Notes: Duo POV, and you wouldn't believe how hard it was to write this. I'm not too sure how it turned out, so don't feel afraid to tell me it sucked, I won't get pissed, but if you like it, please tell me. Oh, and I should probably warn you there this is LIME in this chapter, VERY SERIOUS LIME. Enjoy and review!
He definitely hadn't been expecting my question, I could tell. I watched as shock, followed by disbelief, faint hope, and desperate longing flew across his face like clouds over the sun.
He wanted to kiss me, I could see it in his dark eyes, but at the same time, he didn't want to. Something was holding him back, and I didn't like it. I needed to do this, I needed him to kiss me, because how else could I hope to understand my emotions?
I smiled and stepped forward, reaching out to brush my thumb across his bottom lip. His breath caught in his throat, and his tongue flicked out to touch my fingertip. But then he shook his head, and took a step back.
"I'm not doing this, Duo," he said, and his strong voice held a faint tremor.
"I want to," I replied softly, my voice filled with longing and need. It made him shiver, a look of uncertainty crossing his face. I took another step forward, closing the distance between us, and gripped his hips tightly. His tank top was loose and baggy, and I slipped one hand underneath it to feel his skin. I found a scar, long and curving, probably from a knife, and caressed it gently. He moaned and closed his eyes, tongue darting out to lick dry lips.
It gave me courage, made me bold, and I used both hands to tug the tank top off him. I drank in the sight of his bare chest, my hands roaming over his skin and rubbing his nipples, eliciting another moan from him.
Was this a good idea? Probably not. Did I care? Not in the least.
I grinned and pressed my body against his, rubbing against him, grinding against him. My lips found his and we shared a hot, passionate kiss full of burning emotion. I could feel his hardening arousal and it sent waves of pleasure through my body, making my skin tingle pleasantly.
I broke away from the kiss to attack his neck, biting down and tasting his skin, my tongue gently soothing the bite before biting again and repeating the process. His hands had somehow found their way under my tee shirt and he was exploring my chest the way I'd explored him. His fingers found a nipple and tweaked it gently, making me gasp and groan.
My hands moved from his chest to his head, my fingers tangling in his hair as I pulled him in for another deep kiss. His hands slid around to my back, finding the thick scar just beneath my left shoulder blade and massaging it roughly. I gasped into his mouth and pressed harder against his warm, muscled body.
He stumbled, and I used the opportunity to push him against the wall, my hands moving to unbutton his jeans. He was wearing simple white boxers, his erection straining against the cloth. I touched it lightly with my fingertips, making him shudder and moan. I grinned, leaning forward to lick the cloth-covered bulge. Heero cried out, a deep, animal sound filled with passion.
I was just about to pull the boxers down his legs, when hands appeared on my shoulders and pushed me away. I landed on my ass, blinking up at Heero as he struggled to breathe properly while pulling his jeans up and buttoning them again.
"We can't... we can't do this." His voice was breathy, made husky by passion, his eyes clouded with lust and desire... he wanted to do this, a blind man could see that, so why was he pushing me away?
Heero let out a long breath and rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes, his chest heaving. He looked gorgeous, the picture of masculine beauty, and he seemed completely unaware of that fact.
I bit my lip and crawled forward, kneeling in front of him to kiss his stomach, gently grazing the skin with my teeth. He gasped, his stomach muscles contracting at the touch, and shoved my away again. I landed heavily on the hard floor, and glared up at him, anger sparking to life within my heart.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I snapped, trying very hard not to look at the reddening bite mark I'd left on his neck.
Heero opened his eyes, surprised at my tone I think, and then sighed. "I'm not going to do this when you don't love me. I'm sorry, Duo, but I can't." Then he turned and walked out.
Shit.
I sighed and tugged my tee shirt back into place, running a hand through my bangs. I guess I should like the fact that he wasn't the kind of guy to just have meaningless sex, I should love the fact that he wanted it to be important, special, but the truth is... I wanted him. I wanted to feel his body against mine, wanted to feel him come inside me, wanted to be close to him.
Things were so confusing, I couldn't understand half of what I was feeling, and this one simple need was crystal clear, a pinpoint of clarity in the dense fog in my mind, and that Heero was denying me made me angry.
I think part of why this was so important to me was the fact that Heero had left me once. I just wanted some sort of reassurance that he was here, with me, that he wasn't leaving.
And yet, I understood why Heero wouldn't be with me. He loved me, and he knew that I didn't love him, not yet, and he didn't want to cheapen his feelings. I knew he wanted to, I'd seen the barely-contained desire in his eyes, and I guess that was something. I couldn't begrudge him his honour, or morals, or whatever the hell it was that was stopping him.
I sighed and stood up. I needed to find him, needed to make sure he wasn't going to leave me again. I'd expected him to go off for a walk, or maybe go to check on his Gundam, but as luck would have it, he'd decided to sit outside the door, so I didn't have to look far.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly, resting against the wall to his right and looking up at the sky.
Heero sighed in frustration and balled his hands into fists. "It's not that I don't want to, it's just that-"
"Heero, it's okay, you don't have to explain. I shouldn't have pushed. I just... I don't want you to leave me again."
The admission hung in the air for a second before it was swallowed by a thick silence. I continued to stare at the sky, waiting to see what he would do. After my rather painful confessions earlier, it wasn't so hard to admit how scared I was that he would leave, but it was still hard to admit that I needed him, that I depended on him.
I felt him shift and stand up, and the next thing I knew he was hugging me. I shivered and clung to him. It wasn't passion, or lust, or desire that the hug made me feel, it was comfort. The simple, reassuring act of being hugged, of making me feel warm and protected, loved.
He definitely hadn't been expecting my question, I could tell. I watched as shock, followed by disbelief, faint hope, and desperate longing flew across his face like clouds over the sun.
He wanted to kiss me, I could see it in his dark eyes, but at the same time, he didn't want to. Something was holding him back, and I didn't like it. I needed to do this, I needed him to kiss me, because how else could I hope to understand my emotions?
I smiled and stepped forward, reaching out to brush my thumb across his bottom lip. His breath caught in his throat, and his tongue flicked out to touch my fingertip. But then he shook his head, and took a step back.
"I'm not doing this, Duo," he said, and his strong voice held a faint tremor.
"I want to," I replied softly, my voice filled with longing and need. It made him shiver, a look of uncertainty crossing his face. I took another step forward, closing the distance between us, and gripped his hips tightly. His tank top was loose and baggy, and I slipped one hand underneath it to feel his skin. I found a scar, long and curving, probably from a knife, and caressed it gently. He moaned and closed his eyes, tongue darting out to lick dry lips.
It gave me courage, made me bold, and I used both hands to tug the tank top off him. I drank in the sight of his bare chest, my hands roaming over his skin and rubbing his nipples, eliciting another moan from him.
Was this a good idea? Probably not. Did I care? Not in the least.
I grinned and pressed my body against his, rubbing against him, grinding against him. My lips found his and we shared a hot, passionate kiss full of burning emotion. I could feel his hardening arousal and it sent waves of pleasure through my body, making my skin tingle pleasantly.
I broke away from the kiss to attack his neck, biting down and tasting his skin, my tongue gently soothing the bite before biting again and repeating the process. His hands had somehow found their way under my tee shirt and he was exploring my chest the way I'd explored him. His fingers found a nipple and tweaked it gently, making me gasp and groan.
My hands moved from his chest to his head, my fingers tangling in his hair as I pulled him in for another deep kiss. His hands slid around to my back, finding the thick scar just beneath my left shoulder blade and massaging it roughly. I gasped into his mouth and pressed harder against his warm, muscled body.
He stumbled, and I used the opportunity to push him against the wall, my hands moving to unbutton his jeans. He was wearing simple white boxers, his erection straining against the cloth. I touched it lightly with my fingertips, making him shudder and moan. I grinned, leaning forward to lick the cloth-covered bulge. Heero cried out, a deep, animal sound filled with passion.
I was just about to pull the boxers down his legs, when hands appeared on my shoulders and pushed me away. I landed on my ass, blinking up at Heero as he struggled to breathe properly while pulling his jeans up and buttoning them again.
"We can't... we can't do this." His voice was breathy, made husky by passion, his eyes clouded with lust and desire... he wanted to do this, a blind man could see that, so why was he pushing me away?
Heero let out a long breath and rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes, his chest heaving. He looked gorgeous, the picture of masculine beauty, and he seemed completely unaware of that fact.
I bit my lip and crawled forward, kneeling in front of him to kiss his stomach, gently grazing the skin with my teeth. He gasped, his stomach muscles contracting at the touch, and shoved my away again. I landed heavily on the hard floor, and glared up at him, anger sparking to life within my heart.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I snapped, trying very hard not to look at the reddening bite mark I'd left on his neck.
Heero opened his eyes, surprised at my tone I think, and then sighed. "I'm not going to do this when you don't love me. I'm sorry, Duo, but I can't." Then he turned and walked out.
Shit.
I sighed and tugged my tee shirt back into place, running a hand through my bangs. I guess I should like the fact that he wasn't the kind of guy to just have meaningless sex, I should love the fact that he wanted it to be important, special, but the truth is... I wanted him. I wanted to feel his body against mine, wanted to feel him come inside me, wanted to be close to him.
Things were so confusing, I couldn't understand half of what I was feeling, and this one simple need was crystal clear, a pinpoint of clarity in the dense fog in my mind, and that Heero was denying me made me angry.
I think part of why this was so important to me was the fact that Heero had left me once. I just wanted some sort of reassurance that he was here, with me, that he wasn't leaving.
And yet, I understood why Heero wouldn't be with me. He loved me, and he knew that I didn't love him, not yet, and he didn't want to cheapen his feelings. I knew he wanted to, I'd seen the barely-contained desire in his eyes, and I guess that was something. I couldn't begrudge him his honour, or morals, or whatever the hell it was that was stopping him.
I sighed and stood up. I needed to find him, needed to make sure he wasn't going to leave me again. I'd expected him to go off for a walk, or maybe go to check on his Gundam, but as luck would have it, he'd decided to sit outside the door, so I didn't have to look far.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly, resting against the wall to his right and looking up at the sky.
Heero sighed in frustration and balled his hands into fists. "It's not that I don't want to, it's just that-"
"Heero, it's okay, you don't have to explain. I shouldn't have pushed. I just... I don't want you to leave me again."
The admission hung in the air for a second before it was swallowed by a thick silence. I continued to stare at the sky, waiting to see what he would do. After my rather painful confessions earlier, it wasn't so hard to admit how scared I was that he would leave, but it was still hard to admit that I needed him, that I depended on him.
I felt him shift and stand up, and the next thing I knew he was hugging me. I shivered and clung to him. It wasn't passion, or lust, or desire that the hug made me feel, it was comfort. The simple, reassuring act of being hugged, of making me feel warm and protected, loved.