Okay I got bored and I did this. So don't worry there will be no more. Lonelysltherinslowlydying gave me an idea of things I forgot about. And hey thanks for the reviews. They were great.
Please Remember I am slightly out of my mind.
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1 week Later
This evening was spent the same like always for Neville and Harry. They sat in the old bar each thinking of the hellish days this week had brought. Neville once again having his bottle of fire whiskey with him, and Harry with his Butter beer. It was awhile before the quite time between the two old friends was broken. Neville had spotted Harry out of the corner of his eye, trying to use wandless crucio on Malfoy.
"Harry, mate? Asked a concerned Neville. Harry gave only the slightest nod that he had heard him. "What are you doing?"
"SUPER HUMAN HARRY FLY AWAY" Screamed Harry as he finally gave up on wandless magic. " Neville, I am getting tired of having to go back in time and become some great super hero. I mean don't they know I can barely even stand in Voldemorts presence. But yet with four chapters of Training I make Merlin himself look like a Squib."
"I never had one of them fics" Stated a sad Neville
"Conceder yourself lucky" Proclaimed Harry " They hardly ever make sense, and the plot, if there is one, or always the same. Must train with the four founders along with Merlin who is also the fifth founder of Hogwarts. Then come back here and beat a pissed off Voldemort with a super Avada Kedarva kick, punch, side-arm through, with a twist."
Neville let out a loud laugh that made a banshee in the room mistake it for their mating call. After fighting off the devil beast, who would only leave if Neville promised he would floo her some time he spoke up.
"I have nothing against a good time travel fic but, I get your point. I mean some of them are good. While others are about as well put together as the American Muggle Legal System."
"Neville you will never guess what my damn agent has signed me up to do next?" Spoke Harry with his head resting on the bar.
"What? Making out with both Cho and Draco in the Prefect bathroom?" Questioned Neville
"I wish" Spat harry " I travel back in time fall in love with a girl, thereby stealing from the person she is meant to be with.
"Um. What's wrong with that? I mean if I got sent back in time I sure in the hell will make myself comfy. So what are you upset about?" Asked a confused Neville
"Lily Evans Potter and Harry James Potter is the ship." Mumbled Harry so low that Neville barely heard it.
And immediately wish he didn't.
"THEY HAVE YOU SHAGGING YOU OWN MOTHER" Shouted a sicken Neville, to which Harry sunk lower in his seat and nodding his head yes. Not for the first time in his life Neville was happy Voldemort picked Harry over him. " Oh, yeah I forgot. You know how Fred and George pick their fics?
"Yeah they blindfold themselves and shoot stunners at them, right?
"Well, lets just say they won't be doing that anymore." At the look he got from Harry he continued " Well it seem the fic they hit is a F/G slash fic."
Harry face paled as he heard this. Now there is nothing bad about slash in his mind. As long as he is not in it. But, this was just plain sick.
"What happen to them?" Asked Harry not really wanting to know the answer.
"Well last time we saw Fred he was in a bed next to Lockhart. And George hasn't been seen since then, last thing he said was that Rednecks shouldn't be aloud to write fics." Stated Neville as Harry nodded his head in agreement.
Both the boys jumped when the irate 15 year old Sirius Black fell into the seat next to them. Snatching Neville's Half empty, or was it half full, bottle of Fire Whiskey and downing it in five seconds flat. He fixed Neville with a look as if daring him to say something about it.
"What's wrong with you young padfoot" Asked a slightly brighten Harry Potter
" LUPIN. REMUS JOHN "MOONY" LUPIN" Screamed Sirius for the whole of Hogsmead to hear. Lowering his voice so just the Three Broomsticks could hear he finished. " I am Sirius Black the Playboy, the sex symbol, voted best looking wizard at Hogwarts 7 straight years. But, in ever fic I get I am going out with that bloody werewolf."
"Better that then having a shagging or two with your mom" Laughed Neville while pointing to the now crying form of Harry Potter. Sirius seemed to think about shagging his mom over Remus for a minute. Then realized that she may not be a werewolf, but she could put a dragon to shame.
" Let me guess" Spoke Sirius " Another emotional break down fic. That has you crying like a baby in ever chapter?"
Harry stopped crying long enough to answer his young godfather. " Ye..Yes..But they also got me being friends with that no good 'Grease' reject Snape. I mean I tell them at the end of the book that I will never trust Snape. Hell I even blame him for the death in book five. But, all of a sudden I hate my father and all that good jive. AND I swear by the name of the great Yoda if I have another 'Harry I am your father Snape/Star wars type thing' going I will call J.K. and tell her to finish me off in book six."
"It would be of no use" stated a pissed off Neville seeing as he didn't have no more money with him and Black had just took his second bottle of Fire Whiskey. " They would just say you were in a coma and came back to life after being taught how to fight by a God or Goddess. And as for you kid you are buying my next damn bottle or I will hex in you into next week.
Sirius never the one to back down from a challenge jumped from the bar seat wand in hand. And spoke in a deadly whisper "You make one move fatter than me and I will make what my cousin did to your parents look like American Idol auditions."
"That will be enough boys" boomed a voice from behind. They all turned to see a very drunk and very beat up Hagrid coming up to the bar and ordering a round. "You lot don't need to be fighting."
"Hagrid? Asked Harry " What the hell happen to your accent?"
"Oh that." spoke Hagrid after grabbing his drinks " You see the only one who can write my language is J.K. so I have been taken classes to prefect my learning abilities. And now I am Bilingual ... Not Bisexual Neville my boy."
"Hagrid you have no idea what any of those words you just said meant do you?." Asked a bemused Sirius
"Nope. But it makes me sound smart don't it." Boomed Hagrid after letting out a laugh that promptly busted the ear drums of Albus Dumbledore " You know speaking of J.K. I got a invite to her house this weekend. Imagine that. Well see you and stay out of trouble."
As Hagrid headed back over to his mates, Sirus lowered his wand and looked sadly at the others " Do you think we should tell him" he asked
"Poor dumb fool doesn't knows what's coming" Proclaimed a teary eyed Harry
"Well at least we know I live to see the end of book six. Seeing as I haven't got an invite." Spoke a relieved Neville who quickly added " Poor Hagrid though" after seeing the Murderous looks he was fixed with.
They all tossed their money on they table and headed out of the bar in cold November air.
"A you flea infested, back stabbing, werewolf raping, shit eater I have a bone to pick with you." Spoke Neville hotly as he had his wand on Sirius. He saw the tears spring up in Harry's eyes and he remembered the fic from yesterday where Vernon made Harry play doctor with him.
"Oh is that so two tons of fun." Said Sirius drawing his wand on Neville " Well, Don't sing it, Just bring it.
"Oh it's already been brought" Spoke Neville as him and Sirius got in to a heated battle. Leaving harry to shake on the pavement. Mumbling something along the lines of 'Uncle I really don't want to Alien the probe you use hurts'.
Ladies and Gentlemen this here is just another sad saga of the on going battle to truly figure out.
What truly is a Canon fic.
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Once again People I give you a free look into the mind of a nut case. Remember if you have a fic like this going, do not stop on the account of an Idiot. More than likely I am reading it and will be pissed if you did. Well until next time and with you may the force be. YODA WOULD TKO DUMBLEDORE