THE PURPOSE: The purpose of this fanfiction is to strike out against any and all authors who think they know how to write. In a few moments, you are about to delve into the work known as YU-GI-OH! FANFICTION FOR DUMMIES. This stupid hunk of prose is designed to instruct, with thoughtful, brief examples, what NOT to do when writing a fanfiction. I chose Yu-Gi-Oh as my guinea pig because...well, because I'm the author! And thus the reason a bad author should read this. If ya loves it, review. If ya hates it, review. If ya don'ts care, review anyway.
BY Helldragon4000
CHAPTER ONE: Liquid Intro-gen
The wise author writes an introductory scene in order to open the story in an elegant way, not just to add a whole bunch of senseless shit.
The evil genius sat in his standard ominous throne room. All was going as accordingly as planned. His group of evil servants, just like the famous Rare Hunters, but better because they were still here, awaited his commands. Right now, most of them were out searching for the secret Blue Eyes White Dragons. Apparently, some fool fucked up at Industrial Illusions and printed seven more copies of the card, as well as seventy two Toon Worlds, and shipped these cards into booster packs. This was a good thing, however-the evil genius had planned this all along. Using the power of his Millenium Amulet, he took over the company. One look and Maximillion Pegasus practically gave the deed to him. It was like fate had planned it...
A sharp voice interrupted the evil genius' thoughts. "Master..."
"What is it, Snivelly? You know that thanks to my Millenium Amulet, I possess the powers of all seven Millenium Items in one handy package. You know that I can read your mind and can see you coming even before you woke up this morning. You know that I know what you know. But, just for plot structure, tell me what is it you want to say."
The servant stepped foward, hunching over due to the massive hump on his back. "Master, we've found seven more Millenium Items hidden in a vault in Egypt. As you predicted. We've sent them to toy stores everywhere in the world."
"Excellent." The evil genius stood, cloaked in a flowing black robe similar to that of the Rare Hunters. "As the youngsters who buy those Items use them, their power will grow, only to have my Rarity Seekers located them and take them for me. What else?"
"We've also located a whole new set of Egyptian God cards. However, Ishizu Ishtar found them before we could get them. She's asked Seto Kaiba to throw another tournament and gave him the card known as Dragon Left."
The evil genius arched an eyebrow. "Are you sure that's an Egyptian God card?"
"That's what this newspaper article says." Snivelly produced a crumpled piece of paper. "Just found-three extremely powerful, devestating, almost indestructible Duel Monster cards. They are like the Egyptian God cards only better because they're still here. If anyone wants them, please come to the Battle City 2 tournament sponsored by Kaiba Corporation and the folks who make Ovaltine." Snivelly placed the article back inside of his robe.
"So, Ishizu," the evil genius drawled, "my twice-removed stepmother, you are trying to stop me from taking what I desire. The power of the pharoah will be mine, despite your feeble efforts. And once I have the power of the pharoah, and the fourteen Millenium Items, I'll be able to revive my brother from the clutches of death itself!" The evil genius sat once more on his dark throne. "Shadi truly believed that I would use my Amulet for good. He actually bought my lie. Little did he realize that I always do the opposite of what I promise!" Here the evil genius pointed to a brutish henchman of his, who had instantly appeared out of nowhere. "Now, retrieve Yugi Moto for me, and I promise that I will not kill him endlessly!"
"Who?" asked the henchman, being dense as he was.
The evil genius pointed to another henchman, one who wore glasses and thus was really smart. "Fantasitc Four-Eyes, find Yugi Moto and bring him to me!"
Four-Eyes grinned evilly, fondling his heavy encyclopedia. "I will not cease in my endeavors to capture the adolescent child titled as Yugi Moto, my lordship!" Smiling, the evil genius turned away, ignoring Four-Eyes as he picked one of his many pimples.
"Now nothing will stop me!" the evil genius declared. "As nothing will stop me from destroying the Jews, Gypsies, Russian-Slavs, and telemarketers in World War Two! For I am...!"
Here a cresendo of notes played (out of nowhere) as the evil genius threw back his hood.
"ADOLF HITLER!"
At once, the servants cried "Heil Hitler!"
Note: This chapter is copyright Nazi Incorporated 2003.
Now, what was wrong in this chapter?
A. The evil genius had too much power.
B. There were a whole new set of Egyptian God cards, Blue Eyes White Dragons, and Toon Worlds.
C. Roger de Bris was not present.
If you guessed C, you're correct! The entire scene would have been much better if Gary Beach of The Producers played the role of Adolf Hitler.
Tune in next time to YU-GI-OH! FANFICTION FOR DUMMIES, when we examine Chapter Two: Bad Plots of Land.