Hold On Chapter 20: Not the Way, a lizzie mcguire fanfic

Hold On

Chapter 20

Not the Way

Well guys, it's finally here!!! For real the end of the story! lol Very very very sorry for the LONG wait. I really hope the ending is alright, I tried hard and I'd been worried about it.

Well, It's been really fun. I love 'Lizzie' stories and I think I'll always remember this site. Lola smiles yeah.. I sure will. I just love their slogan "Unleash your imagination and set free your soul" I wish you all lots and lots of happiness and that the rest of the days of your lives be wonderful. Humm... guess I can't say later huh? That's sad.. awww. Alas, so long fanfic and talented authors, you have touched my life;0

Love,

Lola

PS. Sorry for the drama lol and besides i might be back and check in here awhile maybe even update who knows?! lol Well Enjoy!

She lived alone in a small apartment.

Across the street from the health department.

She kept her pills the glove compartment.

That was the afternoon her heart went.

Because the sun still shines in the summer time
I'll be yours if you'll be mine
I tried to change, but I changed my mind
Think I'll have another glass of Mexican wine
Think I'll have another glass of Mexican wine
Won't you have another glass of Mexican wine?

Mexican Wine- Fountains of Wayne

If only it had happened that way. So let's rewind, before he went to her. All the way back to 9 A.M. Christmas morning. Do you really think Gordo could make that decision? He should have, and they could have talked it over and worked through it eventually, but things don't always work out the way you'd like them to.....

He shivered.

A little breeze brushed his cheek. The sun shone on his face and he squinted. He thought about getting up, but what was the point? He closed his eyes, complete darkness. Not even a memory could take over the empty space. Memories were too painful anyway.

The sound of his breath, papers, and junk blowing about the surface of the near empty parking lot. Those sounds filled the void of his mind.

He didn't really know what to think or what to do next. Surely this wasn't the best decision. To just lay there doing nothing, but it couldn't get anymore worst than it already was. He took a short breath and shrugged.

"Isn't there a better way to handle this?" he thought to himself as he was still laid down on the bench, "Well, yea....maybe" He wasn't that sure of anything anymore.

If things were to get better, it was certainly not going to be today. Eventually though, he hoped. He couldn't escape his destiny, yet he could avoid it and make it harder in the end.

So that Christmas morning, without a second thought, he closed his eyes, "I'm sorry Lizzie" he whispered and drifted off to sleep.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

12/25 10:35pm

She stepped outside, relieved to finally able to be alone for a few moments. After having breakfast with her family and making up a few excuses for Gordo's absence, they began preparing for the dinner with the rest of family coming over.

She remembered last year, dusting, sweeping, and cooking; working to clean the house for their guests. Gordo was there that year. He had come to help Lizzie and ended up staying for dinner. It was the first time he had eaten with her whole family before and they had been planned on doing it again this year.

She remembered that day clearly. How sweet he had been to her, graciously helping to clean. Flirting with each other as the worked. And that wonderful smile he got when they stopped to take a break. Taking her in his arms, kissing her lips and leaving her week in the knees. "I love you Lizzie" he had told her.

She sighed and let a single tear drip. She promised herself that it would be the last one .... for at least that day. Who knew how many she had shed over him in the night before.

She grimaced recalling the remark he had once made.

"My Angel," he said, "I promise you, as long as I'm living, never will I let a single tear drop from your face"

She rolled her eyes and sat down on the porch step.

"Why didn't you come Gordo?" she whispered up into the sky. As much as she would like to like to deny, she couldn't tell herself that it was over with him. All of it left her so confused, where had all these lies come from? She didn't like the fact that the person she knew practically her whole life was not trustworthy. The person she thought she knew better than herself, turned out to be a complete stranger.

She told herself that although as much as she wished it would all be over, she shouldn't expect it to in only a few days. Much less expect him to come over begging for forgiveness the day after. No, it doesn't always work that way.

As her eyes started to water again, she brought her hand to her face. She looked up to the sky. It was a beautiful night, she tried hard not to think of what it would have been like if Gordo where there to share the sight with her.

Keeping her eyes locked on the vision in the sky, she didn't notice the shadow of the boy across the street. A boy whose tears didn't fail to fall. Watching his love in pain ripped his heart to pieces.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

About one year later

It seemed to have been forever since she had spoken with him.

She had been wondering about him. Around this time of year, was when it all happened. And she eventually found it. The answer to that question she had kept asking him.

The Gordon house was a mess. It wasn't just his dad losing his job, although that is what seem to trigger all this. All the pain caused by his father's drinking. The yelling and hitting that went on. Pretty soon, someone called the police, about abuse going within the household. Gordo stopped coming to school. When she went to see him at his house and he wasn't there. Days later Kate confronted her (she had been the one who called) and that's how she found all this out.

She didn't know how to react to it all at first. Why in the world would he make the same mistakes his father made? Hurting himself, making her worry constantly about him. She was angry at first she admitted.

Things made more sense though, but why hadn't he told her? That's what hurt her the most. How much she wanted him to be the one to tell her what was wrong. How much she wanted to be there for him and comfort him. If only she could see him again. She would do anything if he would only talk to her. She would take care of him and love him, she wouldn't leave him even after that incident. She would have done anything if she could stop what happened. She loved him so much still, and knew in her heart he loved her back.

Today he got out of rehabilitation. She found out from his mother. She was waiting, or hoping to see him. She couldn't go to him. This was his choice to make. She just wished he was doing well. She prayed to God he was okay by now, or getting better slowly..

i got your letter and the poetry you sent me
postmarked in december of last year
i really hope you're doing better
all your friends close by your side
one step closer to recovery

i wish there was something i could say
to erase each and every page
you've been through
even though its not my place to save you

She sat there watching the window on that clear night. She was thinking, even if he didn't come to see her maybe she should try to find him. She worried he had given up on them. That he thought there was too much damage to repair. Didn't he believe her she told him "I love you"? Forever and not matter what, she would always be there for him. But he wouldn't go to her, and she didn't want to push him. Sometimes she didn't know what to think about this, but to put it simply all she wanted was for him to be happy. She wouldn't let him give up on them, on himself. She wanted his spirit, his soul to be alive again, to breathe. Her eyes focused on that window. Her eyelashes fluttered, as she struggled to stay awake.

i appreciate but cant accept this thank you note
thats sealed with your last breath
and i won't stand aside
and listen to you give up

if you'll just hold on for one more second
just hold on to what you have
just hold on, just hold on
if you'll just hold on for one more second
just hold on to what you have
just hold on, just hold on

Lizzie's eyes faded from the darkness to the dim light of her bedroom lamp. She looked around and saw her mom standing at her door.

"You feel asleep sweetie. We took you to your room," she told Lizzie and walked in and knelt down my her side. Lizzie smiled and sat up. Her mother sighed and gently stroked her daughters cheek, "Merry Christmas honey," she smile and stood up ready to leave, "you have a visitor,"

Lizzie's eyes widen as she look to her door and saw the face hiding in the shadows. And as the man stepped out from the hall and the light from her room came over his face, she could almost swear she saw a faint smile.

Gordo walked towards her and found a place to sit on the edge of her bed. Lizzie placed her hands in her lap and looked down, "Hey" she mumbled.

"Hi," he said and gave her a half smile. Lizzie turned her head away and bit her lip. "I, I'm sorry. I don't know why I even came. There is no way you could forgive me after.." he trailed off, waiting for a response from her. She continued looking down. He stood up and walked towards the door. As he put his hand to the knob he paused and looked back to study his Lizzie's face, one last time.

That beautiful face, so troubled a nervous and confused expression upon it. He let his hand drop from the door handle. He walked toward her once more and knelt down at her feet. She was know looking down at him and in his most helpless and desperate voice he said to her, "I can't live without you Lizzie. I'm not letting you go,"

Lizzie stare at him, now where else to turn her head. Her eyes getting wet and her face becoming flushed, she burst into tears. Falling to the floor next to him she wrapped her arms around him. Holding on so tight as if he could she felt he would slip away.

"Oh God, Oh God Lizzie, please. Please don't cry" he whispered against her ear.

these arms remain stretched out to you
maybe someday you'll accept them
maybe its too late to save a young girls heart that's long stopped beating
(maybe)

wake up wake up you've gotta believe
wake up wake up
you cant give up time keeps going on without us
long after we're dead and gone

Endless tear ran down their cheeks. As they held each other, wonderful tragic memories came back. Old regrets and that feeling of pain. The rest of the world was forgotten in that moment. They didn't want to let go.

Lizzie gripped harder. She wanted to forgive him so fast, to get over it and go on as what had once been normal. But She knew it wasn't they way. He needed her and she would listen. She pulled back, her hair hanging over her red, blotchy face. She wiped away her tears. She'd be brave for him. She breathed and took her time thinking of the words to say.

"I love you Gordo. I never stopped loving you. I just, wish I could have helped..." she trailed off.

Gordo focused his eyes on her, "I'm sorry." he whisper but continued, his voice stronger. "I'm better now, well, I mean, I...not yet. No, I'm.. Lizzie?"

"Yes?" she answered back anxiously letting him go on.

He paused, then looked up to her, "I've gotten, help. I've learned a lot. My family is getting better, things are becoming good again," he said plainly. "But, I'm sorry. I love you so much. I never dreamed of making you cry. Of making my problems your pain.

My head was a mess an I couldn't think straight. I was afraid whatever I did would be wrong. I had it in my head that trying would be meaningless and a waste of time. I felt so numb when I got like that, like I'd lost part of my life. I had faded memories scattered in my mind. I felt so lost, without you. You where there, but I told myself you wouldn't for long. You'd give up on me too. But you didn't.... and then I hurt you, bad. You cried and it was over in my mind. I'd come to an end."

i wish there was something i could say
to erase each and every page
you've been through
even though its not my place to save you

"I made a mistake. A lot of them, but you helped me so much. I got myself help. And I knew that, if I fixed myself up, my life, my family, you'd take me back. You're my motivation and inspiration. You're my angel baby," He laughed, "I guess that's pretty stupid. What I want to say is, I'm really doing better now, but.. without you in my life, I'll never be able to get through this. Never. Lizzie... I'm ready to talk. Now. There are still things on my mind, things that still hurt. You're they only person I can trust with these things. When you're ready. I'll tell you, what's wrong, if you'd still like to know, if you'll listen"

Lizzie smiled at him, for once in a long time. "I love you too. I've been ready and I've been waiting. Don't you see Gordo? You can't get rid of me. I'll always be here for you"

He smiled back and the two shared another hug. They spoke a few words and even laughed some. They walked down stairs and sang Christmas songs with Lizzie's family. They opened gifts and chatted with one another. It was pleasant and very nice. The simple things brought them both such happiness.

They walked out side to the front porch. Gordo walked over the the edge and sat down letting his legs hang over. Lizzie looked to the sky as she did that same night a year ago. She sat down next to Gordo, her arms wrapped around her legs against her chest. She smiled at him and he returned one. Something was missing...

"How are you feeling?" Lizzie asked

"Good. Tonight had been that best time I've had in a long time," he paused, "You love me.. I feel very good"

She smiled again, "I'm glad." She looked up and he followed her eyes to see the mistletoe hanging above them. "Merry Christmas Gordo" she whispered and leaned in to share a most passionate, beautiful and long awaited kiss. They didn't hold back the feelings they'd been having since the other came into view. They pulled apart and Lizzie smile pulling back the hair from her face..

if you'll just hold on for one more second
just hold on to what you have
just hold on, just hold on.....

you will wake up tomorrow.

.... "I feel good too."

THE END