do what she wanted him to?
Walking up until she was directly in front of him, she said achingly, "I can't stop. I don't think there is anything that I can say to you that will make you believe me, but I do love you Jax. Somewhere between Monte Carlo and now, I fell in love with you. I- I just didn't know what to do with it, I hadn't expected it and when I realized it- I did the only thing I knew how to do and that was hide. I thought that I could never love another person after Jason but then you happened and I didn't want to believe it. I don't know why- maybe because I never thought that you and I would be more than just a bet. Maybe it's because it made me realize how unhappy I was with Jason at the end and that hurt me. I loved him with all my heart, I didn't want to believe that we couldn't make our marriage work because we weren't happy. Because we were, at the beginning. It was just easier to blame everything else than to blame ourselves. I tried so hard and I don't think I wanted to admit that I was giving up on our love when I decided to divorce him. I wanted to believe that something else drove us apart, not me, because then that meant that what we had was real. That's why I leap to his defense every single time. I- I just want for him to be okay, to be happy because I couldn't make him happy when I was married to him."
"You weren't giving up on your love with Jason when you divorced him. You were dealing with what had to be done in order for you and him to be happy again. That is love in itself," Jax said quietly, unable to bear her blaming herself yet again. Courtney's heart warmed at his ability to think so unselfishly and fairly in such a situation. "Jax, you taught me that it was okay to move on. You reminded me what it was like to smile and laugh, to be carefree," she told him, reaching out her hand to touch his sleeve. He smiled sadly at her. "I'm glad you learned that you could be happy again one day," he said and began walking out of the chapel.
"I was happy with you! I was happier than I ever was, it seemed like it was too good to be true! I- I was scared. So much more than I wanted to admit and I didn't want to tell you. You made me feel, you made me want to be in love again but I- Jax, I am so scared of love. It hurts too much and I know you know that. I don't know how you find the strength to try again after everything that's happened. It's so painful when things don't work out, when you've done all you can and it all still blows up in your face. I didn't want to go through all that with you! I've done it with both AJ and Jason and all in a short period of time. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, can't you understand that? I know you made that bet with me because you wanted something uncomplicated but that's the reason I accepted! I- I just didn't know things would get this far and now it's too late," she said miserably.
Jax wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms comfortingly but he restrained himself and tried to harden his heart again. He was about to apologize and make his exit when she gazed up at him unflinchingly and said with absolutely no hesitation in her voice, "Even if you never want to see me again, I want you to understand this- I love you, Jax. I don't want you to walk away from this relationship without knowing that. I don't want you to think that you weren't enough, that I never loved you because it's not true. I love your smile, I love the way your eyes are a different shade of blue each time your emotion changes. I love how you're so open when you talk to me, I love how you make me feel when you hold me in your arms and kiss me. I love how you never berate me for defending you and I love how you're proud of me when I help you. I love how I feel protected whenever you hold my hand and I love the quiet way you talk to me. I love how you listen to me and respect me as your equal. I- I love how you make me feel, Jax." She wiped away a tear that had spilled onto her cheek and stared down at his feet because she couldn't bear to see the rejection in his eyes.
"Cry?" Kristina asked innocently, her brown eyes wide as she stared at Courtney. Jax tried to tell himself that it was better just to leave, that it would do him no good to go back. He had already tried his hardest with Courtney and he didn't have anymore to give. But when he saw her dejected form, he could not find it in his heart to leave her because every word that she had spoken, every single reason that she had listed for why she loved him- was exactly why he loved her. Taking a deep breath, he battled internally with himself until he couldn't stand it anymore. Taking one slow step forward, he held out his hand and gently tipped her chin up, gazing into her tear-filled eyes. Looking at Kristina, he said, "No. No more crying." Courtney felt her heart leap with joy when Jax finally looked at her again, his blue eyes yielding. "No more sadness. On-only love and happiness," he said quietly.
Courtney reached her hand slowly up and touched the hand that was under her chin and felt it drop to the side, his fingers laced tightly with hers. He watched her intently and she knew that the next move had to be hers. Taking a deep breath and wiping away the tears on her face, she stepped closer to him and slowly but surely, she stepped on her tiptoes and brushed her lips softly against his. She hesitated a second, opening her eyes to see him gazing down at her, his blue eyes flickering. They were both remembering how good it was between them. Courtney was unsure of what to do next but it didn't matter because she didn't have to think at all. Jax slowly bent his head again and kissed her gently, molding his lips to hers, leaving her absolutely breathless because she could feel all the love and forgiveness he had for her in that kiss. She moved closer to him and kissed him back with all the love in her own heart. They felt Kristina's hands move as she put one on each of their cheek and giggled as they finally drew apart.
"Happy!" Kristina exclaimed, brushing her hand against their cheeks excitedly. They smiled at her and nodded. "Yes, very happy," Courtney said softly, staring at Jax. She glowed when he gave her one of his lazy, intimate smiles- the ones he reserved for when she did something that made him extremely happy or proud. He held out his hand and watched as Courtney stared at it. Taking a deep breath, she reached out her own hand and grasped it tightly. "Don't ever let go," he said quietly. "I don't plan to, not this time," she replied confidently and felt her heart skip a beat when he brushed a kiss against their locked hands. "Good," he whispered as he began leading them out of the chapel.
Courtney stopped him, her blue eyes radiant, and said teasingly, "Just to clarify- I love you, Jasper Jacks." He grinned at her and made her feel warm all over when he said tenderly, "I love you too, Courtney Matthews." Satisfied, she let him lead her out the door, one arm carrying Kristina and his other hand grasping her own. They had no idea that the fragile house of cards erected about them was about to collapse and that they were going to be caught in the thick of it. But at that moment- they were finally together and ready to take on whatever obstacle that came their way.