Part 7
Beware this post may contain strong and detailed scenes of violence, you have been warned read at own risk...ENJOY! Thanks for reading. And thanks all for the reviews, they really make me want to write more and my muse likes them too...so please keep them coming and tell me what you think.
Two weeks later
Phoebe sat on the sofa in the parlor; they had been there for over three hours now, not moving just talking, his one hand wrapped around her neck absently stroking her arm and his other hand on her leg, "You didn't sleep well?" He asked, Phoebe shook her head, "Not a wink, I, had a really bad nightmare, and I sat in the corned of Paige's room for the rest of the night" "Maybe you should talk to Prue or Piper?" "I don't know...I mean I know things have died down between me and Prue but..." she stopped there was silence but it was soon broken, "You don't ever talk about him?" "Who" Phoebe asked, "Your Dad, you never talk about him..." "It's a touchy subject, I don't think that I have really dealt with it, even though it's been three years, I don't think that I could..." "Well maybe you should talk with your sister and deal with it...if you don't it'll wear you down." Phoebe nodded, "Maybe"
She moved her head a little and brought one hand up to his chest, "I still can't believe that you fixed it with Dan for me. He gave you a pretty bad beating." "It was worth it! I said that I would sort it." Phoebe nodded, "Dean, I just want you to know, this is new to me...not having a boyfriend threatening me, hitting me, it's all new and I...I don't know how to act." "Just be your self Phoebe, I won't ever hit you, I promise." "Don't Dean, don't promise me anything." "Why?" He asked, curious as to why she had said that, "Because, when ever promises are made they always get broken." "Not possible to break this promise" he reassured her, Phoebe looked up into his eyes, "Dean, I love you." She spoke softly, "I love you to Phoebe." He replied.
Just as he said this, Paige bounced into her room with a beaming smile on her face, "Hay angel, so you back?" Phoebe asked, "Yeah, Prue said that you might play ball with me if I asked nicely." Phoebe smiled, "She did, did she?" Phoebe asked, "Sorry Paige but I never slept very well last night, I'm worn out..." Paige understood, Dean looked at Paige and saw Prue appear behind her, "Hay guys" She greeted, "Hay" Both Dean and Phoebe replied, and then Dean looked back at Paige, "Hay, how about I play ball with you?" He asked, Paige's smile grew "that'd be great." She squealed in delight, Phoebe looked up at Dean, "Thanks." "No problem and how about you talk to Prue! Deal with it." He offered quietly, and then he kissed her on the lips, a long passionate kiss before standing up and looking over at Paige, "Ewe!" She responded in what she saw, "Okay slugger, let's play ball." He said as he followed her out.
Prue looked at Phoebe, "He's great." Phoebe smiled "yeah, he is." Phoebe hesitated, "Prue can we talk..." Prue advanced towards Phoebe and took a seat on the coffee table in front of her, "Sure what is it?" "I...last night...I keep getting these nightmares and I have done for three years now, there getting to much I want to talk to you about everything, and most of all I want you to understand." Phoebe waited for Prue's response, "I'm here for you" Phoebe nodded her head, and began, "First of all there is a question that I think you, deserve an answer for..." She hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath and continued, "Why did I let them hit me?" Phoebe couldn't look at her sister, she chose a spot on the floor to look at, it wasn't particularly interesting, just the dark woodened floor, well actually it was a bit worn, 'we need to get this floor polished, make a mental note. Hay Phoebe PROCRASTINATION' Phoebe's mind was screaming at her, she really couldn't deal with this, she eventually gave in, to her need to talk about this, she had held it all in way too long...
I have never cried...all the times they hit me...any of them I never cried, not after dad, even when the practically beat me unconscious and put me in hospital I never cried..." Phoebe was still looking at that same spot on the floor, she decided that it was because of the high healed boots, 'note make sure they...what the hell is wrong with you, tell her, tell her exactly Dean is Right, they need to know.' She thought, "I took it as a punishment." Phoebe finally spoke it was barely above a whisper but Prue hared it.
She couldn't believe what she just said, "A punishment for what?" she asked, Phoebe fought against all her inner emotions, "For breaking up this family..." she explained, "I always think that if I'd done more if I never..." She stopped short, she couldn't say it, so she did the next best thing implied it, "It was the only thing that I could think of doing. That night he drank a lot, I knew I was going to get it, but not like that, he really lost it that night, I didn't care that he would have killed me, but I knew after that he'd kill Paige and I couldn't let that happen. I just saw the knife and I used it." Phoebe stopped looking at the patch on the floor and looked at her hands, "I remember feeling the crimson blood run through my fingers, it was sticky, I could taste blood, it was a bitter taste, I felt vengeful, merciless..."
"Phoebe Dad, he was out of order, don't blame yourself, don't, we don't." Prue tried to persuade her, "Yes you do Prue see it in your face; every time I look into your eyes I feel it." Prue took Phoebe's hand, "Phoebe look at me." Phoebe hesitated, she tried to fight against it but eventually she looked into Prue's eyes, "Phoebe..." Prue began sternly, "the only thing that I have...EVER...hated you for was letting them guys beat you up. I swear to God the only person I blame is Dad, he broke this family up." Phoebe looked into Prue's eyes, 'here it goes' she thought, "I blame me Prue...every time I look at you, Piper or Paige I feel guilt, like I have never felt before, I hate myself."
There was a silence, "You never speak about that night, the only time you spoke about it was to the police..." Prue state, Phoebe knew what was coming next, unsure if she could go through with this she quickly looked at the spot on the floor again, "Talk to me. If you can, talk to me"
Phoebe didn't know if she could, there were moments of silence until eventually she gave in and out of no where she began, "I have relived it night after night...it's worse than death, you have never, in all your life seen so much fear in that small girls eyes. Paige was scared of me..." Phoebe stopped for a moment, "Hell even I was scared of me...you and Piper never saw what it was like, sure you came at the police station but you never saw me, I was gone, I was at a point that I would kill, you have no idea what that amount of rage feels like, it's intoxicating, it's deadly, not only to the other person but to your own heart, soul, it's poison, Prue I felt the ultimate evil. Dad he kept hitting and hitting me, over and over..." Phoebe stopped as she relived that moment, "I picked it up, I had no feeling of remorse, I hated that guy Prue, do you know what it's like to hate your father, to the point that you could kill with no regret? I plunged it into him, and held it there, I looked into his eyes and felt nothing, then I pulled the knife out, slowly, so slowly, once it was out, I wanted to do it again, and again, over and over, but instead I let him drop to the floor at my feet" Tears started to role down Phoebe's face, Prue held her own tears back determined to be strong for the youngest, "He said nothing yet he spoke volumes...then after a minuet of watching him I turned and walked over to the Phone and I dialed 911. By the time the police got there I ...I had totally lost it, I had the knife in my hand as I stood above him and looked down on the guy who was bleeding to death, I never felt anything. Paige, she was in the corned of the kitchen, she was in shock, couldn't move or speak, just sat shaking, terrified and I was the one who did that to her" Phoebe wiped the tears off of her face and took a deep breath trying to compose herself, get her emotions in check, she managed to subside the flow of tears and continued, "They burst through the doors, and all stormed in, they held guns to my head, screamed at me to drop the knife, I never stopped looking at him, dieing, then I felt someone grab me, they took the knife and through me to the floor, held me down, I was lay next to him and I saw the pain, I looked into his eyes, I hoped he'd die. I never spoke, I had snapped, they held the gun to my head, they kept screaming something, then I felt the metallic handcuffs around my wrists, so tight, they made my wrists bleed, I didn't feel it, I felt nothing."
Prue moved closer to Phoebe, sitting on the sofa next to her now, she put her arms around Phoebe, who complied and moved her head into her sisters chest, Prue held her close, "I'm sorry." She spoke, "I'm so sorry Phoebe I never knew." "I didn't want you to know." Phoebe said simply, then out of know where a stray tear fell, Phoebe let them come, it was the first time since that night that Phoebe had really cried, she'd spoke about it, the first time that she'd dealt with it.
Beware this post may contain strong and detailed scenes of violence, you have been warned read at own risk...ENJOY! Thanks for reading. And thanks all for the reviews, they really make me want to write more and my muse likes them too...so please keep them coming and tell me what you think.
Two weeks later
Phoebe sat on the sofa in the parlor; they had been there for over three hours now, not moving just talking, his one hand wrapped around her neck absently stroking her arm and his other hand on her leg, "You didn't sleep well?" He asked, Phoebe shook her head, "Not a wink, I, had a really bad nightmare, and I sat in the corned of Paige's room for the rest of the night" "Maybe you should talk to Prue or Piper?" "I don't know...I mean I know things have died down between me and Prue but..." she stopped there was silence but it was soon broken, "You don't ever talk about him?" "Who" Phoebe asked, "Your Dad, you never talk about him..." "It's a touchy subject, I don't think that I have really dealt with it, even though it's been three years, I don't think that I could..." "Well maybe you should talk with your sister and deal with it...if you don't it'll wear you down." Phoebe nodded, "Maybe"
She moved her head a little and brought one hand up to his chest, "I still can't believe that you fixed it with Dan for me. He gave you a pretty bad beating." "It was worth it! I said that I would sort it." Phoebe nodded, "Dean, I just want you to know, this is new to me...not having a boyfriend threatening me, hitting me, it's all new and I...I don't know how to act." "Just be your self Phoebe, I won't ever hit you, I promise." "Don't Dean, don't promise me anything." "Why?" He asked, curious as to why she had said that, "Because, when ever promises are made they always get broken." "Not possible to break this promise" he reassured her, Phoebe looked up into his eyes, "Dean, I love you." She spoke softly, "I love you to Phoebe." He replied.
Just as he said this, Paige bounced into her room with a beaming smile on her face, "Hay angel, so you back?" Phoebe asked, "Yeah, Prue said that you might play ball with me if I asked nicely." Phoebe smiled, "She did, did she?" Phoebe asked, "Sorry Paige but I never slept very well last night, I'm worn out..." Paige understood, Dean looked at Paige and saw Prue appear behind her, "Hay guys" She greeted, "Hay" Both Dean and Phoebe replied, and then Dean looked back at Paige, "Hay, how about I play ball with you?" He asked, Paige's smile grew "that'd be great." She squealed in delight, Phoebe looked up at Dean, "Thanks." "No problem and how about you talk to Prue! Deal with it." He offered quietly, and then he kissed her on the lips, a long passionate kiss before standing up and looking over at Paige, "Ewe!" She responded in what she saw, "Okay slugger, let's play ball." He said as he followed her out.
Prue looked at Phoebe, "He's great." Phoebe smiled "yeah, he is." Phoebe hesitated, "Prue can we talk..." Prue advanced towards Phoebe and took a seat on the coffee table in front of her, "Sure what is it?" "I...last night...I keep getting these nightmares and I have done for three years now, there getting to much I want to talk to you about everything, and most of all I want you to understand." Phoebe waited for Prue's response, "I'm here for you" Phoebe nodded her head, and began, "First of all there is a question that I think you, deserve an answer for..." She hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath and continued, "Why did I let them hit me?" Phoebe couldn't look at her sister, she chose a spot on the floor to look at, it wasn't particularly interesting, just the dark woodened floor, well actually it was a bit worn, 'we need to get this floor polished, make a mental note. Hay Phoebe PROCRASTINATION' Phoebe's mind was screaming at her, she really couldn't deal with this, she eventually gave in, to her need to talk about this, she had held it all in way too long...
I have never cried...all the times they hit me...any of them I never cried, not after dad, even when the practically beat me unconscious and put me in hospital I never cried..." Phoebe was still looking at that same spot on the floor, she decided that it was because of the high healed boots, 'note make sure they...what the hell is wrong with you, tell her, tell her exactly Dean is Right, they need to know.' She thought, "I took it as a punishment." Phoebe finally spoke it was barely above a whisper but Prue hared it.
She couldn't believe what she just said, "A punishment for what?" she asked, Phoebe fought against all her inner emotions, "For breaking up this family..." she explained, "I always think that if I'd done more if I never..." She stopped short, she couldn't say it, so she did the next best thing implied it, "It was the only thing that I could think of doing. That night he drank a lot, I knew I was going to get it, but not like that, he really lost it that night, I didn't care that he would have killed me, but I knew after that he'd kill Paige and I couldn't let that happen. I just saw the knife and I used it." Phoebe stopped looking at the patch on the floor and looked at her hands, "I remember feeling the crimson blood run through my fingers, it was sticky, I could taste blood, it was a bitter taste, I felt vengeful, merciless..."
"Phoebe Dad, he was out of order, don't blame yourself, don't, we don't." Prue tried to persuade her, "Yes you do Prue see it in your face; every time I look into your eyes I feel it." Prue took Phoebe's hand, "Phoebe look at me." Phoebe hesitated, she tried to fight against it but eventually she looked into Prue's eyes, "Phoebe..." Prue began sternly, "the only thing that I have...EVER...hated you for was letting them guys beat you up. I swear to God the only person I blame is Dad, he broke this family up." Phoebe looked into Prue's eyes, 'here it goes' she thought, "I blame me Prue...every time I look at you, Piper or Paige I feel guilt, like I have never felt before, I hate myself."
There was a silence, "You never speak about that night, the only time you spoke about it was to the police..." Prue state, Phoebe knew what was coming next, unsure if she could go through with this she quickly looked at the spot on the floor again, "Talk to me. If you can, talk to me"
Phoebe didn't know if she could, there were moments of silence until eventually she gave in and out of no where she began, "I have relived it night after night...it's worse than death, you have never, in all your life seen so much fear in that small girls eyes. Paige was scared of me..." Phoebe stopped for a moment, "Hell even I was scared of me...you and Piper never saw what it was like, sure you came at the police station but you never saw me, I was gone, I was at a point that I would kill, you have no idea what that amount of rage feels like, it's intoxicating, it's deadly, not only to the other person but to your own heart, soul, it's poison, Prue I felt the ultimate evil. Dad he kept hitting and hitting me, over and over..." Phoebe stopped as she relived that moment, "I picked it up, I had no feeling of remorse, I hated that guy Prue, do you know what it's like to hate your father, to the point that you could kill with no regret? I plunged it into him, and held it there, I looked into his eyes and felt nothing, then I pulled the knife out, slowly, so slowly, once it was out, I wanted to do it again, and again, over and over, but instead I let him drop to the floor at my feet" Tears started to role down Phoebe's face, Prue held her own tears back determined to be strong for the youngest, "He said nothing yet he spoke volumes...then after a minuet of watching him I turned and walked over to the Phone and I dialed 911. By the time the police got there I ...I had totally lost it, I had the knife in my hand as I stood above him and looked down on the guy who was bleeding to death, I never felt anything. Paige, she was in the corned of the kitchen, she was in shock, couldn't move or speak, just sat shaking, terrified and I was the one who did that to her" Phoebe wiped the tears off of her face and took a deep breath trying to compose herself, get her emotions in check, she managed to subside the flow of tears and continued, "They burst through the doors, and all stormed in, they held guns to my head, screamed at me to drop the knife, I never stopped looking at him, dieing, then I felt someone grab me, they took the knife and through me to the floor, held me down, I was lay next to him and I saw the pain, I looked into his eyes, I hoped he'd die. I never spoke, I had snapped, they held the gun to my head, they kept screaming something, then I felt the metallic handcuffs around my wrists, so tight, they made my wrists bleed, I didn't feel it, I felt nothing."
Prue moved closer to Phoebe, sitting on the sofa next to her now, she put her arms around Phoebe, who complied and moved her head into her sisters chest, Prue held her close, "I'm sorry." She spoke, "I'm so sorry Phoebe I never knew." "I didn't want you to know." Phoebe said simply, then out of know where a stray tear fell, Phoebe let them come, it was the first time since that night that Phoebe had really cried, she'd spoke about it, the first time that she'd dealt with it.