Innocence Corrupted

by MistressNashya

Chapter 21's UP! Things are worse then I thought... much worse. It's been 2 years since their adventure. Riku and Sora must now learn to live new lives. In the city of lost souls, Traverse town. Corruption threatens to tear them apart. YAOI!

16. Chapter 16

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

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Chapter 16

Let's see what Sora and Cloud are up to huh?

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And the truth shall set you free... again...

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Cloud

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I think the entire city of Traverse Town went dead silent and still after that 5 minute news cast. At 9:00 that night Tim Jennings was pronounced missing. Missing? Kidnapped? Maybe he was just at a friends house? Maybe he was at a movie? He couldn't be missing. Leon wouldn't sink that low would he?

Oh... my... God...

I covered my face in my hands and sat down on the bed. I didn't even know this boy, but Aeris did. I felt so sad and worried and sick all at the same time. Just when it seemed like things would calm down, and Leon would be caught this had to happen. My hands were starting to shake and I rubbed the back of my neck to calm myself down. I know why this was bothering me so much. Tim... could have easily been Riku or Sora. There was no telling what Leon was doing to that boy. Maybe nothing... but with his current track record.....

My stomach lurched and I had to fight the urge to hurl suddenly. What the fuck was Leon thinking? All he had to do was keep hiding out until we found him and talked some sense into him. I'd wanted to help him so badly. I was on his side.... I wanted to find out what was really wrong. I thought he was sick... I guess I was wrong. So was Seph... I wonder if he's heard the news yet. I hadn't talked to him in almost 2 weeks. I had no idea how he was going to contact me to tell me his thoughts on that boy coming up missing. I wonder how Riku was taking it. Maybe he hasn't heard yet....

I glanced over to the corner of my room and stared at Sora for a moment. After he heard the news about Tim he went and sat in the corner of the room and stared blankly at the wall. He didn't say anything or move. He was in his own little world. His behavior worried me. I couldn't tell if he was scared or happy to hear about Leon still being on the loose. Sora wouldn't talk to me. He avoided me most of the time. He was pissed at me for taking Riku away. Well, I hadn't really taken him away... I just wouldn't let him talk to or see the boy. Seph and I had decided this way was best. Riku seemed to be doing better because of it too. Sora was almost falling apart though. He must feel awful... he blames himself for this whole mess. On some levels it is his fault... but he's just a kid. Kid's are curious. I'm not angry with Sora, just confused as the why he'd put himself in such a situation. He's only 16... and going through his mid life crisis.

"Sora." I started and stood up. I needed to move around a bit. "Stop staring at the wall. Come talk to me." I spoke as softly as I was able and patted the bed getntly. My voice shook slightly though. Sora was far to silent for me right now. I needed to hear his voice. Anybodies voice really. I wish Seph would call.

*bring, bring*

I almost leapt to the phone to answer it. Was it Seph? I felt a smile come to my face. Perfect timing.

"Cloud!"

It was a women's voice. My face fell slightly from it not being Seph's though.

"Aeris." I said softly and sat down on the bed. I saw Sora's shoulders flinch slightly. I didn't even have to ask Aeris what she was calling for. I knew she'd seen the news reel by now. It was playing back to back every 10 minutes. And the child missing search siren was blaring softly in the far distance of the city. Everyone was on watch.

"Cloud.... he's...." Aeris started. Her voice broke and I heard her burst into tears. I wish I could have been there to hug her and make her feel better. At least in the physical sense. She was probably kicking herself for Tim being in danger. Where ever he was. After the initial news update about he boy missing, another update came on telling the viewers about the boy. All of his friends and family said he wasn't the type to just up and leave with letting someone know where he was going. He always came home right after he closed up the families drug store and he always took the same route. So judging by that information and if Leon had snatched him, Leon had been watching this boy for a while now. He'd known his schedule and probably attacked him at his most vulnerable time. Leon grabbed that boy the moment he walked out of view of the stores security cameras. And so much for searching for a struggle. If the estimated time of Tim's abduction was correct, any tracks made by Leon and him had been covered soon after by freshly falling snow.

Leon had planned this from start to finish. He had taken this boy on purpose. He was telling anyone protecting Riku and Sora loud and clear, that he was going to find them. And if he had to resort to foul play he would. Dear God.... I hope he hasn't hurt that boy.... First he torches district 3 now this.... He wasn't fucking kidding around.

Leon... I was actually starting to feel sorry for you. How could you do this?

"I'm.. I'm sorry *sniff* Cloud. I'm just.... *sniff* so worried *sniff* I hope Tim is alright..." Aeris gasped through her sobs. I glared across the room at Sora's back. I wanted to throw something at him for the way he was acting.

"Aeris it's alright. If you need to cry go right ahead. I'm here." I soothed. This was lame. I should go and see her. Man... Cid lived so far away. Speaking of Cid... just where was he anyway?

"I'm gonna fucking knock some sense into the brainless pretty bitch!!!"

I winced and pulled the phone away from my ear. Oh... there he was. I'm assuming he's talking about Leon.... I hadn't done anything... At least... I don't think I have.

"Is that Cloud on the phone!?!" Cid yelled. He sounded like he was getting closer to the receiver. I mentally prepared myself for the verbal abuse I'm sure I was about to get. Cid was going to pissed that he was one of the last people hearing about this.

"Yes Cid." Aeris said softly. I could barely hear her of his hollering.

"What the FUCK! Why didn't anyone tell me 'bout this shit?!"

Oh no... Cid had the phone now. He was a little further then just pissed off. He was enraged.

"Er... we.. uh..."

"WHATEVER! I knew something was up when Aeris suddenly came over here with a cut cheek and all her personal belongings and shit. Then I hear about Leon attacking her on the news too! NOW Leon's a fucking rapist/murderer/kidnapper!! So when were you guys planning on telling me this huh? HUH?!"

I swear I heard Cid's phone crack through the receiver. Poor phone. But I did understand how Cid felt. It was just.... we didn't want everyone else getting involved in all of this. Well... the whole world kind of was now. It wasn't a big secret anymore. Truth be told, no one really knew it involved Riku and Sora. At the current moment it was all about Aeris being nearly killed by Leon and this boy Tim missing. Maybe we could keep it that way.... But I really would like to report Riku's... rape...

"Sora." I yelled again, ignoring Cid for a moment. I picked up a pillow and chucked it at his head. When he turned before it hit him and knocked it out of the way I froze for a moment. He gave me a vicious glare and stood up. I faltered for a moment. What the hell?

"WHAT?!" He hissed at me, his blue eyes a blaze. I kept my eyes on him and half listened to Cid string swear words together.

"Hey Cid, can I call you back later." I said. I wasn't really asking him.

"Hey, I'm not done with you yet! Cloud, don't you hang..."

*click*

I'd deal with him later when I call back. Right now I had more pressing matters. Like Sora looking like he wanted to kick my ass for some reason.

"What's your problem?" I said softly. I tried not to sound to upset. I was surprised he'd reacted to me like that though. I mean... I was only playing with him when I threw the pillow. A few days ago he seemed fine. Maybe he'd been suppressing his anger. But what was he angry about?

"My problem?! My fucking problem is every damn body getting involved in my business. You never even gave me and Riku a chance to work this out!"

I blinked in utter shock. I had never heard Sora talk like this. And I sure as hell wasn't expecting him to suddenly be talking to me like it.

"What are you talking about? Sora if I recall, you asked for my help. You asked if you could live here with me. I took you in, just like you wanted. The moment you asked for my help was the moment I got involved." I said this as calmly as I could. But my tone was faltering. I couldn't believe Sora was acting like this.

"Why'd you have to be so nice and say yes!" Sora snarled and turned his back on me. His last comment made absolutely no sense.

Okay...

"Riku left because of your perfect pretty boyfriend anyway..." Sora mumbled. I heard it loud and clear though. But before I could say anything about that last comment Sora went on.

"You never even asked us if it was alright if Sephiroth knew about this! You just assumed! Now Riku's gone. I can't see him, can't speak to him, I can't even apologize for this whole fucked up mess!"

Sora slammed his fists into the wall and I felt it tremble. I had to remind myself just how powerful this kid really was. This was the same little boy that had saved our world from total darkness with nothing but a freaking key as his weapon.

"I can summon creatures of infinite power, seal doors to untold evils, even beat the living shit out of a villain so wicked he possessed my best friend and lover.... All of that with a straight face... .... But when it really comes down to it... I'm fucking powerless..."

Sora slumped slightly against the wall and put his forehead against it. He looked like he'd just collapse at any given moment.

"...It's just not fair... This is all my fault. If I'd never...." Sora started. He sounded like all of his angry energy had seeped away suddenly and he was slowly being drained. I took a step forward but paused so I wouldn't alert him.

"Don't start with that self blame crap. It will only make you feel worse. Shit happens Sora. Everybody makes mistakes." I had to assure him of this fact as clearly as I could. He was headed down a very quick path to self destruction if he kept this up.

"Most people don't make mistakes that put their friends lives in danger!" Sora vicious tone had returned in full force. So much for him calming down.

"I was so fucking stupid! What was I thinking. I'm always... trying to be the good guy... I just felt sorry for Leon and now... It's me he wants... Maybe I should just...."

"Don't you even say it!" I suddenly snapped. I knew exactly where this was going. Sora made a defeated expression and sat on the floor. He'd been thinking about that option for a while now it seems. His final conclusion to making Leon stop this crazy nonsense. Give the psychotic bastard what he wanted....

Sora.

I went and fell to my knees beside Sora and looked him in the face.

"Now listen to me. There is NO. FUCKING. WAY. That is ever going to happen. After all we've gone through to keep you safe and you want me to just give you over to Leon? Are you out of your mind?!" I half yelled. Sora averted his gaze and I forced him to look back at me.

"We don't even know for sure if this Tim boy was kidnapped by Leon. It could just be a coincidence...."

"Oh come on Cloud!" Sora snatched his face from me and stood up again. He gave me a shocked expression.

"I know you're smarter then that! Think about it for a minute. Just think about it. This is the same kid that beat the hell out of Leon with a glass lamp a few nights ago. Leon's nowhere to be found for days and days after his attempt at killing Aeris, no one's seen him at all. And then suddenly that same boy comes up missing! You put everything together!"

I didn't say anything. So much for being optimistic. Sora didn't have to explain it to me like I was a special kid either.

"But I just don't understand why he'd... he can't be that desperate. He must know by now how much trouble he's in..." Sora was talking to himself now. He pinned me with that intense blue gaze of his again and I dreaded what he was about to say. "Cloud, I have to find him. I have to find out why he's doing this.... There's something else going on that I don't know about...."

I knew it would be bad... But what Sora was saying now was fucking insane.

"Now.. hold on." I paused and held up a hand. "You want to go and look for him. What the fuck Sora? The damn police can't even find..."

"That's because they don't know where to look."

Sora sounded suddenly much too sure of himself. And I was suddenly very worried.

"And you do?" Was all I could manage to say though. I think I just egged him on into actually going to look too. Smooth Cloud... real smooth... urg....

"Maybe I do. I could be wrong. I'm not going to tell you were I think he might be though..."

I felt like I'd been slapped in the face for some reason. Who did Sora think he was?

But his answer was so final. He really wasn't going to tell me anything...

Sora pointed at me and gave me a snide glare that sent a chill up my back. If he really wanted to.. he could be a really good villain with a look like that. "All you want to do is slaughter him anyway. None of you people understand him. None of you know what he's gone through!"

Sora was now giving me this look that said if I pushed him even the slightest bit he'd try to kill me. And for the first time noticed he wasn't a kid anymore. He was damn near 18, he was a just as strong.... probably more so, then I was. And he was in a very bad mood.

"And you do?"

There was that retarded ass question again. It was all my mind could muster to ask right now.

"YES!" He roared. "I do understand! I know him better then all of you guys. I took the time to talk to him, to get to know him while all you guys ever did was push him away. He's human just like everyone else. Just like me....."

"Sora." I started and pinched the bridge of my nose. I was getting a headache all of a sudden. "You do realize, and if you don't by now there's more wrong with you then I thought, that Leon is out to kill you and Riku right. If he has that boy... he could kill him too. That in his mind he has a good reason too! And if you have the slightest idea where he could be you could ultimately be the reason that boy ends up dead."

Sora gave me a shocked look. I'd made my point.

"Now... please if you... know anything.. or even suspect..."

"I was only bluffing..." Sora squeaked. I wanted to smack him for lying so quickly.

"Sora!" I hissed. He jumped and hugged himself really tightly.

"....It's just a feeling I've got.... I mean.. the police have looked everywhere, or so they say, and haven't found Leon. I just thought maybe... he'd be somewhere so close that they may have overlooked it that's all..."

I frowned and thought about that for a moment. Whoa... that was kind of clever of Sora. So close they'd over look it. Hmm... where could that possibly...

Oh my God.... No way...

Sora's anger faded away in that instant and he burst into tears. I realized he'd noticed I'd figured it out. He'd just given me Leon's whereabouts without really meaning to. He'd just signed Leon's death warrent. Sora looked so pale and like he would faint any minute. But when I tried to go to him, he held up his hand telling me to keep my distance. I was at my wits end at this point. Sora's outburst had been long coming... he'd been holding this all inside for so long....

"I just wanted to help him.... I'm just a weak, pathetic little boy... I can't do anything right.... I couldn't even protect Riku..." Sora sank to his knees and covered his face. I didn't try to go and comfort him again. Now I understood...

Everyone always looked to Sora to be the perfect caring innocent little boy he used to be. He was trying so hard to keep up that image of himself. People, myself included, just always had this certain perfect little boy next door image of him... I guess... I guess I hadn't noticed he'd grown up. But then, when he finally screwed up, when he finally made a mistake, everyone felt the full affect of it. He must of thought the only one it would concern was himself. He'd put himself in this situation full prepared to deal with the consequences on his own. I'm sure... he never expected it to go this far though.

"You're wrong Sora... I don't want to hurt Leon. I read his diary... I want to help him too... I'm just really mad at him right now. For what he did to you and Riku. You may not think it was wrong for him to sleep with you... even if you said yes. But he took advantage of you and your feelings. He used you. I just don't understand why you don't get that yet...."

You know... I have some strange feeling Sora really wanted to be telling this stuff to Riku and not me.

"....I know that already... But I don't care. When you really think about it, so has everyone else." Sora was only sniffling now, but I could barely understand what he was trying to get at with this.

".... Used me. You all used me to save your asses back then.... I never once complained or asked for anything in return. I never even wanted to really do it. But I faced up to my destined responsibility and did it. True you guys all tried to help... but you really couldn't do anything. I was all on my own in the end... I'm sure though, without everyone's constant support I wouldn't have made it.... I wanted the help back then. But now... when I try to do things on my own everyone wants to butt in..."

I glared at the wall past Sora's head and thought about that for a second...

"This is out of your hands now!" I hissed in extreme frustration. I can't believe he just said all of that nonsense. What was worse was that he believed it. "You just contradicted yourself like, 50 times.... What the hell's wrong with you? This isn't about... how could you even.... What kind of adult would I be if I just sat back and let this go on?! I already hate myself for letting it happen in the first place..."

I sat down on my bed and took a shuddery breath. I was tired of arguing now. It was pointless yelling at Sora. He was so confused right now. Hell, I was fucking confused right now....

I wish Seph was here...

"Sora..." I said while taking a breath. Lets try this again. Without the yelling and swearing this time. "What do you want to do....? Whatever it is... just name it..."

I would help him in anyway I could.

"I don't know... I just want this to be over..."

I nodded, more so to myself and stared at the wall across from me. There had to be something we could do... someway we could help. But what? The police were on extreme alert right now. I'm sure if Leon was even spotted once he'd be shot to death... He had no chance in Hell of making it out of this alive now.... But considering who Leon was... he probably knew all that already. It just baffled me the police haven't found him yet... And no one has seen him, even when he came out of hiding to snatch that boy...

"It's not Leon...." Sora suddenly said softly. My head snapped up of its own accord and I locked my eyes on him. Whatever he'd just said had given me the strangest idea.... it was right on the tip of my tongue.. but I didn't know how to word it...

"Not him...?" I said slowly and let that thought roll around in my mind for moment. Sora was shaking his head slowly.

"I... never told you this... because.. Well it sounds ridiculous even to me... But.. sometimes Leon would seem like a completely different person sometimes. One minute he'd be wanting to hold me and cuddle me then... he'd start yelling and screaming at me for no reason. And I hadn't even done anything. It scared me at first but... I guess I got used to it. I was with him for over a year by myself... I saw him do some pretty odd things..."

I just blinked and let that cryptic information sink in.

"....Once... he was looking at himself in the mirror... This freaked me out by the way... He was... talking to himself... I don't mean like just commenting on his image and saying stupid things about how good he looked or anything. I mean he was having an actual conversation with himself... and someone else... It was like... every time he answered himself... his voice would get a little huskier and he'd swear a lot. Then he'd say something else and be... Leon... I don't know how to explain it...

Sora turned to look at me. He had that same haunted expression on his face when he told me about his secret a few days back. I felt dizzy from how creepy this was starting to be.

"He calls himself some pretty nasty things too sometimes... I mean... Leon has this extreme level of self hatred going on. He's always downing himself... hurting his own feelings..."

Sora was starting to stand up and he walked slowly over to the window in my room. It was snowing outside for the fifth time today. Sora put his palms on the glass and said.

"Sometimes he's Leon.... and then he's not.... It's like.... 2 people in one body... but... if that's the case... Who's this other person... and why is he so angry with Leon to where he'd do such terrible things to get him in trouble?"

Sora pulled his hands away from the glass and turned around. I frowned, thinking hard about his comments. I was so lost right now. I bet Seph would know what Sora was talking about. But... I had a strange feeling I knew what Sora meant too... I just couldn't remember what it was called right now...

"This other person... in Leon..."

I got it!!!

"Personality!" I breathed wide eyed and stood up. Sora gave me a blank look for a second.

"Sora.. Oh my God... Oh my God... I've heard of this before... Oh shit... Leon has...." I waved my hands around trying to trigger a memory I'd known I had but couldn't recall right now.... "Um, Uh, what did Seph call it?"

I racked my fingers through my hair and stared around the room for anything to help me form the words. "Disassociative.... Two people in one... A multiple... Ah YES!!" I snapped my fingers and felt a grin on my face.

" Disassociative multiple personality disorder!" Wow.... that's long... I can't believe I remembered it. I walked up to Sora and smiled widely.

"Sora, It makes so much sense now, why we've never seen it before. It's because of you, Sora. Leon loves you, as well as this.... other person, and it wasn't until you showed up that he/she/it started to come out... You... triggered something...."

Sora's mouth was hanging open in utter shock. It was all so fucking clear now. I'm amazed we'd never come to this conclusion before. Not that it was painfully obvious or anything. But it made sense. Some really creepy sense. We have to tell the police.

"This isn't good Cloud..." Sora said softly. My triumphant smile fell flat. Sora hugged himself close and gave me a horrified look. "Cloud, if what you say is true.... Then this other personality... hates Riku... Hates him enough to want to kill him..."

Man... once again my slightly good mood was completely destroyed. Sora was right. But we couldn't be sure just which personality, assuming our new discovery was even right, really wanted to hurt Riku, and which one was in love with Sora.

It could be both. And how could we even tell?

This is scary....

"So what do we do.... I bet if we explained this to Seph he'd be able to tell us for sure if Leon really does have multiple personalities..... We could explain all those weird things he does and..."

"How would he know if Leon's schizophrenic or not?" Sora asked cutting me off. I gave Sora a blank look before I frowned.

"I thought I told you he's a doctor... A psychologist actually."

Sora gave me this very angry glare. I raised my hands in confusion.

"So..., you let Riku stay with Sephiroth so he could analyze him or something? Are you crazy? Does Riku know this?"

"Er... no.. It's not like that Sora. Seph wouldn't mix his work with his personal life." I tried to explain. Sora's expression didn't change, actually his glare got even more intense.

"Riku doesn't know. Is that what you're saying? I don't care what you say. Sephiroth won't be able to help not trying to figure out what's 'wrong' with Riku. So much for being his 'friend'."

"No Sora, that's not what's going on. I told Seph to take Riku to his place so he could just have some time to himself. That's it. Seph says he's doing better actually."

God.. it was just one thing after another.

"Is that so? You aren't worried about them being alone in Sephiroth's place together? There's no telling what Riku might try considering what he's gone through...." Sora trailed off and looked suddenly upset with saying that out loud to me.

I faltered. What? Huh? Who....? Why did Sora only assume Riku would try something?

"Cloud, I know Riku. Just as well as I know myself . For all I know he's the one who suggested going back to Sephiroth's place. He's mad at me for being with Leon first... He probably hates me for it and openly blames me for him being raped... But I suggest you keep a very close watch on what goes on over there.... You may end up loosing your boyfriend by the time all of this is over."

And Sora ended that topic by turning his back to me. I kept thinking about it though. Was that a threat? Was he telling me Seph would fall for Riku? Or that Riku would break us up somehow? I was suddenly very disturbed. Seph wouldn't lie to me would he? He'd tell me everything that was happening over there right? In vivid gruesome detail?

I was starting to feel sick....

"If we show Leon's diary to the police... maybe they'll calm down with the 'shoot first ask questions later' motto they seem to be going by now. If we can just get Leon to calm down... And give Tim back safe and sound..." Sora was telling this to me but I was barely paying him any attention.

"Cloud, did you hear me? If we go to the police now with Leon's diary..."

"I heard you..." I whispered. I lied. I ran a shaky hand through my hair. "We need to explain how this all started... in detail... And I mean every single thing that lead up to this point..." I turned to Sora and saw him wiping at his eyes and staring at the tear drops on his finger tips for a second before I went on.

"...That means we have to tell them about your affair with Leon... And with you being under aged it will be considered rape... err, statutory rape no matter what you say..." I licked my lips. "Then about Riku's rape... about you two living with Leon... about his mood swings... him being an alcoholic... everything...."

I sighed and stared the floor.

Leon's going to jail.

No matter what we do... and if not jail a mental institution...

That... might actually be good for him considering.....

"So are you going to tell Sephiroth all of this?" Sora asked, now curled up in the corner again. He was at least looking at me this time. I didn't answer at first. I was still thinking about Sora's warning to me about Riku and Seph.

"Yeah... eventually. I just need to figure out a few more details...."

"Did you figure out where I think Leon might be...?" Sora said hesitantly. I gave him a side long glance and rubbed the back of my head. Oh yeah... I'd figured it out. Dumb ass cops. What the hell was making them avoid searching that place anyway.

"The old abandoned inn in district 2..." I said softly to Sora. His bottom lip trembled as he nodded a forced yes. Deep down, he really didn't want that Tim boy hurt. He was afraid for Leon as well though.

"Sora.... do you think he'd still be there after all of this time?" I wondered. Considering. Leon was pretty much trapped like... a rat if he stayed in this city. And now lugging that boy around with everyone keeping an eye out for him... With the police practically swarming the streets... How the hell did he manage to do it without being spotted?

"I told you before Cloud... It's not Leon somehow... The way he thinks, acts, talks, even his mannerisms are different when he's... not being him.... And for all we know... he could even look different in this state he's in...." Sora almost seemed to be just talking to himself. Throwing out random ideas... How did he know so much about this anyway...?

Riku...

That's right. Sora's dealt with this before. When Riku was taken over by the darkness. He was Riku... but at the same time not Riku... In mind nor in physical body....

"So there's a strong possibility... that when people see Leon.. they don't see Leon...."

?????

I just confused the hell out myself.... What was I trying to say anyway? I need help with this... But I wasn't going to bother Sora anymore about it. He'd actually helped me a lot just now. More then I could have possibly even imagined.

"I'm gonna call Seph, okay."

Sora frowned slightly but nodded and went silent. He must still be mad at me for letting Riku stay with a 'doctor'.... Can't I ever win. I went over to the phone and picked it up. I stared at it for a long time, probably 20 minutes, before I dialed a number I knew so well I didn't even have to look at the buttons to press it in. I felt nervous, like I was calling for the very first time all over again.

But I had to speak to him.

I had to speak to Seph.

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Sephiroth

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I think I'm going to stop watching the news. Every time I turn it on it's something bad. And lately all of this bad news has me connected to it somehow.

So Leon kidnapped that Tim boy. I didn't know him but Cloud's friend Aeris did. I didn't even know what the kid looked like. He was taken home before Cloud and I reached Aeris's house that night. Damn these lazy ass police officers. I swear... if this where back at home... Tim would have been found by now. If this cops would stop pussy footing around all ready. I was much inclined to call up the police station, tell them who I was, and just continue the search myself...

Er... no... I won't... I promised myself I wouldn't return to that life. Ever...

No matter what...

But with each passing moment I could feel that familiar surge of adrenaline starting to kick in. Any minute now I was going to go into General mode... Just what exactly I was going to do was beyond me right now though. I did however have a slight idea of where Leon could be hiding.... And if he was there, why the police had avoided looking at all.

Hmm... I wonder if I should call the police and anonymously tip them off. Hell, I may be completely right and if they go to look and find him... They'll shoot Leon down like a wild boar or something.

No...

I won't say anything... I don't know what Cloud wants to do. Even though my better judgment was telling me to end this whole mess as quickly as possible and save that Tim boy. This whole mess involved the whole city now. Everyone was watching and waiting for the next news update to see if anything has changed or happened. It must be horrible for Tim's parents. I kind of wanted to laugh though. No one really took Leon being dangerous.... and armed... to seriously at first. But now that he'd supposedly kidnapped a child.... it was the talk of the town. I went out to pick up a few things and it was all I heard about just about everywhere I went. Even the cashier at the grocery store mentioned it to me. I felt on the spot when he did too.... because I knew more then even the news did...

You know what.... I need a drink... I don't mean water either...

I glanced over to my left and sighed. Riku was busying himself with my laptop. He was playing some game that I hadn't know was on there in the first place. He'd been bugging me with really intense stares as of late. I had to find something for him to do that would keep him from staring at me. Well... his stares weren't so much as bugging me as making me uncomfortable. I hadn't forgotten about that kiss a few days ago.

Damn it.... I can't drink and he's here....

I turned completely to watch Riku and caught myself really getting into looking at his movements. He was really very graceful for a 17 year old boy with no real training in anything. He told me he used to do some martial arts and fencing when he lived on his island. He was technically 2 years out of practice. But the fluidity of his movements was far more graceful then someone who wasn't trained at all.

He shifted his shoulders slightly and sat up straighter in the chair and I frowned at his posture. He slumped a lot. It was obvious he just recently started doing that though. He kept righting himself every few minutes. That was a distinctive trait of someone who was normally very proud of themselves. Who was normally in control. Well, Riku wasn't anymore....

I frowned and tilted my head slightly, not blinking once as I just kept staring. Bad Sephiroth, Bad, bad, bad.

Riku absently pushed his silvery tinted tresses behind his ear then rubbed the back of his neck. I heard him sigh once before he went back to mashing buttons. His right hand flicked out once to mess with the wireless mouse briefly.

Stop staring before he turns around. Stop.

Riku glanced over his shoulder and I turned back to the black TV screen. I couldn't pretend I was watching this television because, well, there wasn't anything on it at the moment. I wonder if he saw me watching him.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see him looking back at me, his game forgotten. I shifted slightly out of... was I nervous? And looked around the room to appear to be minding my own business.

Oh my God... I am nervous...

"Seph?" Riku said softly.

Fuck! He was paying attention to me now. His attention span was very short when it came to things that didn't concern me. Ever since that little kiss a few days ago he's been constantly in my way. Not in an a annoying sense. He's just become suddenly very interested in me. And that bothers me.

He was getting out of his chair at the computer desk and heading my way. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat quietly. Nyah.... what was going to happen next I wonder.

"Are you alright....?" Riku asked crawling onto the couch. He kept his distance but was still close enough for me to catch the aroma of the scented shampoo he'd talked me into buying coming from him. Hmmm... it smelled really nice. His scent by itself was nice too..

ACK! What am I saying!?

"You look.... kind of nervous..." Riku went on softly. His eyes did one of those up and down motions across my body and I froze. Was he.... sizing me up. And how did he guess I was feeling fidgety right now?!

Stop looking at me like that!

"I'm not nervous..." I lied. That made me sound weak. I hated it. I had to correct Riku right away.

"I'm anxious." There... that sounded better. Even if it was only half true.

Riku tilted his head and gave me a wide eyed expression. He reminded me a very curious kitten when he did that.

"Oh.... Why are you anxious?" He asked softly with a slight smile on his lips. There it was again. He was looking me up and down. What the Hell?

I stared blankly at him for a moment. I couldn't think of what to say to him to explain why I was shaky. If I did he'd probably be scared away. Most of the thoughts centered around sex, Cloud, a craving for expensive wine, and him. of Riku. Not in that order by the way. Cloud, sex, and Riku where the first on my list. The alcohol is what I needed to sedate myself.

The sex and Cloud part made me feel all fuzzy too...

Mmmm...

Cloud....

"It's Cloud isn't it?" Riku whispered. My eyes widened and I turned away from Riku so I could gape without him seeing me do it. Such perceptiveness this boy had. Put me to shame really.

"You don't have to hide it. I know you miss him." Riku was closer to me now. I turned back, not facing him, just turned back, so I could listen to him. My mind was clouded... hehhe, see, I can't get him out of my head, my mind was blurry right now so I barely caught a word Riku said.

"Why don't you just go and see him?" Riku asked. I shook my head without really knowing what I was responding to. Riku seemed confused by that and inched a little closer.

"You do want to see him don't you?" He said just a wisp away from my ear. I lurched away from him. What was he trying to do to me. It was bad enough that I was having even slight sexual thoughts about him. He was rubbing it in!

"I do want to see Cloud. But I have to stay here with you." I explained as calmly as I could. I felt like yelling though. Riku smirked and sat back on his knees. That's when I realized how close to me he'd actually been. He could have kissed me again if he'd wanted to.

"You leave me here alone to go get groceries and stuff. So why not just go to Cloud's place?"

He was right. But if I went to Cloud's apartment, I'd be gone for much longer then 20 or 30 minutes. More like days.

"No. It's not right. You can't see Sora so I can't see Cloud.... It's only fair I suppose."

No this really wasn't fair. On either end. Riku should get to see Sora. But he couldn't. I mean, I could easily solve both of our problems and take Riku with me to Cloud's house. But that would be... counterproductive. There's no telling what Riku and Sora might do... I know exactly what Cloud and I will be doing though.

God, I miss my boyfriend!!!!

Riku was giving me this knowing smirk and I found myself frowning.

"Wow. You've got a lot of will power." He said and unfolded his legs from underneath himself so he could sit normally on the couch. I inched farther away from him and he started to follow me.

"But you know.... this problem could be.. solved even easier if..." Riku trailed off and his face flushed red almost all over. I felt my mouth go dry because I knew what he was going to suggest.

"I could... I mean... we could..." Riku stopped talking and started to run his, extremely hot, palms over my thigh. I was rooted on the spot and just kept staring into Riku's eyes as he did. Something about his touch just... ugh.. I don't know... I was more powerful then Cloud's somehow.

I couldn't move to stop him as his hand just barely caressed my inner thigh then worked its way up to the juncture of my leg and pelvis. I took a shuddery breath besides myself and felt my eyes droop.

Oh no... this... shouldn't feel it his good...

Riku crawled up over me and buried his face into my neck. His breath was warm and moist against my skin. When he started to trail kisses over my collar bone I couldn't even attempt to stop the moan that escaped my lips. I don't know what was turning me on more. Being with Riku and not Cloud. Or just being touched at all after so much time....

That thought made me feel suddenly very guilty and I started to push Riku away. He stopped my hand with his free one and looked me in the eyes. He didn't say anything, but his lips parted into a very pretty smile. His cheeks were still red too. He leaned in and kissed me oh so softly and I swear all of the breath rushed from my lungs. When he pulled back and looked at me for a moment I was almost gasping. He was testing my lips.

"Just.... let me do this... for a while..." Riku whispered. I didn't really know what he was talking about until his free hand started rubbing me very slowly. The surge of pleasure that went through my body was indescribable. I flopped back onto the couch and gasped openly then. I couldn't help it anymore. It was torture trying to fight it....

Riku closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss me again. I groaned and kissed him back once. He grinned and started rubbing me in a more rhythmic motion. My back arched of it's own accord and I grabbed Riku's shoulders to brace myself. Plus.... I'd almost thrown him off of me.

"See... it's okay isn't it... just to do this a little..." Riku whispered and I opened my eyes to look at him. He had this disturbing wistful look on his face that told me he was just as turned on as I was. I really couldn't tell through his clothes though. But he was enjoying this.... maybe a little to much.

"Seph.." He breathed and ran his hand under my shirt. I shuddered like I'd just been doused in cold water and gasped a few times. Riku had stopped so suddenly. I wasn't ready for that. He was barely doing anything too. Cloud and I'd done far more then this.... Why was I getting so hot over... barely a hand job.

It's because it wasn't Cloud that was doing it....

Riku pushed my shirt up enough to expose my lower abdomen and he leaned over and started kissing my skin softly. I gasped silently and made no attempt to stop him. Not because I was so far gone in lust that I couldn't stop him, it was because he wanted to do this.... and I wanted him to go on....

I wasn't going to sleep with this boy... I wasn't .... but if he wanted to feel me up... I could handle that... I guess... I think...

It was for the sake of 'helping Riku get over his rape'.

But I wasn't going to sleep with....

My thought was cut short instantly when I felt a very warm hand wrap around me. I hadn't even noticed Riku had gotten that far with my pants. Damn draw strings! I'd done this with Cloud enough to know how much I like it. .

And... Riku was good at it too...

Okay..

I think...

I'm..

....going... to black out...

"Riku..." I breathed. This shouldn't feel this good. This different. I'd done this dozens of times with Cloud and it never felt like this....

"Riku..."

No way... it hasn't even been 5 minutes... I'm... not about to...

"Riku..."

I hissed between my teeth and Riku pulled back to look up at me, his hand still securely around me. He'd been whispering sweet nothings in my ear for most of the time. His eyes were clouded in ecstasy and he blinked a few times.

"Stop." I said. It was final. I wiggled from under his small frame and put myself back in my pants once I'd turned my back to Riku. He was silent. I didn't know what to say to him either. I spent about 5 good minutes pulling at my hair for letting what just happened happen.... I can't believe I actually let it get that far...

"It was just a hand job." Riku said stiffly. He sounded offended by me pulling away. I was so upset with myself I could do anything but massage my scalp for a moment.

JUST!?

Just a hand job?.... That sounded really....

"Do you do this all of the time then?" I sighed after I said that. Fuck.... I had not meant to say that out loud.

"No." Riku said quickly.

I let go of my hair finally and stood up. I could feel Riku's eyes on me.

"Then why now, Riku? Why with me?" I almost yelled. I was still rather turned on and the lingering affect was making my legs feel weak and shaky.

"Because I wanted to. Because I like you... If I'd known you were going to trip over something so small I'd just have gone ahead and sucked you off."

I know I was gaping like a fool. Well, Riku was blunt wasn't he? I guess I'd asked for that somehow.

"T.. t.. that's beside the point." I stuttered and covered my mouth. It was not good that I was at a loss for words at a time like this. Riku smiled slightly and stood up. He didn't walk up to me but I took a step back.

"I don't see anything wrong with expressing how I feel about you. I mean... you enjoyed it didn't you? And you don't love me right? So it's okay then. As long as you still love Cloud that's all that matters."

I let my hand drop to my side. Had this boy lost his mind? What the hell was wrong with him? As long as I still loved Cloud...?

Oh shit.... wait a minute...

"Why would you even mention that? Of course I still love Cloud." I had to see if Riku knew what was going on. If he'd somehow found out what Cloud had put me up to... this was not good at all.

"Then there's no problem. Besides..." Riku walked up on me then and I found myself almost bending over backwards over my futon. I didn't want Riku this close to me right now. There was this strange uncomfortable aura radiating from him that I didn't like.

"What Cloud doesn't know won't hurt him." Riku whispered and tried to kiss me again. I pushed him away with more force then last time. He gave me a hurt, almost angry, expression. I wanted to smack him for saying that. Whatever drug he was on he'd better get off of it right now!

"What the Hell's wrong with you? It's not like we're fucking or anything. I just felt bad for obligating you... That's all. I mean, you can't see Cloud because of me. I just wanted to pay you back for you kindness.... It's not like you have to do this..."

I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes. I instantly felt bad for shoving Riku. But what he said hurt me deeply. I'd never cheat on Cloud, for any reason. And if I did I'd tell him and suffer the consequences. But for Riku to so openly and easily throw himself at me... It was just... wrong...

"What you said is only half true isn't it?" I asked Riku and sat down on the futon. He kept standing though. The look on his face was unreadable but bordering on extremely pissed.

"This is only partially about you 'repaying me for my kindness. It's about Sora sleeping with Leon."

There. *sigh* I said it.

Riku was silent for a long time. I was staring at the carpet wondering what would happen next.

"Fuck you!" Riku roared and started to turn to leave. I reached forward and grabbed his wrist. I snatched him back and made him look at me.

"I'm right aren't I. You're doing this as a way to get back at Sora."

I was mad now. Very, very mad.

Riku bit his inner jaw and looked away from me. I pushed past him and walked halfway across the room.

"So what, that whole act about liking me was just a way for you to trick me into feeling sorry for you?! So you could worm your way into my bed! Is that it?"

If Cloud was only here to see this. I can't believe I'm yelling at this kid. It's been a long time since I had to yell at anyone really. It felt weird. It took a lot to get me mad. And I wasn't so enraged that I was out of control. I'd just never had anyone try to fuck with me like this....

"No!" Riku cried. His voice sounded like he was bordering on the verge of tears. I didn't care at the moment though. For a boy he sure does cry a lot. *sigh*

"That's... not the whole reason.... I... I really do like you... I thought it's what you wanted.. I mean... I didn't know you and Cloud were so serious.... I swear I wasn't trying to..."

And there went the tears. Riku sat down on the couch and covered his face. I shook my head but stayed where I was. I wasn't going to comfort him again. He might end up really giving me a blow job next time.

This was so fucked up...

I had to most definitely tell Cloud about this... To Hell with his plan. I refuse to put myself in the middle of this anymore. I know now that I can't handle the repercussions that may come. This whole emotional fiasco was beyond even my abilities now.

And I think what makes this whole situation so much more is that; I wasn't thinking about Cloud during the touching and kisses.

I was thinking about Riku...

I was mentally... and damn near physically cheating on my boyfriend.

"Why me Riku...?"

There was that question again. Hadn't he already answered this once already?

"...I don't know... Because you aren't Sora... because you aren't Leon... Because I like you... and because you love Cloud..."

Riku's voice was muffled and he took a second to wipe back his tears. When he looked at me I noticed he hadn't been crying as hard as I thought he had been. He wasn't sobbing... The tears were just breaking free... Hmm...?

"It's because you're safe."

I frowned in absolute confusion. I did a mental archival of all of my studies in psychology in the blink of an eye. I knew I'd heard this somewhere before. This theory one of my professors had. Safe. Safe? What was this? When a patient expresses infatuation for his or her doctor... When a patient expresses love interests with his or her...

???

!!!

"You think I can help you get over your rape by sleeping with you?"

Well... it didn't sound all that intelligent... but it was to the point.

"Yes." Riku breathed.

Bingo...

*sigh*

Nooooooooo!

This is all Cloud's fault.

"How can I...?"

"Because you aren't after me... Because I'm not afraid of you..." Riku said softly and stood up. I didn't step back or shove him away. I let him pull me into a warm hug. This wasn't bad.... As long as he wasn't trying to force himself on me anymore...

"I've... Leon was my first to tell you the truth... Sora and I've never really shared positions before. After Leon.... hurt me... I couldn't even stand to have Sora kissing me... It always felt like Leon was there somehow... But with you... I don't feel like I'm being forced to do anything..."

That's because you're doing the forcing.

I didn't say that out loud though.

"Riku... why didn't you just tell Sora this?" I looked down at the top of Riku's head and was almost inclined to run my fingers through his hair. But at this moment that seemed a bit too comforting. I'll just keep my hands at my sides....

".. I tried to... I didn't know how to bring it up... I think Sora started to feel it was him that was causing the problem. It's not that I don't want to be intimate with him... I'm just afraid to be..."

I understood exactly how Riku felt. It was the same for me back when I was raped all of those times. I think it was because I had Zack there that I got through that period of Hell and shame. Riku had plenty of people to help him in this, but he didn't seem to want it from them. I didn't understand why he....

Oh!

Wait a minute! I do know why. When I met Riku that day at 7th Heaven, I was just a stranger to him. But he almost instantly took a liking to me. I could tell something was on his mind. Something he wanted to talk about. He was almost very close to actually sitting down and getting to know me. Cloud told me later why he'd run off suddenly and I ended up with that Yuffie girl waiting on me.

I'd bonded with Riku.... on a pure chance meeting. He probably never expected to even see me again. Let alone be staying with me for awhile.

Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger.

"Riku." I said softly and tilted his chin up so he could look at me. He gazed at me with so much intensity I almost couldn't stop myself from pulling him into a tighter hug.

"We'll go see Cloud and Sora in a few days. You just need some time to refresh, and so does Sora. Is that alright?"

I hoped this settled a few things in Riku's mind for now at least. He was such a intense person. I never would have guessed all of this was going on his head. I'm glad he told me. It must have been hard. I hadn't meant to force it out of him like this though. But in the end he seemed more then relieved to get it off his shoulders.

Riku smiled so sincerely I couldn't help but smile back. His hug tightened around me and I patted his back.

"And when we do. Please tell Sora how you feel. It's only fair that he knows all of this. He told you his story right....?" I trailed off. Well... Sora had only seemingly told him some of it anyway.

"Yeah.... I guess you're right...." Riku mumbled. He didn't sound to sure or very gleeful about the thought though. I know he'd do it eventually. He'd tell Sora how he felt and Sora would tell him the truth. Things would be settled.

I just hope this all worked out for the best.

God... I hope it does.

The phone started to ring and I stared at it. I rang several times. From where I stood I could see the caller ID.

It was Cloud.

I didn't answer the phone.

-----

Leon

-----

"Please stop crying...."

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration and bit my bottom lip. The boy Tim, was crying again after I'd tried to get him to stand up. He groaned and whimpered even though I was supporting his weight over my shoulder and burst into tears. It had been a few days since he... I mean since I.... I mean....

...Since I'd raped him....

I hadn't really bothered him much after that and just paced around the room while he slept. Strangely, I'd managed to keep my anger in check and hadn't once had a single outburst. It felt good to be some what calm and collected for once. Tim woke up to find me staring at him. He couldn't scream or yell or fight or anything. I hadn't meant to scare him. He was just really cute and looked so peaceful while he was asleep. I felt awful for hurting him... and I even tried to explain why I had... That it hadn't been me... But Tim just gave me this look that told me I was losing my mind.

I am... I can feel it... With each passing moment I'm becoming less and less myself. And more and more like him....

And he wants to hurt Tim. Over and over and over again.

The way he used to hurt me.

Over, and over, and over again.....

I gritted my teeth and winced from a sharp pain in my jaw. Tim had managed to kick me once really good across my chin. I wasn't mad at him for it. I'd deserved it. I'd contemplated a few times just letting the boy go. But I knew if he got to the police he'd tell them where I was. I wasn't going to threaten him not to say anything, I wasn't that kind of person. But then.... I didn't know who I was anymore. Everything is so fucked up right now....

"Tim... please stop crying. I won't let him hurt you anymore... I promise..."

It was an empty promise. I could barely keep him from hurting me... Or getting me in trouble. But the boy didn't deserve this. I would try to protect him from myself..... For as long as I could manage.

"Are you hungry...?"

I asked softly. Tim was only sniffling now. He looked up at me through pained blue eyes and just stared at me for a long time. I swallowed and leaned into him a little closer.

"I.... can get you something to eat if you are..."

"There's no point in feeding someone who's already dead!"

I grimaced and closed my eyes to clear the haze that washed over me for a brief moment. His voice echoed in my head so clearly I could swear he was standing right behind me. I didn't turn though because I knew on some level I was just imagining things. When I opened my eyes Tim was giving me this totally confused look. I blinked a few times and shook my head.

"I.... I mean... I have some soup if..."

"I swear I'll slit the little fuckers throat if he so much as whimpers again."

I paused and stared wide eyed into Tim's clear blue eyes. He looked like he wanted to ask me what was wrong. He couldn't with the gag in his mouth. I couldn't even begin to tell him what was wrong anyway. I wasn't sure myself really. I shook my head again and stepped away from Tim where he lay on the bed. If I just kept my distance he'd stop saying such horrible things. Whatever he thought about I couldn't seem to see... but he could see and hear my thoughts just fine.... There were a few times I'd managed to read what he was doing... Like when he raped this boy.. But that was the only time.... Even so... I couldn't do anything to stop him....

"I'm alright... I just need..." I paused. I didn't know what I needed to do really. I fished around in my coat pocket looking for the strips of beef jerky I'd found a few days ago just magically in there. I guess he must have put them in there.... I was content to chew on dried meat of a while. Besides I didn't know if I was stable enough to try and open a can of soup with only my pocket knife. I might cut myself up. Tim would have to eat the jerky for now.

Oh wait.. It's time for my medicine...

I picked up the little brown bottle and poured one of the tablets into my hand before I walked back over to Tim. He inched away from me again when I kneeled down on the floor.

"It's alright. I'm just going to give you something to eat okay."

I reached over and started to take Tim's gag off. But before I did I had to tell him something.

"Please... don't scream." I wasn't trying to scare him. Just warn him. I wasn't going to hurt him if he screamed. But he would. And someone might hear.

"Okay?" I asked softly. Tim nodded a few times without breaking his gaze on me. I knew he'd stay quiet. He was to terrified to scream anyway. I knew what that was like. To want to be helped.... but be to horrified to ask for it....

I knew all to well...

I pulled the gag out of his mouth and lowered it to his neck. He moved his jaws for a moment and coughed. I opened the jerky and stood up.

"I hope this helps your hunger a bit... Sorry I can't get you anything better."

I helped him sit up and leaned him against the wall. He was trying extremely hard not to be afraid of me. He seemed like he wanted to find out what was up with me.... like he could tell things were off somehow.

"Here." I said and held up the jerk strip to his mouth. He eyed it for a moment then looked up at me.

"Go on.... It's not poison or anything..." I insisted. Tim's eyes widened for a brief moment in surprise but he leaned forward to take a bite. When he did I felt a little better knowing I was at least helping him slightly....

"Take your time. I have some water for when you're finished." I told him and sat on the far side of the bed to take my medicine. It was starting to work much faster the more I took it now. I was down to a only about 6 pills of 20. So far the news showed no new details about my whereabouts. That was a good thing really. I really didn't want to be caught... not until I could really explain what was wrong with me without sounding like a raving lunatic. I probably am a lunatic by now though...

Tim was looking at me like he was ready for another bite of jerky. I stood up an went to sit next to him again so I could feed him. He didn't hesitate eating for the rest of the time at all. I smiled slightly at that.

"You.... know something's wrong with me don't you...?" I had to ask. Maybe this boy could see what I couldn't and explain it to me...

Tim gave me a confused look and I sighed with a slight shake of my head.

"Uh.. forget I asked...." I said and tore off some jerky for myself. Tim chewed slowly for a moment then swallowed. I wasn't expecting him to speak. I hadn't really heard him talk. Only scream in pain at me...

"....Are... are you sick?..."

I looked up at the boy and he blinked and flinched away from me. He look scared again. I guess he thought it was wrong of him to ask me anything...

"I... I don't know really... Maybe. Probably.... Yeah... I am..."

Tim looked around the room we were in for a moment as he let my notion sink in. He was probably trying to make an escape plan in his head now that he knew for sure I was a fucking psycho.

"...I'm not sure what it is... But sometimes I feel like I can't control myself... I do things and don't remember doing them... I hurt people and then...." I ran a hand over my face and closed my eyes. What the hell was I saying? I don't understand any of this...

"....You're a schizophrenic...."

My eyes snapped open and I stared at the boy like he'd said the most enlightening thing I'd ever heard. I'm a what? How did he come to that conclusion?

"A what?" I started. I knew what a schizophrenic was I just asked that on impulse. It sounded... more real somehow having said it myself. It's just... the thought of comparing myself to one was ridiculous. I knew what those people were like... I dealt with them almost routinely way back when. Homeless crazies disrupting the peace in a downtown area. Fed up blue collar workers shooting up their departments in a flash of rage. They always claimed they had no control over themselves... that they didn't remember. A few of them I didn't believe... but some of them... it was in their eyes... They really had no clue what they'd done or even remembered it. They couldn't even think if they'd premeditated it or not....

Oh my God.....

I gave time a stunned expression. It probably looked more crazed in his eyes. He was suddenly terrified of me again and tried to inch away from me, into the wall. I stood up and ignored him for a moment....

I'm... I'm crazy... I'm sick... Why... why didn't my doctor diagnose me being a schizophrenic? How could he have missed it....? I mean... I'd only seen the illness but I wasn't sure how it worked. I just knew, one moment the people were like rage filled wild animals, that we had to use tranquilizer darts on to calm down, then, all of a sudden they were normal... pretty decent people... just having a bad day...

Yes!

I was pacing back and forth now across the small space of the room. This was all starting to make some sense. People who suffer from multiple personality syndrome don't show any signs of having the illness until certain points called 'breaking points.' They get so fed up... that they just lose it.... It's like every dark thought, every hateful thing they've ever imagined manifests itself as a physical being.

A physical being....

Me...

Seifer...

How weird... I... I knew who my other self was. But... it wasn't some person created from my most sinister thoughts... I actually knew the person I was changing into....

This was new....

So... Am I just acting out how Seifer used to be...?

Or is he somehow acting through me...?

And why..?

I thought he was... No.. I saw him...

I did it myself....

How could he possibly be...

Alive...

"I'll never let you go Squall. I told you. You. Are. Mine. Now and forever."

I heard his voice, clear as a bell in my head. I'd remembered him saying that... Just a memory. But it was like he was standing right there reminding me of that fact.

His forever....

I shivered and hugged myself tight. I felt cold and suddenly scared. I had this strange feeling Seifer was just going to jump out on me from the shadows and try to hurt me... I absently stepped into the light of my heater near the bed and looked around. It was deathly silent. I couldn't even hear Tim breathing anymore. I turned around to look at the boy and noticed he was lying down again. The jerky half eaten.

He was asleep. He either no longer cared if I hurt him or was just to tired to worry. Probably the latter for now... I wasn't going to bother him. I was still trying to figure things out. As soon as I knew what was really going on... I'd... Turn myself in and try to get help. I'm going to give Tim back safe and sound... well.... at least sound... He'd already been hurt... How am I going to explain that....?

Enough of that. That's for me to figure out later....

Okay...

Breaking points.... It's always something small... something repetitive that seemed to cause all of those people with schizophrenia to snap. Something they dealt with every single day.... But on that day, it was somehow more dramatic....

Let's see.... I'm trying to figure out when I started feeling fed up about things... When I just couldn't take it anymore....

*whack*

"You're such a worthless fucking piece for trash. I can't believe I actually believed I could love someone like you...."

I flinched and bit my jaw. A sharp pain cracked up my side and I had to grip my side to soothe it away. The memory of that blow almost made me keel over in fear. I was only imagining it... But it felt so real... I couldn't really tell...

I whimpered and rubbed my side. It was just a dull throb... A reminder...

"Fuck! You ruin everything! This is all of your fucking fault. Maybe if you just got down on your knees and did what you do best things wouldn't be so fucked up like this!!"

I gasped and chocked on my own breath. I had to cough to clear my throat and more pain erupted up and across my body. My left arm suddenly felt like it was being tugged on very roughly and I felt a snap. I winced and looked away...

I was just imagining things.... I had to be....

I fell to my knees and rubbed my left arm. The snap was just a memory... the pain was all in the past... My ribs were healed now... I was out of the hospital...

But the pain went on....

Day after day....

Hour after hour....

"You know. You're only good for 2 things Squall. Giving head, and getting fucked. As long as you're alive you should remind yourself of that every single day."

I'd gotten to point where I was afraid to ask him how his day had gone. Maybe I'd say it wrong... Maybe my voice was too loud... Maybe I just didn't have a right to ask at all.

"You're a whore. No body wants you. All you'll ever have is me. Your own fucking father disowned you the moment he met you. Even he can see your not worth it."

His friends were allowed to do and say anything they wanted to me. On more then one occasion I was nearly raped by them while he was out. Whenever I tried to tell him what they'd tried to do to me he'd just tell me I was begging for attention.

"Don't ever question what I say. God so help you. If you ever talk back to me I'll cut your tongue out and tack it on the wall as a reminder to you. Never disobey me."

I didn't.... I never said no to anything he said. I never questioned anything. I just kept quiet. When he'd back hand me for looking away while he yelled at me I'd simply bite my tongue and hold in my tears. If he came home, drunk, high, at 5 in the morning, and decided he wanted to fuck. I spread my legs and let him. Even though he was so rough there'd be blood on the sheets the next morning... Even though I had to get up in 3 hours for work....

I did everything I could to make him happy....

But.... that was a long time ago... He couldn't hurt me anymore. He couldn't rape me in the middle of the night. His friends couldn't feel me up in the kitchen with him in the next room. He... couldn't push me down a flight of stairs anymore. He couldn't cheat on me on our anniversary...

He... he.... couldn't hurt me anymore....

I suddenly didn't feel so sure...

My eyes were watering. From pain and fear. The words cut to the bone. The blows broke them... The constant continuous physical and verbal abuse....The scars never healed. Every time I looked at my face in the mirror. That scar... one just like his... I'll never forget what he did to me.... I was trembling and almost sprawled across the floor. I laid down an attempt to calm my nerves. My body was shaking like I was having convulsions....

He won't let me... forget

Even now...

Spiteful bastard!

What did he want from me?

He'd already hurt me enough....

What else could there be...?

I was so close to being somewhat happy again.

So close...

I learned to love again... I learned to trust and not to be afraid...

I hadn't cried in a long time. Not since that last time. That time that left me with this scar on my face... That last time...

But I was crying now. I... let him hurt me so much... And for what? Why? Because I deserved it? I used to feel that way. Like I asked for the pain. But then.... I'd never done anything to deserve it in the first place... Even when I obeyed... I was somehow disobeying...?

I wiped at my eyes and looked at the tears on my fingers. If he caught me crying.... That used to make him so mad... To see me cry.... Even if he was the reason I was crying...

I looked around and roughly wiped my tears away. I couldn't break down like this... Not when I was so close to figuring all of this out. I would help myself by admitting to being ill....

That was it... That was the first step.

I was to weak to push off of the floor so I just kept lying there. I had to take a few deep breaths and close my eyes before I could remember where I'd left off in my thoughts. I'd gotten swept away by the past for a moment.

Okay...

My breaking point must have been... When I caught Seifer cheating. I was so mad at him... I think... yeah... he came home and tried to explain himself to me. I shot at him twice with my Gunblade, I missed, and kicked him out... I'd wanted to kill him for hurting me like that... No wait.... that's not it... I got over that and let him move back in a week later....

God... I was so pathetic...

Okay....

Wait... I know...

It was the same night he gave me this scar....

That night... I'd been in a department store looking for a gift for him for his birthday. I got him this really expensive cologne. Even though I really couldn't afford to buy it. I dipped into our savings for it... I'd absently, without really thinking about it, sprayed some of the cologne on myself to see how strong it was....

I wanted to make him happy...

I was so proud of myself for getting him something I'd know he liked. I wrapped it in cute paper and put a blue bow on the top... I did everything...

I closed my eyes as the memory started to play out in my head....

I remember on my way home, it was rather gloomy out. For a summer day the weather was mucky and wet. But that was okay. I was in a good mood. I'd make Seifer happy today. I was almost home when some kid bumped into me and asked me if he could talk to me. I recognized him from being around the neighborhood. He had... really silvery white hair and piercing sea green eyes.... He's kind of creepy looking actually. I was in a hurry so didn't really pay him any mind. I just remember him tell me not to go home tonight. he said he was frightened for me. That he felt like something bad was going to happen to me. I barely knew this boy.... His dad was Seifer's boss.... Or something like that. That's how I knew him... I didn't take the time to acknowledge what he'd said to me. He wasn't going to ruin my mood.

"Please Squall. I know what he does to you... Don't go home tonight..." He begged again. I ignored him and went on home. Not thinking about his warning again.

Seifer was supposed to be home at 7 o'clock for a candle lit dinner with me. He was turning 21. I sat around waiting for him. Watching the steam on his hot dinner dwindle with each passing moment. I tried to keep smiling, and saying to myself that he'd be home any minute. That he knew I wanted to spend his birthday with him....

Because I loved him...

I was half asleep when he walked through the door at 2 in the morning. I was too tired to be really mad at him though. I just figured... maybe he'd gone out with his buddies to drink. Legally this time... I was hurt that he didn't spend his birthday with me though... I'd wanted to.... baby him that night. To make love gently over and over again into the wee hours of the morning. To tell him that I forgave him for everything... That it was in the past....

We could still do those things today.... but it was so much more... symbolic to do it on his birthday... With him...

He noticed me dozing on the couch but didn't say anything to me. I said hi, and asked him what he'd been up to all night. He didn't respond. He looked tired.. and kind of upset. I smiled, and knew just what to do to make him feel better. I got up and went to heat up his cold birthday dinner. I was barely past him when he grabbed my arm and snatched me back to him. He had this suspicious look on his face. Like he was trying to figure out if I'd been up to something....

"What's wrong?", I asked him. He glared at me and suddenly just slammed me into the wall. I was so stunned the pain didn't register at first. I just looked at him.... wondering what he was so mad about all of a sudden.

"What the fuck!?" He hissed and squeezed my shoulders. I was to afraid to say anything back to him... He slammed me into the wall again. I cried out....

"So this is what you do while I'm gone!"

He hadn't asked me that. He was telling me... whatever he was telling me... I was confused and started to ask him what he was talking about.... He shook me roughly and told me to shut the fuck up.

I did.

He gave me one final shove into the wall and stepped away, pacing. I stayed close to the wall in case he wanted to shove me again. I was so used to this that I couldn't even bring myself to feel sad that he was hurting me. I was just... I didn't know why he was so mad this time...

What had I done while he was away?

"I do everything for you!" He yelled and punched the wall he was closet too. He left a hole in it. I flinched beside myself and he say it.

"Scared?! You should be? Fucking whore! How dare you do this to me!" He had me in his grip again. I was trembling. I was so afraid at that moment.

How dare I... do what?

I didn't understand....

I was so much smaller then Seifer. Just completely disregard that fact that I'm a man. Compared to Seifer... I'm a 13 year old girl in size and strength....

And I didn't want to fight him back.... I couldn't hurt him. Believe me... I'd tried several times...

I guess he was tired of me silently denying having done anything and he hit me. Back hand to the face. I stumbled and caught myself on the couch. One blow and I was spitting up blood... Lots of it...

"And here I thought, I was going to come home and be with you on my birthday! How could you do this to me?!"

He turned me over and yanked me up. I was dizzy and could barely stand. I coughed and accidentally spattered blood on his face. He threw me on the floor and practically roared in his rage. I just tried to keep my distance.

"... I don't... Whatever it is... I'm really sorry..." I said softly, crawling away. Seifer was suddenly over me, glaring down. I was afraid he was going to kick me but instead he just picked me up by my throat and shook me by it. I gagged and gasped but he didn't let go.

"It's all over you! You're sorry!? You think saying that is good enough?! You think that'll change the fact that your fucking someone behind my back!?"

I froze in utter shock.

Where... had he gotten that idea?

I'd never cheated on Seifer a day in my life while I was with him...

He'd been my first.... for the most part, in everything. He'd been my boyfriend since I was 15.... Cheat on him? With who? Everyone, accept his friends, knew to keep their hands off of me. His bastard buddies only got away with it because they could trick Seifer into believing I was lying somehow... But why would I cheat anyway?

I loved Seifer. I'd never hurt him like that.

Ever...

"Seifer... I didn't... I don't..." I started. He pushed me away and started pacing back and forth like a enraged lion in a cage.

"Shut the fuck up!" He roared again. "I can smell it on you! What, did you forget to take a shower or something? Forgot to cover your tracks? How long has this been going on?! For fucks sake, you always ruin everything don't you?!"

I looked down at myself expecting to find some kind of proof to clarify Seifer's claims. What was I looking for? Cum all over my shirt or something? How could he smell.... it? What was he talking about anyway....

When the realization hit me I almost burst into tears. How could he accuse me of sleeping around over something as petty as that. Oh my god...

The cologne from the department store... I'd sprayed it on myself earlier.

And Seifer knew my cologne, as well as he knew his own. This scent was new....

I remember giving Seifer and pitying look. He took it the wrong way.

"So you admit to it!" He said in disbelief. I shook my head and tried to correct him. I was to slow and couldn't avoid being grabbed again. He practically dragged me to our room. I tried to pull away and make more attempts to explain myself. I had to set him straight about this whole big mix up.

"Seifer... wait. Please, just listen..." I managed to start. The second blow sent me reeling to the floor and I was to dizzy and in too much pain to try to do anything more.

"Didn't I tell you, you were mine!!" Seifer practically spoke through his teeth. I remember how mad he was. He wanted to kill me. I'd done nothing wrong.... When he picked me up and tossed me onto the bed I just slowly tried to crawl away from him. I knew what he'd do next. He make me his again.... He was stripping down so fast his clothes looked like big blurs of color flying across the room. He didn't have much to take off of me. All I had on was my shirt from earlier and pajama bottoms. I was naked in 2 seconds.

"Bitch! Little. Fucking. Slut!

I remember all of this very clearly... and I still can't believe I let him do it to me. He raped me like I was the vilest thing on the Earth... He put all of his strength into each time he took me... like he wanted to break me in half... I was on my stomach, his hand wrapped around my throat from behind, and him taking me over and over again until the sun peeked into our room. I couldn't even cry out in pain...

I was so mad at him. So fucking mad. All of the things he said to me that night. Each time he hit me... The false accusations... The bloody sheets, the bruises... all of it... I was so enraged that he hurt me like that...

But I wasn't going to say anything... He'd made a mistake... I'd forgive him eventually. And he'd forget about it....

That's how it always went...

But then... I watched him, from my spot sprawled across the bed that very same morning, pick up that pretty little box of white wrapping paper and a blue bow... I watched him rip it apart with a sneer on his face. I watched him take that barely 10.oz bottle of expensive cologne, the cologne I'd spent the last of my saved money on, and toss it aside like it was a rag doll. I was too stunned to sit up. But I followed the bottle with my eyes... followed it unblinkingly until it crashed into a million clear shards of glass and liquid against the floor. The scent instantly filled our room and I watched Seifer sniff the air. He mumbled...

"Where... do I know that scent from....?"

And he looked at me... I don't know what kind of expression I had on my face, but my eyes felt like they were bugging out. My head hurt because I was frowning so hard....

How could he do that?

That little bottle, that had cause me to be hit twice, slammed into the walls, chocked, then raped 7 times. That bottle had cause me to bleed....

And he'd tossed it aside....

His birthday gift...

That I'd picked out specifically for him...

For him...

Because I loved him...

I remember sitting up and crawling to stand out of the bed... I was still naked, soiled, dirty, bruised... I didn't care. I pulled on a shirt and pants and left the room. I couldn't look at him anymore. I couldn't be here anymore... I'd had enough... I was done...

I'd put my shoes on and was about to open the back door. Seifer slammed it closed and almost caught me in it. I didn't turn around to look at him, I just turned and went to the back door. Not saying a word. I heard him behind me, yelling, screaming, asking me what was wrong. If he didn't know by now...

The fool...

Bastard...

He accused me of cheating.

He'd beaten and raped me.

And then he asked me what was wrong.

Bastard.

He destroyed that cologne.

The gift I'd bought for him on his birthday.

He'd destroyed me.

"Don't you fucking walk away from me." I heard him yell. A shove to my back sent me flying to the back door. I hit the glass panel face first and felt it break under me. A piercing sensation went across my skin and I winced. I didn't have time to check and see if I was cut when Seifer roughly turned me around and slammed into the back door. Breaking out the rest of the glass. I blinked back the pain, the blood in my eyes, and focused all of my pain, hate, anger, and sadness into retaliating.

He wasn't going to win this time.

I didn't think and just lashed out. I had a piece of glass in my hand. I caught Seifer between the eyes, mirroring the wound across my face. He was so shocked I fought back that he stumbled away, holding his face. I ran up and shoved him harder until he lost his balance. He tripped over one the chair legs at the kitchen table and went stumbling backwards. To break his fall, he grabbed hold of the table clothe. The whole table toppled like a see saw and sent everything on it flying into the air. Everything just happened to be Seifer's gunblade. He'd been oiling it the night before his birthday and had just left it there.

I watched the wicked black blade spin once in the air and speed downwards, blade facing the ground.

Seifer was behind the now fallen table so I couldn't see him. But I heard the resounding thunk, the piercing of flesh and cracking of bone, the wet chocking coughs of his voice.

And I knew I'd won this time....

I heard Seifer gasp and gag. I walked around the table and almost smiled at the sight before me. There he was, pinned down by his own blade, through his chest cavity. His white t-shirt stained the deepest red I'd ever seen. Blood leaked from his mouth without control.

I stood in front of him. He was staring blankly at the ceiling. Teal blue eyes dimming. He noticed me and gave me a saddened look. With another cough he tried to say... Help...

I almost laughed. Help him? How ironic. How totally fucking ironic. After all the pain he put me through... He expected me to...

"...baby..." He whispered. His voice the softest I'd ever heard it. My resolve cracked and I burst into tears.

I suddenly realized he was dying.

Oh no...

He reached out a hand to me, fingers stained and cut from the glass littering the floor. He chocked and coughed but kept reaching. I reached back, almost touching his fingers.

Almost...

I couldn't stop my tears. In spite of everything he'd ever done to me... I couldn't hate him. I don't know why still to this day. I don't know even understand.

I pulled my hand away just after I brushed his finger tips. They were so cold. Going stiff. He was dying...

Dying...

He'd be gone...

Forever...

Gone.... out my life...

The pain would be gone...

"Squall.... I... I love you..." He breathed just barely.

Lying bastard!

And I snapped. I wanted to tell him every single thing I hated about him at that moment. I wanted to curse and call him cruel names. I wanted to slam him into walls and toss him around like he was worthless. I wanted to.... treat him like he treated me... But instead, as he smiled up at me, I put my hands on the hilt of his gunblade and shoved it down.

There was blood in my eyes, I was filthy and sore, tired, and angry. But I did it. I felt the blade give as when the tip hit the tile floor. I wanted it to go farther. I wanted Seifer impaled on it like a stuck pig. I wanted to watch him bleed to death like a cow with a slit throat. I wanted to watch him die.

He'd already had the pleasure of killing me several times. It was only fair....

Seifer's eyes were so wide. He looked at me in disbelief. Utter shock. H didn't think I'd do it. He didn't think I had the guts.

"Squall.... you... you killed me...." His head fell back to the floor and he stared at the ceiling. The light in his eyes faded rapidly but he managed to mumble....

"You're still mine..."

When he went still I was sure if he was really dead. I didn't go to check. I just knew... I'd just pretty much murdered my boyfriend... oh wait, my fiancé.... I just murdered him in cold blood. If I hadn't touched the blade it would have just been an accident.

Too late now...

So I left.. I took my things and got the Hell out...

I read about a week later that Seifer's body was discovered 2 days after I killed him by some kids who came into our yard to get their ball. The back door was still open.... And he was decomposing... It was summer after all...

No one knew where I was. My blood was discovered on the murder scene, and my finger prints on the blade's hilt. For a while I was accused of murdering Seifer. I was being looked for everywhere. But then.... all of my friends. Zell, Quistis, Rinoa, Irvine, Selphie.... They all came forward and told the police about how Seifer abused me... The case was later closed, charges against me were dropped. I killed Seifer out of self defense.

It was self defense.

I should have listened to that kid that day. He tried to warn me...

Seifer was... He was haunting me.... Some 8 to 9 years later he was trying to destroy my life. All of those things he did... I let him off easy by killing him. He truly deserved to die... I never even got the chance to thank the others for stepping forward and helping me like that. Now I'll never have the chance. They're all dead....

My breaking point...

Seifer's abuse had made me this way. I was becoming him. I'd... I'd hurt the ones I care about. The one I was starting to love. The one I do love.

Sora....

I'd hurt him... But... I don't get it... Things were great until... I mean... I was happy up to....

2 years ago....

When he....

When Riku came back....

When Riku.... Took Sora away from me....

That was it.... And that's why....

I sat up and looked around suddenly. I understood everything now. It was all so clear. Seifer's personality felt towards Riku, how he used to feel towards....

Towards me... He hated me.. but loved me...

Riku and Sora are practically one and the same.... But I don't hate Riku.. I just... don't like him. I envy him for being able to take Sora back so easily. For being able to hurt me without realizing it... He just smiled and Sora was his again....

I was alone again....

Oh my God.. I'm a monster. I should be happy for Riku and Sora. Not... hateful. Sure I'm sad that I lost someone I loved.... But.. Sora's happy with Riku. I can't believe I was always so mean to the both of them. Even when Sora showed his love back to me I treated him like trash... I used to do to Sora what Seifer used to do to me....

Yes! I understood everything now.

I stood up and went to wake Tim. He jumped up and started to yell. I covered his mouth earnestly and shook my head. He went silent like I'd just cut off his air supply.

"Come on." I said to him, helping him stand. I was going to take him home now. I cut the ropes on his feet so he could stand up on his own. He gave me a suspicious look. Like I was lying to him. I smiled beside myself.

"It's okay now." I said to him, pulling on my coat. I still had his hands tied up though. I couldn't let him get away yet.

"I'm taking you home. I'm going to turn myself in.... I need help..." I said. I know I sounded crazy. Even more so I mean. Maybe the police would shoot me down. Maybe they wouldn't listen at all to what I had to say...

Even so... I'd come to terms with myself and my past.. It was over now. What was done was done. I'd get help after I turned myself in....

I opened the door leading to the alleyway behind the inn. It was bitterly cold out. Tim shivered and turned his face away from the wind. With my Gunblade in hand I pulled him forward so he could follow me. We made our way down the dark alley in silence until he asked.

"You're... letting me go..?"

He didn't sound to sure of himself. He was still afraid. I just nodded and kept walking. No time for small talk. I had to get the police station without being seen by the street cops. They'd shoot me for real. If I just walked into the police station, with Tim, and pleaded guilty the cops would have no choice but to take me into custody.

"I'm sorry for hurting you Tim... I'm sorry for hurting Aeris... I just.... I need help. And after I give you back to your family I'll get it...."

Tim raised an eyebrow in confusion. I didn't try to explain what I meant to him. It was none of his business.

"I'll never hurt you or anyone else again.... I swear it...."

If I'm locked away... I can't hurt anyone... Especially myself....

It would be over soon....

Soon....

I shook my head once as Tim passed me up. I felt dizzy all of a sudden...

Dizzy and...

Oh no...

NO!!

Not now!

Please no!

Run Tim!

I wanted to say it.. but couldn't find my voice. I struggled for another moment and then it was too late....

That's right Tim. I'm going to take you home. Safe and sound. You just keep on believing that.

Heheheheheheh.

I looked down at my hand, reassured by the heavy blade that rested in it. If I played my cards right. The kid wouldn't know what was going on until it was too late.

"Turn here." I said softly. Tim took a pause and looked around.

"I thought we were going to the police station."

My eye twitched. Keep it together.... Be nice...

"We are. We have to go the long way to avoid the cops. They'll shoot me if they spot me." I said tenderly and smiled. Tim seemed to by it and kept on walking.

Police station. BAH! Like hell I was going there. Besides, the place we were headed was way cooler. Kinda high up. You could see all of downtown from here. At night the water was so dark it looked like oblivion. I hear it's a pretty cool sight. I've never seen it before. Until tonight.

Yeah, just keep on walking Tim. This night is almost over for you.

I ran my fingers over the sharp side of my gunblade and smiled.

Almost over......

To be continued. :)

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Author's notes

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DUN DUN DUN!!! After many attempts to finish up this chapter I finally managed too. 42 pages long again. Lots of DRAMA! Oh my god. *shoots Sora* See, he ain't so sweet is he? You guys are going to absolutely hate him in the next chapter. HATE HIM!! He hurts poor Riku. And Riku... okay, issues. He's so... ack, weird to me. I know there are some girls who act the way he is.. but man, from a boy's perspective... yikes. He wants Seph SOOO bad! *pulls on Riku's collar, down boy!* Hahaha, Seph never picked up his phone. Poor sex deprived Cloud. Oh, and Leon. Now do you guys understand why he is the way he is. So... who's the victim here? I don't even know anymore. *dies* Okay, my wrist is aching. I'm done. :)