--None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft
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Chapter 20
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Kill me kiss me....
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Cloud
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It felt like...
Seconds were minutes.
Minutes were hours.
And hours were days.
I felt like every time I blinked more of Seph and Riku's lives were slipping away. I'd managed to calm myself enough to pace slowly back and forth. I started to shake too much if I sat still. I kept staring at the massive walls of metal that two of my loved ones just disappeared behind. Doors I wasn't allowed to enter.
Doctors came and went through them with the passing of time. None of them so much as stopped or looked at me to tell me what was going on. I noticed vaguely that they all had the same stone stoic like expression on their faces.
Faces of ice.
They couldn't break....
They left that up to people like me...
I sucked in a quick breath and ran a hand over my face. I was tired. Really tired. My eyes burned when I blinked and there seemed to be this haze over my mind.... A haze I couldn't clear just by shaking my head.
Aeris, Cid, and now Yuffie sat silently behind me. Regarding me wearily. They didn't know what to tell me besides, 'it'll be okay Cloud'. I will continue believing those words until a doctor tells me something other wise.
Once... Aeris tried to get me to sit down. To rest. And I almost snapped on her.
Sit down?
Rest?
Why?
Seph and Riku... could be dying... Riku could already be dead.
Rest.... she says?
I'll be able to do plenty of that after I've buried a 17 year old boy along side my boyfriend....
Cause I'll just die if they don't make it....
A shuddery breath and a cough left my lips. I have a strange feeling I'm coming down with a cold. I'd been wet and somewhat soaked in blood when we'd reached the hospital. I'd since then been given a nice big hooded sweater from the hospital gift shop.
Why are the selling sweaters in a hospital gift shop?
Wanna know what it says across the front?
Traverse Memorial Hospital. Glad your stay was a brief one....
The fuck?
-sigh- Whatever....
I coughed again and rubbed my throat. It was starting to hurt a bit. Yeah... I'm getting sick now. -frustrated sigh-
I turned sharply, reaching the apex of my pacing and retraced my steps. I glanced up briefly and looked again at the place where Sora was laying. He'd stretched out across 2 seats and rested his head on Aeris lap. He'd freaked out so badly he'd gone into shock... Almost cardiac arrest. I didn't know until now that kids his age could have heart attacks. They had to sedate him. They wanted to put him in a room and monitor him too..... I wouldn't let them. So a nurse kept coming back and checking on him every other hour.
Every other hour.....
How long had we been hear now...?
I looked at the glass front doors and noticed the sky was still really dark. The sun didn't come up until around 7 am anyway. But still what time was it?
I looked over the receptionist desk to my right and the clock read 5 am. I couldn't repress a yawn.
I wouldn't sleep though. Not until somebody told me something.
Someone tapped my shoulder and I turned on them quickly. The small women jumped back and almost dropped the tray in her hand.
I'm so on edge.... gotta calm down....
"Er... sorry... you startled me..." I said softly and reached out to balance the tray she carried. She smiled and excused my apology.
"I brought you all some coffee." She said gently and I noticed 4 steaming plastic cups sitting on the tray. I took a cup thankfully and blew at the chocolate colored liquid. It felt so good going down my itchy parched throat. The nurse, the same one that was looking after Sora, handed cups to Aeris, Cid, and Yuffie. They smiled beside themselves from her kindness.
The nurse tapped Sora on the shoulder and he responded with a soft whimpering sound. The nurse smiled and took his pulse again. She nodded to herself.
"He's doing fine now. Gave us a bit of scare earlier." She laughed good naturedly ran a hand over his now wild hair. I felt myself getting a little calmer. If the nurse was acting so under control towards us... Seph and Riku MUST be okay right?
Okay my worry meter just went back up.... God... somebody please tell me something!
Are they okay!?
Is Riku... gonna live...?
He'd lost so much blood before they'd gotten him to the hospital...
"Mr. Strife." The nurse called to me. I blinked hard several times and forced myself to listen closely to what she said. She may divulge some information about Seph and Riku's current state.
"One of the doctors told me to give you these." She handed me a small package. It barely fit in my palm. I sneered just slightly.
"Get some rest." She said with a soft smile. She patted my shoulder and walked away.
Maybe I should... No telling how powerful this medication is she just gave me.... I have to stay alert dammit.
"Talk about suspense." Yuffie said softly. I nodded in agreement and took another sip of my coffee. Yuffie had been trying to reach us all night. She'd seen the news and everything and wanted to see if we knew what was going down with Leon. Oh yeah... we knew alright. She couldn't reach any of us at home and called our cells. Aeris explained everything to her and she came over to the hospital to be with us.
I hate now that we dragged her into all of this. She told us Leon had been sighted again after all of the chaos at the parade. He was being chased again....
It amazes me.... A whole fucking city is on his heels and NOBODY can catch him. I know last night Seph came really close to it. He had couldn't pay attention to Leon the whole time though. He'd been SO CLOSE!
Christ.... I never knew Seph could do.... He just.... threw the thing and.... He stood up to a man with a gun pointed at his head.... then the CPR and the police and..... the yelling and.... the whole time he'd been hurt too..... -dazed-
Seph is SO cool!
That brought a weary smile to my lips. I had so many things I wanted to ask Seph once I got the chance. And I would get the chance. Seph would make it. Riku would too. Like Cid said; Riku was a fighter. And may I add, extremely stubborn.
Riku would be okay.
He would.
To think... this night could get any more worse or any more chaotic....
I was so wrong.
It was like this weird chain reaction.
The hospital doors burst open again, this time about a dozen police came hurdling in. Right behind them were a few medics carrying bags and equipment. They tracked dirty black snow and water all over the tile floor and none of them slowed down to tell anybody what the fuck was going on.
Everyone sitting in the waiting area stood up to take in the sudden change of things. I felt panic suddenly grip my heart as well. I recognized some of the equipment being carried. My fears weren't confirmed until I saw a man come in wearing a goggles and a Medical Air transport uniform. Then he resounding sound of a helicopter out front jarred my senses painfully.
.....This is bad....
Usually when a patient is so badly injured they call in a helicopter for immediate transport to another hospital. A better hospital.... where a patient close to death can get help.....
Oh my god.... please let it not be Riku.... Please let it not be....
Hold on a second....
They're bringing somebody in....
I walked closer to the door, my curiosity level beating out my common sense to stay back. The police were holding us at bay and talking on cell phones or into radios. I managed to see out the door and noticed a stretcher being wheeled in. And behind the helicopter, the ambulance, the police cars, barricades and yellow tape was a slew of cameras, flashing lights, and.... reporters with microphones.
What. The. Fuck?
Who they hell were they bringing in here...?
The stretcher was getting closer with each passing second and it's like time suddenly slowed down. The last person I'd ever expected to get carted in here, an oxygen mask hooked up to their face, covered in blood....
I should be happy....
But I wasn't....
I blinked and in the short passage of time the OR doors slipped closed again. Sucking police and medics inside. The helicopter driver made his exit and the resounding sputter of the planes fans started up again before disappearing into the white noise of the chattering reporters. The front doors to the hospital closed, cutting off the artic wind blasting it's way through and the deafening buzz of many voices. The reporters where forcefully shoved away from the front entrance. At the same time, the waiting room went completely silent.
Sora sat up and stared blankly at the OR doors. He looked scared and surprised. I'm sure he thought something bad had happened to Riku.
Hell, I had.
But now... something good and at the same time worse had just happened instead...
"What the hell was that all about?" Yuffie asked stunned. She nudged my arm and I looked blankly at her.
"I couldn't see anything over the mob." She said.
Aeris and Cid walked over to me and waited for me to speak.
I almost couldn't find the words.
I'd seen the whole thing. I saw who was on the stretcher clearly. But I was still so shocked.
He was actually here....
"Cloud..." I heard Sora say. I turned to look at him and gave him a weary stare. I couldn't stop the slight grin that came to my lips.
"Leon."
And with that one simple statement everyone turned to the doors. Even people just aimlessly standing around reacted to the name.
Leon was here, in the hospital.
They'd caught him.
But I didn't have time to dwell on that simple fact because a doctor came up behind me. His voice was calm, but exhausted. He looked tired and extremely weary. I blinked a few times to clear my head of everything that just happened and waited for him to speak.
And in the brief blink of time it took him to open his mouth about a million heart shattering scenarios ran through my head...
And I couldn't tell reality from nightmare....
Suddenly the ground seemed like it was getting closer to my face....
And I couldn't breath....
My eyes burned and my throat was parched...
Every sound seemed to be muted out by the rush of blood to my ears...
I saw this long semi dark hallway lit only by a few flickering fluorescent lights...
Tables covered in white sheets hiding.... lifeless bodies underneath were pushed neatly to the side....
I stopped at another set of thick tall ominous doors...
The sign next to it read;
Morgue...
The door opened on it's own because I don't remember moving.... and there in the in the center of this ice cold room.... was 2 tables....
Ever felt like... you just don't belong somewhere? Ever felt like you're the only thing living in a particular place?
That's how I felt now....
Again I was moving forward against my will...
I saw my hand reach out to grasp at the sheets covering what I knew to be a body....
Never.... in my worse nightmares have I been so heartbroken.... and felt so... sad....
Riku.... was that body....
He was.... about as pale as the sheet I held in my hand.... but his lips were blue....
His eyes were closed and he was so still... I couldn't even see the simple rise and fall of his chest....
The rise and fall that signified life....
I gasped, I know I did, but I couldn't hear my own cries of pain.....
I reached forward slightly and recoiled from the frost that touched my fingers tips.
He was.... so cold!
I wanted so badly.... to pick him up and hold him. To bring some color back to his pallid complexion....
But I couldn't bring myself to touch him....
He'd be stiff.
Kind of like.... how raw ground beef feels under the plastic wrapper in the meat isle at the grocery store.
I started to shake... and choke on my own breathes...
I knew I was crying... but it was so cold in here that my tears were freezing in my eyelashes.
Beside myself... I turned to the next table and ripped the sheet off.
I heard myself scream this time.
And my voice echoed so loud in my own ears it sounded like a million harpies just shrieked as loud as they could.
I fell to my knees and tried to catch my breath....
I couldn't even look up again....
I couldn't believe it....
Seph....
Seph.....
And I threw up....
There were foot steps and people crying behind him.....
We have to take the bodies... Someone said to me.
Bodies! Why did people suddenly start calling Riku and Seph, BODIES? They have names.. and feelings.. and personalities... they aren't just... things.
Bodies?
Like.. an inanimate object... like... something you can throw away once you get tired of it.
I hated to hear people say that....
Someone tried to help me up, but I fought them... they were trying to take me away from
Seph... away from Riku....
I had... wake them up...
It was so cold in here.... They'd get sick.... They'd.... catch their....
...Death...
In...
Here...
"Cloud...." Someone called to me... It was... a voice I didn't recognize....
"Mr.. Strife."
"No...." I whimpered and felt the sting of tears in my eyes.
I blinked.... and was suddenly standing in the waiting room again. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to focus on what the doctor said. I felt a cold trickle of sweat slide down the side of my face.
I'd... imagined it...?
The doctor was staring at me in a worried expression. I felt my eyes go wide while I waited for him to speak. I only really heard a few words the doctor said.
But it was enough.
Success..... recover.... fine....."
There was a resounding outlet of held breaths behind me. And I had to remember to release my own.
-exhales slowly-
I've never shed tears of joy before. But I have to admit....
It felt good.
So very good.
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Sephiroth
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That beeping noise....
Sounds like.... a heart monitor....
It's so close.... and annoying... Like an alarm clock....
I guess that's.... a good thing that it's... beeping so persistently though....
Mmm.... Can't open my eyes....
Is that the sun... or a fluorescent light?
Can't tell...
Where am I anyway?
The last thing I remember was.... Cloud's face... He was... trying to tell me something.... Something about Riku....
RIKU!
..Ugn..
Now... I know I just tried to sit up.... Tried to move... But I can't.... My body feels like lead. I can't even feel my fingers moving.... but I know I'm moving them..... I'm thinking about moving them anyway....
"Don't try to move..."
I tried to turn towards the voice but noted vaguely that I couldn't.
"It's the medicine..... gave..... you.... Doc.... sa.... it'll keep... for a while...."
What the hell?
"So.... st..orn.... Stay... ill...."
Cloud?
"Se..."
Cloud... is that you?
"Sep..."
And suddenly I could see and hear... somewhat.
The rush made me dizzy for a second...
"Seph."
Someone was laughing softly near my ear.
"Would you stay still."
As my vision cleared I noticed how dark it was.... where ever I was. Don't know why I saw a light at first.....
"Take it easy."
I blinked a few times and looked to my right. I knew who was sitting next to me before my eyes even focused.
"Cloud..." I said and wanted to grimace at how scratchy my voice sounded. I must have been out for a long time. I looked around and figured I was in a hospital room. The door was closed right now so I couldn't see out into the hall. I wasn't worried about that now though. I focused back on Cloud and his sweet voice.
"Hey there sleeping beauty." Cloud whispered and smiled slightly. He looked so relieved. I couldn't figure out what that was about. I couldn't really... remember anything....
"You're in the hospital." Cloud started. I kept my eyes on him while he spoke to keep me focused. I noticed he had bags under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping much it seemed.
"They just wheeled you from urgent care a few hours ago. The doctor said you're out of critical condition." Cloud leaned in closer to me and placed a kiss on my forehead.
"They gave you some really powerful drugs to keep you asleep so you could heal.... Doctor said you'll be a bit out of it for a while."
I blinked really slowly.
"You remember don't you?"
I didn't even have to shake my head for him to realize that, no, I didn't.
"You were shot.... Leon shot you. You and Riku."
That's right!
Again I tried to force myself to sit up so I could look around but my body wouldn't respond to my orders. Cloud put his hand on my chest to keep me still.
"Don't move." He hissed. I sneered, I know I did.
"Look, every things fine now, okay. Take it easy. You'll agitate your wounds. You just came out of surgery again you know."
No... I didn't know...
Again?
Huh?
Cloud leaned his head on the railing of my bed and sighed.
"They couldn't get the bullet out of you at first. It fractured your left shoulder blade and got imbedded in you collar bone."
I winced. Cloud nodded and his face took on a miserable grief stricken expression.
"They didn't want to take any chances. During the first surgery they couldn't get the bleeding to stop..... they just closed you up and tried to get you stable. A few days later they took you in again to remove the bullet. It had shattered so.... they had lots of little pieces to get out." Cloud looked up at me again and reached out to run his hand through my hair.
"It... missed your spine by a barely an inch.... They said it would've either killed you.... or paralyzed you..."
My eyes went slightly wide. Really? Now that I remember.... I hadn't... felt that much in pain.... when I'd gotten shot....
"And you were up running around after you got injured... You did all of those things... in such a horrible condition...." Cloud whispered and leaned forward again to kiss me, this time on the cheek.
"You are so amazing Seph."
I didn't feel amazing.... Just what the hell did they give me anyway? I had to repress a tired shudder.... as best as I could. I felt like falling back asleep.
Wait a minute. A few days later....?
"How... long....?" I breathed and realized that was the best I could do to ask my question. Cloud sighed and took my hand in his.
"6 days. Even though... with how fast every thing's been happening it only feels like a few hours..." He said softly. And I'm sure the surprise was evident on my face.
I'd.... been out for 6 days? No way....
"You were.... really exhausted... The doctor said you put a lot of strain on your body performing CPR after you were wounded.... You could barely breath yourself and you were trying to resuscitate Riku. That's why you passed out."
I closed my eyes in acknowledgement. Well.... that explained a few things at least.
Except....
"Riku....?" I breathed. Cloud's face fell and I felt my stomach sink to my feet.
Oh no.... No....
"He's still out." Cloud smiled just slightly. "He's stable."
I sighed.
Well... that was better then dead.
I wanted to smile. Face was too numb. I'm so glad though.
"He flat lined once in the operating room....."
My eyes snapped from the door back to Cloud and I could only stare.
What?
"Yeah... about half way through the surgery. I was told that he'd lost so much blood his organs were starting to shut down, an a attempt his body made to try and keep him alive... They almost couldn't revive him."
I closed my eyes again and fought fatigue.
"None of his organs were injured though.... a bit of tearing at his intestines... but they stapled them back together. Now... we just have to wait for him to wake up.... Unlike you, whose been in and out of consciousness for the past few days.... Riku's just stayed asleep."
Cloud licked his lips.
"He's so... frail..." Cloud whispered and I didn't miss the sound of sadness in his voice. "It's.... still a slight possibility that he might.... not make it.... The hospitals having trouble getting more blood that matches his type..."
I sighed again and tried to look around. I could move my neck a little now at least.
"They'd let you do it.... if you weren't hurt." Cloud muttered. I turned to look back at him. He nodded. "You and Riku have the same blood type you know." He said.
No... I hadn't known that.
Hmmm....
"They won't let you even if you say yes. In a few more days maybe... depending on your condition. They need at least 2 and 1/2 pints.... You can't spare even a drop right now." Cloud smirked at me. I wanted to kiss him deeply at that moment. I was so happy to see him.
"Where's.... Riku.... now...?" I stuttered out slowly. I frowned again at how meek my voice sounded.
Cloud's face brightened and he moved aside in his chair.
"He's still asleep. But he reacts to our voices." Cloud stood up and helped me sit up slightly so I could see across the room. Not far away was Riku's bed. He still needed assistance to breath so he had a oxygen mask on. Tubes were connected to various parts of his body, one a blood filled one extending from his outstretched arm, another 2 extending from his nose. He was breathing a bit slower then I liked but he looked for the most part okay. His shoulder length silver hair cascaded over his pillow, framing his head like a hallow of stars. He looked like a sleeping angel.
I'm so glad he's just sleeping.
I really hate those tubes... And I just noticed I have one coming out of my nose. Glad I can't feel it yet.
"You saved his life Seph." Cloud stood up this time and sat on the edge of my bed. He laid his head onto my chest and wrapped his arms around my waist.
"The paramedics said if you hadn't been there to keep breathing for him, he would have died instantly."
I wiggled my fingers and felt them move this time. With a bit of work I managed to lift my right arm and returns Cloud's hug all the while keeping my eyes on the sleeping child across the room. Something moved on the other side of Riku's bed and a head covered in spiked brown hair popped up before laying back down again. It was Sora, he was resting his head on Riku's bed.
I sighed and leaned harder into my pillow. I was tired again and ready to fall asleep. Riku was safe and alive, and everyone else seemed to be fine. I could... relax for a minute before I started to beat the hell out of myself for being so stupid.
Okay.... minute's up....
How could I have been so careless?!! SO STUPID!! I brought Riku and Sora out into the open knowing full well Leon could be close by..... I really just wanted to give those two a chance to enjoy themselves for awhile after being secluded for so long. They could have been killed...
Leon didn't try to hurt Sora.... though
Hmmm....
But he most definitely was trying to kill me... I'm not so sure he was trying to really shoot Riku at that time though. Because he fired twice.... so quickly....
Both of those bullets were supposed to hit me....
It's because I slipped that the second one missed.
I wonder what Leon.... er.. Seifer would have done if he'd managed to kill me. Would he go on to kill Riku then?
I gathered my thoughts and asked.
"Any... word... on Leon?"
Whoo... that was... tiring....
Cloud looked sharply at me and I flinched. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that. Cloud frowned at me.
"That's right... you wouldn't know.... He's been captured."
I gaped.
"He.....has?" I breathed in shock. I sound like I have asthma.... Cloud nodded quickly a few times. He didn't look too happy though.
"Yeah.... he's been shot too. Ironic huh? A bartender at a bar in district 2 did it. Gun shot wound to the leg. Took him down..." Cloud snapped. "...like gravity to an apple falling from a tree."
I chuckled then frowned myself.
"So...?" I let my words linger.
"He's here. He's being treated here, in this hospital. He's up on the 10th floor. There are police and everything guarding the whole area. You can't even get on the 9th floor without authorization.
I nodded. Well... isn't that something? Why did I feel so relieved? This... could all be over.... So... Leon's been caught....? No final showdown between me, him, and police... Some trigger happy civilian had the guts to take him down.... I'm sure Leon didn't get to far after I injured him. So it's finally over then...? Right...?
What now...?
"It's been all hush, hush since he got here." Cloud said softly. "It's been all over the news that he's been caught though." Cloud stood up and stretched.
"I still need to talk to the Chief of police. They want to question all of us and hear our side of the story. Leon's being charged with kidnapping...that boy Tim..."
Cloud scratched the back of his head.
"Yeah... and attempted murder for you and Riku.... Plus the rapes... and the arson.... Nobody died in the fire amazingly.... then assault.... Oh yeah... Leon's going to jail...." Cloud said absently. I don't think he's trying to be funny. He just... probably doesn't even care anymore.
"At least.... I'd like for him to go to jail..." Cloud murmured and sat back down. He sighed again.
"What about murder? ....... I thought that Tim was found dead.?" I asked softly. Only had to pause once to say that.
Cloud closed his eyes.
"I'm... not completely sure about the whole thing with that. From what I was told though... Leon didn't murder the boy like we thought...."
Cloud looked down at his hands and picked at his nails.
"Tim.... Eyewitnesses say they saw him jump off of the bridge.... He killed himself Seph..."
Cloud looked back up at me. But I didn't react this time. I was too surprised to do anything.
"His parents are here... They talked to Aeris... and she told me they found out Leon had raped him... during the autopsy they did..."
What the FUCK is up with Leon raping everyone?! Christ. He really is a sick bastard.... But.... that sounds like Seifer alright... He used to love doing that to Squall... Didn't matter where they were either....
"Tim's dad..." Cloud started again. I gave him my full attention. "He... man... he tried to strangle Leon the other day. Leon's unconscious... they said he slipped into a coma for 3 days.. came out of it.. and then Tim's dad broke into his room and started to choke the shit out of him... And the police barely tried to stop him!"
I blinked, notably faster this time. Whoa....
"There's been no word on a trial or anything yet. I already know you and Riku are going to have to testify in it though."
I nodded once. Yeah... that was true.
"But not until after you heal." Cloud said softly and leaned over to kiss me again, then again, and again. I felt my eyes droop, not from exhaustion, but from being so loved. It was nice to be missed like this.
"Your doctor told me to tell you he'd be in to see you later. He wants to talk to you once you're coherent enough."
I nodded again and at that moment a female doctor walked into the room. She smiled gently at me and walked over.
"Well hello there Mister Sephiroth." She said. I didn't respond to her with any sort of welcome. I was to busy staring at the needle in her hand.
I have... issues with needles. I glared at the nurse but she didn't see it.
"Good to see you up." She said. She was checking my heartbeat readouts and breathing patterns. I watched the lights and graphs go up and down on the machine for a moment. Unlike most people, who probably have no knowledge of how these machines work, I do. I knew exactly what the stats on each one meant. My blood pressure was a bit high....
"How are you feeling?" The nurse asked me absently. Cloud moved out of her way and sat on the other side of my bed.
I blinked and took a minute to reply. "....fine...." I said dully. The nurse smiled at me again.
"Well that's good." She pulled some things out of her pocket and sat them on a tray. I felt a sudden rush of anxiety.
"This is just a regular check up." She said in a soothing tone. Like I was a 6 year old or something. I felt myself sneer.
The nurse pulled out a cotton swab, some alcohol cleaning strips, one of those wooden Popsicle stick things, a petri-dish for getting a culture, a small bottle of clear fluid, and a vial with my name written across the label.
What... the hell was all of this...? I'd been shot, I wasn't sick!
"I need to take your temperature again." She said softly. I glared again when she pulled out the machine. Again she says....? Considering I'd been asleep for so many days... how had she managed to take it those other times....?
I grimaced and dismissed my mind of those sickening thoughts.
"Say 'aaah'." She whispered. I didn't and shot a vicious look at her and just opened my mouth. She smirked and kind of jabbed the thermometer under my tongue. I flinched and came really close to calling her something really rude.
I did not like this nurse.
She went to preparing the needle while my temp was taken. When the small machine beeped I took it out of my mouth myself. She tapped my hand and 'tsked' me.
"Ah ah, you're supposed to be resting."
Again I glared. I heard Cloud laugh softly behind me.
"99.5... Not bad... still a bit feverish. It should come down in a few hours since you're still resting."
She then reached over me and turned up what ever was being pumped up my nose. I coughed slightly from the sudden change and my eyes watered.
"Relax, it's just a bit of different fluids to keep you from getting dehydrated."
Like I didn't know that already. I'm pretty sure I can chew just fine.
This women.... oh.... if only I wasn't so high on this medicine I'd get up and throw her out of my room. I'm... really irritable right now.... for some reason...
She went back to preparing the needle, oblivious to my growing dislike for her. I bit my bottom lip and sat up a bit. She turned to me again and gave me this warning look.
That was it.
"I said I was fine. I can move on my own."
I could talk at a regular speed again. My voice was still really soft though. The nurse eyed me for a moment.
"You need to rest." She said pointedly.
"What the hell does it look like I'm doing? Christ.... If me moving bothers you so much feel free to get the hell out."
I know I was being rude... I couldn't seem to stop myself... It has to be this medicine....
"Mister Sephiroth... I'm only trying to..."
"Treat me like a child." I said icily, finishing her sentence..
"Sir." She said again. I shook my head.
"Forget it." I hissed and laid back down. I sat and watched her while she continued on for a minute. Then she was ready to give me that injection. I recoiled sharply and sat up.
"What is that?" I pointed to the contents of the needle. The nurse repressed a glare at me. I refused to cooperate until she told me what she was about to shoot into me. If it was more methane I didn't want it, I didn't want to feel all light and fluttery anymore.
"It's just something to help you sleep."
"I've been asleep for 6 days. I'd like to stay up for a while." I explained and inched even further away from her. She had her hand ready to grab my arm. My injured arm lay limply at my side in it's sling.
"It'll help with the pain." She tried to sound soothing but she was starting to grit her teeth.
"I'm not in any pain." I retorted.
"Well... you might be later." She said. I sat up to my full height. That kind of sounded like a threat.
"When I do feel like I'm dying I'll be sure to let you know. Now tell me what's in the needle."
"You wouldn't understand." She tried to rub in.
I raised an eyebrow. "And apparently you don't understand either. I don't want, what ever that is, shot into me. If you poke me with that needle I swear to God I'll smack you to the other side of this room."
"Seph..." I heard Cloud say softly, his voice sounding shocked.
The nurse lowered her hand and glared hatefully at me.
"Are you threatening me?" She said in a hostile tone. I raised an eyebrow, as if she couldn't figure that out on her own.
"You are not a doctor. I was ordered to do this by one of our specialists."
"And neither are you....Nurse..." I looked at her badge. "Kara Anderson! Tell your specialist that he can kiss my ass! I know what's in that needle and if you give it to me I could have a heart attack!"
I know it's more methane in that needle and I know why they're trying to give so much to me....
I'm in trouble...
Fuck that....
"Goodbye." I said coolly to the nurse and watched her mentally battle with herself between staying, and getting the fuck beat out of, or leaving and reporting me. She chose to run.
Good little nurse.
She snatched up her tools and almost sprinted for the door. Cloud closed it behind her and turned back to me. He looked pretty upset.
"Seph... what the hell was that all about?"
I flopped back down onto my pillow and closed my eyes. How could I explain this one...? I never even got around to telling Cloud about my past... outside of knowing Squall and Seifer....
"Not... now Cloud... I just... didn't want the shot okay..." That was somewhat true too. I really didn't like needles... I have a kind of phobia of them....
Cloud was sitting next to me again.
"Seph....?" Cloud whispered and I thought he was trying to force me to tell him anyway. I opened my eyes and frowned at him but it faltered. He was smiling and shaking his head.
"You're hopeless.... Okay, fine, I'll wait until later for a logical and I'm sure very rational
explanation."
I smiled beside myself at how patient Cloud could be with me. I was feeling suddenly tired again and slumped heavily into my pillow. For a time, only the steady and reassuring sound of various life machines was heard. I tried to zone out all of the others and focus solely on Riku's. I could hear his gentle breathes over the sounds of beeps and clicks and started to be lulled to sleep. Cloud had moved closer to me again and was tenderly running his hands through my hair.
"Rest." He said softly. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to sleep.
------
Cloud
------
heavy sigh
I am.... really sick and tired of being in this hospital. I want to go home, with Seph, Riku, and Sora right behind me. I've always hated hospitals. I'll never get the smell of antiseptics out of my skin... my hair... my minds eye...
I stumbled across the morgue today. FUCK! I was so mad at myself for that. It just happens to be on the same floor as the Critical Care rooms. What the hell's with that?
I... I guess many critical care patients don't make it.... through the first few nights... Thinking back to 6 days ago.... I didn't think Riku would either. When they finally let me into see him, he was so pale he looked blue. Under this pale florescent light.... he looked like a dead body. I was afraid to go any closer at first. The doctor kept assuring me that he was alive and stable. I was so freaked out... I could barely breathe...
Sora went in with me. But unlike me, he was too relieved to be worried. He ran to Riku and took his hand so eagerly, cradling it to his cheek and starting to sob. He looked up at me, tears sparkling in his bright blue eyes and said almost breathlessly;
"He's warm."
In any other situation, that notion would have been silly. But I felt crushing pressure lift from my lungs and heart at Sora's gentle words.
Thank you God, Buddha, Allah, Shiva, Bahamut, Ifrit, anyone who cares to listen....
Just... thank you...
Seeing Seph was an entirely different episode altogether. This is how I know I'm truly in love with him. Riku's like my kid brother. I felt like a piece of me died after he was hurt. But Seph... is my heart. When I saw him right out of surgery the first time, he was awake, and slightly coherent. The feeling of seeing him alive nearly floored me and I had to brace myself on the wall.
He was watching me, trying to clear his mind of the drugs clouding them. When I sat next to him to he just watched me absently. I couldn't help but laugh. He looked so dazed. He gave me a lazy smile but didn't say anything. I don't think the medicine he was pumped with let him exercise his motor skills too well.
Up to this point I'd managed to keep from crying. But the wave of emotion hit me so hard I could stifle the sob that forced it's way up my throat. I'm glad we were alone. Seph was in a room by himself after his first surgery. I wanted to hug him so hard, and never let go. But I couldn't get so touchy with him right after the operation. His body was too vulnerable for that. So... I just put my hand to his heart, and felt it thump steadily against my palm.
I didn't move for a long time, and after a while, our hearts beat in unison.
I thought after that, everything would be fine. I didn't concern myself or my attention to anything but Seph and Riku. I went back and forth between rooms every other hour to keep tabs on them. Sora hadn't moved from his spot next to Riku. He even slept there.
Riku didn't have any more episodes and spent the passing days recovering. He was doing really well. I remember one of the doctors saying he had a strong will to live. That he wouldn't give in without a fight. Cid was so right, Riku was a fighter.
My nerves had calmed considerably and I allowed myself a moment to think about other things.... Namely Leon.
The fact that he was here, in the same hospital, only feet above me, left a weird daze around me. In the back of my mind I wished he would just slip away in the middle of the night. Put this whole mess to a definite end. If Leon were dead... all our lives would be better. But I had to stop myself and really think hard on that notion....
Who am I to wish death on someone? I've been way too close to it in the last few days... I shouldn't be fucking around like that....
What if Leon dies anyway? I don't know how bad his injury is. I just know he got shot.
Karma... it's a bitch really. I'm sure Seph having injured him before played a big role in him getting caught. Other wise.... I doubt he would have ever been caught... by anyone but Seph.
About that by the way.... It's been bothering me lately, but Seph seems to have a secret life I don't know about. I didn't think too much on it at first, but the way he tosses around his authority, and actually has people listen to him, makes me wonder. First was that moment with the cop back at Aeriss' place. I thought the guy was afraid of Seph at first.... thinking back on it now, he seemed almost to be acknowledging his status, but was surprised to see him there. Then the shocking moment back at the parade. Seph threatened a police officer, demanded an ambulance rush over, and he actually got what he wanted!
I most definitely have to ask about this later.
I have to say.... I'm glad with the way things turned out. Not with the Riku and Seph getting shot and nearly dying part... but with Leon being in custody. I have a strange and terrible feeling this could have ended much worse. Like with both Seph and Leon killing each other in a heated final battle...
I should be relaxing.... I should be... happy... but I'm not. I don't know what to feel right now. I'm frustrated, annoyed, bitter, ecstatic, confused. I'm a muddle of emotions. The only ones I can grasp are a heavy sense of relief and dread though.
But I've got to keep my cool and be rational. I can't start flipping out and demanding things regarding Leon right now. I'm sure I'll find out his deal soon enough.
"Um... Mr. Cloud Stife?"
I looked up from the pop machine, I'd been standing there for at least 10 minutes, still undecided about which flavor to pick. A police officer, a young one, was walking up to me.
Speak of the devil.
"Yeah." I said softly and finally picked a cola to sip on. The officer greeted me kindly and waited for me to obtain and drink some of my soda before he started to speak.
"Um... this is sort of short notice, and we know you've gone through a pretty difficult time, but we'd like to ask you a few questions about the shootings if that's okay."
Of course it was okay.
"No problem. Where do you want me to begin?"
The young cop smiled and nodded, a pen and clipboard in his hand.
"Right, um, could you follow me please, there's a room we can talk privately in."
We started to walk. Riku and Seph lingered on my mind. Like I said... I couldn't think about anything else. I forced them aside though and started to recap on everything that had happened so I could give the police accurate information.
"First question, what's your relationship with LeonHeart, if any?"
I blinked, grabbing onto my answer, and started to talk.
"Well.... at one time, I called him a friend, then a lover....."
This was going to be extremely difficult....
------
Sora
------
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.......
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.......
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.......
"Riku...."
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.......
"This.... little machine... It's all that's keeping you here right now huh?..."
I blinked slowly, felt my eyes water, they were dry. I hadn't moved, barely shifted, blinked, or spoken in a long time. I didn't have anything to say.
I was ignoring everybody else. Cloud especially. I was afraid he'd go off on me... for leading Riku away from safety like that.... And Sephiroth... I keep expecting him to hit me.... not that I don't deserve to be....
If Riku dies....
It's my fault....
If Sephiroth is paralyzed.... it's my fault....
I'm the reason they got shot....
I'm the reason.... all of this happened....
My voice was soft and somewhat scratchy. It had been six days since I even attempted to whisper. I felt like talking to Riku now, even though he was asleep, even though I knew he couldn't hear me....
I had to apologize...
"Riku...."
I shifted and brought my hand up to brush his hair out of his face. He never moved while he slept. He was as still as a.... I won't say it.... But he just slept so peacefully...
"I'm so sorry... for everything... for hurting you... for.. hating you.... for...."
I swallowed.
"My love was so twisted... I don't know what's wrong with me... I kept blaming you for my misfortune, for my problems, for my weakness... And all along.... it was my own fault... because I didn't have the confidence, because I was afraid to try...."
I felt the sting of tears and my throat got tight....
"Because I didn't want to take responsibility for my own fuck ups..."
I had to pause and repress a sob. I made my whole body shake.
"I should be the one lying here, barely clinging to life.... Not you... not... Sephir.... Seph..."
I let out a pained laugh.
"Seph.... I like that better then Sephiroth. Did you give that nick name to him?" I blinked away tears and ran my fingers over Riku's cheek. They were blushed over in a nice healthy pink again. That made me feel better. It meant blood was flowing through his body well again.
"He saved your live didn't he. He saved... all of our lives... and how did I repay him for wanting to help us... I was rude and disrespectful... I hated him without even knowing him..."
Half of the next sob broke free and I had to bury my face in the sheets.
"Riku.... please.... wake up... I want to see your eyes, hear your voice.... I can't.... I can't repent for my sins until you hear me apologize... Until you forgive me... I'll do anything...!"
I took Riku's limp hand in mine but didn't look up. I couldn't let anyone hear me crying right now. My voice was so tangled with emotions I doubt anything I said made sense.
For long moments I just sat there crying into the sheets. It hurt. It was a pain like I'd never felt before. It coursed all over my body. But it wasn't enough. I had to hurt more... I had to suffer...
I want.... to just die....
I'm a terrible person....
I should have been the body that washed up on the river bank... not Tim. Not the innocent boy who only tried to help. Not the boy who saved Aeris's life.
Tim, his parents, Aeris.... they're all mourning his death... when they shouldn't be... If I'd only tried to help more... instead of being so fucking selfish....
Someone was dead because of me!
I should...
I froze and sat up quickly, looking down at the hand wrapping it's fingers weakly around my mine. I had to hold my breath, to feel the pain that lack of oxygen caused, to be sure I wasn't dreaming.
Again and again the fingers tightened, weakly at first, then stronger until they were secure.
Riku was mumbling and trying to turn his head slowly. Eyes still closed. He shifted his whole body and groped around absently with his free hand. I eagerly clasped it, waiting for anymore movements from him.
It was like... watching a baby take it's first breath.
"Sora....?" Riku's voice was barely a whisper but I heard it as if he'd yelled it.
My name. So beautiful the way he said it.
"I'm right here, Riku."
He reacted to my voice and turned to look my way, eyes still shut tight.
"Sora...?" He said again. I kissed the backs of his hands.
"Yes." I said breathlessly. I felt like doing back flips I was so ecstatic.
Riku was waking up!
Barely, just enough to see the aqua of his eyes, Riku peeked at me. He seemed to be having the hardest time. I waited patiently. Eagerly. Still holding my breath.
"....The paupo...."
I nodded, waiting.
"....Did... you...." Riku sighed. " ....see....?"
"Yes!" I gasped happily, a smile coming to my face, tears leaking down my cheeks.
"...pretty..." He slurred.
I faltered. Wait....
"....pretty...." He said again and went limp in my hands.
My heart seemed to stop for a minute and I could only stare wide eyed.
Wait... Wait!
Riku.... don't!!!
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.......
The strangle hold on my heart relented and I suddenly felt like fainting.
I thought.... I thought Riku had...That he was... He only went back to sleep....
Sleep.
He was sleeping.
Oh my God....
Breathe Sora, breathe....
I felt the twinges of a panic attack ebb away and for a moment I could only sit there and stare at Riku's face again.
I wiped away my tears and looked around the room. I jumped beside myself when I noticed Seph.... staring at me.
How long had he been awake? How much had he heard?
He didn't say anything to me and just kept staring. I wonder what he was thinking of me at that moment. I wouldn't be too surprised if he was hating me right now.
I let out a somewhat frightened and forced laugh.
"I'm.... sorry... I didn't mean to wake you..." I stuttered. Still he didn't say anything. I felt my nerves go on alert. His look was so intense... I felt like I couldn't get away.
"Um... Cloud went to get... a soda or something... he said he'd... be back soon..."
Again, Sephiroth said nothing.
"I'm sorry..." I said again. Not for possibly waking him.... but for everything.
"Why are you apologizing to me?" He said softly. His words startled me though.
I was confused and didn't know how to answer.
"Because.... I... Because this is..."
"Your fault?"
I lowered my head. Even he knew who was really to blame.
"Did you rape Riku?"
I looked up quickly. Sephiroth didn't give me time to answer though.
"Did you kidnap and rape that boy?"
"I...."
"Did you shoot Riku and me?"
"....no... but...."
"Then why are you blaming yourself?"
I was getting frustrated. I pushed my chair away from Riku's bed and stood up.
"I... I don't...."
"Can't answer that?"
"...Yes... because..."
"Then don't feel guilty."
"But...."
"You didn't make Leon do all of those things."
"No I didn't.... but...!"
I was almost yelling now.
"Then I'll ask again; Why are you blaming yourself?"
I clamped my mouth shut and felt angry tears stream from my eyes. I don't was so mad now.... because I couldn't answer his questions.
Because he was right.
I was supposed to be punishing myself. He was telling me I shouldn't be.
"You're still a child. You'll understand someday though. But Sora, people are responsible for their own actions. If you go around taking on everyone's burdens, you'll never be able to be happy. You'll never be able to live. Squall chose himself to stay with Seifer, even though he was abused. Seifer chose to hit Squall, even though he knew it was wrong. Leon chose to shoot Riku and me, even though he knew it was wrong. You wished Riku to be hurt, even though you knew it was.... malicious."
I gaped. How did he...? He'd heard us that night?
"In every persons mind we trick ourselves into believing bad things are justified if we have a good reason to do them. We do them knowing how it can benefit us. Sometimes it's for another person that we do things we know to be wrong. Take on the burden of your own mistakes, not others, if you try to apologize for everyone, you'll fall apart, So stop it, while you still can. It's because of that, that Leon was able to manipulate you in the first place."
I choked and forced myself to say. "Because of what?"
Sephiroth gave me a critical look before he sighed and turned away. I had to strain my ears to hear what he said.
"Riku was right.... you are too nice..."
And I understood everything with those few words.
Be true to yourself.
If someone hurts you, don't trick yourself into believing they had a good reason, by doing so, you take on their mistakes, you help them further justify their screw ups.
But don't be cruel. Take pity, but don't feel sorry.
Is that.... what he meant... about Leon?
Don't forgive.... just understand....
And never forget.
-----------
Author's Notes:
-----------
I'm going to end this chapter there. It felt like it was starting to drag a bit. Seph and Riku are fine. You guys didn't really think I was going to let them die did you??!! (Is shocked that you would think so). And considering Seph and Cloud haven't gotten any love making time yet. No. Way. :D BUUUUT this story is very far from ending. I came up with a new arc. 'Cause I love you guys, and you rule, and make me giggle as well as happy with your reviews. I feel this chapter is a kind of a up to this point chapter. How the characters feel, and it's psyching you up for what's to come. Sora's about to do something... radical, NOT try to kill himself. Lol, that's to obvious. Cloud will spill his guts about all that's happened, And you'll get to meet one of Seph's relatives, a returning character from a previous chapter, as well as his roommate. Then Riku finally wakes up. His reaction to Sora.... is.... different Okay, I'm done. I'll get started on the next chapter soon here. :D