Hold On

Chapter 19

I'm ready Now

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He ran to her.

A little breeze brushed his cheek. He closed his eyes envisioning her face. The sound of his feet hitting the pavement, were consistent as his jogged.

It was too soon, he knew. It was not the right time. Maybe he wouldn't, he thought. He shrugged. He ran anyway.

Ignoring the people passing, the cars, lights, his head was clearer than the night before, still dizzy, yet better enough.

He shivered, and stopped for moment to catch a breath. His heart was pounding, he needed her. He didn't deserve her at all, but it didn't make the feeling go away. His heart still felt the need for her touch.

He continued again though. The blue sky was above him-a clear day. Not many people outside to see him, running, alone, on Christmas. .He looked forward only concentrating on the matter at hand. He got to her street and subconsciously turned. Not even looking for her house he slowed down, and turned approaching her driveway. He walked slowly, trying not to be seen. He went around to the side of the house passing a bush and looked up to her window. He looked forward again, took a breath and then he started. Grabbing the fence he placed a foot on and climbed up, ready to see his Lizzie.

One step after another, he climbed higher. Looking up once in awhile, to place a hand higher, he climbed.

He was determined now. To do better this time. Ready now to tell her everything that had been on his mind. To leg go of the feelings he had locked inside him this whole time. Not really sure what she would say, but willing to win her back, and to let her know that he was wrong. That he was sorry. He was determined. He climbed higher.

He struggled as he got to her window and tried to hold on to the edge. He caught himself as he was about to let go and when suddenly, all fell silent. He watched from his position, as she walked in her room. Her eyes were red and watery and her beautiful blond hair fell over her face as she turned to close the door. She walked to her bed, each step graceful and poised. He knew she had come there to be alone, to cry silently as it seemed, with no one there to hear her. But he was there, and it pierced his heart to see her like this. To know he did this. She paused from clutching her now soaked pillow and turned her face to the window. He ducked down his head, hearing her wipe her eyes and sniff as she tried to hide the evidence of her pain. When she gave up on searching she wiped her face once more and took a breath. She left the room, gently pushing the door half way closed.

...... ............. ....... ........ ....... .......... ........ ......

Lizzie made her way down stairs, occasionally placing the back of her hand to her cheek, double checking to make sure no trace of tears were left on her face. She got home around 3:38 she had driven around before she went home-she had to think for awhile. Her parents hadn't discover that she had been missing and she had snuck back in the house without notice, and that was good .... she guessed.

What had she expected? For her parents to just magically know all that happened and be by her side to comfort her? No, it wasn't like that. It was Christmas, a day of happiness and joy for the whole world, she didn't want to ruin that for them. But it was hard watching them, all smiles, laughing, and singing Christmas carols. Her brother, now 15, still acted just as childish on Christmas as he did when he was 11. She loved her family, she just wish she could be as happy. That their presence with her would be enough to drown out all her thoughts of Gordo. But it wasn't enough. Something was missing. Although she would have liked to deny it, she couldn't. What was missing for her Christmas, was her Gordo.

She placed a smile on her face and turned the corner to the den. She sat on the couch and crossed her legs folding her arms, hugging herself. She yawned, but she wasn't tried. Not enough to want to go back to sleep. She was afraid that if she did she'd never want to wake up.

"Lizzie, honey? Are you okay?" said Jo, now noticing her daughter disgruntled look

Lizzie sighed, but smiled for her mother, "I'm fine, just a little tired. That's all"

Jo laughed, "Well you can at least open one gift" she reasoned and handed Lizzie a small box wrapped in shimmering, red paper topped with a white bow.

Lizzie smiled as she took the gift and placed it in her lap. Carefully, she tore the wrapping from the edge of the box and pulled out the box inside. She opened the box and smiled gratefully at her mother. Inside the box contained the ring she had been admiring for at least the last month or so. She remembered dragging her mother by the jewelers every time they where at the mall just to look at it. Try it on, and for a second pretend it was hers. She sighed, "Thank you Mom" Lizzie told her mother and smiled. Jo gave her daughter a hug and sat down next to her, Lizzie resting her head on her mother's shoulder.

"Oh please Lizzie honey, tell me what is it?" Jo asked Lizzie. A single tear dripped down Lizzie's cheek, wishing she could tell her mom. She knew it wouldn't matter though, it was all over and she shouldn't care what happened to him. She tried to help. It didn't work, and she found out that he didn't care.

No. She couldn't believe it. She wouldn't. He lied to her is all. He hurt her and lied to her. He betrayed her trust. She wanted to scream at him and make him feel to pain she had gone through for him.

How could she trust him again? How could she even speak to him without breaking down into tears and screams. And it wasn't just that, it was that she wanted to. She wanted to talk to him. It all ended so suddenly. She had no clue what was going on with him now, and she couldn't go on not knowing to real reason.

And she wouldn't abandon him.

She didn't want to think about it. She wished she could go back to simple times. Forget about the world for a minute at least. Living simple with love as her only feeling. To let go of everything for just a second would bring her such bliss. She sat up from the couch and wiped her face. "Thanks mom. It is....beautiful. But I'm still kinda of tired, I'm going to my room for awhile okay?"

"Okay sweetheart, don't be too long" answered Jo and Lizzie nodded, already on her way upstairs.

She watched the floor and her feet as she walked, but as she got to her door, she saw him standing in her hall coming out of her room.

He didn't see her right away, but when he looked up his eyes met hers. They seemed almost longing for her, "Lizzie," he whispered

"No," she told him, "No," she said again and started to turn around, but he caught her arm. Tears started and she whimpered to him shaking her head, "Please go away" she begged

She could tell he didn't want to disobey her but her pushed her back into her room anyway closing the door behind him. She walked inside, leaving him behind her not looking back, sat on her bed and cried again. Soft tears, almost like little whispers.

"Lizzie," he breathed again and went to her side, placing his arms around her.

"Don't touch me!" she demanded, and harshly pushed away his arms.

Gordo put his arms in his lap and scooted over looking down, clearly embarrassed.

"I-I'm sorry," she mumbled glancing at him

"No, no don't say that. It was none of your fault. Lizzie I have to talk to you, I-" Gordo started

"Please stop. I don't know what to think anymore, I'm not ready to see you I'm not ready for this now" she interrupted him.

"Lizzie, I-I can't. Cau-cause, I know. I know that if I don't talk to you now, really talk to you, I may never be able to. If I don't do this today I'm never going to have another chance. If you will listen, I will tell you, everything this time. Because I'm sorry Liz, I'm so damn sorry and I know it's not enough. And now all I can do is tell you. that I'm ready to talk now. I'm ready"

Lizzie sighed whipping some tears, "Gordo, I dunno.....I..." she trailed off. She didn't look at him

"I'm not leaving till you listen. Lizzie it's all I have now, the only right thing I can do now. I'm ready now, will you come with me?" he asked and stood up in front of her holding out his hand to her

She looked to the window, and he still stood there. She pondered for a moment but sucked it all in. She looked at him studying his face, then brushing away his hand she stood up, "Okay" she answered him, her voice strong, "I'll listen, but only once. If you really are ready"

"I am" he told her, "I'm sorry it took so long, " he paused, "sorry I held it in so long.............."

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THOUGHT it was going to be the last chapter, but it turned out not to be. Well, that's how it goes. Sorry it took SO long to update, like a month. I've been a little busy with stuff, good stuff. Anyways tell me how you liked the chapter k? r/r. And hey hey, maybe I'll get lucky and by the next chapter I'll have 100 reviews, lol. Later guys,

Lola~