Sixth Month
Loneliness & Doubts
Michael walked along the vacant stretch of beach, letting the wind toss his hair askew. Kitt was parked near the water's edge, waiting patiently for his driver. Every few moments a wave would break and roll upon the shore where it would just stop at the edge of the tires.
Michael bent down and picked up a stray seashell, before straightening up to toss it back into the ocean. He had come out here many times when he needed to think, and usually it would help him. He didn't know if it was the calmness of the ocean or just the fact that he was out from under the pressures of life that would do it. Either way, he would end his walk with a clearer mind and a purpose to fulfill.
He knew already that he had done wrong by Bonnie. She didn't need his arguments, or his anger. She had needed him and he had failed her. His own sense of judgment had been off that day, and by the time he had cooled down enough, she had been gone.
He did go looking for her but he ran into a brick wall. A very solid wall named Devon Miles. Devon had done nothing short of blast the hell out of him and Michael had agreed with every word that had been said. Devon had refused to let Michael see Bonnie, stating that she really needed to rest and she had been upset enough that day.
He had given Michael some sound advice and a three week vacation to get his life back together. Michael almost hadn't gone, but he knew Bonnie needed some time away from him as well. He had done enough damage on that front. He didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had.
He decided to take the time allotted to him to let things settle down. Once he returned, he would sit down with Bonnie and apologize. He really did love her, and now that he was getting used to the fact that he was going to be a father, he was actually beginning to enjoy it.
He closed his eyes and let the sun warm his face while he imagined a day three months from now. Bonnie would be sitting in a bed, a tiny bundle cradled to her chest. Michael would come over and sit beside them. He would lean down and place a gentle kiss on a sweet smelling, peach fuzz covered head. It would be either his son or his daughter. His child.
Automatically his eyes opened and he raised one hand to touch the cheek Bonnie had slapped. Oh, he had deserved that one. How could he ever doubt her? She was his life, his heart, his very soul. When he thought of what he had said to her that day, he felt lower than low.
The wind blew off the ocean and brought his thoughts back to today. It was the last day of his vacation and he was looking forward to going back home. He only hoped that Bonnie would accept his apologies and forgive him.
He had reached the end of his walk and went to perch on the prow of the car. Kitt had been an invaluable friend during this time. He had listened to Michael and offered no judgments of his own. "Kitt?"
"Yes, Michael?"
"I've been thinking a lot lately, and this baby is going to change a lot of things. We are going to have to make accommodations."
The scanner swished once. "What kind of accommodations?"
Michael smiled. "Well, a baby car seat for one. Maybe some 'baby on board' signs in the rear window?"
The response he got was exactly what he had expected. "The car seat I will allow, but Michael are the signs really necessary? Is it customary to announce there is a baby in the car for everyone to see?"
Michael chuckled. "Yes, Kitt. It's like having a neon sign that states, 'I'm a proud daddy' to everyone that looks."
"Really, Michael." Kitt deadpanned. "I don't think any type of signs, neon or otherwise, serve any useful purpose."
"Just be glad I won't write on your windows like some people do." He snickered at a visual of Kitt driving down the road with 'It's a boy' or 'It's a girl' handwritten in large shoe-polish letters on the rear window.
"I shudder to think of it." A pause, then, "You wouldn't, would you?"
Michael smiled. "No, buddy, I wouldn't." He patted the hood once. "What say we leave this sandy place and head on home? I'm pretty sure I have one really ticked off lady to apologize and grovel to by now."
In response Kitt fired up the engine. "Yes, Michael. Going home sounds like a great idea. The salt water is corroding my chassis."
Michael was still grinning as he slid behind the wheel. "You say that every time we come out here, Kitt. So far no one has seen any damage."
"Would you prefer that I say that I have sand in my trunk?"
At that thought, Michael broke out into full laughter. A mental image of Kitt wearing bathing trunks and dancing around the beach trying to shake out sand had inserted itself into Michael's mind. He laughed so hard that he had to wipe away a tear. "No, Kitt, I don't think that would be necessary."
"Very well, Michael. I don't see what is so funny though."
Michael had to push the thought completely away before he started up again. "Some day, buddy, maybe I'll tell you." He shifted into drive and pulled away from the beach, leaving only the tire tracks that said he had once been here as he headed for home.
"What the hell do you mean, 'She's gone?' Where did she go?" Michael stood in front of Devon's desk, ignoring the fact that the head of FLAG had been on the phone.
Devon made his apologies and disconnected the call, placing the receiver gently back into the cradle. "Michael, please, raising your voice isn't necessary. I can hear you quite well without the extra volume."
Michael clenched his hands into fists. He took a deep breath and released it. "Where is Bonnie?" He asked the question slowly and made his meaning very clear.
Devon sighed. He really wasn't in the mood for a confrontation right now. His day had been bad enough dealing with the Board of Directors and trying to get April back on the project. It wasn't as easy as just calling her up and having her move back. She had secured a job with a rather prestigious company developing onboard computer technology for military aircraft and civilian planes. It had taken him a whole week to find her, and it was taking even longer to try to get her to come back.
He looked to where Michael was standing, his body tight as a rod, demanding an answer to his question. "Bonnie has gone, Michael. She has left FLAG." He sighed and picked up a pen to sign some papers that he had pushed aside weeks ago. He had just barely put the pen to the paper when it was snatched from his grip.
"Where did she go?" Michael asked again, keeping the pen from Devon's reaching hand. "Why did she leave? I want answers, Devon, and I mean to get them."
Devon could see that Michael was determined, but what he didn't know was that Bonnie had requested her privacy be protected. He stood up and walked around his desk, knowing the paperwork would not be finished today. As he stood in front of Michael, he stated very clearly, "She is somewhere safe, and requested no contact at this time from you. She is endeavoring to straighten out her life, and she stated that she would be unable to do that if she kept her employment at FLAG."
"Dammit, Devon, she's carrying my child! I need to see her!" He threw the pen back on the desk and made a move to grab the older man by the very shirt he wore and shake him until the answers fell out. One look from the man told him if he tried it, he just might be sorry. Michael pounded the desk instead in frustration.
Devon placed one hand gently on Michael's arm. He found that when dealing with the younger man, sometimes patience was a virtue. "Michael, if and when she wants you to see her, she will contact you."
Michael brushed off the hand. "Like hell she will." He turned and headed for the door, stopping only for a moment to call over his shoulder, "I love her, Devon, more than anything else in this world. I love her and the baby she's got. I mean to find her, no matter what it takes." He then stormed out of the room, not even giving Devon a chance to reply.
Devon rubbed at his temples. Young people always gave him headaches, and Michael was no exception to that rule. He knew that with Kitt on Michael's side, it wouldn't take long to track down Bonnie. He just hoped that she would be ready to deal with him when the inevitable occurred.
Bonnie breathed a sigh of relief as she sat in the doctor's office and he reviewed the results of her amniocentesis test with her. She had been scared of what it might show, as she wasn't exactly in her 20's and getting pregnant. She was older, and with age and pregnancy, came certain risks.
The doctor had advised her that the test was necessary to check for Down's Syndrome, spina bifida, and many other rare or inherited diseases. The needle he had used was long and thin, and the whole procedure was quite routine.
She was just glad that the results came back negative on all counts. Her baby was healthy.
She thanked the doctor and set up her next appointment, then left the office. She missed her visits with Dr. Hunter, but being halfway across the nation, it wasn't practical for her to see him.
Not knowing much about Michael's family history had prompted her to check into all aspects of any birth defects she could think of. Every time, the baby proved to be healthy and thriving.
Which is more than she was doing right now. She had moved back to her hometown and had gotten a small apartment near her family. They had wanted her to move right in, but she had declared that she really needed her space, and didn't want to feel crowded. FLAG had set her up with a nice sized compensation check, and she had promised Devon that if she was ever in financial difficulty she would call him.
Devon had indeed made the arrangements and although he was sad to see her leave, he could understand her reasons behind it. She promised to keep in touch with him and told him he could visit anytime. She also had him promise to keep her location private for the time being.
Now she was wondering if that had been a wise move. She was constantly lonely, and most nights she would cry herself to sleep. If not for the new life she was carrying, she would wonder why she ever thought she could do this alone.
She was miserable and missed Michael terribly, but she wasn't going to make the call that her heart so desperately wanted her to make. She knew he didn't love her, didn't want her or her baby. Yet, she still loved him and knew that it would take time for her to learn to live alone.
She could feel the baby moving now, and wished she could share the simple joy of it with someone. She did call Devon once and spent over and hour on the phone telling him all about what the baby had been doing. She felt a bit silly afterwards but he had seemed genuinely happy that she had called.
She knew she didn't have much time left, for the next three months were going to pass in a blur of activity and preparation. She had many decisions to make and some she didn't know if she could make by herself.
Sooner or later, she knew she would have to call Michael and face him once the baby was born. They would have to set up some sort of arrangement through the courts that would allow him to relinquish his much unwanted rights to the baby so she would never have to worry about him later asking for custody.
As if, she thought. She wondered how she could ever have thought he loved her, how her natural instincts had been tricked. Michael probably had a woman in every city he visited. He was probably on vacation now with a bevy of skinny bikini-clad blondes hanging off his arms. Why would he even think of her and her overweight body now?
She left her car and entered her apartment, stopping once before the mirror in the hallway to look at her reflection. Her normally slim frame was definitely showing the signs of pregnancy. It still seemed strange to her that the lump in the mirror was attached to her body.
She closed the door behind her and locked it. After retrieving a light lunch she sat in front of her television to watch a movie on the women's channel. She knew better than to watch those films, but somehow the dramas and the feelings they evoked in her was better than thinking of her real life and the headaches involved in it.
Sometimes the movies would make her cry, but mostly they made her realize she was lucky to have some people in her life that cared. Her mother would stop by almost every night to check on her. Her sister would call, and take her out shopping for new things to buy for the baby. Devon would check on her to see if everything was going fine, and make sure she wasn't without a single thing she needed.
She had everything she needed. Well, everything that was, except the love of the man she so craved. She wondered idly if the baby would look like him, and then thought that once the baby was born, she wouldn't know. She had never seen pictures of Michael Long, and didn't know what he had looked like before his surgery. He had told her once that waking up and finding his own face gone was one of the most frightening things he had ever had to deal with. He said that it had taken him months to get used to seeing a stranger in the mirror.
He had told her that his eyes were naturally blue, and that they really didn't change his hair. Only his face had been altered, along with his fingerprints.
So now, she realized, she was carrying the baby of a man who was literally deceased. In all aspects, Michael Long was dead.
She sighed again and turned the set off. Idly she reached over to the table and had picked up the phone. She dialed the number that would put her in touch with Kitt before realizing exactly what she was doing. When it began to ring, she came to her senses and slammed the phone down.
What was she doing? She had almost slipped up and given away her location! She missed the car terribly, missed her job, missed California, and yes, missed Michael. Why was she here instead of with him? Not for the first time, she began to doubt her choice.
Did she really know that he had used her? Did she even give him the chance to explain? Did she even owe him that much?
All questions and no answers. The answers were stuck in California. She got up from the sofa and moved away from the temptation of the phone. She wasn't going to call him.
She needed a distraction, one to pull her away from this depth of loneliness that was trying to crush her. Deciding that a trip to the local mall might help, she picked up her keys and purse and headed out the door. In the worse case scenario she would just end up spending a bunch of money on stuff she really didn't need. It had to be better than sitting around her apartment pining away for a man that she could never have again.
With a false smile on her face, she locked the apartment door and headed towards her car. She could do this, she thought. She could be happy even in the middle of nowhere.
Loneliness & Doubts
Michael walked along the vacant stretch of beach, letting the wind toss his hair askew. Kitt was parked near the water's edge, waiting patiently for his driver. Every few moments a wave would break and roll upon the shore where it would just stop at the edge of the tires.
Michael bent down and picked up a stray seashell, before straightening up to toss it back into the ocean. He had come out here many times when he needed to think, and usually it would help him. He didn't know if it was the calmness of the ocean or just the fact that he was out from under the pressures of life that would do it. Either way, he would end his walk with a clearer mind and a purpose to fulfill.
He knew already that he had done wrong by Bonnie. She didn't need his arguments, or his anger. She had needed him and he had failed her. His own sense of judgment had been off that day, and by the time he had cooled down enough, she had been gone.
He did go looking for her but he ran into a brick wall. A very solid wall named Devon Miles. Devon had done nothing short of blast the hell out of him and Michael had agreed with every word that had been said. Devon had refused to let Michael see Bonnie, stating that she really needed to rest and she had been upset enough that day.
He had given Michael some sound advice and a three week vacation to get his life back together. Michael almost hadn't gone, but he knew Bonnie needed some time away from him as well. He had done enough damage on that front. He didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had.
He decided to take the time allotted to him to let things settle down. Once he returned, he would sit down with Bonnie and apologize. He really did love her, and now that he was getting used to the fact that he was going to be a father, he was actually beginning to enjoy it.
He closed his eyes and let the sun warm his face while he imagined a day three months from now. Bonnie would be sitting in a bed, a tiny bundle cradled to her chest. Michael would come over and sit beside them. He would lean down and place a gentle kiss on a sweet smelling, peach fuzz covered head. It would be either his son or his daughter. His child.
Automatically his eyes opened and he raised one hand to touch the cheek Bonnie had slapped. Oh, he had deserved that one. How could he ever doubt her? She was his life, his heart, his very soul. When he thought of what he had said to her that day, he felt lower than low.
The wind blew off the ocean and brought his thoughts back to today. It was the last day of his vacation and he was looking forward to going back home. He only hoped that Bonnie would accept his apologies and forgive him.
He had reached the end of his walk and went to perch on the prow of the car. Kitt had been an invaluable friend during this time. He had listened to Michael and offered no judgments of his own. "Kitt?"
"Yes, Michael?"
"I've been thinking a lot lately, and this baby is going to change a lot of things. We are going to have to make accommodations."
The scanner swished once. "What kind of accommodations?"
Michael smiled. "Well, a baby car seat for one. Maybe some 'baby on board' signs in the rear window?"
The response he got was exactly what he had expected. "The car seat I will allow, but Michael are the signs really necessary? Is it customary to announce there is a baby in the car for everyone to see?"
Michael chuckled. "Yes, Kitt. It's like having a neon sign that states, 'I'm a proud daddy' to everyone that looks."
"Really, Michael." Kitt deadpanned. "I don't think any type of signs, neon or otherwise, serve any useful purpose."
"Just be glad I won't write on your windows like some people do." He snickered at a visual of Kitt driving down the road with 'It's a boy' or 'It's a girl' handwritten in large shoe-polish letters on the rear window.
"I shudder to think of it." A pause, then, "You wouldn't, would you?"
Michael smiled. "No, buddy, I wouldn't." He patted the hood once. "What say we leave this sandy place and head on home? I'm pretty sure I have one really ticked off lady to apologize and grovel to by now."
In response Kitt fired up the engine. "Yes, Michael. Going home sounds like a great idea. The salt water is corroding my chassis."
Michael was still grinning as he slid behind the wheel. "You say that every time we come out here, Kitt. So far no one has seen any damage."
"Would you prefer that I say that I have sand in my trunk?"
At that thought, Michael broke out into full laughter. A mental image of Kitt wearing bathing trunks and dancing around the beach trying to shake out sand had inserted itself into Michael's mind. He laughed so hard that he had to wipe away a tear. "No, Kitt, I don't think that would be necessary."
"Very well, Michael. I don't see what is so funny though."
Michael had to push the thought completely away before he started up again. "Some day, buddy, maybe I'll tell you." He shifted into drive and pulled away from the beach, leaving only the tire tracks that said he had once been here as he headed for home.
"What the hell do you mean, 'She's gone?' Where did she go?" Michael stood in front of Devon's desk, ignoring the fact that the head of FLAG had been on the phone.
Devon made his apologies and disconnected the call, placing the receiver gently back into the cradle. "Michael, please, raising your voice isn't necessary. I can hear you quite well without the extra volume."
Michael clenched his hands into fists. He took a deep breath and released it. "Where is Bonnie?" He asked the question slowly and made his meaning very clear.
Devon sighed. He really wasn't in the mood for a confrontation right now. His day had been bad enough dealing with the Board of Directors and trying to get April back on the project. It wasn't as easy as just calling her up and having her move back. She had secured a job with a rather prestigious company developing onboard computer technology for military aircraft and civilian planes. It had taken him a whole week to find her, and it was taking even longer to try to get her to come back.
He looked to where Michael was standing, his body tight as a rod, demanding an answer to his question. "Bonnie has gone, Michael. She has left FLAG." He sighed and picked up a pen to sign some papers that he had pushed aside weeks ago. He had just barely put the pen to the paper when it was snatched from his grip.
"Where did she go?" Michael asked again, keeping the pen from Devon's reaching hand. "Why did she leave? I want answers, Devon, and I mean to get them."
Devon could see that Michael was determined, but what he didn't know was that Bonnie had requested her privacy be protected. He stood up and walked around his desk, knowing the paperwork would not be finished today. As he stood in front of Michael, he stated very clearly, "She is somewhere safe, and requested no contact at this time from you. She is endeavoring to straighten out her life, and she stated that she would be unable to do that if she kept her employment at FLAG."
"Dammit, Devon, she's carrying my child! I need to see her!" He threw the pen back on the desk and made a move to grab the older man by the very shirt he wore and shake him until the answers fell out. One look from the man told him if he tried it, he just might be sorry. Michael pounded the desk instead in frustration.
Devon placed one hand gently on Michael's arm. He found that when dealing with the younger man, sometimes patience was a virtue. "Michael, if and when she wants you to see her, she will contact you."
Michael brushed off the hand. "Like hell she will." He turned and headed for the door, stopping only for a moment to call over his shoulder, "I love her, Devon, more than anything else in this world. I love her and the baby she's got. I mean to find her, no matter what it takes." He then stormed out of the room, not even giving Devon a chance to reply.
Devon rubbed at his temples. Young people always gave him headaches, and Michael was no exception to that rule. He knew that with Kitt on Michael's side, it wouldn't take long to track down Bonnie. He just hoped that she would be ready to deal with him when the inevitable occurred.
Bonnie breathed a sigh of relief as she sat in the doctor's office and he reviewed the results of her amniocentesis test with her. She had been scared of what it might show, as she wasn't exactly in her 20's and getting pregnant. She was older, and with age and pregnancy, came certain risks.
The doctor had advised her that the test was necessary to check for Down's Syndrome, spina bifida, and many other rare or inherited diseases. The needle he had used was long and thin, and the whole procedure was quite routine.
She was just glad that the results came back negative on all counts. Her baby was healthy.
She thanked the doctor and set up her next appointment, then left the office. She missed her visits with Dr. Hunter, but being halfway across the nation, it wasn't practical for her to see him.
Not knowing much about Michael's family history had prompted her to check into all aspects of any birth defects she could think of. Every time, the baby proved to be healthy and thriving.
Which is more than she was doing right now. She had moved back to her hometown and had gotten a small apartment near her family. They had wanted her to move right in, but she had declared that she really needed her space, and didn't want to feel crowded. FLAG had set her up with a nice sized compensation check, and she had promised Devon that if she was ever in financial difficulty she would call him.
Devon had indeed made the arrangements and although he was sad to see her leave, he could understand her reasons behind it. She promised to keep in touch with him and told him he could visit anytime. She also had him promise to keep her location private for the time being.
Now she was wondering if that had been a wise move. She was constantly lonely, and most nights she would cry herself to sleep. If not for the new life she was carrying, she would wonder why she ever thought she could do this alone.
She was miserable and missed Michael terribly, but she wasn't going to make the call that her heart so desperately wanted her to make. She knew he didn't love her, didn't want her or her baby. Yet, she still loved him and knew that it would take time for her to learn to live alone.
She could feel the baby moving now, and wished she could share the simple joy of it with someone. She did call Devon once and spent over and hour on the phone telling him all about what the baby had been doing. She felt a bit silly afterwards but he had seemed genuinely happy that she had called.
She knew she didn't have much time left, for the next three months were going to pass in a blur of activity and preparation. She had many decisions to make and some she didn't know if she could make by herself.
Sooner or later, she knew she would have to call Michael and face him once the baby was born. They would have to set up some sort of arrangement through the courts that would allow him to relinquish his much unwanted rights to the baby so she would never have to worry about him later asking for custody.
As if, she thought. She wondered how she could ever have thought he loved her, how her natural instincts had been tricked. Michael probably had a woman in every city he visited. He was probably on vacation now with a bevy of skinny bikini-clad blondes hanging off his arms. Why would he even think of her and her overweight body now?
She left her car and entered her apartment, stopping once before the mirror in the hallway to look at her reflection. Her normally slim frame was definitely showing the signs of pregnancy. It still seemed strange to her that the lump in the mirror was attached to her body.
She closed the door behind her and locked it. After retrieving a light lunch she sat in front of her television to watch a movie on the women's channel. She knew better than to watch those films, but somehow the dramas and the feelings they evoked in her was better than thinking of her real life and the headaches involved in it.
Sometimes the movies would make her cry, but mostly they made her realize she was lucky to have some people in her life that cared. Her mother would stop by almost every night to check on her. Her sister would call, and take her out shopping for new things to buy for the baby. Devon would check on her to see if everything was going fine, and make sure she wasn't without a single thing she needed.
She had everything she needed. Well, everything that was, except the love of the man she so craved. She wondered idly if the baby would look like him, and then thought that once the baby was born, she wouldn't know. She had never seen pictures of Michael Long, and didn't know what he had looked like before his surgery. He had told her once that waking up and finding his own face gone was one of the most frightening things he had ever had to deal with. He said that it had taken him months to get used to seeing a stranger in the mirror.
He had told her that his eyes were naturally blue, and that they really didn't change his hair. Only his face had been altered, along with his fingerprints.
So now, she realized, she was carrying the baby of a man who was literally deceased. In all aspects, Michael Long was dead.
She sighed again and turned the set off. Idly she reached over to the table and had picked up the phone. She dialed the number that would put her in touch with Kitt before realizing exactly what she was doing. When it began to ring, she came to her senses and slammed the phone down.
What was she doing? She had almost slipped up and given away her location! She missed the car terribly, missed her job, missed California, and yes, missed Michael. Why was she here instead of with him? Not for the first time, she began to doubt her choice.
Did she really know that he had used her? Did she even give him the chance to explain? Did she even owe him that much?
All questions and no answers. The answers were stuck in California. She got up from the sofa and moved away from the temptation of the phone. She wasn't going to call him.
She needed a distraction, one to pull her away from this depth of loneliness that was trying to crush her. Deciding that a trip to the local mall might help, she picked up her keys and purse and headed out the door. In the worse case scenario she would just end up spending a bunch of money on stuff she really didn't need. It had to be better than sitting around her apartment pining away for a man that she could never have again.
With a false smile on her face, she locked the apartment door and headed towards her car. She could do this, she thought. She could be happy even in the middle of nowhere.