Title: For Want of a Spider
Author: Valar
Rating: Five stars
Pairing: Sara/ Me :-)
Disclaimer: I own today's disclaimer - so keep yer filthy hands of it alright ?!
serious Disclaimer: This story is my little brains attempt at a wee bit of humour. I mean no offense to any religions herein mentioned.
Chapter Ten :
"Honey Hurry up! We're going to be late." Catherine called frustradedly into the house for what seemed like the forty fifth time.
"I'm friggen coming already!" Sara grumped as she stomped out to the car and threw her suitcase in the back.
"Come on baby, I'm sure its going to be heaps of fun." Catherine told the younger woman gently as she got into the drivers seat.
"Catherine don't." Sara glared at the older woman angrily.
"Just don't alright. I am so pissed at you for accepting this stupid deal without even asking me, so you can just go to hell ok?!" She stated as she turned to face the window.
"Honey...." Catherine sighed as she reached across and tenderly stroked the brunettes thigh.
"I was just trying to help us out, it seemed like our only option. Baby we need that spider, please try and understand Sara, its only a week."
"Catherine I don't want to go to Straight Camp." Sara yelled as she shook the other woman's soothing hand from her body.
"And if you really loved me you wouldn't make me go either." She added quietly.
"Honey you know I love you, but we need a spider, and this is the only damned way that nutty nun is going to but out of our lives. Its just one week baby, only a week." Catherine sighed as she started the car up and pulled out onto the road.
"Fine, but if I meet some charming young man and decided to run away and marry him and become a housewife then don't blame me alright! " Sara declared irately, as she angrily crossed her arms and sunk further into her seat.
"Ohhh baby, that ain't never gonna happen." Catherine leant over and whispered seductively in her girls ear.
"Arrrggghhhh Catherine! I hate you so much." Sara grumped as her whole body trembled with arousal.
"Ah ha I can so see that." The older woman sniggered, as she stared out at the road ahead of them.
"'Top of the morn'in to ya ladies." The little priest in the green frock merrily greeted them as he heartily shook their hands.
"I'm Father Patrick O'Hara. Sister Mary has told me so much about you two. So happy you could make it!" He smiled at the both of them.
"Now if you'd just like to go wait with the others over there and I'll be with ya shortly." He finished as he pointed them toward the front of the large imposing building where half a dozen other people stood.
"Ohh Goody!" Sara exclaimed as she picked up her suitcase and trudged toward the rest of their group, not really caring whether Catherine followed her or not.
"Sara wait up !" Catherine cried as she chased after her rapidly disappearing girlfriend.
"Bite me Catherine!" Sara grumped as she quickly headed up to the nearest male.
Placing her suitcase on the ground she tapped the young man on the shoulder "Hi, I'd like to be straight. Wanna marry me ?!" She asked him. Ha Catherine take that! She thought to herself rather smugly.
"Ohh Sugar, ain't you just too funny." Paulie laughed happily as he turned to greet this new funny girl. However his laugh soon turned into a terrified scream when his eyes took in the sight of the psychotic butch lesbian who had beat him to a bloody pulp on the floor of his beautiful little petting store.
"Ohh shit !" Sara sighed as she quickly covered the man's mouth with her hand trying desperately to silence his screaming.
"I suppose you two think you're very funny don't you ?!" Sister Mary demanded, as she angrily paced the small office.
"Hey! I so didn't even touch that guy." Catherine added. She really didn't see why she was here at all, after all it was solely Sara trying to kill the petting shop guy and not her! They better not be getting detention for this damn it!
"We are trying to run a very serious program here." Sister Mary continued, ignoring Catherine's outburst entirely. "Clearly you two do not appreciate that. Well I'll be damned if I'm going to let you ruin this for everybody else." She continued.
"Mmm yeah, you should probably send us home." Sara quickly stated.
"You know to stop any further incidents." She added.
"Yeah, what she said !" Catherine said brightening slightly at the thought of getting to take her clearly psychotic girlfriend home and ravish her.
"Ohh no I couldn't do that." Sister Mary told them, somewhat forgetting her earlier rant.
"No, no we must save your souls from eternal damnation. Now about the incident this morning... " The elderly nun began.
"But I was only asking him to marry me." Sara whined. " Is it my fault if he's a screaming sissy ?!"
"Excuse You ?!" Catherine demanded suddenly jumping up from her seat and advancing on the younger woman. "You were asking him to what ?!"
"Umm I ahh ...... " Sara mumbled, backing away from the livid looking woman.
"'Cos I know that MY Fiancé was so NOT asking someone else to marry her !" Catherine declared dangerously as she neared the other woman.
"Did I say 'Marry Me' ?!" Sara squealed as the red head came within a hairs breath of her. "Ha! I meant 'Make me'. Yeah ahhh .... well ..... um .... You see I was asking him if he'd ahh .... make me a umm .... a wedding dress." Sara finally answered, with a little fake laugh. "Huh! Marry Me indeed! Geeze what kinda fiancé do you take me for Catherine?!" Sara asked, trying to make it sound as though she was terribly hurt.
"Ohh baby, I'm so sorry." Catherine replied as she hugged the younger woman to her. "Why don't you let me make it up to you, huh ?!" She smirked as she gently guided the brunettes face down to her own, and greedily captured the younger woman's mouth with her lips.
"Catherine ?" Sara questioned, as she reluctantly tore her lips from the older woman's.
"Mmm yes Sara ?" The red head replied.
"Can we please go now ?!" Sara quietly asked.
"Sure thing babe." Catherine smirked as she grabbed the other woman's hand in hers and gently pulled her towards the door.
"Hey now! " Sister Mary cried, seeing her latest project about to run away. " We had a deal !" She angrily stated.
"Bite Me Sister! " Catherine happily replied.
"But Catherine what about Gil's spider ?!" Sara quickly asked,coming to a sudden halt. After all wasn't that why they had come here in the first place.
"So we go to Mexico for our honeymoon. I mean there has to be a god damned blue armed Mexican tarantula or whatever there doesn't there ?!" Catherine theorized.
"But what about getting the nutty nun to but out of our lives ?" Sara asked, sure that her girl would not be able to fix that too.
"Hmm Yes well I've got some Jehovah's Witness friends who are more than happy to HARASS ..... ahhh I mean umm ..... convert new members." Catherine said loudly enough for everyone in the next ten blocks to hear.
"Ahhh .... well now ..... I've got some classes to teach, so why don't I just leave you nice young folks to it then." A visibly paler Sister Mary stammered, as she quickly high tailed it out of the small office.
"And you couldn't have thought of all of this before ?!" Sara laughed bemusedly, rather impressed that an eighty something year old woman could actually run that fast.
"Bite Me! Sara." Catherine stated, poking her tongue out at the younger woman.
"Mmm, you know I want to baby." Sara almost purred as she advanced on the older woman, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Arrggghhhh what now!" She screamed frustratedly as she stalked over to a rather large window, and angrily crossed her arms.
"Hello ? Anybody there ?" Asked a vaguely familiar masculine voice as the office door began to open.
"Is this the 'Get it STRAIGHT Camp for reforming Homosexuals to the straight lifestyle ?" The voice queried as the door opened fully.
Seeing the room occupied the owner of the vaguely familiar voice rushed into the room "I'm so sorry I'm late but mom had to finish packing my lunch and ....." The man began before realizing exactly who was in the room with him. "Sara ? Catherine ? What are you guy's doing here ?" He asked rather shocked.
"......Oh my God !........." Whispered a clearly shocked Sara as her eyes almost bugged out of her head.
Catherine stared at the young man in front of her blinking her eyes several times to make sure she wasn't dreaming.
".............. Greg ............. ?!" She asked.
TBC....................