Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of the characters or places used in this fiction.
Hope you enjoy my one shot at a little humor. Usually I'm a serious writer, but we all need to let it out once in awhile!
Frodo Gets Punk'd
Frodo Baggins was hanging on the rock ledge above the river of lava inside Mount Doom. His torn and bloody stump that used to be a finger was making it difficult to hang on. He couldn't take it anymore. Death had to feel better than this. He was ready to let go. Then Sam's voice came over him, "Don't you let go. Don't let go." And Frodo grasped for Sam's hand, finally catching hold on the second attempt. Sam pulled him up to safety. Frodo could barely stand; he held his bloody stump and gasped for air.
Sam then said in a bright voice, "Happy Birthday Mr. Frodo!"
Frodo gasped out, "What are you saying Sam? It is not my birthday." He thought the fumes must have made Sam brain damaged.
Sam replied, "Well, you know how we set out the day after your birthday, from the Shire?"
"Yes?" Frodo said wearily.
"Well, this whole trip was your birthday present, from all your friends."
Frodo knew then that Sam had lost his mind.
Sam continued, "I can see you don't believe me, so I'll have to prove it!" Sam grabbed Frodo by the arm and led him back up the bridge way to the doorway. Frodo was limping all the way, wrapping his bloody hand in his shirt.
As they came out the door, Frodo saw the gathering of people all over. There was a table of food, barrels of ale, and a large cake. People were standing around drinking. When Frodo and Sam came out of Mount Doom, they yelled, "Surprise! You've been punk'd!" and they all started laughing. Frodo stood in shock as he stared at them.
There was Gandalf, guffawing like a hyena and badly in need of dental work.
He was standing next to Saruman who held a candle up to a lens and said in a deep voice, "I SEEEEE YOU!" He laughed at his imitation of Sauron.
The group thought it was funny and broke out into more hails of laughter. Sam the loudest of all. Sam said, "Now you see how we did that flaming eye trick."
Gimli strode up with the cave troll from Moria on a large chain leash. "Ha Ha Lad! Bilbo told me you'd be wearing your mithril vest and I had my pet troll here skewer you for the hell of it. Ha! You should have seen your face!"
Legolas walked up next to Gimli. "Yeah! And remember when you thought Gandalf fell off that bridge? He fell onto a little balcony about five feet below. You were screaming, "NOOOOOOOOO!" What a riot! We all almost pissed ourselves trying not to laugh!"
"And what of that Balrog?" Frodo managed to say through his pain. His eyes opening wide at the deception of them all.
"Why that was a magic illusion from Gandalf, like one of his fireworks!" laughed Pippin.
Suddenly a Nazgul on a fell beast flew up. Frodo jumped back in horror. Off stepped the Nazgul and pulled off his hood. It was Boromir. "Surprise!" he yelled. He reached over and pulled the mask off the fell beast. It was really an eagle!
They all laughed louder and louder, except for Frodo. Out of all his nightmares, this was the worst. Gollum came out of the cave behind him, with a huge grin on his face. "Hello, Masssster."
Faramir grabbed Gollum by the throat and said through his laughter, "Shall I kick the shit out of him again Frodo?"
Gollum yelled, "Yessss, hurt me, hurt me. I's likes it!"
"And that big spider?" Frodo managed to say.
Sam answered, "Now she was real! Gollum knew about her and we thought it would be funny and all." He laughed harder. "Oh, and when you was naked, tied up in the orc tower, Gollum and I had this awesome barbeque with the orcs downstairs."
"With the orcs?" squeaked Frodo.
"Yeah. Those ones were harmless. We asked them if they'd like to be in on a joke and they were all for it." Sam bragged.
Aragorn then stepped up. "That was a good one Sam!" He stepped up to Frodo and put his hands on his shoulders, trying to look serious. "Frodo, thank you for saving Middle Earth." and he burst out laughing. Everyone behind him laughed harder. Merry came up to Frodo holding a piece of cake.
"Frodo you must have the first piece!" Merry exclaimed.
Frodo stared at Merry, then slowly looked around at the smiling faces and at Faramir knocking Gollum against the stone wall over and over.
"Mr. Frodo?" exclaimed Sam. "Didn't you like your surprise?"
Frodo began laughing like a madman. His laughter grew louder and soon everyone else was silent watching Frodo laugh like a lunatic. Then Frodo spun around and took a flying leap off the ledge into the hot lava.
Sam turned to face the crowd. "Some folks just can't take a joke."
Merry took a bite of Frodo's cake. "Well, we still have cake!"
Everyone smiled and nodded, getting in line for their piece.
Well, there it is. Drop me a review and let me know if it made you smile. If you hated it, well, let me just say with hands over my ears: la la la la la la la la la la la la la ...