I own nothing, Not even myself. sigh. On with the story!
Harry Potter and the Meaning of Life
Book Six
Chapter Six
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny all shoved into a carriage that was drawn by those funky horses and went on up to Hogwarts.
"I wonder who'll be teaching defence against the dark arts?" said Hermione.
"As long as it's not Umbridge, I don't give a flying fuck," said Ron.
There followed an awkward and uncomfortable silence in which everyone shifted in their seats.
They were thankful to get out and go to the great hall so they didn't have to sit in silence anymore.
After the whole school sat down, Dumbledore stood up and tapped his wand against a cup. Most people stopped talking. Dumbly cleared his throat.
"Now, as you know Lord Voldemort (most people gasped at this) is at large. There is no reason to be afraid, but I've cancelled Hogsmeade trips just to be on the safe side. (everyone made pissed off noises after this was said.) The Minister for magic has decided to post some aurors around the school and you should just treat them as if they are not there because if you annoy them in any way they could very easily BLOW YOUR SORRY BRAINS OUT!!! (several people jumped when Dumbly yelled.) As you know the Forbidden Forrest is forbidden, hence the name. Professors Hagrid and Trelawny have been reinstated as teachers and I ask you to please give a warm welcome to our new defence against the dark arts teacher all the way from Australia, Professor Sheila Jones."
The hall burst into a polite applause as Professor Jones stood up. Anything Harry had learnt about Australians was from watching Neighbours. As the new teacher sat down, Harry grinned to himself evilly. Australian birds were always good looking and easy.
"Now," said Dumbledore as the applause died down, "I regret to inform you that several wizarding families have experience losses as a result of Lord Voldemort's rampaging." He cleared his throat and waited for a few people to stop crying and blow their noses. Most of the people crying hadn't actually lost any family members: they were just drama queens. "On a more cheerful note, I'd like to hand over to Professor McGonagal for the sorting."
Harry blanked out during the sorting. When it was over he sat up and grabbed his knife and fork, ready to eat, but to his disappointment, Dumbly said:
"Could the school please stand to sing the school song."
After eating McGonagal called Harry over 'for a little chat.'
"As you know, Harry," she began, "there is a lot riding on you at the moment."
Harry stifled a laugh as he misinterpreted his teacher
"The headmaster (more stifled laughter) wants you to be prepared for what comes, so he's arranging for you to be tutored in the dark arts by Professor Jones."
Score, thought Harry as he trudged back up to the Griffindor dorm. There was a build up of people as Hermione pushed her way to the front.
"I'm a prefect, excuse me, and I know the password." She said shoving her way to the fat lady.
"Helianthus Annuus," she recited and the fat lady swung open. The first years made excited oohs and aahs as they entered and were directed to their dorms by Ron and Hermione and Harry made his way to his own four poster bed, sat down and farted loudly.
"Nice one," complimented Dean.
"Excellent," remarked Neville, applauding.
"Good," said Seamus, "but I'd like you to get a load of this." Seamus farted as on;y he could and soon everyone was gasping for air with their head sticking out the window.
"What died in here?" asked Ron, waving his hand in front of his nose. "By the way, Harry, as captain of the Quidditch team, what are you going to do about players?"
Harry Potter and the Meaning of Life
Book Six
Chapter Six
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny all shoved into a carriage that was drawn by those funky horses and went on up to Hogwarts.
"I wonder who'll be teaching defence against the dark arts?" said Hermione.
"As long as it's not Umbridge, I don't give a flying fuck," said Ron.
There followed an awkward and uncomfortable silence in which everyone shifted in their seats.
They were thankful to get out and go to the great hall so they didn't have to sit in silence anymore.
After the whole school sat down, Dumbledore stood up and tapped his wand against a cup. Most people stopped talking. Dumbly cleared his throat.
"Now, as you know Lord Voldemort (most people gasped at this) is at large. There is no reason to be afraid, but I've cancelled Hogsmeade trips just to be on the safe side. (everyone made pissed off noises after this was said.) The Minister for magic has decided to post some aurors around the school and you should just treat them as if they are not there because if you annoy them in any way they could very easily BLOW YOUR SORRY BRAINS OUT!!! (several people jumped when Dumbly yelled.) As you know the Forbidden Forrest is forbidden, hence the name. Professors Hagrid and Trelawny have been reinstated as teachers and I ask you to please give a warm welcome to our new defence against the dark arts teacher all the way from Australia, Professor Sheila Jones."
The hall burst into a polite applause as Professor Jones stood up. Anything Harry had learnt about Australians was from watching Neighbours. As the new teacher sat down, Harry grinned to himself evilly. Australian birds were always good looking and easy.
"Now," said Dumbledore as the applause died down, "I regret to inform you that several wizarding families have experience losses as a result of Lord Voldemort's rampaging." He cleared his throat and waited for a few people to stop crying and blow their noses. Most of the people crying hadn't actually lost any family members: they were just drama queens. "On a more cheerful note, I'd like to hand over to Professor McGonagal for the sorting."
Harry blanked out during the sorting. When it was over he sat up and grabbed his knife and fork, ready to eat, but to his disappointment, Dumbly said:
"Could the school please stand to sing the school song."
After eating McGonagal called Harry over 'for a little chat.'
"As you know, Harry," she began, "there is a lot riding on you at the moment."
Harry stifled a laugh as he misinterpreted his teacher
"The headmaster (more stifled laughter) wants you to be prepared for what comes, so he's arranging for you to be tutored in the dark arts by Professor Jones."
Score, thought Harry as he trudged back up to the Griffindor dorm. There was a build up of people as Hermione pushed her way to the front.
"I'm a prefect, excuse me, and I know the password." She said shoving her way to the fat lady.
"Helianthus Annuus," she recited and the fat lady swung open. The first years made excited oohs and aahs as they entered and were directed to their dorms by Ron and Hermione and Harry made his way to his own four poster bed, sat down and farted loudly.
"Nice one," complimented Dean.
"Excellent," remarked Neville, applauding.
"Good," said Seamus, "but I'd like you to get a load of this." Seamus farted as on;y he could and soon everyone was gasping for air with their head sticking out the window.
"What died in here?" asked Ron, waving his hand in front of his nose. "By the way, Harry, as captain of the Quidditch team, what are you going to do about players?"