Elladan/Elrohir VS Merry/Pippin
Part 2: Peg Purgatory
A/N: Here's a belated second instalment for you all! I hope I didn't take too long!
(looking back on this, months after I'd typed only a couple of pages, I realise how stupid that sounds)
Merry and Pippin were ready to burst forth and take the elves by surprised before they were checked by one of the brother's getting up quite suddenly. They moved as one and shrunk back into the shadows.
"Something is not right, Elladan," whispered Elrohir to his brother, "There is a shadow here, I can feel it."
Elladan grinned, breaking the paste on this face for a moment and giving himself a very alien quality.
"Don't worry, those hobbits won't come around since that scare we last gave them," he said, lifting the cucumber off one of his eyelids and giving Elrohir a careful looking over.
Elrohir pursed his lips thoughtfully as he went over to the mirror and cleansed his face of the facial mask.
"You stay here, I have a feeling they're around here somewhere..."
Elladan shrugged and settled his hair back into the basin.
Elrohir stalked out of the room in search of the hobbits, which couldn't believe their luck. They could already hear Elladan snoring quietly.
"Painless, unfeelable and won't take two ticks!" whispered Merry excitedly.
Pippin began to tick again.
"Shut up! It's bad enough as it is to concentrate!" hushed Merry as he approached the lone, sleeping elf.
Tentatively, he lowered the device over the elf's ears, being careful not to disturb the hair.
It was done.
"What about numero due?" asked Pip.
Merry gave him a quietening stare and they both crept out to find a safe place to watch the latter events unfold.
"Hey Merry?"
"What, Pip?"
"There's no such word as unfeelable."
"Shut up."
"Hey Merry?"
"WHAT?"
"I'm hungry."
Elrohir quickly realised that the hobbits were nowhere to be found – but he wasn't really looking for them to get rid of them... oh no, he was going to try something. He'd gotten the idea not so long ago and he was already mentally rubbing his hands together evilly.
Elrohir was in the kitchens. Looking around and trying to work out how he was to accomplish what he had come to accomplish in a fashionable and accomplished manner.
He knew he had to work fast as the hobbits often would come round to the kitchens anywhere from between every ten minutes to every hour on the hour. Even if it was only to just check on the food – most of the cooks would not let them past the door if it was during out-of-meal-times.
He had quickly given them all a good telling to. Apparently, his father wished to organise a feast and also wished to see them. Ah, good ole half-truths, Elrohir thought to himself, they were always the most believable. Elrond did want to organise a feast... but not for another month at least.
He moved to the pantry and looked inside. Hmm...
Picking up some sacks he began to shove some of the contents of the cupboard inside the first sack. The next delivery wouldn't come for a few more weeks. Elrohir snickered at the thought of the hobbits' faces when they realised.
Once the first sack was full, he picked up another and began moving through the kitchen, picking up every one of those vegetables of which hobbits hold dear.
Moments later, he was finished and not a moment too soon. He could hear the kitchen staff coming down the stairs, complaining loudly and muttering about how they would like to wring the neck of a certain young elf.
Ah well, he could always say Elladan did it, thought Elrohir as he smarmed quietly to himself. Hoisting the sacks over his shoulder he moved out into the gardens and found a spot to hide the sacks full of mushrooms.
Merry and Pippin were smiling to themselves; Elrohir was forgotten over the triumph of his still unconscious twin.
They were on their way to the kitchens when they noticed something... not quite right. Their button noses caught the air and they both took deep breaths before exhaling quickly to take another long... both sighed in unison.
"Mussssshhhhroooommmsssss..." they mumbled as they ambled towards the smell, "Mussshhroomsss! MusssssshROOMSSSSS!"
Coming to the kitchen, however. They found it completely empty of the staff. Looking around in bewilderment they began to hunt for the source of the odour. There were no mushrooms to be found.
They were ready to collapse with disappointment when the echoes of the disgruntled staff finally impeded on their senses. Their faces filled with horror as they heard the muttered curses. They made for the windows but it was too late.
"YOU! What are you two doing here?" the foremost elf of the crowd roared before the mass of pointy ears lurched forward and grabbed the hobbits.
"They ate all the mushrooms! You thieves!" came another voice from the back of the room. It sounded strangely familiar.
"Hey! You're right, the mushrooms are gone! And we don't get anymore quality ones till the next season! Another month away!" yelled one of the cooks.
The hobbits' eyes grew wide.
"Another month?" asked Pippin.
"You should have thought of that before you'd gone and eaten them!" challenged another of the throng.
"But we didn't!" squealed Merry as his leg as pinched.
"Sure, and I bet you didn't do this either!"
The crowd drew back to see who had said this to find Elladan standing vengefully at the door, posing as dignifyingly as he could with his hair purple and his ears...
"My lord!" the crowd gasped and bowed deeply. For once, Elladan seemed proud to be acknowledged so formally by his staff.
"You mongrels!" he began, pointing an accusatory finger at the two hobbits before being swept aside by his father.
"What is this I hear? Eating ALL of the mushrooms just before the feast? Just when I was planning to give you hobbits a treat..."
Elladan slumped as he realised the royal treatment had been meant for the actual Elf Lord behind him.
"Father, look what they've done! First they dye my hair and now they've..."
"My son, what is that on your ears?" Elladan stopped his tirade and put a hand to his ears self-consciously.
"What about..." Elladan's fingers traced the edge of his ear, "My ears!" The elf sobbed pathetically and fell to the floor, cradling his ears in the crooks of his elbows.
His head poked up to look at the hobbits that had forgotten their earlier predicament and were grinning at their perfect handiwork.
"Well," said Merry, "There are times like this when you can just look at what you've done and say ' I've done good'. And be proud."
"Yes," Pippin agreed, smiling happily, "I never thought they could be shaped like that but..."
The two snickered evilly as tears poured down the younger twin's face.
Elrond cleared his throat carefully and the snickering came to an abrupt halt.
"My lord?" the two asked innocently.
"Since this act of monstrosity you have committed against my son, I am forced to act myself... especially since you have now managed to destroy my hopes for an evening of plenty and joy." The Lord of Rivendell continued while the hobbits yawned playfully before disappearing.
Elrond lunged for them as they took off but to no avail. He sighed grumpily and led his contingent back to his offices to complete the afternoon's paperwork.
Elladan got up from his foetal position, still trying to massage his ears back into shape.
"Father!" he called to Elrond's retreating back, "My ears!"
"Just like your hair, I am sure it will... grow back," replied his father absently. Elrond had had enough of this mess, he needed to get back to the regularity of the office, and soon.
Elladan stood in the rapidly clearing room. The hobbits had already been found quickly and taken away by two of the Lord's retinue so now Elladan was alone with his anger and nothing to vent it upon.
Elladan was not the smartest in his family. He knew that. But he also knew how to string a plan together.
Being able to string a plan together and being slightly short of some sandwiches at the picnic, doesn't necessarily mean it won't work either. It just means, that these plans might head off in the wrong direction.
...
An hour later, the household could hear screams emanating from Elrohir's room where he had retreated for the afternoon – exhausted after his afternoon's pranks.
He soon came out, screaming for his father and clutching at his ears.
The hobbits below smirked in their respective cells. Even with getting one, they had still managed to get to the other's ears.
"Snh snh snh..." came a sinister laugh from the shadows.
Another joined this laugh and soon a cacophony began to climb until the guard's ran down the corridor, banging on their doors to get them quiet. The laughter simmered quietly, unnerving the guards. Usually they had to threaten them with starvation before they would shut up but now...
They went to the doors and unlocked them.
The sergeant groaned audibly and his lieutenants stepped back.
"I should have known," he berated himself beating his own head against the wooden door.
The lieutenants looked inside to find it empty and stones from the wall scattered through the room.
"But we didn't hear anything!" said one brave soul.
The sergeant looked to the heavens before facing his charge.
"Obviously you haven't had much experience with these two."
Merry and Pippin ran quickly through the underbrush, skidding to a halt when they came to a path suddenly. They dived back into the bushes before Aragorn came striding down the path again.
They managed to hear him mutter, "Where is that elf?" before he strode away again. The two hobbits waited until the dark menacing cloud that had lingered in the glade disappeared after Aragorn before they emerged.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pip?"
"I think I am, Merry..."
Both slapped their hands together and smiled evil little cherub grins before running off after Aragorn.
After quite some time, they managed to find Aragorn conversing with a familiar looking elf. They couldn't see his face because of a balaclava pulled over his head, but recognition registered as soon as they heard the elf's voice.
"I'm telling you, I can't let them get away with this! If father won't let me, I'll do it behind this mask..."
Aragorn held up his hands quickly and clapped them over the elf's mouth.
"I don't want to know. I have never known. I don't know you. I know nothing. Whatever happens, you know nothing either."
"Ché?"
"You know nothing!"
"No, no, I know! It's..."
"You know nothing!" Aragorn put his hands on the elf's body to force some sense in to him.
"But..."
"You know nothing, I know nothing! Say it!"
"OK, ok, I get it! I know nothing! You know nothing!"
"What do you know?"
"Nothing! I know nothing!"
"Good... good." Aragorn seemed satisfied, and so left the elf standing forlorn in the clearing.
Moments later, the depressed elf's head flew up.
"I know nothing!" he said to himself, "I know nothing! I know nothing! I know nothing!"
He wandered out of the clearing mumbling to himself.
Merry and Pippin shared a look.
"Oops!" the balaclavad elf was back and skipping into the clearing once more, "I almost forgot to not hide something I know nothing about..." The elf grinned widely behind his mask at his personal joke. The mask threatened to tear itself off.
He went behind a tree and reached inside it's hollow trunk, pulling out a giant bag of ... the hobbitses noses twitched as they tried to restrain themselves form giving themselves away.
The bag was lifted from the hollow and then taken back into the centre of the clearing to where a hole had been previously dug.
"Up into the nothing hole!" sung the elf, tunelessly.
The bag fell into the hole, the hobbit's wincing as they heard it land with a thud.
The elf quickly kicked the dirt into the whole but stopped halfway through the job and leant down, his hand moving in the hole where the hobbits couldn't see. Then it was lifted out and to the elf's mouth. The hobbitses hopes came reality as they saw the elf chew thoughtfully and grin.
MUSHROOMS!
A/N: Hope you all like. I really should get A Place Of Her Own going again. I really like it. Bleurgh. Hate the senior ears of high school where avoiding work is impossible!