Chapter Nine: Otoroeru (Weakening)
Life was slowly draining from Sakura's once rosy cheeks. Each time she caught a glimpse of him, more of her was lost. The spark that she had, had now disappeared, taking her smile and the shine from her eyes as well. It seemed that she was only a shell of her former self. Even that was hardly recognisable anymore. She had lost so much weight since she had stopped eating.
Wearing old robes she had found, and leaving her hair loose, she had taken to helping the servants with household chores to pass the time. An older woman kneeled next to Sakura as they both cleaned the ball room to ready it for another celebration. The last one had been for Syaoran's birthday over three months ago and the room hadn't been used since.
The main doors opened and Syaoran entered with his mother to inspect the preparations. Sakura slowly stood as she watched him walk across the room, but in such admiration, her hands let go off the brush she had been washing the floor with, sending it to the floor with a thud.
All eyes turned to her, but she only took notice of one pair. From far away, she could still see the amazing colour that his eyes were. However, after only a glance in her direction, he turned away again and continued, like she hadn't been visible to him. Before the tears that were filling her eyes could roll down her pale cheeks, she ran out of the room. out of sight.
____________________________________________________________________________ _______________
From then on, she stopped helping around the house and instead kept to her room. Even though she still wished to be able to glance at him when he walked past, in the hope that one day he would turn to her and look upon her how he had done before in his room, she could not take seeing him walk past like she never existed. Sakura would of course never admit to herself, if she even knew what she was doing to herself, that she could not longer even cope with the smallest chores as her body was growing so weak.
Laying on her bed, she noticed a note next to her tray of food that had been put there for her lunch which had Tomoyo's neat handwriting begging her to eat something. Rolling over so her back was to the bowl of steamed rice and sweet honey coated chicken pieces, her eyes caught sight of something she hadn't seen in a while.
Moving a few books from her table to get to the one she wanted, Sakura held it up to the little to watch the light dance across the cedar tree that decorated the cover. Memories of her first meeting with Syaoran flooded her mind as she thought of how the envelope he had given her had had the same design. Flicking through the pages, she read through the first and only entry she had ever made into that note book.
~~*~~ Suddenly my hand was taken hold of in a firm but reassuring grip and I followed him as we ran together into the gardens.
The next thing I knew, we were near the back of the gardens, the place I had tried to picture myself at before. I hadn't been able to see much of this part when I had the wider view of the landscape but seeing it now made up for it. A stream trickled along the base of a small raised platform that we sat on, shaded by one lonely tree that centered this section of the garden.
From behind, his arms were wrapped securely around me, providing me with both warmth and comfort.
"All this is for you."
~~*~~
His voice echoed over and over again, taunting her for not recognising it before. How could she not have realised who she was dreaming about. Even though the dreams started before she knew him, it was only once they met that she had seen the next part, where he was present.
She was beginning to realise that he had been the hope that she had always held in her heart. She had never really fully given herself to the life of a geisha, as she wanted a family. She wanted to marry and have children that ran freely in the open air - carefree and with the innocence that all children had. Syaoran was her chance for that happiness, but now that was gone.
The thought sank in, leading her heart to sink with it. Taking up the pen, she started to write.
~~*~~ What is there to live for apart from love? Love of a family, love of friends, and the love of someone special. Who do I have? None of them. No family or friends. And now I no longer have the hope of him. What do I have to live for then? Would it matter if I didn't exist? Would it matter.
~~*~~
The pen slide out of her hand as a darkness started to take over her consciousness. She welcomed this as a chance to dream, as her body feel lifelessly to the floor.
Life was slowly draining from Sakura's once rosy cheeks. Each time she caught a glimpse of him, more of her was lost. The spark that she had, had now disappeared, taking her smile and the shine from her eyes as well. It seemed that she was only a shell of her former self. Even that was hardly recognisable anymore. She had lost so much weight since she had stopped eating.
Wearing old robes she had found, and leaving her hair loose, she had taken to helping the servants with household chores to pass the time. An older woman kneeled next to Sakura as they both cleaned the ball room to ready it for another celebration. The last one had been for Syaoran's birthday over three months ago and the room hadn't been used since.
The main doors opened and Syaoran entered with his mother to inspect the preparations. Sakura slowly stood as she watched him walk across the room, but in such admiration, her hands let go off the brush she had been washing the floor with, sending it to the floor with a thud.
All eyes turned to her, but she only took notice of one pair. From far away, she could still see the amazing colour that his eyes were. However, after only a glance in her direction, he turned away again and continued, like she hadn't been visible to him. Before the tears that were filling her eyes could roll down her pale cheeks, she ran out of the room. out of sight.
____________________________________________________________________________ _______________
From then on, she stopped helping around the house and instead kept to her room. Even though she still wished to be able to glance at him when he walked past, in the hope that one day he would turn to her and look upon her how he had done before in his room, she could not take seeing him walk past like she never existed. Sakura would of course never admit to herself, if she even knew what she was doing to herself, that she could not longer even cope with the smallest chores as her body was growing so weak.
Laying on her bed, she noticed a note next to her tray of food that had been put there for her lunch which had Tomoyo's neat handwriting begging her to eat something. Rolling over so her back was to the bowl of steamed rice and sweet honey coated chicken pieces, her eyes caught sight of something she hadn't seen in a while.
Moving a few books from her table to get to the one she wanted, Sakura held it up to the little to watch the light dance across the cedar tree that decorated the cover. Memories of her first meeting with Syaoran flooded her mind as she thought of how the envelope he had given her had had the same design. Flicking through the pages, she read through the first and only entry she had ever made into that note book.
~~*~~ Suddenly my hand was taken hold of in a firm but reassuring grip and I followed him as we ran together into the gardens.
The next thing I knew, we were near the back of the gardens, the place I had tried to picture myself at before. I hadn't been able to see much of this part when I had the wider view of the landscape but seeing it now made up for it. A stream trickled along the base of a small raised platform that we sat on, shaded by one lonely tree that centered this section of the garden.
From behind, his arms were wrapped securely around me, providing me with both warmth and comfort.
"All this is for you."
~~*~~
His voice echoed over and over again, taunting her for not recognising it before. How could she not have realised who she was dreaming about. Even though the dreams started before she knew him, it was only once they met that she had seen the next part, where he was present.
She was beginning to realise that he had been the hope that she had always held in her heart. She had never really fully given herself to the life of a geisha, as she wanted a family. She wanted to marry and have children that ran freely in the open air - carefree and with the innocence that all children had. Syaoran was her chance for that happiness, but now that was gone.
The thought sank in, leading her heart to sink with it. Taking up the pen, she started to write.
~~*~~ What is there to live for apart from love? Love of a family, love of friends, and the love of someone special. Who do I have? None of them. No family or friends. And now I no longer have the hope of him. What do I have to live for then? Would it matter if I didn't exist? Would it matter.
~~*~~
The pen slide out of her hand as a darkness started to take over her consciousness. She welcomed this as a chance to dream, as her body feel lifelessly to the floor.