Author's Notes: And now for some thing completely different. You've all seen my take on romance and drama. In order to cleanse the pallet before I started on the next in my "Angel" series, I thought it would be nice to do some thing that got away from that. I hope you like this utterly ridiculous and 100 percent goofy story I concocted and set in the Armada universe. If it CAN be outta character in this story it IS. So read, enjoy, review, flame, what ever. My typical ones will start again soon. In the mean time, here's hoping this keeps you entertained.
RP1
Mini-con Movie Madness:
It all started out so simple. The whole fiasco started with the introduction of a new mini-con named of all things Ash. This one had happened to scan an old P 51 mustang as his alt mode. The rescue of the little fella went well, and they brought him back to the base with nearly no trouble.
How ever, NOTHING for the autobots is ever simple, so a completely new kind of chaos was about to descend on the base, leaving most of the inhabitants unaware of all of this but it is important to note that at least two of them were in on this wonderful gag, that nearly took three months to get out of everyone's system.
It began with the kids deciding to show the little guys some earth movies. They didn't want to freak them out too much so they picked something subtle.
"Did you bring it Billy?" Brad asked as the other blond boy walked into the base.
"YEP!" he held up the DVD, "Abbot and Costello, the naughty nineties, plus various old cartoons."
"Ahh... classics, do you think the mini-cons will get it?"
"Well there's only one way to find out."
"When do the rest of the guys get here?"
"Alexis, Carlos, and Fred, stopped to pick up some snacks, they said go ahead and get it set up and that they would be along in a couple of minutes."
Rad nodded to the other boy and they headed off to the recreation room to get all of the stuff for the movie night set up.
Three hours later:
All of the autobots, plus Starscream (Sue me this is set when he's with the autobots, I like him). They were in the process of having a meeting, when they notice something going on out in the hall. They look out and they see a pack of mini-cons carrying two huge containers of the energon equivalents of popcorn and soda. They look up and wave at them and then keep on going.
"What was that?" The red and white plane asked.
"The mini-cons are having what I believe is referred to as a "movie night", Optimus told him.
"Yeah," hot shot put in, "I heard the kids talking about it this morning. It's some kind of earth tradition."
"Ahh..." was all the jet had to say in response
The meeting continued uneventfully enough and after it was all over, Red Alert decided to go and see what all of this "movie" business was about. The mini-cons were more than happy to make some room for him in the viewing room, so he settled down and in a few moments was as enthralled as the mini-cons were.
The next day:
"You want me to say what?" Starscream stared down at swindle and the mini con grinned up at his partner.
"COME ON! It's from an earth cartoon the kids showed me last night!"
"NO WAY," the jet told his partner.
Swindle sighed, "Look if I show it too you and you like it then will you do it?"
He glared down at the smaller robot for a moment and then finally agreed. "Fine, if I like this "Cartoon" thing then yes I will do it."
"GREAT! Come to the movies to night they are gonna show some more, plus Rad said he would get me some more on the humans type of vid disk."
The jet robot gave the mini-con a blank look and then continues, "I've never see you this worked up over something."
"It's worth it, trust me." With that the small red car took off
Later that day the kids showed up again loaded down with more movies and more snacks. And again the mini-cons piled into the viewing room, this time how ever making room for Red alert and Starscream.
"So what are we watching to night?" Red asked the kids.
"Classic cheesy horror movies man, evil dead 1&2 and army of darkness." Carlos told the robots as he held up the DVD's.
"Those are actually titles of you vids?" Starscream asked.
"Yep," Billy replied. "It's pretty cool too. Carlos actually has the boom stick edition."
"Do I even want to know what that means?" Red alert began.
"Considering what Swindle asked me to do, probably not."
Red alert looked at the reformed decepitcon and settled down for a wild ride.
Later that night:
"And I thought we had weird stuff back home." Red announced.
"I dunno, it was kinda fun."
"Yeah it was starscream, but those movies...where not scary."
"No... but it was still fun."
"In deed."
"So now what, you gonna do what Swindle wants?"
"Maybe...I'll ahh have to think about it some."
"You should," Red Alert told him, "If only to see the look Optimus gives you."
The Jet smiled at that thought and then took off back to his quarters.
The next night:
More mini-cons carrying snacks, more kids with snacks, more moives.
"So what did you kids bring to night?" Red asked as he looked over Rad's shoulder.
"Lessee... ahhh... Both terminator moives, Episode one and two, and oh yeah the fist Dirty Harry movie, and one called Smokey and the bandit."
"Should be a blast, I can't wait to see what some of these consist of."
"Hehe," the kid laughed up at the robot. "OH it gets worse... I think we are gonna have to show you the two men in black movies one of these days."
The next morning:
"Ughh... but I'm glad this was a Friday, or is it Saturday now?" Rad asked.
"Its Saturday man," Carlos moaned. "I told my folks that we were doing a sleep over, I wish some sleeping had been actually involved."
"No kidding," Billy yawned. "Any one seen Fred?"
"He's fell asleep half way through Judgment day." Alexis told them.
"You kids had better get home," Red Alert told them. "We don't want you folks calling out the National Guard on us or something."
"Yeah, see you later to night!" Rad finished as he walked out of the room.
"How many more of those movies do you have?" Starscream asked.
"Hmmm... I was looking at an earth data base the other night. This is just the tip of the ice burg."
"Ahhh..." He paused to think about it for a moment, "So should we tell Optimus and the others what we are up too?"
"Nope," The emergency vehicle finished.
"Good idea, so what are they doing to night?"
"I think they said something about a movie called "Blade" one named "Sixth Sense" and another one called "American ninja."
"This ought to be fun."
Both robots walked away laughing over the prospect of seeing what all else would be produced to be shown to them and the mini-cons.
Needless to say they were not disappointed, more stuff was shown but the whole thing finally ended with the Star Trek movies and some of the TV series.
Now if that had been all of it nothing would have happened and life at the base would have gone on with little or no interference. But as it has been said before, nothing is ever simple where these robots are concerned. The "fun" began at the worst possible time, in the middle of a battle, and it all started with the following comment.
"FORM OF...A BUCKET OF WATER!" Swindle shouted right before he power linked with star scream.
"SHAPE OF...PURPLE EAGEL!" Starscream suddenly shouted back.
ALL activity on the battle field stopped and every one stared at the pair for a moment. Specifically, Megatron. While he was in the process of getting his mind around this across the field Ash was getting his groove on.
"ALL RIGHT YOU DECEIPTICON SCREW HEADS!" He paused to hold up his weapon, which consisted of a double barreled energy rifle, "THIS IS MY BOOM SITCK! $144.99, K-mart, sporting good section! BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL!"
With that he dove back into the fray and began blasting at the bad guys.
NOW Megatron was REALLY freaked, so freaked he failed to notice the fact that he was on the verge of getting broad sided by Optimus. The decipitcon leader went flying and landed flat on his back a few hundred yards away. At this point Sparkplug un-linked him self from Optimus and ran over to megatron looking like he was about to say something.
At another part of the battle, Nightbeat had hopped lose from Sideswipe and was standing on Demolisher, glaring down at him. Of all things, Nightbeat was wearing a pair of sunglasses and had a perfect dead pan on.
"Asta la vista... baby!" he got read to blast Demolisher and the decepticon warped away. The mini-con looked after him and then returned to his partner with a, "I'll be back!" for good measuer.
Back at optimus and Meagtron Sparkplug was having his fun. He jumped up on the decked leader and dashed up to his face, then proceeded to haul out a very large rocket launcher and point it at megatron's nose.
"This is a 44 mach energon scatter rocket launcher, holds six shots, and is the most powerful hand held weapon made by transformers." He continued to hold the fully loaded launcher at meagtron's nose and continued. "Now you have to wonder, did he fire six shots or five? Ya know in all the excitement I forgot. So you have to ask your self, do I feel lucky? Well do ya... PUNK!?"
"WOAH... woah!" Optimus reached down and pulled the mini-con away from the leader of the opposing forces. "Hold on there!"
Megatron looked at the mini-con being held down by the other leader for a moment, then his eyes crossed, rolled back and he proceeded to phase out.
Later, at the Autobot base:
"PUT ME DOWN!!!"
"Calm DOWN Sparkplug.. I just want Redalert to take a look at you. You're acting weird."
"OPTIMUS! I am not!! And give me back my gun! Do you have any idea how much shipping and handling I had to pay to get that thing here!!"
Optimus walks into the med center holding a literally kicking and screaming Sparkplug at arms length.
"Umm... Redalert, could you take a look at Sparkplug."
"Let me guess... he's acting weird right?" Redalert said back.
"Yes, how did you know?"
The medic sighed and pointed to a rather confused looking Hotshot, "I think Jolt's being weird too."
"Not just Jolt," The yellow transformer chimed in, "Ash too."
Hotshot held out a data pad with a transcript of what Ash had said in the midst of the battle, Optimus read it over and then looked back up at the young guy.
"You're kidding right?"
"No... what dose 'This is my boomstick' mean?"
"I have no idea," he paused to sit the squirming mini con he was holding down. "Still Redalert will you?"
"Ofcourse Optimus, What exactly did he do to make you think something is wrong?"
Prime pulled the gun out of sub space and showed it to the medic, "He pulled this out of subspace and pointed it at megatron's nose."
If red could have blinked he would have, "And then what?"
"Ahhh... then he proceeded to threaten him with it."
"How so?"
"He said something like... 'Do you feel lucky' Or something like that."
Redalert opened his mouth to say something when Commentor and Jolt chose that moment to come running through the med center. Commetor was running for dear life and Jolt was wearing a black trench coat, a pair of black sunglasses, and waving a rather large sword around. The odd looks decended upon the two little robots, then proceeded to get even worse when Jolt started yelling after commentor.
"Get back here! No one escapes the wrath of the day walker!" Then he proceeded to chase commentor out of the med center.
"Did I MISS something?" Hotshot had to ask as he gapped after them.
"Apparently we all did." Optimus commented, thankfully not looking around and seeing Redalert on the verge of cracking up.
The medic got him self under control as the two of them turned back around, Just in time for Jetfire to poke his head in and ask, "Uhh...has any one seen Commentor?"
They all looked at him and pointed in the direction that the two mini-cons had gone.
"Great thanks!" He proceeded to take off after them.
About ten seconds later Scavenger walked in, "Uhh.. Red'?"
"Let me guess," He replied, "Rollbar is acting weird?"
"yeah how did you know?"
"There seems to be a pattern going on." He paused for a second trying not to laugh, "So what did he do?"
"Well he's running around wearing a black cape and I took this off of him a second ago" He held up a small thing that looked like a sword handle.
"And that would be?" Hot shot asked.
"Watch..." Scavenger turned the thing on and two red energy blades popped out of either end.
"That's weird."
"So what dose it do?" Optimus finally got out.
"This," Scavenger turned the thing horrizontaly and proceeded to poke a hole in the work bench.
"What IS that thing?" The faction leader managed.
Rollbar chose that moment to walk in and noticed what Scavenger was holding, "OH there it is! Thanks." He held up his hand and the item flew out of the startled scavenger's hand and landed back in Rollbars. Who then proceeded to deactivate it, hooked it to the costume he was wearing and walk out.
"See what I mean..." the partner of said mini-con commented. "WEIRD!"
The autobots in the med center were about to comment further on what was going on, when they heard Jetfire locate Jolt and commentor.
"WHAT THE SLAG ARE YOU DOING!?"
Ten seconds later Jolt came tearing back through and Jetfire appeared holding a traumatized Commentor.
"And what in the name of primus was that all about?" Optimus asked.
"Jolt was trying to stake commentor." The frown comes in his voice, "Little freak."
"Hey!" Hot shot pipped up, "It's not his fault he's malfunctioning."
Before an argument could get started Prime managed to get the attention of the two of them. "Why was Jolt trying to kill Commentor?"
The traumatized Commentor looked up at Jetfire then to Prime and proceeded to tell them in a shaky voice. "I see dead people."
"Does that answer your question?" The shuttle snarked.
A resounding "NO" came from every one who was in the med center at that moment. More comments would have been made after that but once again a mini con conversation interrupted it. This time it was Sprial and Oval out in the hall.
"No no no!" Sprial said, "Who's on first."
"I Don't know!" Oval nearly scream.
"Oh he's on...." Sprial started.
"I KNOW, I KNOW!" Oval griped, "Back to third base! SHEESH!"
They all stared after them for a second then Hotshot got out.. "Did any of that make any sense at all to you?"
Nearly every one else there shook their heads no, Poor Redalert was doing his level best to try and not pop, from having to keep the fits of laughter restrained.
They finally turned back to each other and Jetfire got something out, "Oh yeah. Has any one seen Starscream and Swindle? I wanted too see if that one had gone nuts too."
"I haven't seen them since the battle," the leader got out. "I think he took of to get away from it."
The conference in the med center was as finished as it was going to get, so all of those present left the mini-cons there and took off to finish their jobs.
It was about three hours later when Blurr showed up there with a concered look.
"Can I help you Blurr?" Red alert asked as the gray car walked in.
"As a matter of fact you can. I want you to take a look at this," he held up a recording disk, "And if you don't see any thing odd about my office on there please run a check on my optic sensors."
Already having a feeling what would be on the disk, or at least who would be on the disk, Red alert took the thing away from him and placed it in the drive on his desk computer.
"Let me take a look."
The disk began to play showing a security view of Blurr's office. Blurr was at his desk minding his own business when two mini cons came rushing in, fighting with light swords, similar to what Roll bar had. Red alert did his level best not to once again choke at this routine and continued to watch. The two mini cons happened to be Sonar and Runway. Sonar was wearing a black cape and has another helmet over his, Runway was wearing a rather plain gray suit in contrast. They both jumped on Blurr's desk and continued to fight, Sonar obviously winning, Evenutally forcing Runway out on to the stylus sharpener on the edge of the desk. Runway hung there and glared at him while Sonar proceeded to give him the "Luke I am your father" speech from "Emiper strikes back". Runway did a very convinceing Luke act him self and proceeded to take a dive of the edge of the sharpener. Sonar walked over, looked over the edge of the desk and then walked away and hopped off the other end. Poor Blurr sat there through the entire thing holding a data pad in one hand, his stylus in the other and just stared. Once they were gone, Blurr finished what he was writing and then placed the pad down on the desk and walked to the door, only to stop short for some reason once he was standing there.
Red alert turned to look at Blurr as he switched the recording off.
"So you saw it too?" Blurr asked.
"Yes. I did." Red paused and had to cough in order not to crack up, "Theres nothing wrong with you optics."
"Are you sure? Because you didn't see the worst part."
"And what's the worst part Blurr?"
Before Blurr could get out and explination of what he meant, the "worst part" proceeded to come walking past.
It was Blurr's partner, Incinorator. He was dressed up like Boba Fett , and was pushing a cart with Jet storm on it, who was wearing a Han solo out fit and was stuck in stasis lock. Blurr waited until they were gone and then informed Red alert, "That was the worst part."
"No kidding." Red alert cleared his vocal processor and continued. "Well, Your fine Blurr... but it seems your partner and the air defense team have become contaminated with what ever is going around in the mini-cons right now."
"Should I do any thing about it?"
"No Blurr, hopefully this will all pass eventually."
Blurr nodded and returned to his office. The moment he was gone, Red alert got on the com to StarScream and proceeded to fill him in on this latest deail. The hooting laughter at the other end of the line told him that his co-consiprator found out what was going on and was in the process of loving every nano-second of it.
You would think that it would have ended there, but Blurr was not the last victim of the group, in fact it was only getting started.
The next day Somkescreen was doing some mantanace work, and was up on one of those little step ladders. He wasn't really paying attention when all of a sudden he heard a bunch of commotion coming from a room and two mini-cons came tearing out of the room like the proverbial bats out of hades. These two happened to be his partner Liftor and Mirage. The two little guys scramble up his back and then up his lift arm and hung on for dear life.
"What the?"
Around the corner of the room they had just been in came a horde of matinace robots that vaguely resembled spiders. While Somkescreen was looking at them Liftor and Mirage where still hanging on, as well as liftor having pulled out a cell phone, and called nine one one. He then proceeded to tell the person on the end that they were being attacked by gaint spiders. Then yell into the phone, something about and invasion and that "they'er HERE!"
Mirage had climbed up higher and both of them now were hangin on, how ever mirage chose to inform Liftor that he would distract them while liftor helped the "Defend the mini con race!". Mirage then jumped down ran to the front end of the hallway, and cried, "you'll never get that probe near me!" and then took off running.
Liftor pulled ash's gun out from some where and began to shoot at the maintinace bots while in the process of telling them, "GET BACK YOU EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS!" Then he jumped down and proceeded to take off in the other direction, this leaving smokescreen standing there wondering if he had fallen off this ladder one time to many.