None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft
To all of my reviewers. YOU GUYS ROCK! Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments. I was inspired to type all day just to get out chapter 11. You guys are just so great! Thank again a hundred times over. Sorry if there are typos. I don't have a beta... and I want to post it now! :)
Chapter 11
(Sora' POV)
Where is he?
I ran a shaking hand through my sweaty hair. I was so worried I was making myself sick. It was almost 11:30pm. Riku should have been home 2 hours ago. He hadn't called... or anything. He always called if he was going to work late. Always. I was going crazy with worry. So many what IF's were running through my mind. I was close to calling the police saying Riku was missing. But he wasn't missing. He was just late. And hadn't called. And something could have happened and I didn't know...
I'm to young to have a heart attack...
But I feel like I'm going to have one right now...
Cloud hadn't called either.
I felt like I was going to die.
Have you ever just sat and sat by the phone waiting for a person to call. And they don't and you feel like the world is coming to an end because you don't know what's wrong, if something is even wrong at all? What if Leon had found him? What if Leon had hurt him again? What if Leon had... killed...
I suddenly had to throw up and made my way to the trash can. I was that worried. I downed a very warm glass of water and braced myself against the counter top. I was over reacting. Riku can take care of himself. I would keep repeating that until my brain realized it was the gospel truth. Until I stopped worrying. I slumped to the floor again under the phone and waited again. It was going on 11:55.
God.. where was he? Where was Riku?
*SLAM!*
I leapt up so quickly I hit my head on the bottom of the phone base. I croaked out in pain as I made my way to the living room. I know I'd heard the front door open and shut. It had to have been Riku. Cloud wasn't coming home tonight from what I was told.
"Riku." I said softly. He was taking off his jacket in the dark. I took a long sigh of relief seeing him home and safe. The sick feeling of dread instantly disappeared. I licked my parched lips and started to walk over to him. He looked passed me when he turned around and went to the kitchen. I followed him questioningly.
"...Why didn't you call?" I threw my hands up and ran them through my hair. I couldn't help but take a shuddery breath. "Do you know I was worried sick about you? Do you know you're 2 hours late....?" I said. I was a little miffed too. I just wanted to grab him and shake him really hard for putting me through that just now. And... why was he giving me the cold shoulder?
Riku looked at me. His expression was icy. I was taken aback for a moment at that. He as angry about something. Why was he taking it out on me though? He slammed the bags he had in his hand on the kitchen table without breaking is gaze and I was suddenly very afraid of him. He was emitting this really vicious rage filled aura that made me take an involuntary step back. I wanted to ask what was wrong but my mouth was sealed shut.
I couldn't figure out what was wrong... that had made him bring his anger home with him. I instantly thought it was something I had done. I didn't know what that was though.
"Riku.... what's..."
He held up his hand and pointed at me. It felt like a cotton ball got stuck in my throat.
"All of this time...Why her?" Riku gritted out. I was clueless as to what he was talking about. I gave him a questioning look and his eyes seemed to light up with more barely suppressed rage. I held up my hands in a truce like manner so I wouldn't further agitate him.
"Why did you tell her before me?" He hissed again.
I gaped. Tell her what? Who was her...? I racked my brain over and over again for a clue. I came to a dead end until I glanced at the bags on the table. The 7th Heaven logo from the restaurant caught my eye. I don't what brought me to this conclusion. But my heart sank once I'd realized what Riku was talking about...
Oh my god..
"Aeris! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!" Riku was glaring ice shards at me I guess he noticed I'd figured it out. I started to say something but couldn't form the words.
"She told me tonight. She'd known all along." Riku had turned away from me and was gripping the sink so hard I could hear it cracking. I squeaked and he glanced quickly at me. He was frowning so hard that he looked like some enraged demon.
"It happening again Sora. You keep.. hiding things from me." He snarled and turned fully around. He still had on his work uniform but it was... ripped open at the buttons for some reason.
"I keep getting some strange stabbing suspicion that you don't trust me enough to tell me anything." Riku was balling his fists tightly. I could see his knuckles turning white. Where was all of this coming from? So he'd found out that Aeris knew first... And? Why was this making him so mad?
"I do trust you. Why.. do you even think something like that...?"
"I was the last one to know Sora. You told miss innocent before me! Even though I'm the one you fall asleep with every night. Even though I'm the one who's devoted their every waking breath to you. You waited until I was hurt to tell me anything. I had to beg you to tell me!"
I felt guilt hit me hard in the chest. But that still didn't explain why he was so angry.
"Riku.. listen to me. I told Aeris long before you... You were still trapped in Kingdom Hearts when I told her. I... couldn't build up the nerve to tell you before now... and I'm sorry for..."
"Shut up!" Riku yelled. My mouth snapped shut instantly. Riku was walking up to me in slow stiff steps. I was on the other side of the table so he had to walk around it. I had the desire to run really fast. I was truly afraid of Riku at that moment. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
"I'm so TIRED of that fucking lame excuse! You were trapped in Kingdom Hearts Riku, It was before we were together Riku! I was afraid to tell you Riku! DAMN the excuses! Why can't you, just for once, come at me honestly?!"
Riku had stopped walking and was breathing raggedly through his mouth. He'd put his hands on the table to seemingly brace himself. He'd lowered his head and I couldn't see his face anymore. I think he'd overworked himself in his fury because he was making pained groans now.
"...I was truthful with you... I... didn't have anyone else to talk to... you weren't here... Aeris had managed to force it out of me... I had to tell someone. I trusted her. She's my friend..." I was trying to explain things calmly and rationally. I didn't want to make Riku any angrier then he already was. I wanted this to end on a slightly good note.
"That word.." Riku's head snapped up and he pinned me under his glare. "That... fake bitch is not your friend! If I hear you say that word and her name in the same sentence ever again I'll.." Riku stood up and rubbed at his chest. I was dreading what was running through his head. Was he threatening me now?
"What Riku? Are you.. going to hurt her? Maybe.. hurt me. You can't control who I talk to or hang with." I was not going to let him be my master. I had every right to talk to whom ever I pleased. Riku seemed to think other wise. He gave me this wild look that said he really would hurt Aeris if I pushed him to do it. I just couldn't believe this was happening.
"Sora... Are you... deaf? You just don't seem to realize just what the fuck I'm saying. Aeris, your friend,.." Riku's teeth gritted quite loudly when he said that. "...kept you being raped a secret and you defend her."
Riku cracked his knuckles and looked away from me.
"You may have trusted her to keep your secret, but how can you possibly call her a friend... after she let you suffer like that. She could have... told you to come live with her. at least. To get you away form that abuse. But No. Oh, she must have thought she was doing you a favor by letting you stay with an alcoholic-child molesting-2 dollar whore!"
Riku was yelling again. For the first time since this argument started I was starting to understand why he was so angry. He wasn't mad because Aeris had known about my rape first. He was mad because she'd waited so long to tell anyone about it. And I was starting to wonder just why she'd hid it. Not just because I asked her too...
Aeris was scared too...
"She was.. frightened Riku... I put her in danger just telling her. Leon said he'd hurt her... or anyone I told...That he'd kill me. I was... I don't know... okay..."
"So what?!" Riku slammed his left hand on the table and scared the shit out of me. He wasn't calming down.
"Stop defending her! Just stop it!" Riku made a gesture with his hand that told me to go silent. I did and took a shuddery breath. He was biting his inner jaw again and flexing his fingers. I knew if he wanted to he could easily start breaking things around us. He wanted to grab something...
"Everyone tells you I'm a threat to you Sora. Because of what happened back then. They blame me behind my back for every bad thing that's ever happened to you. You think I don't notice?! But when you go and tell your trusted best friend, whose almost like a mother to you, that Leon raped you several times... She hides it!"
I bit my lip... Oh god... he was right.
"Everybody listens to Leon. Mister-Ice-cold-bastard-Zeus-King-of-the-Gods! His word, or lack of there of, is LAW! No one would ever question him!"
Riku covered his face and went quiet for a moment. I wanted to get away from him. I was scared and worried beyond belief right now. I told you Riku could get really violent. And at that moment, I was afraid he'd hurt me. I really was. I hadn't seen him so furious since he was possessed by Ansem. But his was his rage this time.
"...I... think about gutting myself on a rusty knife every time I think about how I couldn't be there to protect you. That you were all alone in that god forsaken place... That it was my fault it happened..." I took a sharp breath a his overly detailed hint of self mutilation. Riku uncovered his face and looked at me. He wasn't glaring anymore, just staring at me with sad shiny eyes.
"I thought that no one knew what you had gone through. And then I find out I was wrong. Aeris wasn't there to protect you. She doesn't even protect you now!"
"Riku stop!" I finally yelled. I was tired of this. He'd made his point. I didn't know what he was yelling about anymore. I couldn't tell if he was angry with me or with Aeris or with himself. Maybe all three.
"I made a mistake... I'm sorry. So please... can we just drop it..." I said softly. I had to end this now or it would go on all night. I felt like this was steming from more the Riku just finding out about Aeris knowing of my rape. Riku and I hadn't talked about the subject in a month. It was quietly eating us alive. I thought things were getting better. I guess Aeris triggered something....
"Stay away from Aeris, Sora."
My head snapped up. He'd said that in a threatening tone out load this time and I was suddenly very angry.
"Don't threaten my friends Riku. You're pushing it." I turned to walk away, to our room. Riku was being crazy now. He was and he knew it. He wasn't going to control me or scare me away from my friends. I'd tried to ignore it the first time he'd said it. But now that he'd made it abundantly clear that he was serious I had to cut this out now.
I didn't think to look behind me, I didn't think he was following me. I didn't even hear him behind me. I just know he'd grabbed my hand roughly and shoved me into the wall. I hit my shoulder blades really hard. All I could do was stare at him with wide unbelieving eyes. He had his hand wrapped tightly around my throat and he was watching me. He wasn't snarling or glaring. His face was completely calm.
I was terrified.
"Don't. Fuck with me. Sora." He said calmly. He was talking to me like I was a 5 year old and that I'd done something bad. He leaned into me and rested his lips on my cheek. I whimpered and tried to push against him. Riku was... incredibly strong.
"Stay away form Aeris. Or I'll give everyone a reason not to trust me." He pulled back and looked at me. His eyes were searching my face for some kind of reply. I didn't know what to say. I understood everything he had said. But it had been my choice to tell Aeris to remain silent. I knew the risks involved. I knew that I'd be on my own with Leon. I hadn't even really wanted to tell her. It wasn't her fault those things had happened.
"Do you understand?" He breathed and he sounded out of breath. I didn't shake my head or say anything. I wasn't going to. He wasn't going to hurt Aeris.
"Sora." He whispered. And I felt his grip tighten on my throat. I panicked.
"..Riku... you're hurting me..."
Riku snarled and pulled me from the wall. I couldn't catch my feet and almost fell but he still had a death grip on my throat. He pushed me backwards into our room and let me go with a shove.
"I'm hurting you! SO DID AERIS! SO DID LEON! I'm the only one who'll protect you! Not them, Not Cloud, just me!"
I backed away from him. He walked up to me, about arms length away and simmered in silence.
"But I..."
I was going to say something cruel. Something that would break him forever. Something he had said but I'd denied.
I didn't want to say it.
"But you what Sora...?" Riku challenged me then. I squared my shoulders. I would regret this. But I was just so mad at him right now. He wanted to know. He was always viciously honest with me... so I would be with him.
"I didn't trust you!"
Riku blinked.
"I didn't trust you to understand. After everything I'd done. I told you Riku. I'd wanted Leon. I was lonely and desperate. I'd wanted him to fuck the living daylights out of me. Until I could forget about you... Kairi, about all of my sorrow. I'd asked for it. I even liked it sometimes! I was a whore! I never said no. I never told him to stop. I went to him each night asking for more. He didn't rape me! It's not rape if you want it. I gave into him! I knew that if I told you that.... you just wouldn't be able take it! That you'd push me away! That you'd feel betrayed! It was all for you Riku. I wanted to protect your heart because I knew you had feelings for me. But I was wrong. I know that now! And I regret ever thinking so badly of you... I just..."
I paused. I was tired of arguing.
Fuck it.
" And why are you so angry? So Aeris knew. Okay! I'm sorry a million times for not telling you first! But... but... You know now! Why the fuck does it matter if I told her first!"
Riku smacked the shit out of me.
I didn't see his had coming. I didn't notice him jerk to take the swing. I just know the back of his hand hit me dead in jaw and I fell onto the bed. I was so stunned that I didn't feel any pain at first. Then my cheek started to sting and then burn. I took a pain breath and felt tears in my eyes. I clenched my fists and grinded my teeth.
I couldn't believe he'd just hit me. I didn't know what he was doing because I had my head down.
"Sora..." I heard Riku gasp in a high pitched squeak. His voice quivered badly.
I snuck a glance at him through my bangs. He was covering his mouth with his hand. And an absolutely horrified expression was on his face. He looked shocked at me and at himself.
I was truly hurt that he'd hit me. I started tasting blood in my mouth and spit onto the floor. The red liquid sprayed the carpet.
He'd hit me really hard.
....I'd deserved that....
"I'm sorry..." Riku gasped and took a step back. I groaned and shook my head.
"..No... it's okay... You had the right... after what I just said..."
I shifted on the bed and covered my cheek. The tears ran down my cheeks in warm waves. I don't know if I was crying from the pain or from having hurt Riku. He sobbed through his words and I looked up. Tears were streaming down his face. He was staring at me like he'd just tried to kill me.
"I'm so sorry.... it's not okay... it's not... I'm so sorry... About everything...."
I shook my head again and stood. I wobbled for a moment and saw stars. Somehow I managed to walk over to Riku and embrace him. He was holding his head in hands and shaking it like a mad man.
"I hit you.... I hit you.. Sora..." He looked at me and cradled my face.
"I didn't mean to! I'm so so so sorry. Please forgive me...!" Riku fell onto the bed and sobbed into the blanket. I didn't know what to say to him at first. He gripped the comforter and dragged it off the bed as he suddenly tried to flee.
"Wait... come back..." I called and grabbed his shirt. He tried to fight me and tug away. I almost tripped over the blanket.
"No.. I have to go.. If I hurt you again... I don't care about all of the things you said... I don't... I just... want to be with you no matter what... and..."
I pulled Riku back into the room and tried to calm him down. He was stronger then me so he was still managing to slip away.
"I'm... no better then him... I'm just like Leon..." Riku croaked and tried to pull away from me again.
"It's okay Riku! I'm fine." I forced him to turn and look at me. "See, I'm okay... It's okay." I pulled him into a hug and slumped to the floor.
This had been a long time coming. Everything had just.. grown up inside of him and turned into this ball of depression, blame, and guilt. And then I told him I hadn't trusted him. I felt awful for saying it. Even though it had been true at first. I had been terrified of what Riku would think of me if I told him I'd been... falling foolishly in love with Leon. It was misplaced.. I realize that now. But I was so wrong for not giving Riku the benefit of the doubt...
And he'd ended up suffering for it.
"I never meant to hurt you..." Riku sobbed into my shirt. He was holding me so tight I knew my skin was bruising. I just rocked him back and forth to try and calm him.
"This is all my fault... somehow I'm always hurting you.." I made Riku look up at me. He wouldn't meet my gaze.
"I'm okay..." I was. Really. The pain was barely there anymore. Riku shook his head some more.
"Nonononononono... it's not... I don't deserve you... or anything... I'm so screwed up in the head.... I just hurt the only person who's ever cared about me... I'm.. so... stupid. You were right not to trust me... How can you lo...mmmpphh..."
I silenced him then. He stared into my eyes with a glazed over expression of sadness and utter surprise. But he melted into me. I wasn't mad at him. It was over. I didn't care anymore. It was all behind us.
I ran my fingers through Riku's hair and deepened our kiss. It had felt like ages since we'd kissed. I'd missed his lips, his taste, his skin oh so much. This was a better time then any to show how much I really loved him. I would prove it to him.
"Riku." I whispered and, without breaking our kiss, started to remove his shirt. He seemed to stunned to do anything at first but slowly he stared to touch my face and let his hands run down my chest. I almost ripped his work shirt trying to get it off of his shoulders. I'm glad it just unbuttoned in the front. His white tank top was ripped over his head as I momentarily broke our kiss to remove it. My shirt slid free of my shoulders from a simple zipper coming down.
"Sora..." Riku gasped. But I didn't give him time as I once again pressed my lips to his. Almost desperately. I got to my knees and struggled free of my pants in an almost violent fashion. I'd never wanted to get out of clothes so badly. My heart was pounding and Riku was lovingly running his finger tips up and over my shoulders, back, chest, and abdomen.
"Don't you ever.." I moaned into Riku's hot sweet mouth while pulling him over me.
"...Question my love for you." I kicked out of my boxers and viciously started unbuckling Riku's belts and kicking off his pants. He was trapped in a frenzy of desire as well and he buried his face into my neck, kissing, licking, and sucking at that delicate skin. I'd lain down on the comforter Riku had dragged to the floor in his angst and wrapped my legs around his waist. I wanted him so badly at that moment. I'd never ever felt so much emotion in my life as I did now. I needed him desperately. I ran my fingers through his hair and made him look at me. I could tell that he needed me just as much if not more.
"You're mine..." I breathed huskily and helped him position himself to enter me. I melted into another kiss, this time tasting his mouth with my tongue and he battled against it with his own. When he pressed into me I moaned into his mouth in pain and pleasure. We hadn't really taken time to prepare. But it felt so good.
It'd been a long time.
"Riku.."
He looked into my eyes and started to move. He didn't ask if I was okay, if it hurt, or did I want him to stop.
"Don't stop.... don't" I groaned and threw my head back when he pushed in a little rougher. It felt so good and hurt so bad.
"Don't... stop..." I hissed again.
"Harder.." I demanded.
Riku groaned.
"I love you." I whispered the words to accentuate each thrust.
"Riku..." I gasped and ran my hands over his powerful back. I could feel his muscles rippling with each strong but absolutely wonderful motion of his body. He wasn't holding back. I wanted him to just let all of his emotions run free. I didn't care about the pain. What he was doing to me made every nerve, vein, and tendon shake in pleasure.
"...Yes..."
"Sora..." Riku was looking down at me with half lidded glazed over eyes. His breaths were soft and quick against face and he looked completely lost in me. I smiled and grabbed his backside to push him in further.
"I'm yours." I said huskily. Riku's paced quickened. "Yours." I said again.
"..yessss..." I hissed as he hit that one particular stop.
"Riku.."
"....Sora..." He moaned.
"I'm yours. Always.." I said. I was staring into Riku's eyes and he was staring back. I felt him go stiff and rigid from his shoulders to his abdomen. He let out a soft but deep primal moan inside the depths of his throat and I leaned up to kiss him again then. Heat tickled my insides when Riku reached his peak. Something warm and wet was pattering against my face and I opened my eyes to see tears streaming down my lovers face. A warm powerful and protective wave washed over me and I inhaled sharply. I couldn't seem to moan and my mouth just opened slightly when I came.
Stars ran around my vision for a long time. I'd had the most powerful orgasm I'd ever experienced in my entire sex life. I felt like I'd jumped into ice cold water only to be encased in a hot bubble. I couldn't even describe to myself how good that had felt. Riku was panting into my ear and kissing my shoulder and neck. I just kept running my fingers through his sweat slicked hair, trying to catch my breath.
I was his again.
And he was mine.
"I love you." I barely breathed to him. I turned my head slightly so I could look at him. He had lain down next to me and balled up against my side. He looked at me for a few long moments. He looked surprised. Like he couldn't figure out what had just happened.
This had been better then our first time.
To think we'd been arguing a few minutes ago.
"Don't ever doubt that. Ever. No matter what." I insisted. Riku seemed content with that because he smiled slightly and ran his hand up my bare hip.
"I love you too." He said softly. It had felt like an eternity since I'd heard him say those 4 simple words. The impact of them was heart wrenching and I felt my eyes fill with joyful tears. Riku kissed them away and snuggled up to me. I didn't have anything else to say. What was left to utter. We'd made up and reconciled our love. It was just the sex. It was the moment, the impact of it all. How our hidden feelings were like brick walls holding us apart. I had to break down those walls at all costs.
Leon was not going to win.
I fell asleep completely content that night. I just knew when the morning came that everything would be okay again. I'd forget about everything but our intimate moment. Riku would be better again.
Things were okay.
----------------
(Riku's POV)
----------------
I don't know what time it was. I didn't care. I managed to untangle myself from Sora's grip around me and walk naked to the bathroom. I couldn't help thinking what happened had been a dream.
All just a... terrible sick dream.
I'd hit Sora and then we'd had sex.
Something about that just wasn't right to me. It made me gag. Even though he'd been the one to initiate the love making I hadn't tried at all to stop him. I'm not going to lie and say I hadn't wanted it and that I hadn't enjoyed it. It had been incredible. But it just hadn't been the time.
It hadn't been the right time at all.
I know Sora had been terrified. I'd hit him and I wasn't calming down. He'd used his body, and my one known weakness, to sedate me.
And I hated it.
I was wrong...
For everything I'd done.
I can't believe I'd hurt him. It just completely drove me crazy that he would forgive me for something like that. Nothing I ever say or do can apologize enough for what I'd done.
Nothing...
I stared hatefully at my reflection in the vanity mirror. I looked pale and tired and my chest hurt. I thought after a month that my ribs would have healed. That didn't seem to be the case.
Well.. I thought after a month I'd be over Leon raping me... and Sora. That was far from the truth too. The rape hunted my dreams at night. I could see his face in the dark, even behind my eyelids. He was looming over me calling me horrible things and telling me how worthless I was. That no one in their right mind could ever love me.
No one....
I was just like him...
I can't believe I hit Sora...
I needed some pain killers. My whole body hurt. My head was pounding too. I didn't see any in the cabinet. I guess I'd taken them all already. I was tired so I sat down on the toilet so I could think. I felt sweaty and kind of dirty. Not from the sex... I just felt dirty because of what I'd done.
My life couldn't get much worse.
I'd just physically abused my boyfriend, and then I'd slept with him...
It was wrong. I should have made him stop.
I wonder if those things he'd said... I wonder if he'd meant them. I know he was mad... But... I don't blame him if he did. I mean... I couldn't even handle learning that Aeris had known of Sora's rape this whole time. It had enraged me so much. I... really wasn't serious when I'd said I'd strangle her.
But I did want to shake the living shit out of her.
How could she hide something like that...? I just don't understand it. Not at all.
Something pattered against my leg and I looked down. It was clear and I realized I was silently crying. So that's why my head had been hurting.
I was so sad about hurting Sora. How can I live with myself. Every time I look at him now... I'm going to see that shocked totally hurt expression on his face from when I'd hit him.
I took his pride and his dignity...
And he hadn't asked me to stop.
Fuck...
I stood, scrubbing angrily at my eyes and feeling around for a wash cloth. I had to take a shower. I don't see how Sora had sex with me and I'd smelled like old dish water and raw ground beef.
My vision was blurry so I absently felt around the sink. My finger tips struck something really sharp and I snatched them away quickly. I had to blink several times to finally clear my vision. There was blood pooling on my fingers. I stared at the red fluid in shock for a moment. There was so much of it. What had cut me...?
I saw the small silvery piece of metal sticking out from just behind the faucet. I couldn't figure out how it'd had gotten there. Had I used it for something..? Had Sora...? I picked the razor blade up and turned it in my bloody fingers. The light from over the sink bounced off of it in pretty patterns and I had sat back down. I marveled at how easily and quickly the blade had cut through my fingers. I'd really barely felt it.
I thought back to a time when I'd first started realizing I was gay. How my mother looked at me like I was rotting trash. How she threw every pussy at me she could find in an attempt to prove I was just confused. She tried to even beat it into me that I wasn't gay. She even had tried to take Sora away from me. We'd moved. I remember I was so pissed at her. I'd told her I'd hated her and that I'd suffocate her in her sleep and go back to live with Sora.
I found one then... in the attic.. in my dads old tool box. An Exacto Knife. I'd been playing with it out of boredom. Hacking gashes and lines into the wooden floor. I knew my mother could hear me doing it at that it annoyed the shit out of her. It had been an accident. My hand had been to close to were I was cutting. I slashed quickly and cut a 3 inch gash into the back of my hand.
That had hurt. I stared at it for the longest time. Watching my blood pool to the floor. I really didn't know what to do to stop it at first. I was about wrap my hand in my shirt when my mom called me downstairs. She said I had company and I heard a little girl giggle. Like hell I was going down there.
I would rather die.
Rather.. die.
She'd find me hours later.
I wondered if she'd bury me... or just leave me there to rot.
I didn't care.
I ran the razor over my inner arm. From my wrist to my elbow. I pressed as hard as I could stand and watched my skin pierce under the sharp blades tip.
It had felt good.
Really good.
And I sat there and waited. She kept calling and calling. When I didn't come she finally came up to the attic to get me.
I think that was the first time I ever saw my mother cry...
She told me in the hospital that she didn't want me to die. Why had I done this? What had caused it? What could she do to make me stop?
I told her.
A week later we moved back to Destiny Islands.
My mother wasn't here this time. I had what I'd wanted. Sora. He was mine. He'd said so himself.
But I'd fucked up.
I'd fucked up badly.
I braced my wrist on my knee and flexed my fingers. That one vein along my wrist pulsed with each movement. If I did it quick it wouldn't hurt. I had to do it deep enough to sever it though. I bit my lip and placed the blade against my skin. It was bitterly cold and I flinched away from it.
Just one quick stroke...
Quick...
I made the stroke... it had hurt.
I winced and watched as my blood started to flow freely from my wrist and down my a knee, to my leg, and then to the floor. It was like watching a bunch of tiny red snakes maker there way down my skin. And I stared in awe.
Now I had to do the other wrist.
I couldn't seem to grip the blade in my left hand though. It felt awkward. And my fingers were a bit numb. I looked back at my right hand and realized I'd cut too low and missed the vein. I had cut myself pretty badly though.
Sora groaned from inside the room and I felt suddenly panicked.
Oh my god....
What had I just been thinking.
I had everything to lose...
Sora...
I couldn't let him find me like that.
Dead.
I couldn't.
It would hurt him too much.
I can't believe I'd almost gone through with it...
I flipped on the faucet and let ice cold water run over my wound. The water turned pink instantly and I watched it swirl down the drain.
Stupid!
Stupid!
Stupid...
I'd almost done it....
I was so scared right now I could barely think straight.
I'd really just slit one of my wrists...
Oh my God....
Sora....
I managed to stop the bleeding on my wrist and clean up the blood on the floor. I jumped into the shower to clean off my guilt and went back to the room. I'd wrapped and bound my mangled arm in gauze and wound wrapping from the first aid kit in the bathroom. I'd have to hide this from Sora... Somehow.
He would notice it...
He always could tell when I was hiding something.
How could I explain myself to him...?
I pulled on a t-shirt and boxers and picked Sora up to put him in the bed. He was sleeping so soundly. Like and angel. I let him stay in the blanket, because it was wet from.... our bodily fluids.... and I didn't want them me again. He'd take a shower when he got up.
I tried to stay away from him while I tired to go to sleep. He was hell bent on snuggling against me though. He kept managing to touch my freshly wounded wrist. I would never ever do that again. I really was stupid. I was taking the easy way out of things. I would endure any pain for Sora now.
After what I'd done... Death would be to nice for me...
Leon wasn't going to win.
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Authors notes:
Awww, the joy's of lemons. I couldn't wait to put it in anymore. Riku and Sora needed that. But this little romp on the carpet will hurt them more then it helps them. Did you think Riku was wrong for what he did to Sora? Hmm, I'm interested in what everyone thinks. I actually had much worse in store for Sora. But I decided to use that as the next plot twist. Irony is a evil bitch I tell you. Hahahahaha! Riku is seriously ill. I mean, mentally ill and unstable. I think when he grabbed Sora's throat that told you something was wrong. Very wrong. Sora finds out Riku tried to kill himself, and Riku actually tries to do it again. Sephiroth makes another appearance in the most unlikely place and Riku starts to have strange feelings towards him. Oh, betrayal. Sora is hurt again, physically. Riku does the unthinkable. (I wonder how many of you can guess what that is?) Meanwhile, Leon is looking for Sora and Riku. He pays Aeris a little visit.