~Sorry for the long wait. I got back from Florida actually a long time age, but I had a writer's block and I got flooded with A LOT of other ideas all at once.

I have dream. I mean had...a dream. And I got this like....amazing idea for this like...story. Ya know?......... LOL No really, it was good but I'm not telling you what it was about. It was confusing and if I ever sort it all maybe I'll write it. I do know thought, the title, if you care at all, is "Lizzie Nightmares". Cool huh?.........no?It's way gay? Really? Man I knew it wasn't cool! lol whatever. Anyways I hope you like this chapter it took me forever to write but I got it done. Later

Lola~

Chapter 12 Always Thinking, ButTrying to talk

I tried to lose her after school. I knew she'd want to know. I wouldn't blame her. That is why I told her basically to give up me, forget me, don't be strong, let go, cry. So she won't have to deal with me anymore. I don't really want to lose her but, I love her and I don't want her to suffer because of me. I don't know what I'd do without her though-it feels like she's all I got anymore.

I can't tell her. No. It's not an option. Great Gordo know who have you got? Not your family of course, not your friends not even the one person you love the most, the person that's the only reason you wale up each morning. No one.

But then, oh my gosh, I totally forgot...... I've got the bear.

I laughed at myself and shook my head. Well, where's the next party?

~~~~

"And you didn't say anything?" Miranda asked me as we drove home from school

"Miranda!" I told her and then softened my voice remembering what happened, "I-I just couldn't get mad at him. I was holding him in my arms and-and he was crying? What am supposed to do except comfort him?!"

"Lizzie, this is serious. I mean I understand now I guess but you HAVE to talk to him. I know what you meant back then now and you're right something serious is going on with him"

"I know! Okay?! But I've been asking him and waiting for him to tell me something...anything, but he acts like nothings wrong. I don't think he has any idea how much he's hurting me by this" I told her. I didn't want to admit it but in my heart I knew it was true.

"Hey" Miranda said and smiled at me, "why don't I drop you off at his house. If he's there he can give you a ride home while you guys talk and if he's not there you can just call me"

I forced a smile in doubt still not sure if I wanted to talk to him-afraid of what he might say.

"And even if he won't tell you anything at least you can. Tell him that he's hurting you maybe then he'll understand and tell you" she said to me for reassurance

"I guess"

So Miranda dropped me off and even though he wasn't there I felt I might as well wait awhile to see if he'd show up. I walked around in circles on the sidewalk in front of his house since no one appeared to be home. I watching my feet thinking about what I would say to him. I sighed, still no one home just then car dove up and I smiled as I saw Mrs. Gordon peek her head out the car window before she drove into the carport.

"Hi Lizzie, how are you?" she smiled forcefully. I found this strange but my face didn't express my thoughts. I walked closer towards her car

"Um.fine..I guess. Listen do you know where David is? We need to talk, it's important"

Mrs. Gordon put a hand to her mouth, "Oh no Lizzie you're not going to break up with him now, are you?!

"Wha-" I spat out almost instantly but Mrs. Gordon interrupted me and I let her continue

"Oh Lizzie please don't...not now. There is only so much he can take, please Lizzie you're the only thing that makes my son happy anymore. He may not know it and he'd hate it if I told him this, but he's become a lot like his father. Please Lizzie don't do this to him" she begged me

I shook my head taking two steps away from her car, "No! No way, I'm not breaking up with him! Never! I-I just needed...to talk to him."

She put a hand to her chest in relief, "Thank you Lizzie and I know David drinks a lot now and I know how much it must hurt you but you just have to understand it's his way of dealing with it all. You have to just be there for him and he'll stop eventually. You just have to help him afterward"

"Mrs. Gordon what are you saying? You know he's drinking excessively like this and you haven't said anything? Do you know what it's doing to him, and me? He won't talk to me anymore and what do you mean, 'it's he way of dealing' what wrong with him is he okay? What's going on!?!!!"

"You mean he hasn- Uh..I'm sorry Lizzie. You know I love you, you're like a daughter to me and David loves you to death but he knows and I know that, sometimes loves just not enough. Anytime you want you can leave him, he's won't complain he'll understand and he doesn't want you to get hurt. It's best if you don't get involved with this. Stay with him now, but when it becomes too much he'll know and you'll know time for it all to be over and move on"

"Stop! What are you saying?!!! I'm not going to dump him like that when I know something's going on with him and he needs me the most now. How can you say that!! I'm sticking by him regardless of what he does!" I looked at her disgusted and then started to walk away

"Lizzie, wait!" she yelled back, "I'm sorry it's just that I don't-HE doesn't want you to get hurt"

"He would never intentionally hurt me, I trust him-I love him."

"I know" she nodded and smiled back at me

'Intentionally' I thought. He'd already hurt me, but that wasn't exactly his fault. Well not all his fault, I hadn't been acting like anything was bothering me either. But I don't want to worry him more and with what his mom was saying maybe his problem is more serious then I thought.

No matter what he does I will never cry. Sorry Gordo but I have to break you're promise. Unless- no never. But we gotta talk.

Lizzie called Miranda and asked her to pick her up. She called Gordo's cell phone when she arrived at her house and after about the 13th try he picked up. He told her he was at a party (of course) she thought and rolled her eyes. But by the sound of his voice she could tell he wasn't yet stoned.

"Well Gordo can you met me somewhere, we realty need to talk I need to tell you something"

"Are you okay? This sounds serious.."

"Well you could say that, but I'm fine and I'm okay just-Please come here or somewhere don't stay at that party-Please."

~~ Gordo looked around at his surroundings it was home to him now all the dancing, loud music, beers. He been to so many of these damn things he was turning into the life of the freaking party. He didn't want to leave drinking and the whole feeling he got from it that made him forget everything else, of course his feeling afterward where worst but it was Lizzie and he felt she needed him. He took one last look around him and sighed shaking his head. "I'll be there baby, I'll go by your house and we can walk around k?"

"Good" she answered and he heard a smile in her voice. He grinned at this and told her goodbye.

Soon after he hung up he was in his car driving towards her house. He smiled to himself with the radio down low. This was one step up for him leaving a party and making Lizzie happy this was what he remember it used to be like it. Not worrying about his family or if he was hurting Lizzie. He didn't think he was she hadn't said anything he even told her to cry when it was too much-it'd be his sign to know when he should just forget about Lizzie, she was too good for him and he shouldn't hurt her with his problem. He could be alone and wallow in his own grief.

Be no matter how many times he told himself she wasn't hurting the more he knew he was. In his gut he felt that was what Lizzie wanted to talk about. She was so strong she was going to try and hold her tears forever she would try everything possible for them to work things out. Before maybe he'd thought it'd be impossible but they way he left the party today maybe things would work out.

But then part of him had already given up on himself. And Lizzie and their perfect relationship; 'until now' he thought. And Miranda, Ethan, Tudge, Kate whoever he didn't have any friends anyway but no one would mattered even if he did. In short everyone. The only people that did matter where the people he met at those parties, the people he didn't even really know and he doubt knew him either cuz he was too stoned to remember.

A short one night friendship was the best. You have a good time and you don't stay long enough with them to know their true self or for them to know you.

But he was thinking negative. Right now he didn't want to' it was getting really old and he's didn't know how many times he'd spent thinking to himself. 'What kinda freak am I?' he thought, 'I'm thinking too much and about stuff that might never happen'

He turned in Lizzie carport and saw her standing in the window watching himin his car. She laughed when she realized he had noticed her stare and waved. He grinned. 'Yeah this is what it was like before. Maybe this will work' he told himself but then a dark feeling inside him tugging at his heart told him, 'Maybe not'