Hold On
Chapter 13
A lie and A kiss
"Hey" Said Lizzie sighing softy and smiling as she answered the door. She opened the door ajar and then disappeared for a second to find her coat. She put it on as she stepped outside and closing the door behind her.
She looked once more at Gordo and they started walking down the sidewalk
"So.." said Gordo at a lost for words, "you wanted to tell me something.."
She took a deep breath, "Yeah, Gordo..listen." she paused searching for words to translate her thoughts, "you..and your drinking" she took a short breath, "Gordo it's just not.." She stopped and looked at Gordo. He watched her intensely, anxiously waiting to hear what she would say next. She closed her eyes and took one more deep breath, "Gordo, I trying to contain myself so please bare with me. You, drinking going to these parties getting wasted?...... and....acting like your hiding something from me...it's......really hurting me"
Gordo gasped but didn't wait a second to pull Lizzie in an embrace. Lizzie wrapped her arms around him confused and he squeezed his arms around her tightly and flooding her face with kisses muttering to himself over and over again 'How could I do this?' 'I'm so stupid'
"Lizzie, I don't know what to say. I-I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I didn't want to I-"
Lizzie pulled back from his embrace and sighed in relief, "I knew you weren't hurting me intentionally. I just-"
"Intentionally? Lizzie if it was up to me, no one would EVER hurt you not purposely, intentionally or whatever. No one. Especially me"
"Oh Gordo" she gave him a quick kiss, "I'm so happy you understand. Just tell me something"
"Yes Lizzie anything, I love you"
She grinned and pondered what to say next, "What's wrong?" she asked him hoping it'd be the last time.
His mind went blank. And his head was pounding.
And apparently by the look Lizzie was giving him, his face was expressing his thoughts as well.
What was he supposed to tell her? 'Oh ya know, my parents beat me up, I hate my dad and punched him in the nose a few times and, oh yeah my mom is relying on a guy treats her like shit'
No way. She wouldn't understand.
So..
He wouldn't tell her....well maybe....
no. He wouldn't
He couldn't.
He sighed returning from his thoughts back to Lizzie
"Yes?" she said again
He sighed shaking his head and sighing, "Lizzie ya know, I do have to tell you something"
Lizzie grinned now somewhat satisfied with his reply, "Whatever it is Gordo you can trust me, it's like ....'I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much out it?' . We can get through this if you just talk to me. I'll listen and after whatever you tell no matter how terrible it is or even if it's small and insignificant....I'll still love you and I'll try my best to help you through it."
Gordo looked at her puzzled by her quote. She laughed, "That's Jean Illsley- Clark. Now go on, tell me"
Her words pierced his heart and he hated himself for doing this. He kept thinking up excuses but none of the justified what he was doing to Lizzie, none of them. But for some reason.....he said it anyway, he shrugged, "Lizzie it's just my dad lost his job last year and he's been kinda of depressed and my mom, feeling sorry for him isn't really concentrating on her job. It's just being around them so much...." He held his breath trying to hold on to the words her truly wanted to say. He grit his teeth before he told her this, "I just.....I feel...sorry for them. That-I don't want to have fun anymore....like I don't deserve it"- 'Yeah, that was good, she'll believe that' he thought and then kicked himself reminding him that he was lying to her.
"Oh Gordo, I'm so sorry. A year ago? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Well forget about that, just- it's okay now. You shouldn't hurt yourself because of their problems.........."
She went on but he didn't want to listen he felt it would just make him feel worst. That first thing she said though, 'You shouldn't hurt yourself because of their problems' it seemed to make perfect sense to him. Yet he didn't take up on her advice. He was doing so good now at screwing up, why ruin the pattern?
Her words touched him though, and he smiled through his pain and interrupted her, " 'No, there's nothing half as sweet as love's young dream'"
He grinned at him a puzzled look on her face, "huh?" she laughed
He smiled, "Thomas Moore"
She laughed softly and smiled sweetly at him. As he looked into her eyes he could tell she felt that things would be okay know and they'd make it through. 'Not quite' he thought. "Thank you Lizzie"
"You're welcome" she smiled and put her arm around his waist resting her head against his waist. He kissed the top of her head.
"So will you stop?" she whispered to him
"Stop what sweetie?"
"Stop hurting me, stop drinking? I know it's hard but maybe if you don't go to parties maybe you'll-"
Gordo smiled, "Yeah, ya know what I think I like that idea too"
"Good" she said and cuddled closer to his side. Being so close to her made Gordo feel like suffocating. He couldn't be so close to her when he just lied to her. But her suggestion might help if anything at all did. He shook off his guilt for Lizzie's sake and he'd try to keep her happy as long as he could.
"No more secrets?" she said after they had reach her house once more.
He smiled, "Lizzie, keeping a secret from you, is hell"
She laughed now at the front porch of her house while Gordo stood in her driveway. " 'You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving' " he smiled, "Ami Carmichael"
" 'Two souls with but a single thought, Two souls beat as one' E. F. J. Von Munch-Bellinghausen"
"Man, you beat mine" he groaned sarcastically
"You're crazy" she laughed
" 'It is impossible to be wise and love' " he shot back and smirked, "Francis Bacon"
"I like that one" she said in a dreamily voice.
"Yeah" he muttered, "me too"
"What?"
"Nothing, just goodnight baby,"
"Good n' " She laughed and blew him a kiss grinning
He pretend to catch it and put the kiss in his pocket, "I'll save it for later" he smiled
She smiled watching him as she entered her house until she closed the door.
He gave himself a half smiled and then turned around going in the direction of his house. He walk half way there and stopped for a minute fooling himself and opening his pocket to check if the kiss was still there.
He smiled thinking about the memory and closed his pocket and continued on walking. I guessed he just figured that all his lies wouldn't catch up with him and if he did he knew that when they did he wouldn't care since he knew he deserved it.
For now that was Gordo's way of thinking. It might change, but for now it worked for him at went well with all the problems that seemed to face him now.
He reached his house and he could hear the glass breaking and screaming already. A tear slowly dripped down his cheek and he closed his eyes and tried to imagine being with Lizzie. Before any of his lies, before his parents, before everything became all so complicated. Another tear ran down his cheek and he had a feeling he would need that kiss. He saved it though for he felt there where worst things to come.
~~~Writing this is really getting me in a "mood". Oh yeah thanks for ALL of yal's reviews Lizzie and Gordo especially both thank you all for your sympathy. Lol, Okay I won't tell you much about the next chapters sense I don't want to give much away so I'll ask you this.
Do you know that popstar magazine? Well I don't get it but I heard it had an issue that featured ADAM LAMBERG with this interview and this BIG poster lol. Anyway I bought one of them cuz in the back they had like a archive with all their issues that you can order. And I wanted to know if you guys know what issue it was I think it's March 2003 but I'm not sure.
Lol I know I'm crazy but .....yeah I guess I am. Weeeeeeelllllllllllll......hope you liked this chapter it was kind of hard to write but I got through it. Later guys!
Lola~
Chapter 13
A lie and A kiss
"Hey" Said Lizzie sighing softy and smiling as she answered the door. She opened the door ajar and then disappeared for a second to find her coat. She put it on as she stepped outside and closing the door behind her.
She looked once more at Gordo and they started walking down the sidewalk
"So.." said Gordo at a lost for words, "you wanted to tell me something.."
She took a deep breath, "Yeah, Gordo..listen." she paused searching for words to translate her thoughts, "you..and your drinking" she took a short breath, "Gordo it's just not.." She stopped and looked at Gordo. He watched her intensely, anxiously waiting to hear what she would say next. She closed her eyes and took one more deep breath, "Gordo, I trying to contain myself so please bare with me. You, drinking going to these parties getting wasted?...... and....acting like your hiding something from me...it's......really hurting me"
Gordo gasped but didn't wait a second to pull Lizzie in an embrace. Lizzie wrapped her arms around him confused and he squeezed his arms around her tightly and flooding her face with kisses muttering to himself over and over again 'How could I do this?' 'I'm so stupid'
"Lizzie, I don't know what to say. I-I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I didn't want to I-"
Lizzie pulled back from his embrace and sighed in relief, "I knew you weren't hurting me intentionally. I just-"
"Intentionally? Lizzie if it was up to me, no one would EVER hurt you not purposely, intentionally or whatever. No one. Especially me"
"Oh Gordo" she gave him a quick kiss, "I'm so happy you understand. Just tell me something"
"Yes Lizzie anything, I love you"
She grinned and pondered what to say next, "What's wrong?" she asked him hoping it'd be the last time.
His mind went blank. And his head was pounding.
And apparently by the look Lizzie was giving him, his face was expressing his thoughts as well.
What was he supposed to tell her? 'Oh ya know, my parents beat me up, I hate my dad and punched him in the nose a few times and, oh yeah my mom is relying on a guy treats her like shit'
No way. She wouldn't understand.
So..
He wouldn't tell her....well maybe....
no. He wouldn't
He couldn't.
He sighed returning from his thoughts back to Lizzie
"Yes?" she said again
He sighed shaking his head and sighing, "Lizzie ya know, I do have to tell you something"
Lizzie grinned now somewhat satisfied with his reply, "Whatever it is Gordo you can trust me, it's like ....'I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much out it?' . We can get through this if you just talk to me. I'll listen and after whatever you tell no matter how terrible it is or even if it's small and insignificant....I'll still love you and I'll try my best to help you through it."
Gordo looked at her puzzled by her quote. She laughed, "That's Jean Illsley- Clark. Now go on, tell me"
Her words pierced his heart and he hated himself for doing this. He kept thinking up excuses but none of the justified what he was doing to Lizzie, none of them. But for some reason.....he said it anyway, he shrugged, "Lizzie it's just my dad lost his job last year and he's been kinda of depressed and my mom, feeling sorry for him isn't really concentrating on her job. It's just being around them so much...." He held his breath trying to hold on to the words her truly wanted to say. He grit his teeth before he told her this, "I just.....I feel...sorry for them. That-I don't want to have fun anymore....like I don't deserve it"- 'Yeah, that was good, she'll believe that' he thought and then kicked himself reminding him that he was lying to her.
"Oh Gordo, I'm so sorry. A year ago? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Well forget about that, just- it's okay now. You shouldn't hurt yourself because of their problems.........."
She went on but he didn't want to listen he felt it would just make him feel worst. That first thing she said though, 'You shouldn't hurt yourself because of their problems' it seemed to make perfect sense to him. Yet he didn't take up on her advice. He was doing so good now at screwing up, why ruin the pattern?
Her words touched him though, and he smiled through his pain and interrupted her, " 'No, there's nothing half as sweet as love's young dream'"
He grinned at him a puzzled look on her face, "huh?" she laughed
He smiled, "Thomas Moore"
She laughed softly and smiled sweetly at him. As he looked into her eyes he could tell she felt that things would be okay know and they'd make it through. 'Not quite' he thought. "Thank you Lizzie"
"You're welcome" she smiled and put her arm around his waist resting her head against his waist. He kissed the top of her head.
"So will you stop?" she whispered to him
"Stop what sweetie?"
"Stop hurting me, stop drinking? I know it's hard but maybe if you don't go to parties maybe you'll-"
Gordo smiled, "Yeah, ya know what I think I like that idea too"
"Good" she said and cuddled closer to his side. Being so close to her made Gordo feel like suffocating. He couldn't be so close to her when he just lied to her. But her suggestion might help if anything at all did. He shook off his guilt for Lizzie's sake and he'd try to keep her happy as long as he could.
"No more secrets?" she said after they had reach her house once more.
He smiled, "Lizzie, keeping a secret from you, is hell"
She laughed now at the front porch of her house while Gordo stood in her driveway. " 'You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving' " he smiled, "Ami Carmichael"
" 'Two souls with but a single thought, Two souls beat as one' E. F. J. Von Munch-Bellinghausen"
"Man, you beat mine" he groaned sarcastically
"You're crazy" she laughed
" 'It is impossible to be wise and love' " he shot back and smirked, "Francis Bacon"
"I like that one" she said in a dreamily voice.
"Yeah" he muttered, "me too"
"What?"
"Nothing, just goodnight baby,"
"Good n' " She laughed and blew him a kiss grinning
He pretend to catch it and put the kiss in his pocket, "I'll save it for later" he smiled
She smiled watching him as she entered her house until she closed the door.
He gave himself a half smiled and then turned around going in the direction of his house. He walk half way there and stopped for a minute fooling himself and opening his pocket to check if the kiss was still there.
He smiled thinking about the memory and closed his pocket and continued on walking. I guessed he just figured that all his lies wouldn't catch up with him and if he did he knew that when they did he wouldn't care since he knew he deserved it.
For now that was Gordo's way of thinking. It might change, but for now it worked for him at went well with all the problems that seemed to face him now.
He reached his house and he could hear the glass breaking and screaming already. A tear slowly dripped down his cheek and he closed his eyes and tried to imagine being with Lizzie. Before any of his lies, before his parents, before everything became all so complicated. Another tear ran down his cheek and he had a feeling he would need that kiss. He saved it though for he felt there where worst things to come.
~~~Writing this is really getting me in a "mood". Oh yeah thanks for ALL of yal's reviews Lizzie and Gordo especially both thank you all for your sympathy. Lol, Okay I won't tell you much about the next chapters sense I don't want to give much away so I'll ask you this.
Do you know that popstar magazine? Well I don't get it but I heard it had an issue that featured ADAM LAMBERG with this interview and this BIG poster lol. Anyway I bought one of them cuz in the back they had like a archive with all their issues that you can order. And I wanted to know if you guys know what issue it was I think it's March 2003 but I'm not sure.
Lol I know I'm crazy but .....yeah I guess I am. Weeeeeeelllllllllllll......hope you liked this chapter it was kind of hard to write but I got through it. Later guys!
Lola~