Title - Not Just A Lowlife Jerk
By - PheonixFireBlack
Summary - One-shot. Sawyer-centric. Yes, I know. He's an ass, but he's
an interesting character and we all love him. Sort of just a look
inside his head and how he might really be.
Genre - General
Category - Lost
Feedback - Please? begs and grovelsI'll love you forever!
Critisism - I'd love it if you have it!
Disclaimer - I don't own anything. Life sucks. I'll go cry now.
Notes - No idea what to say about this one. All I know is that I love
Sawyer. He rocks my (most of the time) invisible socks! lol! Anyway,
yeah, I decided I would do this because it came to my brain. And when
things knock at my brain, they don't go away.
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Not Just A Lowlife Jerk
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The people on this island think they know me. They think they know what I'm really like. Well, they don't know shit. They don't know anything about me at all. Except the front that I put on. And not all of them even know me well enough to see that. I'm just glad no one's seen through it yet. I know before we leave this blasted place someone will....and then they'll try to tell everyone else that I'm not as much of a jackass as I seem to be. But I'll deny it. I can't have anyone knowing it's just a cover. If any of these people knew the real me, they'd be scared shitless.
It's kind of hard, though, keeping the facade up. I just want to let it fall, but I can't. These people have already got a certain perception of me and if I go off and change all the sudden, they're going to think something's up. And I can't afford that. I have to keep this up, for my own sake. And for their sakes. If I was the real me with them, these people would hate me even more than they do now.
I know this fake sense of self isn't the best way to go about things, but I have to do it. I have to protect myself. We've all got our own secrets here, right? Well....maybe I'll be the only one to keep mine to myself. I doubt it. Something's going to happen and I'm going to end up forgetting about the false me. And someone's going to be around for it. And ask me about it. And when that happens, I won't be able to stop myself from answering their questions.
A little bit about the real me: I am a jerk, but only when someone pisses me off or when I'm nervous, which isn't exactly a great time to be a jerk.... Sarcasm actually is a part of my normal daily life. And the rest, I figure you'll find out in time. This isn't supposed to be some kind of auto-biography or something.
I know that sometime soon, someone will find out. They'll point the facade out to everyone, but even without my denying it, not many would believe it. They all think they know me so well. As if I'm so easy to read. I'm no open book. You want an open book, go for the constantly bitching Shannon. God, she's annoying. We're all stuck her, princess! It's not just you!
I've got to go do something more constructive with my time. I don't like sitting around, thinking and dwelling over things that shouldn't be thought over for too long. This is one of those things. Maybe I can even get that gun back and kill another bear from Bear Village.
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End Not Just A Lowlife Jerk
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Notes - Oh my God! Swayer really isn't such an ass?! Or is he..... Maybe I made him lie to us all. LOL! No, seriously, though. What did you think? Let me know, puh-leeeaasssseee!
Drop me a line!
Later days,
-PFB-