I own very little. The characters mentioned in this story are not my possessions.

Harry Potter and the Meaning of Life

Book Six

Chapter Nine

(Wow I've written 9 chapters!!! I bet JK has only written eight and a half)

"Like, omygawd! I'm so nervous!" said Harry to Ron the next morning

"Me too," said Ron. "The Slytherins are always tough."

"I'd rather we had an easier opponent for our first game," said Harry.

"I recon it's better to get the hardest one out of the way first," replied Ron.

At the Griffindor table the team sat having breakfast. Harry took the role.

"Jim Beam, James Boag, Sam Buca, Jack Daniels, Harry Potter, oh, that's me! Ginny Weasley and Ron. Ok, we're all here. Has everyone had enough to eat?"

"Yes," came the team's response.

"Alright, let's go," said Harry, over zealously.

The team trudged down to the Quidditch pitch.

"Omygawd!" exclaimed Ron, "It's Remus again!"

"Omygawd, you're right," exclaimed the others.

"I wonder why he's been hanging around here so often," wondered Harry aloud.

"Maybe he's having an affair with Tonks," suggested Jack.

"Uh, no," Jack was shot down by Sam. "Who'd have an affair with him?"

"Tonks?!?" exclaimed Harry, "but she's such a prude!"

"That's exactly why it's not true," said Sam. "You see Jack, if Harry says it's not true, it's not true."

They arrived at their changing room. There was something up with it.

"If the change room's rockin' then don't come knockin'" said Ron.

"Yuck!" exclaimed the team. Harry opened the door

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! OMYGAWD!!!!!!!! CHILD ABUSE!!!!!! NASSSSSSTY!!!!!!! FUCK OFF!!!!! EEEEEEEWWW!!!!!" came the team's responses. Harry just stood there with his mouth hanging open.

"I told you not to open the door," said Ron.

"You said not to knock," said Ginny.

"Same shit different bucket," said Ron, shrugging.

"I told you Remus was having an affair with Tonks, but you didn't listen," said Jack.

Yes, the Griffindor Quidditch team had walked in on Tonks and Remus bonking in their change room. Ewwie! Tonks and Remus, by this time, had dressed and were in the processes of sneaking away when Harry stopped them.

"You disgust me," he yelled.

They ran.

The two teams stood on the pitch, greasing each other off. No matter how nice they were to each other off the pitch, Draco was too passionate about Quidditch to let them win.

Madam Hooch walked into the centre of the ground, the box of balls tucked under her arm and the whistle in her mouth.

The players braced themselves.

Hooch put the box down.

Someone cracked their knuckles.

Hooch opened the lid.

Someone else cracked their knuckles.

Hooch cracked her knuckles.

The crowed sat on the edge of their seats, quivering with anticipation.

Someone sneezed.

Hooch released the snitch and the bludgers.

She grabbed the quaffle, threw it into the air and blew her whistle.

The game had begun.

"Griffindor claims possession of the quaffle and it's Boag, Daniels, Weasley and back to Boag again. Daniels has it now, he's going to, he's gonna do it, HE SCORES!!!" As Lee Jordan was no longer available for commentary, Seamus had taken over. This suited him fine, because he never shut up. "Slytherin in possession now, ouch! Griffindor have the quaffle again thanks to a vicious move from Weasley!"

Harry zoned out and focussed all his energy on finding the snitch.

Draco gracefully drifted next to him. Harry turned away.

"Find me the snitch, Potter, and you can have any one you want," came Draco's drawling voice.

"Anyone?" said Harry, thinking of Cho.

"Anyone."

Harry looked around. He saw it. He tuned back into the commentary.

"And Griffindor lead, by two hundred and ten points!"

"It's just there," said Harry pointing.

Draco dived and Harry followed.

"Malfoy is in pursuit of the snitch, with Potter close behind, it's going to be a tight one, but it's... Malfoy. Damn!!! Wait, it doesn't matter, Griffindor win by sixty points!!!!!"