It's Canon I Swear

The writer of this fan fic. would like to say sorry to any writers out their who may hereby be offended by this story. They are just one man's opinion. And he will gladly tell each of you that you write better than him. For proof look at his prior stories. Also he owns nothing. And keep writing don't let this stop you. The writer here is just a sick twisted freak.

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The Three Broomstick's was quite this evening, with only four patron gracing the famous Wizarding pub. At the bar set one patron the 16 year old Harry Potter. Harry had another tough day at work. And was currently waiting on his room mate, who had just set down beside him.

"Let me have a bottle of fire whiskey." Spoke the 16 year old version of Neville Longbottom. Neville looked his tired eyes over at Harry. And Asked the Question he already knew the answer to. " So how was work?"

"Shitty like always. I mean you would think after book five that it would be clear the I am straight, but oh no. These people continue to make me suffer through the pain of being in love the Draco Malfoy." Spoke Harry as he angrily slamed his bottle of Butter beer down.

After a brief moment of thought and a shot of whiskey Neville spoke up. " Well, Atlas you get Malfoy. I got this new fic today and they got me bloody snogging Snape. And the worse part about it, if there could be a worse part is that he is a vampire. After J.K. has clearly stated he was not. But do they listen, oh no.

"I got something worse than that on my plate for tomorrow" stated Harry "They got me and Granger together again. I mean come off it already people. It's clear to see that J.K. will shack me up with Ginny, who let me tell you is not the Goddess these writers keep making her."

Neville smiled brightly at harry as he spoke again. " I got you. "Loony" Luna Lovegood. I mean I would take her over your two any day. But, i swear to merlin himself they make her more damn odd by the minute. I swear if i have to listen to another one of her lectures about heliopaths or whatever I am going to go Avada my damn self."

The two boy set in silence for a few minutes each taking drinks of the respected drinks. Harry finally spoke up in a somber tone.

"You know what really arks me, what really pisses me off. Sirius is dead long gone. J.K. has stated but, I'll be damn if I don't have 10 Sirius comes back to life fics waiting on my desk at home. I mean can't these people see I am still bloody grieving over his damn death. One story he is alive and the next he is dead."

" I understand completely one moment my mom and dad are there and the next poof" Spoke Neville who was now swaying from side to side. " But the fics I hate the most is when those no good, rotten, disrespecting, dopes turn me into a Death Eater. I mean do you honestly think I would join up with the people who turn my parents into nut cases or in some story's killed."

Harry let out a laugh that sound more like a cat being hit with Crucio than an actual laugh. He looked at Neville after a few minutes and said. " I got this fic going now where I am a dark lord. And I'm killing everyone. And another where I am Voldemorts right hand man. These people are off there rocker if they think I would ever do that. But, then again they do have me fall in love with the first girl i see in their fics and some even have me married, MARRIED I'm 16 years old."

"I hear you" Neville spat as he rubbed his right ear which harry had just screamed into. " It's the 90's people not the 1800's or 2000. I mean you would think after five bloody books they could get the date straight but alas, NO. and another thing that gets my bloody boiling like a hot fudge sundae on a Saturday, is when they turn me into an Idiot, even in Herbology. My closest rival in that class is Granger. They make so I can't even produce sparks from my wands. I'm getting a new agent soon because i am getting screwed."

" Same here mate" agreed Harry " I read these fics that say my mom used some special charm on me before Voldemort came from me. When J.K. stats all she did was die. I mean hell if he would have went to you first and your mother did for you what mine did for me, you would be the boy-who-lived and my parents would wacky. But, What about these story's that make me the riches person in the world, and Godric's heir? I mean I got 20 of them going right now. I swear if J.K. makes me his heir I will crucio myself crazy. No offence by the way."

"Oh none taking I understand you. It's like when they make me into some poor bum living in some ran down house. I mean for merlins sake I AM A PUREBLOOD. My Mom and Dad were two of the best Aurors in the business. Yet do I get any damn respect hell no."

Harry suddenly started to bang his head against the bar table as he mumbled. " I am getting bloody sick of these Mary sue's and Gary sue's they put in these fics. Each and everyone if a god or Goddess, each and everyone has a secret, each and everyone hangs out with me or Draco. It gets annoying."

"Some of the OC's are pretty good, but the Sue family get on my last nerve. They are so perfect with no flaws." Spoke Nevile while making hand movements to make his point better. " They make them into the brightest person at the school and the best fighter. And they always know more about you than you know about yourself"

The two boys sat quitely each plotting their own plot to kill all the beast that goes by the name Sue.

" You know what they have me doing Friday?" asked Harry. He spoke after Neville shook his head. " Harriet Potter. I have to dress up like a damn girl and prance around Hogwarts like an idiot. What is wrong with these writers minds? I swear if they wrote these books it would sell on one copy. AND THEY WOULD BUY THAT ONE."

" No you are wrong" spoke Neville with a smirk. " If they wrote these books they would still be on book one. Seeing as the majority of them don't know how to finish a story or don't update it for two months. I swear I have no idea why I do this. The pay sucks, the hours are lousy, the girls are idiots, the guys are sick, the Professors keep trying to look up your robes. And to top it off when the author doesn't know what to do with you they kill you, just so they can get a shock value."

Harry and Neville stood up both paying for their drinks as they made their way to the door they waved good by to a fuming 16 year old Tom Riddle and a irate Albus Dumbledore.

"Tell me Harry why in merlins beard do we do it? Day in and day out why do we do it?" asked a downhearted Neville as they stepped out of the pub.

" Well, Neville one reason and one reason only. They always tell us the story will be canon."

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Well, there it is. the Dumbest story you will ever read by the dumbest person you will never meet. For DarklordLongbottom, 16 y/o Neville, Harry, Tom and The old Albus Dumbledore. This is me saying so long and with you may the force be. YODA RULES