Chapter 17
Liz woke up literally inches from the edge of the bed. She smiled when Hannah tried to budge her closer to the floor. She slid out of bed and Hannah stretched across the extra room. No matter that Hannah's side of the bed was completely empty.
Tying her robe around her and entering the kitchen, Liz poured a cup of coffee before sitting at the table. She flipped through a magazine that Maria had left behind before closing it. It was only six in the morning. No one in their right mind would be up this early in the morning. Except Liz wasn't in her right mind. Today she was going to meet Max. Today she was going to talk to him after four years of silence.
Closing her eyes counted the hours she had till the meeting and what had to be accomplished. The meeting wasn't till eleven. Hannah had to be bathed and dressed and ready to go with Isabel at ten. She had to shower and change. That wouldn't take too long. Maybe she'd make a fun breakfast with Hannah, or maybe she'd crawl back into bed. She hadn't gone to sleep until midnight.
Deciding to go back to bed, Liz slipped into bed on what was supposed to be her side now that Hannah had moved back to her own.
An hour later, Liz was on the edge of the bed. Deciding that was as much sleep as she was going to acquire that night, she walked to the bathroom to ready herself for her day.
In the shower, Liz carefully put all of Hannah's precious bath toys on the side of the tub before flipping on the water. She went over carefully how she wanted the meeting to go. This was something she felt that she had control over; there were so many things in her life that she was not in control of.
When she got out Hannah was lying in bed finishing off her bottle. "Hannah." She held her hand out.
She sulked over and placed it in Liz's hand. "I'm going too?" She asked noticing Liz getting ready.
"You're going to see Aunt Isabel, I have a meeting with Max."
"Max?" Hannah was curious about this man.
"Yeah." Liz dried her hair and slipped on her robe. "Come on, let's go find something to eat."
Hannah talked while Liz made breakfast and all through it. Liz smiled at her daughter as she used her hands to describe her the previous day and how much fun she had.
"Then when you pressed a button, the tiger made a roaring sound." She giggled. "It scared Grandma Amy. But I wasn't scared." She said proudly.
"Did you really scare Grandma Amy, she's pretty tough to scare."
"Yeah. She screamed." Hannah nodded around a mouthful of eggs.
"Hannah."
She swallowed then mumbled a "sorry." Then continued on with her story.
Serena breezed out of her room freshly showered. "I'm off." She said grabbing a nectarine.
"Where to?" Liz asked looking up from Hannah.
"Work. They had an emergency and I need more hours if I plan on moving out." She picked up her lab coat and stethoscope. "I'm not sure I'll be back for dinner so don't wait around." She shut the door behind her.
"Alright." Liz said and turned back to Hannah. "We have to get you ready."
"To see Aunt Isabel?"
"Yes." She said. "Go pick out what you want to wear while I finish off the dishes."
"Ok." She hopped down and ran to the bedroom.
She usually picked out something that matched reasonably well. As long as she didn't pick to wear her rain boots Liz didn't care what she wore.
Hannah had carefully picked out her outfit and had it on the bed waiting for Liz to run her bath.
"Come on." Hannah followed her into the bathroom. "No toys today." Liz shook her head no.
Hannah understood she needed to hurry so she didn't wiggle in the bathtub. She held still so the soap wouldn't get in her eyes when Liz rinsed her hair.
After dressing her and pulling her hair into a ponytail she was ready to go. Glancing at her watch Liz told Hannah to play quietly while she got herself ready.
Half an hour later Liz was ready to go.
****
"Max, just calm down." Isabel tried to tell her brother.
"I can't, Is." She told her. "I haven't seen her in five years." Max told her.
"You saw her last Saturday."
"That doesn't count, but, she did look amazing." Max smiled. "I don't even know what to say to her."
"Just talk, let her talk first, and if she doesn't want to, you start. It'll be awkward at first but you have to try." Isabel gave him a hug. "I'm proud of you, Max. I'm proud of her too. When you talk to her, really talk to her, you'll notice she's still Liz. She might be a little different granted she is a mother, but she's still Liz, and you've always been at ease with her."
"I know, it's that mother in her that worries me." Max shrugged.
"There's nothing to be afraid of." Isabel comforted.
"I know, but I sense there is."
****
Liz watched Hannah and Isabel drive away from her bench at the park. She considered it her park. She had taken one look at it when she was still pregnant with Hannah and had immediately fallen in love with it.
This was her safe place. She came here often to let Hannah to play with other children. Liz would sit and write in her journal or just watch Hannah play. She had no idea why she had asked Max to invade this private part of her life, but for some reason it felt right.
Max watched Liz from across the park. She sat on bench, her one leg tucked under her as she always had. She tucked a loosed strand of hair behind her ear. If one hadn't known her she would have just looked like a gorgeous young woman sitting on a bench, waiting from someone. You would never guess that she had a four-year-old child.
"Liz?" He came up behind her.
She didn't even startle. She prided herself on that.
"Max." She lifted her head. "Hello."
"Good morning, Liz."
"Mind if I sit?" He asked pointing towards the bench.
"Of course." She said.
He didn't sit too close to her knowing he didn't have a right to.
Knowing there was no point Max jumped right into the conversation. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"
"I couldn't." Liz said not wanting to dodge the obvious either. "Would you have come with me?"
"No." He shook his head. He would have made her stay.
"You would have tried to make me stay. I couldn't stay there, Max." Liz shook her head.
"I know." Max nodded. "I was afraid of going against my mother, you were so much more mature than I was, Liz. You were ready to make decisions I wasn't ready for." He shrugged. "I was shocked when I saw Hannah last Saturday. I still thought of her as a baby."
"I know, sometimes it's hard to believe how fast she grew up." Liz smiled, thinking of how much she talks. "Where were you, Max? Why did you come after us?" Her smile turned into a frown. Why didn't you come sooner? is what she wanted to know. Why didn't you call, why didn't you send a birthday card for her?
"I spent three years in law at UNM." He said started.
"It takes at least four years even to get a basic degree in law, Max."
"I know, I was determined to get it done by Hannah's fourth birthday." He said shyly. "I didn't quite make it, but my parents pulled some strings. They didn't know why I wanted it done so quickly but they were willing to help. I took some extra classes and finished a few weeks after." He shrugged.
Liz studied Max. He had that for him still. His parents were able to pull strings and get whatever he needed done. If she had asked her parents five years previously they could have too, but now they wouldn't think twice about her.
He could have studied law out here. They could have worked it out, somehow. It might not have been as easy as he had had it but they would have been together, Hannah would have had a father. Liz was suddenly angry with him.
"Why did you have to stay in New Mexico for your law degree?" She asked coldly moving further away from him. She was angry at him for staying away so long. She was angry at herself knowing she shouldn't be mad at him, she knew she didn't want him to find her, and she was angry at herself for being angry. She was supposed to have no feelings for him. She was not supposed to care about where he was, or why he chose to stay there.
Max turned to her when he heard the sudden chill in her voice. She had been so calm before. He looked at her, really looked at her. Her hair was a bit longer than in had been when he last saw her. Her face still perfectly unmarred. Her body trim, no sign of bearing a child. She was still perfectly tan from the warm California sun. He was quiet a minute longer not sure how to answer her question. Judging from her facial expression, she was not in the mood to mess around. If he remembered correctly, that face meant she was angry. She always controlled her anger extremely well unless she was around someone she cared deeply for, then she didn't hang on to such tight control. But the way she was looking at him now meant that she was going to control it. And it scared Max to death about what that meant for him.
He hadn't expected Liz to want to get back together with him. He wasn't planning for it, but there was no harm in hoping.
"No, I didn't." He said carefully judging her reaction. "But I did, and we can't go back and change that."
She nodded. "I don't want to."
Max hadn't been expecting that.
"I've grown up in the past five years, Max. I'm not little innocent Liz Parker anymore. You sure as anybody know that." She looked at him. "I'm a mother. I have so many responsibilities lying on my shoulders. There's a little girl who relies on me for everything. I've grown up, Max, you're right. I did mature faster than you did, I had to." She stood up.
"Max, I can't even begin to explain what these last few years have been like for me." She wanted to tell him about Hannah's surgery. About how sick his daughter was, is. How she spends more time at daycare than with her. How she smiles like Max, how her eyebrows fold in contemplation like Max, how her ears peak out from behind her hair. But she didn't.
Max hesitated for a moment. "I know." He waited till she faced him again to continue. "But, Liz, you have to understand what it was like for me as well. I had no idea where my daughter was. I knew she was out there somewhere, in California. I didn't know if she'd lost her first tooth, if she wanted a puppy, if she had one. I didn't know what her first words were, when she took her first step."
Liz's eyes filled with tears as she looked back at him.
"I'm not saying that to hurt you, Liz, I just want you to understand how I was feeling too." He said desperately. "I want to meet her, Liz. I want to help you. I feel stupid for signing those papers, giving up custody and control over my daughter." He said quietly.
Liz's head flew up, her eyes filled with panic. "You c-can't take that from me, Max."
"I don't mean to." He silenced her, taking her hand.
Her eyes searched his as continued on. "No. I don't mean to. I just want to know her, let her know that I'm her father, that I love her."
Liz was quiet for a moment and sat down. He had never said those words to her before. She remembered saying them to him, but never hearing him say them in return. "I, I don't know what to, Max. You should meet your daughter, to get to know what a wonderful person she is." She nodded, still looking at the ground. "She should know who her father is."
"It doesn't have to be right away. She doesn't even have to know who I am, until later."
"No, I've never lied to her. Y-you can meet her." She conceded.
"Thank you. I'll wait for whenever you feel she's ready."
Liz nodded and removed her hand. She glanced down at her watch. It had been two hours. Isabel was going to meet up with her for lunch at one right after her meeting, in time for a quick afternoon nap for Hannah before they went out that night.
"I have to go." She said quickly.
"Ok." He said reluctant to see her leave. "Give me a call."
"I will. Goodbye."
"Liz, just one thing." He said before she walked away. He pulled her chin up to look at him. For a moment she was frightened he was going to kiss her.
"Tell me this, Liz, were you happy?"
Liz thought back to those frightened days as a young mother with a sick child. She thought of her tired, blistered feet. Hannah's whimper as she awakened from her surgery. The doctor saying her baby girl would need surgery. The thought of the small apartment they lived in made her want to frown.
She thought of Maria and Alex who had been there for her. Of Amy and Jim Valenti who had supported her and helped her so much.
She thought of Hannah's smile. She thought of the proud pictures on the refrigerator. The way Hannah loved her. She thought of the pouts and the rounds of arguments the girl could spout out at her young age. Hannah's stubbornness. She thought of her first smile and how her heart had swollen with joy.
And as she thought, she knew she'd do it all over again for her baby girl.
She smiled slowly at Max as she thought everything over. "Yes, Max, I'm very happy. I'd do it all over again."
[b]TBC[/b]
Liz woke up literally inches from the edge of the bed. She smiled when Hannah tried to budge her closer to the floor. She slid out of bed and Hannah stretched across the extra room. No matter that Hannah's side of the bed was completely empty.
Tying her robe around her and entering the kitchen, Liz poured a cup of coffee before sitting at the table. She flipped through a magazine that Maria had left behind before closing it. It was only six in the morning. No one in their right mind would be up this early in the morning. Except Liz wasn't in her right mind. Today she was going to meet Max. Today she was going to talk to him after four years of silence.
Closing her eyes counted the hours she had till the meeting and what had to be accomplished. The meeting wasn't till eleven. Hannah had to be bathed and dressed and ready to go with Isabel at ten. She had to shower and change. That wouldn't take too long. Maybe she'd make a fun breakfast with Hannah, or maybe she'd crawl back into bed. She hadn't gone to sleep until midnight.
Deciding to go back to bed, Liz slipped into bed on what was supposed to be her side now that Hannah had moved back to her own.
An hour later, Liz was on the edge of the bed. Deciding that was as much sleep as she was going to acquire that night, she walked to the bathroom to ready herself for her day.
In the shower, Liz carefully put all of Hannah's precious bath toys on the side of the tub before flipping on the water. She went over carefully how she wanted the meeting to go. This was something she felt that she had control over; there were so many things in her life that she was not in control of.
When she got out Hannah was lying in bed finishing off her bottle. "Hannah." She held her hand out.
She sulked over and placed it in Liz's hand. "I'm going too?" She asked noticing Liz getting ready.
"You're going to see Aunt Isabel, I have a meeting with Max."
"Max?" Hannah was curious about this man.
"Yeah." Liz dried her hair and slipped on her robe. "Come on, let's go find something to eat."
Hannah talked while Liz made breakfast and all through it. Liz smiled at her daughter as she used her hands to describe her the previous day and how much fun she had.
"Then when you pressed a button, the tiger made a roaring sound." She giggled. "It scared Grandma Amy. But I wasn't scared." She said proudly.
"Did you really scare Grandma Amy, she's pretty tough to scare."
"Yeah. She screamed." Hannah nodded around a mouthful of eggs.
"Hannah."
She swallowed then mumbled a "sorry." Then continued on with her story.
Serena breezed out of her room freshly showered. "I'm off." She said grabbing a nectarine.
"Where to?" Liz asked looking up from Hannah.
"Work. They had an emergency and I need more hours if I plan on moving out." She picked up her lab coat and stethoscope. "I'm not sure I'll be back for dinner so don't wait around." She shut the door behind her.
"Alright." Liz said and turned back to Hannah. "We have to get you ready."
"To see Aunt Isabel?"
"Yes." She said. "Go pick out what you want to wear while I finish off the dishes."
"Ok." She hopped down and ran to the bedroom.
She usually picked out something that matched reasonably well. As long as she didn't pick to wear her rain boots Liz didn't care what she wore.
Hannah had carefully picked out her outfit and had it on the bed waiting for Liz to run her bath.
"Come on." Hannah followed her into the bathroom. "No toys today." Liz shook her head no.
Hannah understood she needed to hurry so she didn't wiggle in the bathtub. She held still so the soap wouldn't get in her eyes when Liz rinsed her hair.
After dressing her and pulling her hair into a ponytail she was ready to go. Glancing at her watch Liz told Hannah to play quietly while she got herself ready.
Half an hour later Liz was ready to go.
****
"Max, just calm down." Isabel tried to tell her brother.
"I can't, Is." She told her. "I haven't seen her in five years." Max told her.
"You saw her last Saturday."
"That doesn't count, but, she did look amazing." Max smiled. "I don't even know what to say to her."
"Just talk, let her talk first, and if she doesn't want to, you start. It'll be awkward at first but you have to try." Isabel gave him a hug. "I'm proud of you, Max. I'm proud of her too. When you talk to her, really talk to her, you'll notice she's still Liz. She might be a little different granted she is a mother, but she's still Liz, and you've always been at ease with her."
"I know, it's that mother in her that worries me." Max shrugged.
"There's nothing to be afraid of." Isabel comforted.
"I know, but I sense there is."
****
Liz watched Hannah and Isabel drive away from her bench at the park. She considered it her park. She had taken one look at it when she was still pregnant with Hannah and had immediately fallen in love with it.
This was her safe place. She came here often to let Hannah to play with other children. Liz would sit and write in her journal or just watch Hannah play. She had no idea why she had asked Max to invade this private part of her life, but for some reason it felt right.
Max watched Liz from across the park. She sat on bench, her one leg tucked under her as she always had. She tucked a loosed strand of hair behind her ear. If one hadn't known her she would have just looked like a gorgeous young woman sitting on a bench, waiting from someone. You would never guess that she had a four-year-old child.
"Liz?" He came up behind her.
She didn't even startle. She prided herself on that.
"Max." She lifted her head. "Hello."
"Good morning, Liz."
"Mind if I sit?" He asked pointing towards the bench.
"Of course." She said.
He didn't sit too close to her knowing he didn't have a right to.
Knowing there was no point Max jumped right into the conversation. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"
"I couldn't." Liz said not wanting to dodge the obvious either. "Would you have come with me?"
"No." He shook his head. He would have made her stay.
"You would have tried to make me stay. I couldn't stay there, Max." Liz shook her head.
"I know." Max nodded. "I was afraid of going against my mother, you were so much more mature than I was, Liz. You were ready to make decisions I wasn't ready for." He shrugged. "I was shocked when I saw Hannah last Saturday. I still thought of her as a baby."
"I know, sometimes it's hard to believe how fast she grew up." Liz smiled, thinking of how much she talks. "Where were you, Max? Why did you come after us?" Her smile turned into a frown. Why didn't you come sooner? is what she wanted to know. Why didn't you call, why didn't you send a birthday card for her?
"I spent three years in law at UNM." He said started.
"It takes at least four years even to get a basic degree in law, Max."
"I know, I was determined to get it done by Hannah's fourth birthday." He said shyly. "I didn't quite make it, but my parents pulled some strings. They didn't know why I wanted it done so quickly but they were willing to help. I took some extra classes and finished a few weeks after." He shrugged.
Liz studied Max. He had that for him still. His parents were able to pull strings and get whatever he needed done. If she had asked her parents five years previously they could have too, but now they wouldn't think twice about her.
He could have studied law out here. They could have worked it out, somehow. It might not have been as easy as he had had it but they would have been together, Hannah would have had a father. Liz was suddenly angry with him.
"Why did you have to stay in New Mexico for your law degree?" She asked coldly moving further away from him. She was angry at him for staying away so long. She was angry at herself knowing she shouldn't be mad at him, she knew she didn't want him to find her, and she was angry at herself for being angry. She was supposed to have no feelings for him. She was not supposed to care about where he was, or why he chose to stay there.
Max turned to her when he heard the sudden chill in her voice. She had been so calm before. He looked at her, really looked at her. Her hair was a bit longer than in had been when he last saw her. Her face still perfectly unmarred. Her body trim, no sign of bearing a child. She was still perfectly tan from the warm California sun. He was quiet a minute longer not sure how to answer her question. Judging from her facial expression, she was not in the mood to mess around. If he remembered correctly, that face meant she was angry. She always controlled her anger extremely well unless she was around someone she cared deeply for, then she didn't hang on to such tight control. But the way she was looking at him now meant that she was going to control it. And it scared Max to death about what that meant for him.
He hadn't expected Liz to want to get back together with him. He wasn't planning for it, but there was no harm in hoping.
"No, I didn't." He said carefully judging her reaction. "But I did, and we can't go back and change that."
She nodded. "I don't want to."
Max hadn't been expecting that.
"I've grown up in the past five years, Max. I'm not little innocent Liz Parker anymore. You sure as anybody know that." She looked at him. "I'm a mother. I have so many responsibilities lying on my shoulders. There's a little girl who relies on me for everything. I've grown up, Max, you're right. I did mature faster than you did, I had to." She stood up.
"Max, I can't even begin to explain what these last few years have been like for me." She wanted to tell him about Hannah's surgery. About how sick his daughter was, is. How she spends more time at daycare than with her. How she smiles like Max, how her eyebrows fold in contemplation like Max, how her ears peak out from behind her hair. But she didn't.
Max hesitated for a moment. "I know." He waited till she faced him again to continue. "But, Liz, you have to understand what it was like for me as well. I had no idea where my daughter was. I knew she was out there somewhere, in California. I didn't know if she'd lost her first tooth, if she wanted a puppy, if she had one. I didn't know what her first words were, when she took her first step."
Liz's eyes filled with tears as she looked back at him.
"I'm not saying that to hurt you, Liz, I just want you to understand how I was feeling too." He said desperately. "I want to meet her, Liz. I want to help you. I feel stupid for signing those papers, giving up custody and control over my daughter." He said quietly.
Liz's head flew up, her eyes filled with panic. "You c-can't take that from me, Max."
"I don't mean to." He silenced her, taking her hand.
Her eyes searched his as continued on. "No. I don't mean to. I just want to know her, let her know that I'm her father, that I love her."
Liz was quiet for a moment and sat down. He had never said those words to her before. She remembered saying them to him, but never hearing him say them in return. "I, I don't know what to, Max. You should meet your daughter, to get to know what a wonderful person she is." She nodded, still looking at the ground. "She should know who her father is."
"It doesn't have to be right away. She doesn't even have to know who I am, until later."
"No, I've never lied to her. Y-you can meet her." She conceded.
"Thank you. I'll wait for whenever you feel she's ready."
Liz nodded and removed her hand. She glanced down at her watch. It had been two hours. Isabel was going to meet up with her for lunch at one right after her meeting, in time for a quick afternoon nap for Hannah before they went out that night.
"I have to go." She said quickly.
"Ok." He said reluctant to see her leave. "Give me a call."
"I will. Goodbye."
"Liz, just one thing." He said before she walked away. He pulled her chin up to look at him. For a moment she was frightened he was going to kiss her.
"Tell me this, Liz, were you happy?"
Liz thought back to those frightened days as a young mother with a sick child. She thought of her tired, blistered feet. Hannah's whimper as she awakened from her surgery. The doctor saying her baby girl would need surgery. The thought of the small apartment they lived in made her want to frown.
She thought of Maria and Alex who had been there for her. Of Amy and Jim Valenti who had supported her and helped her so much.
She thought of Hannah's smile. She thought of the proud pictures on the refrigerator. The way Hannah loved her. She thought of the pouts and the rounds of arguments the girl could spout out at her young age. Hannah's stubbornness. She thought of her first smile and how her heart had swollen with joy.
And as she thought, she knew she'd do it all over again for her baby girl.
She smiled slowly at Max as she thought everything over. "Yes, Max, I'm very happy. I'd do it all over again."
[b]TBC[/b]