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Chapter 1

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Sora

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It's been... nearly 2 years. I'm finally 16. Not that that means anything really special. I'm just one year older, one year wiser. Maybe.... I don't feel older. I'm not treated anymore like an adult. Even after all that I've been through. They all saw me do it. Seal the door to darkness, Kingdom hearts. They saw me risk my life and the lives of my friends to save the world from total darkness. But I still get called 'kid', and 'boy', sometimes even 'Jr. I hate those names. It's like people forgot what my real name is or something.

Whatever.

You'd think after only 2 years I wouldn't have changed much... but I have. Physically no. I'm still petite, my eyes are still blue, my skin, maybe a little paler, my hair.... still outta control. I still look like me.... but the 'me' from 2 years ago... he's gone. That happy free spirited little boy from Destiny Island. I don't even remember what 'he' was like anymore. He's like a stranger I passed by on the streets. I can place his face and voice, but not who he was.

Not anymore....

But he's standing right here in front of me. Blinking those blue eyes. They aren't beautiful anymore. Just cold and tired. I'm tired. I don't know why to tell the truth. I just feel drained somehow. I don't really do anything but wake up, eat, sleep, or do other random things for most of the day. I'm wasting away. When was the last time I picked up my Keyblade? 4-5 months ago maybe. I don't spar anymore either. That used to be my favorite pastime... now it's just dull. Even with him here. He doesn't want to do much anymore either. I think we're both just tired.

Maybe of each other too...

No... I take that back. How can we be. Only recently did I get him back. I can't put into words how happy I was to see him again. Safe, healthy, a little beat up, but alive. I cried. Really hard. Aeris, Leon, Yuffie, Cid, Donald, and Goofy, they all saw me. But I didn't care. I felt like I could breath again. That being happy was okay now that he was back. I was such a baby. I thought he'd pick on me for bawling like that in front of everyone. Instead he just pulled my hands away from my eyes and stared at me. His dirt smudged face slack. I thought he was mad. But I saw his eyes, still as bright as the ocean, still so beautiful. They were so shiny. And I realized he was crying too. He just had more control. And then he hugged me.

I smile every time I think about that.

He's still sleeping.

He's so beautiful.

You know, sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and watch him while he rests. He's a really still sleeper. Where I'm the one who tosses and turns. It bothered me at first that he rested so peacefully after spending 6 months of hell trapped inside Kingdom Hearts. I couldn't understand how he could. Didn't he have nightmares? No... I guess not. He's strong no matter what state he's in. But me... God, when he's lying there unnaturally still, I imagine what if this is how I found him in Kingdom Hearts...

Still.

Not breathing.

No pulse.

Dead...

I think I would have killed myself. I can say that without a doubt or a second thought.

I start to cry when I think of him dead. It would have been my fault. I wasn't strong enough to close KH's doors. I have nightmares about that. About how I left him behind that door instead of telling him to come out and push from my side. I didn't understand why he didn't come out anyway...

He told me about a month ago that he couldn't cross over. That his body was forever trapped in darkness. But I still didn't understand. He hadn't given into the darkness had he?

He said he had.

Because... he loved me.

And hated Kairi.

He thought I loved her back. Sure I liked her as a friend. But love her intimately... No.

He hated her to the point of killing her if that's what it took. But he put up with her for my sake. I never even noticed. I was such a terrible friend. That night on Paopu Island when he reached out for me. He was asking me to forever be his. To love him back. I didn't try hard enough. To grab his hand... I failed him.

I broke his heart and didn't even know it...

I'm so terrible...

I have nightmares about that... I don't sleep very well. Maybe that's why I'm tired.

'Sigh'.

How can he love me so much? After everything I did?

He's so strong....

No matter what.

To be continued.

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