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Chapter Five: Memory Lane

"I am going to penetrate your thoughts, allowing me access to your memories. Your task is to close your mind against me. I will not be easy. You may use any means you can to keep me from breaking your concentration."

"When do we start?" Hermione kept her composure as well as she could, but inside she was shaking. She took a deep breath and as if pushing her fears away, she waited, wand right out in front of her.

"Legilimens." His voice was soft, yet commanding. Scenes began to form in his mind, taking over his own thoughts.

She raised her hand as a first year, wishing to show this intimidating stranger that she knew the answer, desperate to prove she could succeed. Her enthusiasm dropped like a bomb when he refused to look her in the eye. She raced up the stairs and set his robe on fire, and then disappeared again. She was adding ingredients to the simmering potion at her feet. Those are mine! And what the hell is she doing, brewing potions in the bathroom? His thoughts tore in, breaking the connection.

She stood before him, looking him in the eye, waiting for him to say something.

"What potion were you brewing, may I ask?" His voice was deathly soft. When she didn't reply, he continued. "I merely need to utter a single word to access your thoughts until it comes to surface, and considering it is the topic on hand, it will not take very much time." He knew perfectly well what those ingredients were needed for, but he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of getting away with stealing.

"It was the Polyjuice Potion. We were using it to turn ourselves into Crabbe, Goyle, and Bulstrode to see if Malfoy was the Heir of Slytherin. I was accidentally turned myself partially into Millicent's cat, and landed a trip to the hospital wing. You can expel me now." Her voice taunted slightly, knowing Dumbledore would allow no such thing at this point.

"It would be more worth my time if we continued with this. It will help you block yourself from the curse." He kept his face indifferent, not wanting to give her the satisfaction that she had considerable skill and her foolishness was rather amusing to him.

"Alright." Hermione was disappointed she hadn't gotten a reaction from him, and before she could think of blocking herself from his spell, she was captivated again.

Hermione left Lupin's class, discouraged. She hadn't gotten a chance to repel the boggart. Her friends wouldn't talk to her because of her cat, and she sat in Hagrid's cabin, wishing that she's sympathized with Ron. She worked into the countless hours of the morning, watching Harry fail at the Summoning Charm again and again. She began to explain to Neville the components of yet another potion, to be reprimanded by Snape. Her temper flared. Here she was, being bossed around by her arrogant professor. She let her anger fly right back into his face. "Legilimens." He wasn't expecting this.

Lily Evans pushed her cart faster. "You'll always be a good for nothing bitch!" Her sister called after her. She flipped her off, and got on the Hogwarts Express. "Hello Severus." She smiled, a lovely smile. He glared at her, not wanting attention from the beautiful, off limits muggle born. His father would hear about his lust for her from Lucius anyway...Lily watched him practice his charms, and approached him. "It's like this, Severus." she demonstrated, guiding his hand through the movements. He jerked away. "Don't look at me like that, I'm only helping." He hated the idea that someone who saw a better person in him was forbidden. He wanted more than anything to tell her he loved her, he didn't deserve her kindness, but he resorted to bitterness instead...He writhed under the Cruciatus, his abdomen on fire, his head stuck in a vice. He refused to open his mouth. He had to hold on. There was no way he would betray the Potters, after Lily's kindness to him. He had to turn his life around.

She let go of the connection. None of this was meant for her to see. Before Severus could utter a retort, he realized the office door had slammed. She was gone.

He sank into his chair, his head in his hands. He worked for years to hide the memories of Lily Potter. She was the biggest mistake of his life, and he'd tried to bury his memories along with her. How could an almost sixteen year old bring back memories that he'd been hiding for a time period as long as her life? Maybe that was it. Maybe this was his wakeup call. Severus Snape had been living in misery for far too long.

Hermione found him by the edge of the lake, slumped against the tree she'd studied under so many times. His greasy hair was hiding his face, but she didn't need Legilimens to guess who he was crying over. It didn't seem right, witnessing one of Hogwarts' most reserved professors crying under a tree, when he didn't know she was there. She whisked off the invisibility cloak, and sat next to him, careful not to touch him. She didn't know how to help him, but there was nothing worse than going through loss alone. Harry had taught her that much.

Hermione was afraid. She never asked to know what was behind the sallow faced mask of the Potions master. She didn't understand why she was placed with this burden. She didn't know how to handle sorrow any better than she knew how to face every day with her curse. She simply sat there, and let him cry, knowing that whatever happened, she would stay there with him.

"This isn't your fault." He looked up to meet worried brown eyes. Hermione refused to say what her conscience nagged her with: she'd pried, and broken their unspoken contract of respect. It was none of her business what Severus Snape was thinking about.

"Yes, it is." She whispered, not meeting his eyes. Cool hands met her chin, and his bitter expression met hers.

"There is no place for respect in the art of Occlumency. I cannot find a reason for you to blame yourself. There are many things you do not know, Ms. Granger, and one of them is that it isn't healthy to bottle up your emotions for too long. There are faults to Occlumency."

He regarded the young lady in front of him, so far behind his years of suffering and failure, yet willing to take the blame for his problems. Mr. Potter was lucky to have her as a friend. He wondered how much she bore for him over the years, and how much of his temper she'd handled. She had to be one of the most loyal people he'd met. She reminded him so much of Lily.

"We've missed dinner." She stated simply.

"And you aren't supposed to be outside." She slid on the cloak, and he brushed off his robes. They headed back into the hall together, and she held the door for him. He was embarrassed by her gesture, and grumbled, but secretly he was pleased.

It didn't take Moody's magical eye to see that a connection had bridged between the two. Snape knew it wasn't healthy to live in dreams, but she was everything that had been absent since Lily's death. He would do anything to make sure Hermione didn't meet Lily's fate.