DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything you recognize. If you actually attempt to learn anything from this fanfiction, and are sadly disappointed, it's not my fault. Well, it kinda is, but you get the idea.

THE PURPOSE: The purpose of this fanfiction is to strike out against any and all self-centered authors who think they know how to write. In a few moments, you are about to delve into the work known as YU-GI-OH! FANFICTION FOR DUMMIES. This stupid hunk of prose is designed to demonstrate, with thoughtful, brief examples, what NOT to do when writing a fanfiction. I chose Yu-Gi-Oh as my guinea pig because...well, because I'm the author! And thus the reason a bad author should read this. If ya loves it, review. If ya hates it, review. If ya don'ts care, review anyway.

A/N: I've been writing stuff since Ivan the Bastard struck my good state, so that means I'm ahead of schedule at least for a little bit! Might as well exploit natural disasters for profit...

YU-GI-OH! FANFICTION FOR DUMMIES!

By The Helldragon

"Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR."-Mark Twain

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE: We Meet Again For The First Time For The Last Time!

It was the next day of whatever day it was yesterday. The entire group-at last check, it consisted of Yugi Moto, Tea Gardner, Tristan Taylor, Joey Wheeler, Matt Willard, Mai Valentine, Ryou Bakura, Kai Kaethen, Yoh Asikura, and those single-named people like Yami, Morty, Amidamaru, Frog, and Sephiroth (whose first name was Safer, but he went with his last name for that reason)-sat around a very large round table in a well-to-do restaurant. They were gathering their strength for the looming Battle City Two finals three days away.

This meant excessive gorging. For the first twenty minutes, the company ravaged their dishes, and it was only when seconds were coming around did Yugi finally speak to his friends. "We have a big job ahead, guys."

"Dat's right!" Joey said, his words muffled by a tremendous bite of hamburger. "We gotta kick Hitler and Lavos!"

"It won't be easy," Sephiroth said. The ShinRa general calmly took a sip from his cup of sake. "Hitler has the most powerful Millennium Item of all, and Lavos was bred to be a total engine of destruction."

Frog nodded. "'Tis true. Lavos shalt absorb the best traits from every species on thy planet, further increasing its might. If we are to defeat it, we must work together."

"Well, it's good that I'm here, then," Matt beamed in the midst of his pizza. "My elemental powers will do wonders in wasting Lavos's pointy ass."

Kai's fork jabbed at his tortellini. "Do you think that'll be enough? I mean, we have Sephiroth, Frog, Matt-"

"Don't forget Yoh and Amidamaru!" Morty chimed in.

"-and Yoh and Amidamaru," Kai continued. "But come on! Lavos is HUGE! How are we going to destroy it?"

Tristan left his cheeseburger to ponder Kai's words. "Well…The Helldragon said his power would protect us from Lavos outside of the dueling ring. Maybe we gotta duel him as well?"

"How do you duel a giant shellfish, genius?" Tea snapped, smacking Tristan.

"HEY! That's my job!" Matt said, also smacking Tristan.

"We're not going to DUEL Lavos," Ryou interrupted, whose dish was clear and did not order again. "Think about it. We're obviously involved in a freakishly weird scenario, right?"

"When are we not?" Yami asked.

"Maybe," Ryou theorized, "our warriors can attack Lavos while the duelists can support them by casting magic and summoning monsters! Sorta like a Shadow Game, but not as dark!"

Amidamaru rose from a pull of Sierra Mist. "He has a point. We'll have to use every possible advantage and some we haven't even thought of, so why not cards?"

"And," Yugi added, "The Helldragon promised us new and powerful cards for our decks."

"Really?" Mai said. She produced her deck after wiping her delicate hands. "Let's see what we got."

All other duelists followed suit, and soon, they were discovering unique additions. Matt produced a card proudly. "OOH! I got Particle-Accelerator Cannon!"

"I got Hidden Power!" said Yugi.

"I got a rock!" said Joey, holding up a rock.

Kai looked at his new cards, and then to Matt. "I hope we duel each other in the finals, Matt. I want to see what kind of strategy you can serve up."

"Yeah, I've been looking for an excuse to waste your ass," the elemental replied. "I'm waiting for it."

Yugi smiled. "Well, that settles it!" He stood before the group. "Three days from now, we'll all fight together, and Hitler will be defeated!"

"SHOW 'EM MY MOT-TO!" Tristan declared.

All present threw their fists toward the center of the table. "All for one, and everyone for himself!"

Yoh frowned. "But gee, who pays the bill?"

(Some time later...)

Seto Kaiba scoffed. "When the hell did I order a three hundred dollar dinner?!"

Particle-Accelerator Cannon and Hidden Power are some of my own cards. As you can expect, they are freakishly overbalanced. Sorta.

Now, what's wrong with this chapter?

A. It is clearly an inprobable situation for all of these characters to be gathered together at one place.
B. Seto Kaiba got stuck with the bill when he wasn't even there.
C. HA HA! KAIBA GOT STUCK WITH THE BILL!

If you guessed C, you're right! Kaiba's got enough dough, so let's help him spend it a little!

Tune in next time to YU-GI-OH! FANFICTION FOR DUMMIES, when we go in search of Chapter Twenty-Two: Crappy West Side Story.