Hold On
Chapter 17
Let go
He stood up awkwardly and looked up, staring around the room. He scrunched his weary eyes together, scared and confused, and put his hand to to his pounding forehead. The room spun; people's smiling faces, Bud Lights, glasses, lights, all swirled together in strips of colors. He took small step forward, stumbling only a little and leaned down to the counter reaching for the bottle. He brought the glass to his wet lips, closed his eyes, and bent his head back to drink the last few drops of his sweet liquor. He smiled and dropped the glass to the floor hearing a crash, but ignored it walking on. He followed the sweet smile luring him over to her. His heart pained inside, but he didn't want to care. He wanted to forget it and push it aside-only then everything would be better. He blinked, seeing a flash of her face and sweet smile when he closed his eyes and groaned opening them, now seeing the other, devilish smile watching him. It replacing the vision of her beautiful face.
~
She reached for the light switch, flicked it off and climbed into bed. Once she got in a content position under the blankets, she smiled and brushed back her soft blonde hair behind her shoulders. She closed her eyes and then turned on her side. She laid their for a moment taking slow, easy breaths then stopped to open her eyes once more. She turned in her bed still uncomfortable. Looking up at the ceiling of her room, she frowned thinking of him. She sighed and closed her eyes, the worry that filled her soul now slowly drifted away into a clam sleep.
~
He panted as he reached the girl finally and settled in the tight stop next to her. She grinned and turned to face him.
"Hi" she whispered, her voice silky and dangerous.
He nodded no emotions running through him, "Hey" he stated to her gruffly.
She smiled again, perking her lips tightly together holding back her grin. She cuddled closer to him and put her small anorexic hands around his neck.
She brought her mouth to her ear, "Hi Gordo," she whispered, "my name's-" he cut her off putting his hand to her lips. She smiled understandingly and removed his hand from her mouth taking it in hers, lacing fingers with his. He had no objection, but didn't add to any of her doings. He let her do with him what she must, too stoned to think to do anything else. His mind was set on not caring and that's what he did. Her mouth reached behind his neck and they softly moaned as she kissed his neck. Gordo shivered, her breath was new to him and her kisses, icy. But he didn't stop her and closed his eyes trying to let go of any feelings.
He nervously wrapped his trembling fingers around her waist and turned her head to press his lips against hers.
~
She stirred in her sleep. Rolling to the side every so often. Adjusting the sheets, and fluffing her pillow. She groaned and sweat started to drip down her neck.
~
Their kiss deepened. To the point that he was way past not caring, and all his emotions ended and he had let go. His sweaty palms touched her skin. Her arms tightly wrapped around his neck. She removed her hand from his neck placing it behind his head to pull him in close, even someone like herself knew he was holding back. And he let go of course. Why hold on?
Damn the whole fuckin' world. He was hurting the only person he cared about now. He was out his mind. He would hurt her, he would bring pain to her...worst of all he'd make her cry. But she'd be out of his life after that. As much as it hurt himself, it was best for her. She wouldn't cry because of him anymore.
Hold on? Yeah right.
He tightened his grip around her waist and pulled himself atop of her lied down. She grinned and he sighed.
~
Lizzie gripped the stirring wheel frustrated.
It was now had now 2:02 only 3 hour since she had rest her head on her pillow.
After the call, which she was thankful came from her cell phone, she crept down
stairs. She passed by the lights of their tree feeling guilty inside fo leaving
her parents without any word of where she was, it was after all Christmas. But
this was Gordo she just had to leave. She gradually pressed her foot to the break as she reached the
stop light. It was a clear night, no rain and a full moon. Her eyes where
expressionless, she was tired of Gordo. Lying to her, but she wouldn't let him
go or forget him. She still loved him, but she'd had enough.
She wouldn't tell him that though, at least not now. She knew that he was, of
course, not in the right mind by know and didn't
need her yelling at him. She'd wait until later. Right now she make the best of it, she'd take care
of him and be there for him. She didn't want him to forget that she loved him, no matter what he did.
She made a right turn into Ethan's drive way. By the looks of the driveway a lot of people had probably already left and poor Gordo
was left alone with his poor little booze-drenched head in the kitchen sink. She made a face thinking of him
like that and shook the thought. She stopped the car and tucked her hair
behind her ears as she opened the car door. She looked at her feet as she walked
and an eerie feeling came across her as she entered the house. It smelled like
alcohol, weed, and sex. An Icy, cold shiver ran down her back and she rubbed
her arms. She looked around at the people still there. A couple were asleep, wrapped
up in each other, the rest had there eyes bagged and lazily leaned on furniture.
She stood in a gaze for a moment when she heard footsteps from the kitchen and
she smiled thinking it Gordo. Ethan walked through and her smile dropped as did
his. His eyes turned from her and he
looked down.
"Lizzie, hey" he said softly
Lizzie forced a smile through her disappointment. "Hi Ethan, uh Merry Christmas"
Lizzie noticed his face now turn to a expression of true sorrow now. She turn her face from him,
not wanting his reaction to impact on her although it already was. The
sickening feeling in her gut grew each time she looked into his eyes. It was
written as over his face. She was supposed to take this
and whatever happen the best way she could...without crying.
"Uh huh" she said after he hadn't responded, "Um do you know if Go-"
"Merry Christmas Lizzie" he slowly walked to her and wrapped his arms around her to hugged her.
He pulled apart from her and closed his eyes, Lizzie saw the tears he
desperately
tried to hold back, slowly drip down his cheek. He kissed her forehead and pulled away
shoving his hands into his pockets. "Gordo's upstairs, first door to the right" he whispered.
"I love him." she told him confused by his actions. She walked backwards towards
the stairs, "I love Gordo" His eyes showed her the pity and sorrow he
felt for her, the same feelings she felt now with Gordo. How had that feeling
of pure heaven turn to an ugly feeling of guilty, sorrow, and pain?
The feeling that gave her the urge to cry. She wouldn't cry she told herself as she ran upstairs.
She felt her face get hot and the sting of small tears barley touching the edge
of her eyelids. She ran upstairs, wiping her eyes looking down and coving her
face with the side of her hand so as not to see the people's faces as she past
them by.
They showed the same pity and sorrow in their eyes that Ethan's had and she didn't want to cry.
She reached the door and put her hand to the knob. She took a short shaky breath and
smiled thinking of that grin of his and wiped her eyes. Still no tear had touched her cheek.
Her eyes look down to her hand brushing against the door knob. She took a deep breath
and taking up all her courage, she turned it. Looking straight up she walked in.
She had but only a glance of the room before she turned back around to close the door, but she'd seen enough
to realize it was a bedroom. 'This is different,' she thought 'Maybe Gordo realized kitchens and
bathrooms were really uncomfortable-' Her thoughts where interrupted by the vision that
greeted her as she turned around to look at the bed.
She frowned looking at the messed up ball of fuss atop his head. He was laying in the bed under the
mountains of comforters and sheets. His shirt was lying on the chair next to her
and he sat up in bed topless. It was almost too much for Lizzie. He squinted his eyes
and then opened them wide grinning at her. She smiled, for real this
time, and took a step closer to him when Gordo laughed, making her
shiver soon to realize why she saw a second body rise from under the covers of the bed.
She felt her heart crumbling and she bit her lip the redness in her face
getting darker.
The room started spinning and her face grew hot, the tears in her eyes start
to form, the pressure on her lip as she bit down harder, all she could hear was Gordo's stupid drunk laugh with sounds
of the girl's giggles along with him.
He turned to the girl in bed besides him, "Isn't she beautiful? She's my beautiful girl"
he said and the girl laughed wickedly nodding. "Beautiful girl" Gordo whispered this time looking
at Lizzie, his eyes focused on her as the girl clung to his waist.
And Lizzie smiled she couldn't help it.
She couldn't hold on though....
and she cried, letting her gentle, heart-broken tears fall slowly down her cheek.
...Some tears running down her neck,
...some falling from her red cheeks....
and fall to the floor. She cried.
Now tears drenched her red
face and Gordo's smile turned to a drunken expression of worry. She shook her head, a smile
still on her face, not wiping her tears. Looking at him she said this, " 'What silly things human beings utter when drunk...or
in love' Lizzie McGuire"
"huh?" he laughed titling his head
"It's your stupid quote Gordon don't you get it?" she paused,
"and here's another 'you're an ass hole you only cares about himself' or how
bout 'you don't care at all period' or 'go to hell' or 'you're a piss ass boyfriend, who-who...maybe
doesn't o-or...hasn't ever even really love me...." she paused again the
sniff and let another tear drip
down, "but you know what?....I-I....still love you" she whispered her
voice filled with anguish.
At that moment something hit his stupid drunk head, that
maybe he hadn't figured this all out, and he was wrong. He hadn't expected this,
Lizzie here, or crying, or maybe he did? He pressed his hand to is forehead. It hurt to think.
But the feeling that struck him the most was that he was feeling. He did care. And trying not to
only made it worse. He had ruined everything. He closed his eyes at the sound of a slamming
door and the bang of her fist on the door. The muffled sounds of her leaning against the back
of the door, the faint sound of her sniffs and tears were the only things that filled his head.
The same head that, a second later, forgot his feelings again and laid down on the pillow to close
it's eyes. Unprepared for a sleep full or endless nightmares.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Hey all I have to say is, um...sad chapter huh? Yeah...it sure took long enough. Well it's not
over. It might even have an alternate ending, I don't know or I'm not sure yet. It depends. Anyway
say 'yay' for my friend, (lol crush) his dad got back from Iraq after like almost more than a year.
Well r/r please I want to know how I did on this chapter k? Express your thought
is details please. lol naw just write something if you have the time.
Later,
~Lola